Katniss awoke in a white room, weighed down by white sheets. There was a tube filled with clear liquid snaking up under the bed and into her arm. She fluttered the sheets around, trying to sit up as panic began to grip her. Across the room, a rectangular portion of the wall slid over into a door. A surprisingly sober Haymitch entered. She stared at him with wide eyes.
"Hey," he said.
Katniss continued training her big eyes on him.
"How are you feeling?" Haymitch moved to her side.
Suddenly her arms shot up and grabbed his collar, jerking him down.
"I seen some things," she said.
xxx
The crowd cheered louder and longer than they had for anything before the games as Katniss and Peeta took their seats next to Caesar Flickerman. They took their time, waving and gesturing to the audience.
"So you're going home," beamed Caesar. More applause.
"So we are," Peeta picked up.
This disturbingly light-hearted sort of conversation continued until their host leaned forward and switched into a more serious look, no longer asking the crowd for opinions and support. He delivered the question everyone had been waiting for in a quiet tone.
"What was going through your minds when you made the decision to take those berries?"
"Um," Katniss glanced at Peeta, "Love."
"Love?" Caesar repeated.
She nodded. "Love, and romance, and things."
"I knew I couldn't live without her," said Peeta.
The audience sighed.
"How touching," Caesar said softly, then, to the audience, "Is that not touching?"
Applause.
Caesar switched back into his more upbeat, showy voice. "Now are you excited about meeting President Snow?"
Katniss snorted. "Snow?"
Caesar smiled, anticipating a joke. "Yes, President Snow."
Katniss smiled back in disbelief. "Is that really the best na-"
Peeta wrapped an arm around her. "We're both very excited."
xxx
The train that had brought them to the city that they had never expected to return from now rushed them back home, flying through the countryside. Katniss and Peeta sat across from each other in a sort of lounge car, with sofas and a bar. Backpacky sat in the seat next to Katniss, looking around, unimpressed. He had been brought along to keep him from telling people the actual, less poetic reason they had almost committed suicide.
Katniss thought back to before the games, and it felt impossible that it could've been only a week ago. She remembered her conversation with Peeta on the roof.
"Peeta, are you..." she paused, having failed to think of an appropriate word, "Okay?"
He looked down at the floor. "I don't know."
"Man," Backpacky cut in loudly, "We had some good times huh?"
Katniss slowly turned, peering over her shoulder at him. "Like what?"
"Like when you got to eat all that delicious Capitol food?"
Peeta nodded. "That was pretty delicious."
"And all of Haymitch's drunken antics?" continued Backpacky.
Katniss laughed. "Yeah. He's a silly guy."
"And all those times when Rue wasn't dead?"
She nodded. "She was great alive. You know she reminded me of Prim-"
"And when Cato was devoured by a pack of mutant creatures?"
Peeta smiled reminiscently.
"See," said Backpacky, "You've just got to look on the brighter side."
"Wow Backpacky," said Katniss, surprised with his optimism, "Thanks."
Backpacky winked. "Anytime."
As the scenery steadily transitioned from a lush green to a sad tan, they arrived at their destination in District 12. Katniss could see the familiar parade of depressed coal miners beyond the station, and the towering plumes of black smoke beyond that. She stepped out onto the station with Haymitch and Peeta while Effie waved goodbye from the door.
"Take care you two," she waved at them with misty eyes.
Katniss turned and pointed to her. "I forgive you because you're too stupid to know better."
Gale rushed toward her with open arms.
"Gale, I-"
He stepped around her and caught an unexpecting Peeta.
"I know that feel bro," he said.
Peeta returned his hug. "Thanks."
Katniss let her arms down to her sides. She looked up at the sky.
"I'm home," she whispered.
"You're done," said Backpacky.
Katniss sighed. "I will never have to do that again."
Author's Note: Well I hope you guys liked this parody. I don't know exactly what I'll be doing next. Thank you people who reviewed. It gives me a good idea of what other people think is funny, and what's just me. Thanks!