DISCLAMER: I own nothing other than the fanfiction itself

A/N: I borrowed some of the dialogue from volume 15 of the manga. As always, I ad-lib from memory.

Chapter Eleven: Scars

With the final raid on the capitol city, the rebel Ishbalan forces seemed to finally relent. Mercilessly, the Amestrian military had ripped from them their last thread of hope, breaking it into pieces as bodies fell into the sand-covered streets. No one left alive had made it out without losing someone dear to them, and those that were lucky enough to live couldn't have seen their lives as anything but bleak and meaningless. In the time of less than a year, Fuehrer King Bradley had managed to crush the spirit of a once-proud race of people, and no one, not even the soldiers clad in blue, would ever be the same after this experience.

Wordlessly, Riza placed another handful of sand and gravel onto the pie before her, smoothing it down as best she could. She didn't have a shovel, but somehow the more intense manual labor made the task more meaningful. With each handful of sand she had scooped out of the shallow grave, she felt the smallest part of her transgressions being wiped away. Unfortunately, she had a feeling that it would take much more than this simple gesture to atone for everything she had done in this unforgiving desert.

Her comrades passed by her without the slightest bit of regard as to what she was doing, and that was perfectly fine with Riza. She preferred not to talk to any of them, anyway. They would understand her pain, but they were too afraid of their own sins to account for them. It would probably be years before they sat down and confronted themselves, but Riza was already in the midst of that personal hell. It was unfortunate, because she doubted she would ever really be free from the chains that tied her to the harsh Ishbalan land. With a small sigh, she stood and walked over to one of the collapsed buildings nearby. With a twist and a pull, she dislodged a piece of a wooden beam, ignoring the pain in her hands that arose as her skin slipped over the splintered wood.

Kneeling back down, Riza gently inserted the piece of wood into the pile of sand she had created, forcing it to stand erect by piling more sand around the base. It was small, and it certainly wasn't anything extravagant, but it was the least she could do.

"Aren't you coming?"

Riza didn't turn around when she heard Roy speak. Instead, she took it upon herself to smooth out the top of the mound with her hands, making it look as presentable as possible.

"You're going to get left behind."

She heard the shifting of sand as Roy took a step towards her, but she still didn't acknowledge his presence. It was a moment before he spoke again.

"A fallen comrade?"

Riza bowed her head slightly, moving her hands away from the small grave she had created. She blinked her eyes once before she worked up the courage to turn back around and face Roy. "No. It's an Ishbalan child. His body was left by the side of the road. I thought it was the least I could do…" She trailed off, her hazel eyes dropping to the ground at her feet.

Roy's lips pulled downwards into a frown as he gave her a look of undisguised sympathy. "The war's over now. We can go home."

"The war will never be over." Riza protested, her fingers closing around the fabric of her standard issue military pants. "Not inside of me; inside, it will never end. It was my decision to give you my father's secrets. It was my decision to join the military academy. I wanted to help people, and I naively thought this was the way to do it. I see now that it was my personal decisions that brought me here – that brought us here. I'm a killer, and no amount of repentance will ever change that." She broke off, biting down on her lower lip as she inhaled a shaky breath. She closed her eyes and exhaled after a long moment, her voice determined. "I want you to burn my back. Burn it beyond recognition."

Roy's eyes flew wide, and he instinctively took a step forward as he shouted in protest. "What?! I could never do that!"

"You have to!" Riza shouted with her last ounce of determination. When she spoke again, her voice was shaking. "If I can't fix what I've done here, the least I can do is prevent the creation of another flame alchemist. I want the secrets on by back to be burned to the point that they become illegible." Another breath in and out, and she had regained her composure. She turned to face Roy, and the look in her eyes made it clear that her decision was made. "As long as this tattoo is on my back, I will be living under the burdens my father put upon me. In order for me – Riza Hawkeye – to become independent, it has to be done. Please, I'm begging you to do this for me."

It was Roy's turn to drop his gaze to the ground. He knew he didn't have a choice in the matter, and it pained him deeply that she regretted giving him her father's secrets to the extent that she would go to these lengths to keep it from happening again. He had let her down, and he couldn't change that fact. Hesitantly, he reached into his pocket, pulling out his white gloves. "I now know the perfect methods for incinerating human flesh. I can burn a person beyond recognition and I can char skin in localized areas." As he spoke, his voice held a heavy tone of contempt. "Ironic. This war's made me too accustomed to killing people." He looked back up at Riza, seeing that her eyes were still fixed upon him. "Can this wait until we get back home? Where you can be treated by a doctor?"

"No. It has to be now." Riza said firmly as she rose from her spot on the ground. "I want this over with as soon as possible, while my decision is still made. I don't want to have time to back down. Besides, you know as well as I do that I can't have my back treated by doctors."

While she made valid points, Roy still found himself hesitant. As he ran his thumb over the rigid fabric of his gloves, he said "We'll have to do this somewhere where no one will see."

"Everyone's leaving out of the west side of camp on the trucks. If we find an empty building in the city, we should be fine." Riza informed him.

There was clearly no way Riza was backing down, and Roy didn't really have a say in the matter. Heaving a sigh, he nodded once. "Lead the way."

A/N: Reviews are appreciated and adored.

Up Next:

Chapter Twelve: No Turning Back