Colors Of Our Nation
The bright sun light did little to take away the chill as we stood at the memorial for ground zero. Jade had silently lead us here after her statement. Cat was sitting by a waterfall I was speechless as she traced her finger over one of the plaques tears fell freely from her eyes her body shaking.
My own body seemed to have been overcome with the shakes as we stood on the very spot that 11 years earlier had been the space of so much destruction, pain and bloodshed . I fired the questions everyone seemed to be afraid to ask Jade.
Why is Cat so upset?
Why is she tracing that name?
Who's name is it?
Jade's eyes filled with so much pain and anger locked with mine as she motioned for us to follow we did. The air seemed still as people milled around under tress some looking at the memorial.
Once we got to where Cat was I saw how upset she was Tori took her in her arms as she sobbed.
I read the list.
World Trade Center
Daniel Valentine..1957-2001
Cat's dad!
Jade cleared her throat as she let a tear fall her eyes locked on another name. I scanned my eyes up to the left to see...
Nelson West 1973-2001
Jadlyn West 1972-2001
Jade's mom and her...
Why don't I like being here? You asked me that Beck
This is why cause I don't need some stupid TV program to remind me I don't need books on history. I was here when history was made...
I remember everything about that Sunny day 11 years ago..
I was with my mom we were visiting my uncle Nelson and my dad they worked here..
I was upset cause mom wouldn't take me to see the ballet I wouldn't stay with her..I was running all over..We went up to the 92th floor where their office was..I was running away my mom was yelling and I
Was scared cause my dad had heard her and I knew he would hit me . I ran into this little girl she was giggling as she played with her cell phone..she was talking to her dad on it …
She had the biggest eyes and curliest brown hair she was so cute I wanted to hurl especially since I fell and that's what caught my dad's attention he dragged me off yelling at me..I was so mad and so embarrassed I swore I would make her pay..
My mom and I we were fighting she was telling me to stop being so impatient and listen better. I told her I hated her...that was 8:43..She was telling me I was going to be punished so bad when we got home...
I reached over and hugged Jade as her eyes seemed to look up at the sky her whole body shudder as she remembered..it was like she was feeling it all happen all over again..
8:45 the plane crashed into the towers I remember being pushed down by someone when I looked up to see that curl haired girl...she was holding me she had pulled me to the stairwell and she kept telling me not to look up ...she had held me to her my face buried in her chest.
Jade had stopped talking as she started to cry Cat had gotten up and come over taking her into her arms as she took over the story.
Their was so much smoke so much fire a nasty smell I later learned it was jet fuel it was strong it blinded me and almost made me gag so many people screaming my dad he had grabbed me he told me to keep running to go to the steps that if we got separated to never stop till I got outside. I grabbed Jade when I saw her mom fall and not get up..
I never saw that..Jade muttered...
I shielded her so she wouldn't see her mom's legs were severed in the blast she died upon impact I kept dragging her with me we were in the stairwell. I saw men in bright yellow gear coming up carrying axes and hoses and so much fire gear, I remember my dad saying they were fireman and they were there to help us he kept reassuring us that we would be okay he offered to help the guys bring up equipment every one said no keep walking get your kids to safety
As Cat was telling us this Tori was softly crying so I held her, I heard her and Trina both whisper what was going through my mind as well.
I can't help but think that these courageous firemen already knew in their minds that they would not make it out of the building alive and that they didn't not want to endanger any more civilians and prevent one less person from making it to safety on the ground.
By the time we got lower it was calmer people were milling around talking some joking about some guy being mad..My dad relaxed a bit and started telling us jokes...Jade was crying she didn't understand where her parents were or why they weren't coming for her , I remember my dad whispered in my ear that I had to be a big sister and help her get through it she was what my dad called innocent. So I took her arm and started whispering funny stories and songs to her to get her giggling. She was telling me her head and her eyes hurt so I made her close them and lean against me while I ran my hand across her back to soothe her like mommies do when we cry.
At some of the lower floors Emergency crew members were handing out waters and vending machine food. They were handing out bandana's and cloths to cover our mouths. They led us out of our stairwell, across the hallway where I saw exhausted Firemen and emergency crew sitting on the floor trying to catch their breaths. I began to think why? What's going on? This whole operation looked very confusing. I could see my dad felt the same but he never voiced his feelings only smiled and sang to us to keep us going chatting about getting ice cream and watching movies when we got out. He wanted to take me to see a Broadway play he loved musicals he loved playing the piano and hearing me sing.
Nobody was giving us any indication as to what was going on. The wait in the hallway to get to the other staircase was excruciatingly long as we had to wait and merge with the people who were coming down the staircase into which we were filing. Why had they diverted us? As we started to get down to the lower floors, water started to pour down from behind us it made me aware that I needed to pee funny how that's what I thought about. I figured that a water pipe had burst or that it was water coming down from the rescue on the higher floors.
At this moment for the first time since the initial explosion, a sense of panic began to grip me. Only floor 7, then 6. A few more to go, and I would be free. I couldn't wait. It didn't matter that the water was waist deep and I couldn't swim. I was a few floors from the ground. Floor,,,,4,,,,then all of a sudden, a loud boom, and the building began to shake unbearably again. People started falling down the stairwell as smoke started to rise from the bottom. The emergency lights flickered and then went out. The building was still shaking, and I could hear the steel buckling.
Rescuers below us shouted for us to go back up the stairs. At this moment, I was choking and shaking tremendously. I managed to climb back up to the 6th or 7th floor and opened the door to that floor. The water had already risen to my waist, and the floor was completely dark. A fireman led us with his flashlights to another staircase by the voices of another fireman who was guiding him through the darkness. We finally made it across that floor to the other stairwell where we were greeted by the other fireman and told to hold. The look on that fireman's face said it all . He said something under his lips to our fireman indicating the severity of the situation. Then the whole building shock it shock so hard we couldn't hold on. I gripped Jade with my hands but my hands were so small I couldn't hold her and reach out for my dad.. the stairwell shock it was worse then any earthquake my Dad yelled for me to hold on he would see me on the other side..Then the stairwell caved in and I couldn't see him anymore..
We fell...we must have been knocked out for a good length of time.. when I woke up Jade was hurt her legs were burned and her ankle broken my neck hurt like crazy my side was bleeding from shards of glass and we were trapped in the rubble we couldn't move we couldn't breathe...people were jumping out of the building screaming people were bleeding all over the place...crying begging for help...I held Jade I kept her eyes closed she kept me talking so I didn't go into shock...she was my lifeline...
I was also the reason.. Jade interrupted but Cat silenced her by kissing her lips and telling her no over and over.. she kept telling us the horrible story as I tried to place myself in her place at six years old seeing all this feeling so much fear and confusion not knowing where my dad was. Being hurt and alone with another kid who I barely knew. Feeling like I had to protect her.
We tried to get out but we just couldn't move then it felt like a earthquake and suddenly the rest of the building fell I threw myself over Jade so she wouldn't get hurt anymore.
Jade kissed her head as she told us through tears.
Cat got hit on the head badly..she was knocked out again..
I didn't know what to do I was so scared no one would stop to help people were in a daze scared hurt we were trapped for days..no food no water...I tried climbing up holding Cat but the fire was so strong my legs were pinned. I couldn't see anything the smoke was so thick...it clogged my lungs ...I passed out at some point..
So many things I wanted to say but I never got the chance...I started screaming...I screamed till my throat bleed. I mean in actuality bleed I coughed up blood it was so raw... I passed out again the pain in my legs was so powerful...When I opened my eyes I heard a voice calling to me he kept saying ..
Mr. Vega interrupted we spun to him...Trina and Tori stood in shock.
Be Strong Believe..
I was there I was that voice Jade I carried Cat out you begged me to get her to a hospital she wasn't moving but she had massive blood loss …
Jade stood in shock unable to speak but she nodded.
Then I promised you that I would be back to get you..
Jade's voice shock as she answered him..
You never came back I waited..I was so scared.. why didn't you come back?
Mr. Vega spoke his voice also clogged as Tori ran to him crying he held her trying to stay strong. I tried to put myself in his shoes doing everything he could to save so many people knowing that most wouldn't make it out alive.
I couldn't Jade I am so sorry Cat went into cardiac arrest when I got her outside everyone was so busy getting survivors no one could help her and I promised you I would keep Cat safe so I did that I gave her CPR and I got her to the hospital...
So if my dad didn't help you Jade who did? Tori asked nervously
A gentleman named Angel Guardians he was from the NYFD he came to get someone by me and I begged him to save me...He raced back into the burning building and pulled me out..I was almost dead I couldn't move my legs or arms my neck was sore..
Just as we got to the exit he collapsed...his lungs became overcome from the smoke he had been giving orders to not go back in after he pulled the woman before me out but he disregarded orders and he came back for me..
He saved your life Jade..
Trina hugged her as Jade dissolved into tears shaking my body became a inferno as I thought about the fire and smoke and the fear that had filled these buildings that had filled these two young souls.
What happened to you guys ?
Beck asked looking at them with concern I was curious myself. Mr. Vega replied hugging his daughters.
Cat was taken into surgery her brain had swollen and was bleeding she was in Surgery for over 7 hours..
Jade took over.
The doctors said she had blunt trauma to the back of head and it causes swelling in her brain which causes serious headaches she's on medication to prevent it from swelling but sometimes it doesn't work her physiologist says sometimes she slips back into a time when she was a kid that she regresses to a time before her innocence was robbed they said it's a defense to guard her brain when something is too traumatic to remember your mind shuts off and builds it's own way to deal it's like she still thinks she's six. I stayed with her and her mom for over six years I didn't know what happened to my dad I couldn't find him he wasn't on any survivors list.. they never found my mom's whole body just bits and pieces..so Cat's Mom adopted me.. till about six years ago he manged to get hold of someone in the NYPD who knew of my story he came to Cali were we were living by then and found me.. he had been in the military serving .. he was messed up badly in his mind and he drank a lot so Cat's mom refused to let him take me back until he cleaned up his act... I'm through waiting..as far as I'm concerned Cat and her mom are my family.
Wow I can't even start to imagine I mean we were so young I don't even remember much about the attacks..
I do Trina said after Tori
I was older duh I remember when our teacher said something sad had happened and that our parents would be very upset and that we needed to be strong and not be afraid to ask questions. I was so confused I remember running home to mom starting to cry ..Mom sat me down and said Dad had to go away that some bad man had attacked our country and that he was going to help these innocent people who had been hurt..
I remember turning on the TV and seeing all these imagines of buildings crashing down smoke and fire people jumping out..
Mom held me that night and I cried so hard for all those kids who had lost parents for all the parents who lost kids...I remember being so scared these man could come back and take away my daddy what would I do what would happen to Tori she was so young.
I cleared my throat looking at Jade
What happened to Cat was not your fault Jade it's the fault of the the ignorance breed in a society where hatred is allowed to fester and grow. Where people who hate a government decide that they are going to take things in their hands..you were innocent victims in this …
Jade I am so sorry Tori tried to talk to Jade but she cut her off hissing at her.
Save it Tori I don't need pity you can never understand what happened to me
No I can't but I get the fear of never seeing a parent again
Jade laughed bitterly
No Tori you can never understand
Jade my dad's a police officer every time he goes out Trina my mom and I live with the fear of never seeing him alive
But you do Tori you see him he comes home every day and I know you miss goody good never told your dad "I hate you"
Jade you were six Tori tried again.
Tori the last words my mom heard me say to her were I hate you
Then she died Tori I never told her I loved her
I'm sure she knew Jade your mom loved you I could tell the way she looked at you talked to you so patiently she loved you..
Cat held her as she reassured her.
Just like I know my dad loved me..
That Tuesday we stood at the memorial among thousands of people Cat stood up and read a letter she wrote to her dad pieced together through the years out loud.
My name is Catrina Valentine This is to you my hero My daddy Daniel Valentine
Hi Daddy it's me kitty Cat it's been a year and I'm starting kindergarten, I don't understand why you left us but mommy says you went to a beautiful place called heaven. I wanted to know is it really pretty? Do you get your own unicorn? If you do can you name her sugar just like you use to call me please? I miss our times when we would go to the park and ride horses … I spent all summer learning how to swim like you wanted.. I'm good now to I can keep my eyes open and I can hold my breath.
I made a new friend daddy her name is Jade she's really sweet to me she protects me and makes me laugh I get terrible headaches and she kisses my head and tells me it's the fairies throwing unicorn parties and once their done celebrating the pain will go away and leave happy memories. Everyone else thinks she's mean but I know her daddy..it's a facade see mommy taught me a new word...its means she hides away her true self she protects herself by wearing a mask. I can crack that mask but I won't cause I know when she's ready she'll let people in.
Daddy it's me Cat I'm starting 6th grade it's been 5 years ,I really love to sing and to act I went to a summer camp this year to learn how to be better at it. The camp is in California it's so pretty and warm out here is this what heaven looks like? I got a boyfriend dad his name is Mark and he's super cute oh
He treats me nice to mom said I should let you know cause you would be all protective and chiz oh chiz is not a bad word it actually is a German Sausage. I met a new friend Andre at summer camp he looked Chiz up . I'm a good girl daddy I don't curse. I'm still daddy's little girl I miss you daddy is it fun in heaven?
Why can't I visit you?
Daddy it's been seven years guess what I did it! I am so happy I could cry but I didn't cause I know you would want me to be happy. I .. We Jade and I we got parts in a musical it's called 13 and guess what Daddy we were 13 this summer! 13 wow it's such a fun neat age ! I was so excited I started liking boys and kissing but I am being careful daddy. I have a new boyfriend his name is Graham he plays the lead in 13 Evan he's nice and fun and we talk a lot. We do other things to but he's respectful Mommy says you would approve cuz he's a Yankee's fan.
Hi Daddy big news I know it's been 10 years but I did it I got accepted into Hollywood arts I miss you! I held your favorite shirt all week I was so scared so nervous, I wanted this so bad I know you wanted this to you loved preforming and loved watching me perform, I wear it all the time it's my good luck charm. Daddy I have to tell you something I'm afraid I think I am gay, I fallen in love with Jade and I can't help it I tried not to be I won't to be a good girl your good girl don't hate me daddy..please I love you I need you daddy..
Daddy it's been 11 years and it still hurts I love you! I look up and I look for you but I can't see you ! It hurts daddy so bad ,I can't hear your voice anymore and it scares me.. I feel you here but it's not the same nothing is ever the same. Jade is the only one besides mom who understands we .. daddy we are together. I wish I could know how you feel. I can't deny who I am anymore. I love Jade and I am not ashamed Mom loves her.
I try not to cry I try to be strong I miss you but I know you are safe and that makes me happy. I still think of your smile and how you use to lift me up tickle me and toss me I always knew you would catch me.
Stay safe daddy I know someday we will be together again. Till then I will always be daddy's little girl it hurts knowing you won't be here to teach me how to drive, see me graduate or give me away. I love you daddy and I miss you. You will always be my hero my guardian angel.
Love your daughter Cat
Jade declined to talk but instead she got up and sung a song she wrote. It was beautiful …
Think about the love in the strength of heart
Think about the hero's saving life in the dark
Climbing higher, through the fire
Time was running out
Never knowing you weren't going to be coming down alive
But you still came back for me
You were strong and you believed
Everything is going to be alright
Everything is going to be alright
Everything is going to be alright
Be strong, believe
(Be strong, believe)
Think about the chance I never had to say
Thank you for giving up your life that day
Never fearing, only hearing voices calling out
Let it all go, the life that you know
Just to bring them down alive
And you still came back for me
You were strong and you believed
Everything is going to be alright
Everything is going to be alright
Everything is going to be alright
Be strong, believe
want to hold my wife when I get home
want to tell my kids they'll never know
How much I love to see them smile
want to make a change right here, right now
want to live a life like you somehow
To make your sacrifice worth while
Everything is going to be alright
Everything is going to be alright
Everything is going to be alright
Be strong, believe
*repeat to fade*
I dedicate this to Angel my Guardian who came back to save me thank you and to all the men and women serving our country to all who perished 11 years ago to those who fight for our freedom now and everyday thank you. I am going to say a few words which I didn't intend to but feel need to be said.
To my mom I love you I never meant what I said that day and I wish you could see my school plays be here to help me with my homework or talk to about my feelings but I know you can't and I hope you are safe and know that I love you. Please know I am safe I have a family who helps me loves me and protects me it's hard living without you and without dad but this whole thing has taught me to value what's important that's family friends and I know I am mean to some of the people I treasure most but I know they know I love them cause they keep coming back even when I am a total gank.. thanks guys
Jade smiled at Tori and Robbie and even Beck.
I'm proud to be an American I'm proud to stand for the colors of our nation even after the attacks I understand what Freedom means it's worth fighting for cause it's not a promise it's something not every
Country has. We our lucky we live in a place where we are able to dream and have the same rights as men it's not perfect we still have a way to go we still have fights left in us and I am lucky I got to live when so many others who all had dreams, hopes, family and friends who loved them didn't get to. I still don't know why and I am still angry at times and still scared but I won't quit. It's easy to forget to get caught up in the now generation that wants bigger and better but in reality what can be better then peace and love and the freedom to dream the opportunity to make dreams reality? I don't know.
To all the men and women who died on September 11th 2001 America must never forget. Lyrics to Believe by Yellowcard .. Cat's letter is inspired by a song on youtube here's the link.
I miss You Daddy
Please take a moment to reflect on those who died and those who continue to die eleven years later fighting for our rights to be free. Sep 11th may have been one attack but our military are fighting everyday while the nation has healed and even forgotten about NYC, Washington and the Pa field our soldiers are still going to war still coming home in coffins we have families still hurting from missing loved ones in the military and those who never had bodies recovered in TWC. We must keep these memories alive show our generation coming up why we are fighting and why it's worth it. Show them what it means to come from the red white and blue. Wear the colors of our nation with pride and honor those who can't be here anymore show people hate doesn't have to win love can over come.