I do not own Degrassi.
At the bottom of the stairs, Clare is engulfed in a bear hug from Alli.
"You were amazing up there, Clare." She says with genuine pride in her voice. As she releases Clare from the hug she adds, "and you looked so hot!"
Adam hands Clare water bottle and puts an arm around her shoulders, walking her towards the area of the backstage where their dressing rooms reside.
"She's right, Clarebear. That was the best performance I have ever seen you give. You killed it with the new song, too!"
At the end of a white hallway there are two navy blue doors, on opposite walls. One says, "Chloe Diana" and the other, "Adam Torres, Drew Torres, Jake Martin."
Clare turns into hers, with Alli trailing behind.
As soon as the door clicks shut both girls erupt into shouts.
"SO DID YOU SEE HIM OUT THERE?"
"HAS HE BEEN BACK HERE YET?"
"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY WHEN YOU SEE HIM?"
"SHOULD I CHANGE OR DO I LOOK OKAY?"
The shouting ceases altogether, as quickly as it started and the two break into a fit of laughter.
Alli flops down on the leather couch in Clare's dressing room, while Clare opts for a black stool.
"No, I couldn't figure out where the VIP section was." Clare answers first.
"He hasn't been around back here. Not that I noticed, at least." Alli replies.
"I have no idea what to say to him. I said a lot onstage. I'm sort of hoping he'll have something to say."
"You look stunning, Clare. Don't change out of that dress or I will hurt you."
Clare picks up her iPhone from the make-up table and notices a number of texts from Eli.
With shaky hands she unlocks her phone to get a better look at them.
7:48 ELI:
"Hey! We just got here. The seats are fantastic. Are you around?"
8:21 ELI:
"Clare? Doesn't the show start at 8:45? I hope you're here somewhere!"
8:45 ELI:
"CLARE, THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO START AND I'M SO EXCITED."
8:47 ELI:
"Oh my God."
9:53 ELI:
"Jesus, Clare."
By the time Clare reads the final text her heart has fallen from the height of a skyscraper to lower than low. 9:53 would have been around the time she and Adam were singing, "Eli" and she just wishes that his texts showed some emotion, one way or the other. At least then she would know what's coming for her when Randall lets Eli and Fiona backstage.
Clare shows the texts to Alli whose eyes immediately take on a sympathetic glaze.
"Oh God, don't look at me like that." Clare says.
Alli's eyes confirm what she was trying to repress. He doesn't love her, he doesn't want to be a part of this double life side show and she has likely ruined her friendship with him.
Clare can feel her emotions starting to boil up within her and knows that what she needs more than anything is fresh air. Get to an exit, Clare. She thinks.
As she opens her dressing room door, ready to bolt, she comes face to face with Eli, his closed fist suspended in midair.
The unexpected sight of Eli just as Clare was on the cusp of a panic attack is too much. Her eyes immediately well with tears and she stumbles back into the room, falling back onto her stool, clutching her chest.
Alli is the first to react, up from the couch in seconds. She snatches Clare's water from the make-up counter and is by her side before Eli can even lower his arm.
"Do not faint, Clare. You're fine. Please, drink water. It's okay." Alli says soothingly.
Since Clare has started touring her fainting spells are more common and as a result, Alli is a veteran in panic attacks.
Eli enters the dressing room, feeling out of place, but his concern for Clare stirs him into action. He is at her side in an instant.
"Anything I can do to help?" He asks Alli.
Alli is holding Clare's upper body, letting Clare lean against her chest, as she drinks water looking quite dazed.
Alli looks at Eli contemplatively and after a moment says, "Can you hold her for a minute? I have to get Adam."
Eli steps closer to Alli, onto Clare's other side, and slips his arms over hers. When she backs away, Clare falls into his arms, leaning on his chest.
Alli takes a few hesitant steps toward the door, watching Eli with weary eyes as she goes.
She meets his eye and says, "Don't hurt her, Goldsworthy." The double meaning fully intended.
Alli rushes back into the room moments later with Adam on her heels. Clare has finished the water bottle and her head is lolled to the side, resting on Eli's arm. She is conscious but completely unaware.
Alli recognizes it to be a state of shock. This happens to Clare any time she gets extremely overwhelmed by something, and she feels like she can't handle it.
Alli reclaims her spot behind Clare, leaving Eli to standby helplessly. Adam crouches down in front of Clare, resting one hand on her knee and lifting her chin with the other; trying to force her to look him in the eyes.
"Hey, Clarebear. Come on back. You're okay. I'm here, Alli's here and I bet your Dad's around, too. You're fine, babe." He says, softly.
Clare's eyes start to lose their glazed over look and they zero in on Adam's after a moment or two.
He breaks out into a full smile and reaches up to ruffle her hair.
"There's my girl! You okay?" He asks.
Clare nods slowly at him and sits herself up.
"Sorry about that one, guys. It caught me off guard." She says.
She sweeps her eyes from Adam, around the room with the intention of finding Alli's eyes but lands on Eli in between the two. He is staring at her, but looks down at his feet when she tries to meet his glance.
There is also a tall, pretty brunette standing in the doorway. She is smiling from ear to ear and is more than happy to meet Clare's eyes.
Clare smiles back at her and the girl takes it as an invitation to declare herself.
"I'm sorry, I'm Fiona!" She says. "I hope you're feeling alright. The show tonight was unbelievable."
Oh right, Eli brought her. Clare thinks.
However uncertain she is of her relationship with Eli, Clare cannot turn away from a fan. She smiles as brightly as possible at Fiona and says, "Oh, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm fine. This happens all the time. It's nice to meet you, though. I'm Clare."
Clare stands, with the intent of shaking Fiona's hand and wobbles when she first hits her feet. Eli, Alli and Adam simultaneously reach out to steady her but she manages to find even ground all on her own.
Pleased with herself, Clare crosses the dressing room to Fiona and shakes her hand.
"Thank you so much for coming." Clare says.
"Oh no, thank you for the tickets!" Fiona says, equally joyfully.
Clare decides that she likes Fiona. However, she does have certain matters to straighten out. Namely tall, dark haired, green-eyed matters.
Clare turns around to face Alli and Adam, who are both eyeing her with concern.
"I'm fine, you two. Really. I'll drink another water and have Calvin take me outside in a few minutes. Thank you for worrying." Clare says with a smile.
Adam looks convinced and moves toward the door.
"I'll feel better if you take those monster heels off." He says from the doorway.
She slips her left foot and then her right out of the Louboutins and stands barefoot on the concrete floor. One more smile at Adam and he heads off back to his own dressing room, appeased.
Alli understands Clare's desire for a moment alone with Eli and begins to follow Adam.
"You know where I'll be if you need me!" She calls over her shoulder.
Of course, Clare knows Alli will be with Drew, but if Clare did ever need her she would be there at the drop of a hat.
Clare now turns to face Eli who is staring at her intensely, green eyes cloudly, from a few feet away.
"Eli, I'm going to go to August 8*. Just text me." Fiona says, as she cheerfully turns on her heel and exits, closing the door behind her.
Clare realizes that this is the first time she's ever really seeing Eli. She lets her gaze fall from his and takes in his black v-neck, his black skinny jeans and his black sneakers. She also takes notice of his pale skin and his beautiful dark black waves before she is drawn back into his green eyes.
"Please say something. Anything, Eli." Clare pleads.
She can't handle the intensity of his gaze and the uncertainty of his feelings. It's unfair that he now knows everything about her yet he can still hold back secrets.
Eli's face doesn't change and Clare's knees nearly buckle. Her heart is heavy and it sinks even further down into her body.
"Please, Eli. Say something."
Eli's eyes finally leave hers to trail up and down her body.
"God, you're beautiful." Eli says.
Clare lets out a sort of relieved sob she had been holding in. It wasn't the statement she really wanted to hear but she would take it over, "I don't love you" any day.
Desperate to keep him talking, Clare asks the first thing that pops into her mind.
"Did you enjoy the concert?"
Eli lets out a small laugh and Clare can see his shoulders visibly relax.
"That's what you want to know right now? Yes, it was a wonderful show. You were fantastic."
Though he isn't the first person to say that tonight's show was great, it seems to mean more coming from him. Clare's heart soars and she can't help but feel pleased that he thinks she's fantastic.
Clare smiles at Eli but he doesn't return it. His face is sad.
"Please, tell me what you're thinking." Clare whispers; the fear in her voice very plain to hear.
Eli takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his dark locks, making Clare aware of how badly she wants to run her own hands through them.
"Well, you see, my Dad has this childhood best friend whose daughter I think I'm in love with. I was supposed to meet her tonight but it turns out she was occupied being one of my favourite singers this evening. Tonight, that girl she sang this incredible new song where she said she loves me. Out of the entire world of guys who fawn over her, she wants me. But, I can't date this girl. The first girl that I talk to online all the time has an amazing personality-she's hilarious, so smart and, god, she even reads Palahniuk! I never told her how I felt because she's too good for me. And tonight, I found out that she's also this stunning, famous singer who I adore. So now she is not only out of my league, we're not even playing the same sport for heaven's sake. I'm so upset because...I love her, this girl that I've just met tonight, with my whole heart and I can't have her. I don't deserve her, I can't possibly hold onto her...I'm only going to end up hurt, and the worst part is that all I want to do right now is kiss her."
By the time Eli finished speaking Clare had tears streaming down her face.
"Kiss me, Eli." She whispered.
Eli Goldsworthy is not a man that needs to be asked twice.
*August 8 is a sushi restaurant in Toronto.
THOUGHTS? Thank you for all of the kind reviews so far. I hope this chapter didn't disappoint!
TBC.