Previously on Shocking Truths, we focused our limelight on Link -the androgynous hero of time.
Today's episode is going to have more "fly" for a lack of a word more fitting.

Kid Icarus aka Pit was an obscure and unpopular character since his debut in December of 1986. His first game was considered unforgivably difficult and a cheap knock-off of Metroid. At that point, the game developed its own cult following.

"I wanted to be popular; it was the only thing that would keep my series running. Do you even know what happens to characters of short lived and unpopular franchises? I'll leave that up to you. Anyone who has played through with me knows that my world is screwed up. How do you explain snakes falling from the sky and not have the person next to you think you're crazy? And let's leave planes out of it, we don't have those."

Up until 1990, Pit spent most of his days clubbing and consuming insane amounts of wine. When he ran out of hearts to spend, the manager kicked him out and left him outside. People would pass by and often mistook him for dead.

"Getting kicked out was not pleasant, but neither was that shack. It stunk of vomit even after it was mopped up. Don't get me started on the decor! What kind of place has stuffed animal busts on the walls and expects you to feel comfortable drinking there? I'm never going back, so I guess I can't complain. Besides, you can find crappier red wine in the streets for free, no joke. Some people call it the 'water of life', but they're obviously lying."

In 1991, Pit embarked on yet another adventure with little hope his fanbase would increase.

"Same game, different final boss, and I was half buzzed on Red Bull all the time. You see, the reason I couldn't fly before was because my wings were too small back then. I was only a kid angel after all. The main reason I can't fly now is due to that blasted energy drink. It's like steroids and had the same adverse effect. My wing's muscles didn't develop properly and now people call me 'Dodo Boy' for it. They chose that particular bird because they believed I was doomed.

Anyway, not long after I finished my adventure was when I got attacked by animal rights activists. They were upset over the idea that I was killing 'innocent' creatures and using their hearts as currency. First and foremost, those monsters were inherently evil and would attack without being provoked. Second, not all of those hearts came from said creatures."

After nearly another decade of partying and drinking more red wine, Pit got an invitation to what was a ridiculous and awesome event at the time. Super Smash Bros. had been organized after another event that never quite got off the ground.

"I didn't make the cut, they decided to replace me with Jigglypuff. I coped with it by doing hallucinogenic drugs with a friend, or at least we had fun together. You'd think Lady Palutena would come down and use her magic to make everything okay, but that's not how she works. She didn't bother with my situation until yet another decade later. If that wasn't odd enough, I still like her as a mother figure and perhaps even more."

Pit spent most of the 2000's trying to keep his issues regarding the Oedipus complex a secret. It's a subject easily misunderstood, and not the only thing keeping him reclusive.

"Whenever I was in the spotlight, people would laugh at what they thought were shortcomings. They wanted me to believe that a bunch of things about myself were bad. I'm not the manliest looking boy around, and that growth spurt made me look more like a bishonen. Whatever that means- I don't know, girls keep using that word. No surprise most of my haters are men who are so insecure about their heterosexuality that they try to slap 'gay' onto other guys. I swear, they don't know the meaning of that word at all.

I wish people would just leave me alone, whatever I've done is nobody's business. If you're just going to mock me, just shut up and find a hobby.

Not many people know this, but I really like hearts. Not the valentine shaped ones, real ones. They're so squishy and fascinating and on the move to keep their owners alive. The rythym is absolutely mesmerizing to me. Wait, what? NO! I don't eat them! Bet they taste gross. Why would you even think for a second that I kill people?"

Although it's been a while since Pit commanded Palutena's army, the centurions became confused with their captain's odd behaviour and hypersensitivity. One cold night in December proved an almost fatal event that shocked the angel's friendship circle.

"They told me I overdosed myself on a mixture of children's medicine and cocaine at a party in 2005. People do lie, so I didn't believe them. At least, not until I saw the viral video of me puking and passing out. There was more to it than that, but I'd rather not elaborate. Don't you dare try looking for it, because it's been taken down. I was grateful somebody called the hospital instead of capturing a video of my limp body being tossed around.

The hospital they kept me in was brimming with bacteria that were also sick of themselves. You could see the cultures of them growing on walls! I'm not trying to be funny or offend anyone, but the staff were less cultured than those splotches. I mean, some people would remove komaytoes from a person in the hallways without any painkillers.

After I had my stomach pumped, the nurses were horrified with the contents and poured the stuff out the window. Then they said I was done and wheeled me out very fast like it was a karting derby."

Pit's fame shot through the roof as 2008 brought Super Smash Brothers Brawl along for the ride.

"I got the invitation in the mail. Actually, it was handed to me. I finally joined the cast and was really excited to go meet everyone, but there were a few bad apples in the bunch. Ike got mad because Roy didn't make the cut and said I was just a look-alike-replacement. We're not even in the same series, for crying out loud! If anything, I think Ike was supposed to be Roy's replacement anyway.

Samus was doing fine, although I still dislike her for stealing the spotlight I deserve. Then I found out she's one of the characters most lusted after and felt a bit bad for her. To me, she's always going to be like an older sister -except I'm still not too fond of her. Don't get me started on Wario, I hate him. He's the most disgusting man I've ever met and his morals are- oh wait he's only got one, GREED."

With fame brings insanity and the loss of privacy, and poor Pit had no idea what kind of monstrosity he was in for. In the end, what kept him alive can be boiled down to his stubborn resilience and a soft spot he almost forgot he had.

"Link told me to be aware of the insane fans, and he wasn't exaggerating a bit. I didn't know how to handle it all! The internet is a scary place and I became afraid of computers for a short time. Although I was scared, I still ventured around the stadium. One day, I totally lost it and panicked trying to find that guy I bought the LSD from. I needed an escape and fast.

As I was running outside, I tried to fly but ended up looking like a plane that couldn't get off the ground. That's when I spotted Peach outside the building. She was barely recognizeable because she looked like a hooker, to be frank. She had the worst frown I had seen on anyone, ever. It was almost like looking at a mugshot photo. I try to talk to her and see what's wrong, but she refused to say what was bothering her and told me to shove a steel wool tampon up my shaft. For those who don't know, angels don't have genitals. Peach was far too disoriented to understand a thing, so I just backed up and bumped into Samus.

She wanted to know what was going on with me, and I couldn't help but spill the beans. I'm bad at keeping secrets! Turns out everyone has some serious issues, not all of which are caused by the media being in everyone's face. I could feel my aggression melt away, and for the first time, I felt safe."

As Pit began to accept help from people, he found it easier to address more important objectives. He began to take an interest in philosophy to find where he stands, but almost none of it really proved much anything to the angel. An isolated and arguably insignificant incident turned Pit's day upside down.

"It was my birthday in 2009, people were being jolly because December is supposed to be the jolliest month of the year with Christmas being the most important thing. The only gifts I received were a pack of underwear from a secret Santa and a copy of some album I've never heard of from Link. It's called "Issues". I listened to it on a Walkman while walking outside and saw an unusual sight in the snowy grass.

It was a bird not like any other. Its wings were just stubs and it resembled a hairball with whiskers. This was very odd, but I could relate a lot to it. Those shiny button eyes were the cutest thing I saw all day. As I watched the bird try to cross the street, it got hit by a truck that drove way too close to the curb. You have no idea how much I cried afterwards, as I thought the driver hit it on purpose. Men can cry, you know. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to finish reading about nihilism before going outside.

I know how much the world hates the exceptions to the rules, but the rules were too narrow in the first place!"

After more monotonous partying and uncontrolled alcohol consumption, Pit went back to answering fan-mail in hope it would cure his emotional ills. He despised how most of them asked about his sexual relations with other smashers and why he couldn't fly. This repeating frustration led to a discussion with the head of the stadium to have all Pit's fanmail intercepted and incinerated in the furnace.

"I know it isn't fair, but the odds of getting any decent fanmail are slim to none."

Things picked up in an entirely different direction our angel had gotten used to. Sometime during 2012, Pit had to save the world again.

"At first, I was excited because my mission made me feel important again. It also burdened me that the world was at stake just to make me feel this great again. Some selfish freak I turned out to be!

This time, Medusa was somehow not dead even after I shot her big ugly eyeball at least a thousand times. But that's not even the best part! I could fly- well, only for a short time. Don't ask me why Lady Palutena couldn't keep me up for more than five minutes, only she knows for sure. At some point, I saw the world from a dog's point of view -for a short while anyway. Some parts reminded me of a few bad acid trips I previously had and- what? Oh, sorry. It's still a new adventure and I'm not supposed to leak spoilers. My bad!

So, what else can I talk about? OH! I had a part time job as a violinist for Tetris on the NES! That's interesting, right? Okay, I'll admit it's a lame job. To make up for it, I could tell you something a little scary. Anyone who knows of my adventures could wonder why many of the baddies are based off body parts. Although I've been here and there and I'm expected to know everything, I really don't. Now that I've mentioned it, I don't think I even want to know where all those creeps come from.

Let's see, what else is there? I had a role on a kid-friendly show. They thought it would be funny to make me put 'icus' at the end of my sentences. All that stuff was totally staged. You wouldn't believe how much they spent on invisible wire to suspend me. It had to be really thin, so the audience wouldn't notice. It broke several times which resulted in some humiliating outtakes.

King Hippo had a problem absorbing oxygen, which is why he was blue all the time. The Eggplant Wizard was real, and his anger towards anyone in the show was genuine. Princess Lana was a belly-dancer who came from Europe. As for the others, I have no clue where they came from, but I knew that the guy they hired to play Megaman had smoker's lung. Everybody laughed at me when the wires broke or the crane holding them would make me crash into something."

The future is often one of the scariest monsters we know, simply because it's full of mystery and holds the potential to lead to a dead end. We asked Pit to elaborate on his plans now that he has free time -for now.

"This is one of the things I wanted to do. You know, get interviewed and end up on some shady show or in a book only people into grim stuff would remember. I have no idea what will happen after this. Palutena's probably going to complain about fanboys fapping to her, Medusa's probably considering DIY plastic surgery, Hades may try to take over the world using another crock-pot method and I'll try not to cry so much. Aside from the road kill incident, I still cried more during the making of Captain N: The Game Master. I'm slightly embarrassed to be talking about this stuff, but I feel better knowing that at least I'm not in Luigi's situation."

We close off, saying our sympathetic goodbyes to the boy who still wishes he could fly on his own.