[A/N]: For those of you who missed the announcement, a oneshot titled "Eremophobia" (found here: s/14122844/1/Eremophobia) was posted to celebrate three years of this fanfic! I'd like to say thank you to everyone who has read this far, and hello to any new readers in our midst. Thank you for reading!
Tirdas, the 30th of Evening Star, 4E201
The sun is close to setting now. I must've lost track of time. I didn't even notice the cold creep in until I thought about it. Well, no matter. I still have work to do. So much work…
The hammer feels heavy in my hand. Comfortably heavy. I turn to the anvil and strike - once, twice. I have to stop and wipe the sweat from my face. The Skyforge is blazing hot, I can barely stand being near it. But I guess if it were any different, I wouldn't be here.
"Still working, are you?" I hear a voice come from behind and look back. Lydia stands at the stairs, looking at me. She's giving me that same smile of hers when she wants to scold me for something but can't. "It's going to be dark soon."
"I just need a little more time," I tell her. I don't know how many times I said that already. Feels like the first time, but it certainly isn't. One, two, three, four. The metal on the anvil doesn't want to give.
"Mhm. So I'm told." I feel her arms around my shoulders, her chest pressing against my back. Her hair smells like wild flowers. "I can stay here and wait, if you'd like."
I pause. I smile and shake my head. "It's okay. It's been a long day, you need your rest. You can go on without me. I'll catch up soon."
She smiles too. "Would you rather be alone?"
I feel a chill run down my back as I hear those words. I turn around, but there's no one behind me anymore. I hear the sound of a boot stepping onto stone. I see Lydia again, standing at the edge of the Skyforge. The flames inside are roaring.
I shout for her to stop, but no words leave my mouth. I can taste blood on my tongue.
"I never have the heart to tell you no, do I? I've come to accept that. That if you set your mind on something, there's nothing I can do to change that. Every decision is your final decision." She turns around. She's pale. Her eyes are closed and her lips are dry. "And I know you won't stop until it's done. That's just how you are. I wouldn't have it any other way."
I scream. I cry. I reach out. I don't want her to go.
"I guess it's time to leave. I'll see you soon, alright?"
She steps off the ledge and falls into the forge. The fire surges, a massive wall of flame that stretches skyward for just a moment. I blink and I see ashes rising up with the wind towards the winged statue above. It's not a bird anymore, but a dragon. It looks down at the anvil, and I follow its gaze with my eyes.
On the anvil rests a familiar mask made of black iron. I recognize it and my eyes widen. As I take it, I feel a hand close around my throat.
And then I wake up.
Saya's eyes shot open and she bolted upright with a gasp. Her hand immediately reached for her neck and she let out a long, shaky sigh when she realized she could breathe. Her mouth felt dry as a desert but she tried to swallow anyway, almost surprised that her tongue didn't taste of iron. It took her another minute to finally steady her heartbeat, but her hands were not so obedient. Just a dream, she muttered in her mind, lips trembling too much to speak the words out loud. Just a bad dream.
That sentence hadn't left her mind for even a moment as she got up from bed and paced around the room. Her fingers tensed almost involuntarily, clenching into fists and relaxing and wriggling as if she craved something to grab, to hold, to occupy her mind and push out the blurry recollections that refused to leave it now. The cold, the forge, the burning horizon… She sighed and stopped in the middle of the room.
Outside of the window, the dark sky was turning the faintest shade of pink. Saya felt a tightness in her chest before she realized the sun was rising, not setting. She shook her head and looked at her desk. The letter she had written last evening was still there. Of course it is, why wouldn't it be there? She picked it up and scanned the contents in a brisk, almost uninterested manner. Maybe she should've spent the evening thinking of more pleasant things if she didn't want nightmares. She folded the parchment in two and threw it onto her bed. Won't forget it that way.
Serana woke up from the muffled sound of running water. A brief thought about it being early crossed her mind, but she soon recalled yesterday's conversation over dinner. Saya told her they needed to be somewhere this morning, the earlier the better. Reluctantly, the vampire rose from bed. It would be bad manners to keep people waiting, after all.
They crossed paths at the stairs some ten minutes later. Serana was dressed in her usual outfit, while Saya had just finished with her morning routine and was on her way back to get dressed. The Dragonborn muttered a quiet "Morning" before retreating to her room, leaving Serana with no real opportunity to respond.
Saya came back down soon after. She was dressed warmly, with little regard for appearances. Dark browns and greys, complete with a pair of simple winter gloves and the same travel cloak she usually wore on the road. She took a moment to put on her boots and fished out the key from her pocket. "Time to go," she said to Serana and nodded towards the door.
The streets of Whiterun were quiet. In spite of all the beautiful decorations already installed, the cold morning almost seemed to drain the color from them. Occasionally they'd come across a passerby or two - mostly older people, sometimes middle-aged. The only young folk around were children accompanied by their parents. Almost all of them wore black, or something close to it.
There was already a small crowd gathered around the Skyforge. Serana couldn't help but notice a certain stiffness to their faces. It wasn't unlike Saya's own expression, as stony as it was blank. That hollowness alone spoke for itself.
Balgruuf greeted them quietly - or rather, acknowledged their presence. His usual colorful outfit was nowhere to be found on this day. A crown Saya had never seen before rested upon his brow, and most of his attire was covered by a long mantle of dark fur. He led them up towards the Skyforge, showing both Saya and Serana where they could wait until the ceremony would begin proper. No other words were spoken.
It didn't take long for the other nobles to come. The crowd by Jorrvaskr was growing exponentially as daybreak grew closer and closer. Saya watched with disinterested eyes as Balgruuf gave them some prepared speech or another. He told of how long the year had been, how the horrors of war had affected them all, how it was time for Whiterun to honor its traditions and ancestors. She stopped listening after a point. It didn't really matter. She already knew what would happen next, as did most of the crowd.
She felt her gaze being drawn towards the Skyforge. Towards the smoldering embers within, towards the silver-haired smith coaxing the flame from the half-asleep coals. It was hypnotizing to watch the orange sparks rise into the cold air, to see them disappear at the slightest breeze and turn to invisible ashes on the wind. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the folded sheet of parchment. Her expression must've changed somehow because Serana put her hand on the Dragonborn's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.
"Are you okay?" She whispered. Even without looking, Saya knew what kind of expression she had. That face of worried sympathy. She closed her eyes. It was the last thing she needed to see right now.
"Yeah," she whispered back, so quiet it was practically unheard. She rubbed her eyes with her sleeve and drew a deep breath. She hadn't even noticed the cold creep in until she saw the exhale leave her lips as white vapor. Balgruuf had just finished his speech and came up to the forge, mouthing a prayer before taking out a handful of letters and carefully letting each one slip from his hand into the Skyforge. Each time, the flames surged ever so slightly, engulfing the parchment whole.
Saya was the last to approach the Skyforge, being the most recently appointed Thane of those present.
The heat was palpable on her face. Despite her own wishes, her eyes could not help but drift towards the anvil. The images that yet remained within her mind kept flashing before her eyes. It was like she was moving through water, each breath as heavy as it was shallow. She lowered her hood and felt at once cold and uncomfortably warm. She looked at the hand in which she held the letter and suddenly realized it had curled into a fist against her volition.
It's time to leave.
At once, all the tension within Saya's body seemed to vanish and she lifted her hand above the fire. Her gaze traveled upwards and she saw the stone hawk standing above her. For a moment, it almost looked like it was looking down at her. The ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of Saya's lips and she looked at her own hand.
"Sunnabe ni, falkyn," she whispered in her mother tongue. "You'll have to wait just a little longer."
With those words, she dropped her letter into the forge and watched it vanish upon the wind.
We left as soon as we could. I didn't want to stay a second longer than I had to. I'm tired, and hungry, and just… I'm not feeling up to all this.
I threw together some lunch. Didn't finish it. I think I'm going to throw up if I do. I've been tossing and turning for what feels like hours, but I know it can't have been that long. I want to close my eyes but every time I do, I hear that hammering noise…
Damn it all.
"Excuse us," Saya said quietly as she pushed the door open, Serana trailing close behind. Andurs, the local priest of Arkay, barely batted an eye. Many had visited the Hall of the Dead today. These two wouldn't be the first nor the last. They didn't seem to need any guidance or directions either, the tiny elf leading her companion with a sense of purpose in her step.
Saya had deliberately waited until the evening to make this visit. Old Life Remembrance was, after all, a day of remembering the dead. If she wanted any amount of privacy in a place open to the public, she would simply need to get lucky and avoid all the other visitors. That said, it wasn't hard to guess that most of them would come in the morning - directly after the letter-burning ceremony, seeking to pay their respects all in one trip and then have the rest of the day to themselves. Get on with their plans, make the most of the few hours of daylight the winter offered them.
As far as Saya was concerned, the day couldn't be over soon enough.
Oddly enough, Serana came of her own volition - or rather, because something at the back of her mind wouldn't let Saya go alone. Now, discomfort swirled around the vampire like a persistent aura. A stink she couldn't wash out because it felt like it had seeped into her very thoughts. And yet, peculiarly, it didn't come from the environment around her. She felt a sense of unease from being in a temple, of course. The divine magicks of the Arkayn priests tingled her skin in a way that was most obnoxious.
But really, the object and source of Serana's restlessness was the person right in front of her. The usually chatty Saya had barely spoken to her since this morning. Any attempts to start a conversation had fallen flat. Offering help resulted in nothing but an oblique look and a shaking head. It seemed like Saya would've been content simply sleeping the day away, or whatever it is she was doing in that room of hers.
"We're here." Saya stopped. She navigated the labyrinthine tunnels with a surprising ease. Serana wondered just how many times she had walked this particular path to memorize it so well.
What the vampire saw was a coffin, one of many others found in the depths of the Hall of the Dead. Here, the bodies of important figures were interred: nobility, warriors of legend, heroes of the hold, and of course, the rulers and their family members. Serana could see that some of their names barely looked like Tamrielic writing, a testament to the crypt's age. Saya knelt in front of the coffin and closed her eyes, pressing her forehead to the metal lid.
"Hi, Lydia. It's been a while." Serana felt a certain hollowness upon hearing that name. She heard it before, whispered involuntarily during nights of poor sleep. She always pretended not to hear it then. She didn't have such an option this time. "I brought someone with me. A friend. I wanted to introduce you two, okay?"
Saya turned to her expectantly and Serana had to swallow a lump in her throat. It was impossible to put Saya's expression into words, but the look in her eyes alone made Serana want to collapse. She took a hesitant step forward and placed her hand on the coffin, mustering up the strength to say: "H-Hello, Lydia. My name is Serana. It is nice to meet you."
Saya seemed pleased with that, giving the vampire an approving nod before sitting down on the carpeted floor in front of the coffin, simply staring at it in silence. Serana sat down as well and watched as the smile gradually slipped from her features. She couldn't begin to guess what was going through her mind at that moment, but she knew that Saya probably didn't need someone intruding upon those thoughts.
Finally, she spoke. "Eighty-five days. That's how long it has been since she died." She chuckled dryly, an ugly and humorless noise that made Serana shudder. "I've only known her for about two months, now that I think about it. It's kind of funny, isn't it?" Serana turned to face her. Saya's gaze was still fixed upon the coffin. "How so many things can happen in such a short time."
"Were you… close?" Serana asked gently. Saya glanced at her with tired eyes.
"In a way," she gave the noncommittal reply. "We spent a lot of time together. Traveling. Talking. Laughing. Fighting." She smiled once again. A faint, fragile shell of a smile that threatened to shatter every time she moved her mouth to speak. "I'd say I wouldn't hesitate to lay down my life for her, but… she kinda has me beat in that regard."
Serana's hands curled into fists at those words. The inkling of a reprimand was stuck in her throat, but she couldn't bring herself to voice it. It wasn't her place to. "I see."
"She died trying to protect me. We were exploring a ruin together and we… no, I picked a fight we couldn't win. We tried to run and…" Saya laced her fingers together, her tone of voice falling slightly. She shook her head. "She was a very agreeable girl. She could never tell me 'no', she was quick to follow commands, she always looked to me when she had to make a decision. I thought it would do her well to grow out of that mindset, to start thinking for herself." Saya lowered her head, hiding her face in her hands. "And then the first time she did something of her own volition, she up and died. Trying to buy me time so that we could run away. Both of us."
Serana's stomach sank as she listened. There were many things she wanted to say, but in the moment she felt paralyzed. Like a bubble of air rising up from underwater, a memory surfaced. A conversation. It rang differently now.
Wait, so you were just going to sneak out? Alone?
Serana's lips tensed. She felt like a fool. She should've known. But at the same time there was a feeling of wrongness, a building discomfort in her gut. "You are making it sound like it was your fault."
Saya turned towards the vampire, blinking in surprise. Her mouth was already half-open to reply, but she appeared to have caught herself mid-thought and only laughed softly. "I am, aren't I," she muttered and turned away again. "It does feel that way sometimes. If we hadn't met, she would've stayed just another guard. She wouldn't have risked her life for me. She wouldn't…"
"Do you think she would have been happier had she never met you?" Serana suddenly asked and Saya visibly flinched. She lifted her head and saw the vampire staring at her with an intense look. Her pale face was warped with outrage. Was she angry at her? "Do you really think she would have chosen being alone over meeting you?"
Saya stared at her stupidly. A familiar ache was building at the corners of her eyes and she rubbed them with the back of her hand, drawing a shaky breath. She shook her head. "You know I can't answer that."
"Then would you?"
"Huh?" Now it was Saya's turn to look outraged. Serana, on the other hand, looked at her with a completely calm, almost stern expression.
"If it were you who would have died - if you were in her position, would you have chosen to meet her anyway? To spend that time with her, even if you knew it would be cut short?"
Saya slowly closed her mouth. If I were in Lydia's place...
Her first instinct was to say no, she wouldn't, but the reply stuck in her throat and her chest tightened. She couldn't say that. How could she say that when she spent so long holed up in an empty home, crying, begging to a deaf nothingness to give her back? Wishing to see her, to talk to her, to see her smile even for an instant? To hear her say her name, if only once?
Would you rather be alone?
Saya bit down on her lower lip. She shook her head so furiously that it ached. Of course she'd meet her again. As many times as she possibly could, she'd do it over and over if it meant talking to her again, traveling with her again, smiling, laughing, fooling around and fighting and falling for her like a complete clueless idiot. And if it meant she would die then she'd die with a smile on her face, knowing she made her happy if only for a short while.
Just one more time.
"It was for her, was it not?" Serana asked. She was smiling gently, softly. "That letter that you had burned."
Saya looked at her and nodded. Tears were streaming down her face, two clear streaks catching the light of nearby candles. "I miss her," she whispered. Serana pulled her close, and the mighty Dragonborn buried her face in her shoulder.
"I know."
I need to get out of my habit of crying. It's humiliating. Though I can't deny it feels good to let it all out every once in a while. Even if it makes me look ugly as shit afterwards.
I didn't have the energy to make dinner so we ate at the tavern. Hulda is still around, though her servant girl got replaced. Saadia, I think her name was. Wonder what happened.
Middas, the 31st of Evening Star, 4E201
It is morning and I am stressed out already! Wonderful!
I take back all I said about it being a good thing that I spent all of yesterday moping like a wet rag, because I completely forgot to make plans for today. You know, the day of the festival. FUCK. Okay, I think I can salvage this. First off, I think I'll visit Balgruuf and see if there are any last-minute adjustments. After that… hell, I guess I'll work it out from there.
Okay, okay. Everything is going to plan, supposedly. There is time to have some breakfast but I'll probably skip out on lunch and dinner. The Jarl's court will be organizing a banquet in Dragonsreach and pretty much everyone is invited, so I think that's going to be chaos of massive proportions. Still, I won't say no to food from the Jarl's kitchen. The gathering itself should begin around eleven-ish, and the palace will be open to visitors once we hit midnight.
I was going to visit Farengar but then I changed my mind. I think I've worked enough these past few weeks, one day off without thinking about the impending doom of the world is in order. If a dragon attacks the palace I will murder it with my own two hands.
Alright, breakfast has been had. I also sent a quick letter to Fortunata and the others wishing them a happy New Life as a little formality. Kura seemed happy to see me, the little beauty. I should let it out more.
And now… well I'm not actually sure what to do now. We still have a few hours before we need to get dressed up.
I asked Serana what she wanted to do and she suggested we look around for a place to get ourselves prepared in other ways - have our hair styled, get a manicure, that sort of thing. Honestly the idea of someone else touching my hair feels like heresy of its own, but… well, it is a time-killer, I guess.
Well. That was an experience. I can't say it was very pleasant to have my nails filed, but they do look very pretty now. It's this really dark shade, looks almost like bronze. My bangs got a little trimmed as well, I suppose they were getting rather messy. I decided to pass on shaving the sides this time. Not a good idea in midwinter.
Also, I'm wearing makeup for the first time in… however long. It's nothing too complicated, but it's a nice accent to everything else. A little bit of eyeshadow, some lipstick to match the nails and dress…
Oh shit, the dress. What time is it?
Pop.
Saya stared at herself in the mirror and smiled slightly. Popping her lips was an oddly amusing pastime. It helped her ignore the fact that she was wearing an outfit expensive enough to pay for a five-person table at a high-end restaurant.
Not to say it wasn't beautiful. The golden silk bodice fit her figure snugly, the fabric puffing out at the chest to exaggerate her proportions. It worked quite well with the off-black corset that emphasized her already naturally thin waist and wide hips. She did have to wear a pair of black stockings to cover her legs though - the golden underskirt wasn't particularly long, and the asymmetrical black skirt that stretched down from the corset was more reminiscent of a butt cape which, as nice as it looked, provided precious little cover for the Dragonborn's thighs. Her arms were in a similar situation, solved with a pair of fingerless black gloves that reached just below her shoulder.
All in all, it was definitely a look that radiated a sort of beauty that was graceful, but also slightly intimidating - especially combined with the makeup that really brought out those red eyes of hers. It took more time and effort than Saya was really comfortable with, but she couldn't deny she enjoyed bringing out her feminine side a bit more, for once.
"How do I look?"
Saya's gaze broke away from the mirror and she turned towards the voice. She let out a small gasp when she saw Serana walking towards her in high heels, wearing that lily-themed red dress they had picked out a few days ago. Her hair was gathered into a neat, dignified bun that left her face open, carefully cupped by her black bangs. She spun around and made her skirt flare out, showing off before the mesmerized Dragonborn.
Saya had to blink a few times to process the view before her. She stood up, pushing her own bangs behind her ear. "I… wow. Just wow." Her mouth opened and closed a few times, like she struggled to come up with the right words to say. "You look beautiful."
Serana curtsied at the compliment, smiling. "Thank you." The two simply stared at each other for a few seconds, admiring the attire before the large silhouette of a tired-looking Thyra approached from behind.
"Took some time to get her this way, but I give no 'pologies for the wait. Can't rush perfection," the Nord huffed, nodding pridefully at her own words. "You two heading out somewhere fancy, eh?"
"Cloud district, actually." Saya suppressed a snicker at the way Thyra's expression shifted upon hearing that. The woman definitely wore her heart on her sleeve - a nice palate cleanser before having to endure the attention of a court Saya was only barely part of.
"You part of the Jarl's crowd?" Thyra hummed, looking the two of them up and down. She clicked her tongue. "Rats. Knew I should've upcharged ya," she laughed. The pair exchanged a quick glance, snickering as well, though more so at Thyra's behavior than her joke.
"Maybe then you'd be making a profit," came the quiet grumble from behind the counter. Quintus looked the same as last time they saw him, even wearing the exact same tired-disinterested expression.
Thyra wasted no time shooting an ice-cold glare in his direction. "Maybe I'd be making even more of a profit if I kicked out your scrawny arse!" She barked and Quintus rolled his eyes, going back to whatever book he was reading at the moment. Thyra continued grumbling something unintelligible under her breath before turning back to the customers and forcing an uncomfortably strained smile. "Anyway, is there anything else I can do for you?"
Once more, Serana and Saya exchanged a glance. The tiny elf shrugged, and so Serana shook her head. "No, I believe that will be all." Thyra visibly relaxed upon hearing that.
"Are you really doing all that badly, though?" Saya chimed in, taking a glance around. "You seem pretty well-stocked, and the quality is good."
"She'd be bankrupt if it weren't," Quintus chimed in once again. "Most of the customers get scared off by the time they finish making the order. Practically no one comes back to actually pay for what they agreed to buy." Thyra quickly turned around and hissed for her clerk to shut his mouth, but he seemed to pay her little mind. She visibly deflated at that.
"Huh. Well, she is a little aggressive…" Saya mumbled.
"NO I AM NOT!" The Nord immediately shouted at her, inches away from the Dragonborn's face. A moment passed, and she backed away slowly. "...alright, maybe I can get a little pushy. But that's just how it is in the business! Every customer unconvinced is a customer lost!"
"Every customer scared away is a customer that won't come back," Quintus said through gritted teeth. "The sooner you realize that, the better."
The pair watched the conversation happen with an increasing air of awkwardness as they slowly shuffled over to the door. Both of them carefully grabbed their cloaks off the hangers and dressed up for the outside weather. Saya felt no guilt leaving like this, having already pre-paid for all and any adjustments ahead of time. And so, without so much as a goodbye, the two of them snuck out as soon as the attention was taken off them.
Whiterun was, for lack of a better word, festive. Garlands of greenery and magical lights were strewn from lamppost to lamppost. Wreaths decorated the shops and houses, bound with colorful ribbons. Banners hung from buildings and the many, many arches of Whiterun, bringing some much-needed color to the palid white of the snow-peppered roads. The air was pleasantly cold, not the same biting chill as out in the wild. Still, the pair wore their cloaks shut tight. Their attire was made for looks first and practicality second, and it definitely showed in the goosebumps on Saya's legs.
They walked to Dragonsreach at a brisk pace. The fitting itself took them a little under an hour, to say nothing of the procedures before, and so midnight was fast approaching. Still, it's not as though Saya herself was particularly interested in exchanging pleasantries with rich folk and politicians, and neither did Serana mourn the loss of court intrigue in her daily life. As such, they didn't struggle too much against the crowd moving towards the palace, and arrived just in time to hear the echoes of Balgruuf's grand speech coming from above.
"Friends! Citizens! People of Whiterun!"
The Jarl was dressed in his finest apparel. The same crown as yesterday rested upon his head - a beautiful thing of emerald-encrusted bronze. Balgruuf's clothing matched it, woolen garments dyed green and red and embroidered with glittering gold. Not the least of all was the grand mantle he wore, sporting a lining that circled around his shoulders and blended with his hair, invoking the image of a lion's mane, its owner gazing resolutely into the audience.
"Yesterday, we marked the remembrance of Old Life, a tradition passed to us by the forefathers of old. A day of goodbyes and of memories. A day to recall our sorrows, our regrets, and the many loved ones who are no longer with us." Saya's fists tightened under her cloak. "This year has been difficult for us all. War ravages the land, and the ghost of death lingers over us still. And what's more, an ancient legend has returned from its rightful place in the distant past - dragons now roam our skies, stalk our forests, burn our villages! Helgen, a town that once linked us to our southern neighbors, was unmade by their wrath - and they tried to take Whiterun, as well!"
A wave of murmurs rolled across the crowd. Nervous chatter, terrified whispers, words of disbelief. The return of dragons was no news to the people of Whiterun, yet there was still a feeling of safety within the walls. A safety that now felt paper-thin, the city laid bare before the cold fact of the threat that haunted it.
"But we did not fall!" Balgruuf shouted, and the whispers fell quiet. His eyes drifted over the uncountable faces, shaded by the darkness of night. All the same, they felt his gaze upon them. "I repeat, sons and daughters of Whiterun: WE! DID! NOT! FALL!" He shouted again, and this time it sounded almost like a battlecry. The shock from before had turned to a surge of restlessness. Perhaps even of hope. "We were not prepared, yet still we stood vanguard against this rising threat - and we withstood! Thanks to you, people of Whiterun! For it is for you we fight, for you we suffer, and for you that we lay down our lives!"
Once more, whispers rose from the crowd - different this time. Words of support, of faith, of encouragement. Whispers became chatter, chatter became cheering, and soon the entire crowd was rallied in support of Balgruuf's words. That Whiterun had not fallen. That Whiterun yet stood.
"So say farewell, people of Whiterun! Farewell to your grief, to your sorrow, to your fears! Know that you are not alone, that you stand with Whiterun, and Whiterun stands with you! Know that legends are not infallible, that hope is not lost! Know that we will prevail! Let this year pass into our memories as many before it, and let us welcome the new year not with fear, but with courage! Not alone, but together! Not with silence, but with cheer that will shake the very mountains!"
Balgruuf turned to his side, and Farengar gave a brief nod. In practiced motion, he brought out a small crystal orb and whispered an incantation before crushing it in the palm of his hand. The wind picked up, carrying the opaline dust into the skies above where it glimmered with the light of the stars. Countless eyes turned upwards, and gasps echoed from across the crowd. The glimmering dust had formed into the image of a glorious golden mare, galloping around Dragonsreach upon an invisible path until it finally reached the peak.
It was then that the mare stopped, throwing a single gaze upon the crowd below before rearing up and sprouting a pair of glowing wings.
"I, Jarl Balgruuf the Greater, hereby declare the beginning of the New Life Festival!"
And as the massive gates to Dragonsreach swung open, the crowd erupted into a cheer that made the very walls shake.
Much to my surprise, most of the crowd was only there for the speech and not for the feast. Everyone just sort of wandered off to their own friend groups or family gatherings. A lot of people decided to start drinking right then and there and the guard had to intervene. Looking down at it now, most of the revelry seems to be around the big squares - the Gildergreen in particular is an object of attention. Wonder how many idiots are gonna piss there by the end of the night.
We got into the palace with no trouble. A few servants were ready to gather everyone's coats and cloaks, and then the celebration was underway. The two big tables got repositioned a bit for an all-you-can-eat buffet of sorts, though there's a few people stationed to keep an eye on anyone actually trying to eat everything. Or, you know, spitting in everyone's food. Always those kinds of morons running around.
The main hall wasn't the only place with festivities though. The strategy room got cleared out so everyone had direct access to the back of the palace - aside from the private quarters, of course. I was told this is where King Olaf captured a dragon about three thousand years ago or some such, but now it's just used as a massive gallery. Lots of pretty paintings here, and an amazing view. I showed Serana around for a while and then went back to Balgruuf to see if there's any plan I should be aware of.
He laughed and told me to loosen up and socialize a bit. Felt a bit embarrassing, that. But I guess he's right. Lots of nobles and guests here, might be a good idea to ask around or eavesdrop. The food and drink aren't half bad either. Balgruuf also told me there's going to be a ball over in the gallery after everyone has the time to settle in, so I have that to look forward to.
Well, time to brave the ranks of nobility I suppose.
Parties are wonderful things. A time and place meticulously crafted for the majority of guests to unwind, to enjoy oneself, to rest. But where some see relaxation, others find opportunity. Gossip, rumors, secrets, boasts - one only needed to know where to listen in order to learn a myriad of curious things. And while Saya was no social butterfly, she definitely had a vested interest in other people's curiosities…
A shame most of the guests were so woefully boring.
Saya had realized a long time ago that conversation was itself a skill. Knowing what to say and when, knowing when to keep quiet and how to listen. A masterful conversationalist could learn a great many things in a single encounter without revealing anything about oneself. In Saya's case, however, there was barely anything to guard from. Sure, some were surprised that Balgruuf had found himself a new Thane - an elf, no less - but few people's interest reached beyond the basics. How long have you been in Skyrim? What do you do? Do I know you from somewhere?
After a while, Saya's non-replies were almost automatic. Not that anyone cared much. They were here to talk, not to listen.
Ah yes, the dragons, horrible things. Really, an entire shipment lost? That really is terrible. What's that about the Eastern Empire Trading Company? The war had been a heavy burden on us all. Markarth can never catch a break, those Forsworn have gotten even worse since the Cidhna breakout. A shame the Companions aren't around to deal with those savages - where did this Silver Hand clique come from anyway? We can only hope they aren't a bad influence on the city, word is the Jarl's children were behaving rather oddly. Ah but of course, one can hardly be a ruler and a father at once…
Ugh. Saya watched the conversation go on without her with an expression of absolute boredom. She popped an olive into her mouth and grimaced at the taste. I want more wine…
Food was, perhaps, the only thing Saya couldn't really complain about. If she had to describe it in one word, she'd say it was inoffensive. No brave experimentation or foreign recipes, just a standard assortment of high-class dishes coupled with fancy presentation and decorative herbs to make everything look more exotic. The fish was good though. Definitely more eye-catching than the guests.
The loud noise of a ringing bell distracted Saya from whatever non-conversation she was part of. Two o'clock, she thought and scanned the room. Definitely less people now than at the start of this thing. She couldn't make up her mind if that made her feel more on-edge or less.
"Ah, the ball must be starting soon," the man to her right said. Fancy mustache, off-weather clothing, slight accent. Definitely not from Skyrim. He'd been talking a lot about alcohol imports from the south. Something about the winter snow obstructing the roads and threats of an avalanche. "Will you be participating, Thane Indoril?"
She paused before her reply, feigning hesitation. "Maybe, if the music is to my liking." She glanced in the direction of the musicians in the corner - bards from the city's taverns. Barely lasted an hour before most of them joined in on the drinking. "I suppose it'd be a waste to get all dressed up and do nothing but eat and drink all night," she finished and turned back to the nobles, smiling slightly at her own joke.
"Are you looking for company?" A shorter man asked - a merchant from High Rock if she was not mistaken. The woman he had his arm wrapped around didn't seem to react to the statement in any particular manner. Not his wife then, Saya concluded. "It would be a shame to leave such a mysterious beauty without a partner for the evening."
The only change in Saya's expression was a slight twitch of the brow. With every word he said, she became less and less sure if he wanted to get in good with the Jarl or get in her proverbial pants. What she did know is she was not interested in either of the two. "I'm actually here with someone, so I'm afraid my first dance is already taken." Her faux smile stretched just a little wider as she rejected the man and took another sip from her goblet. Too watered down for her liking, but it was better than getting shitfaced in the first hour of the party.
"Ah, such a shame." The merchant clicked his tongue, looking dramatically dejected while the woman at his side rolled her eyes. Saya suppressed a sympathetic chuckle. She didn't want to know how she'd been spending her night up until then. A girl for hire, maybe?
"Yes, very. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be taking my leave." She finished the rest of her drink and placed the empty goblet on a nearby servant's tray with a quiet thanks. "Perhaps we can continue this…" She paused, looking over her company one final time. "...riveting discussion some other time."
Then without waiting for a response, she turned around and hastily retreated in search of more pleasant company.
Serana stood on the balcony alone, watching the Jarl finish yet another one of his speeches right as the amorphous crowd of guests slowly dissolved into pairs. Men and women, some younger, some older, all swaying and stepping in tandem with the beautiful music. The sight was far from unfamiliar to the vampire - her own father used to hold these kinds of festivities with relative frequency. The ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as she remembered getting dressed up with her mother, whole days spent on picking out dresses she'd wear exactly once and never again.
As her lips touched the dark red in her goblet, she wondered when it was that parties began to tire her so much. Her eyes drifted from guest to guest and for each one, and she made a mental list for each one. Where they were looking, how they were dressed, how much makeup they wore.
Closer to the back, a dignified old man was dancing with a young girl, practically a child, and they both smiled when she gently called him 'grandfather'. A woman on the other end of the hall was accompanied by a man of much bigger stature, shifting uncomfortably as his hand touched her waist a bit too frivolously. A nervous young man apologized profusely as he stepped on his older partner's foot, but the woman he danced with pretended not to notice despite the slight discomfort in her step from thereon. Serana thought she looked a little like her mother.
A drunken giggle on her right startled the vampire. She turned sharply and saw a different couple, both of them rather young, locked in an embrace by the balcony railing where no light shone upon them. Their swaying was completely off-rhythm, and Serana found herself wondering if they could even hear the music over their own laughter. Their form was horrible as well, clinging to each other like that. Where was the freedom of movement? And why was that woman's skirt hiked up?
Oh. Nevermind, then.
Serana cleared her throat awkwardly and turned away, leaving the startled lovebirds to their business. When they finally shuffled away, she shook her head. How people could get those kinds of urges seemed like an eternal mystery to her, and not one she was very interested in solving. She lifted her goblet for another drink and sighed.
If there was one thing she hadn't experienced at a gathering like this before, it was being wholly and entirely alone.
"My, what a travesty I behold." The voice that snapped Serana out of her thoughts was sweet and melodic. She turned to look at the speaker and saw a blond-haired man flashing his best smile at her. His outfit told her that he wasn't very rich or had a particularly good fashion sense, but his demeanor communicated a firm belief in the contrary. "Such beauty, alone on a night like this? Why, this is scandalous."
Serana had to drink again just to relieve the tightness in her throat. A familiar discomfort was welling up in her chest as he approached her. "You are too kind," she said in as neutral a tone as possible, donning a polite smile that carried no friendliness behind it.
The man bowed respectfully, oblivious to subtler signs. "Me? No, no, I am merely someone who knows what he likes and likes what he sees. And I simply could not stand by after seeing such-"
"-a cold beauty, like the moons in the night sky?" Serana's smile grew slightly more genuine as the man was caught off-guard. "Fabrice Lavergne, 'Shornhelm Sonnets'?"
The man blinked stupidly. There was no such book of course, but it didn't really matter so long as the desired effect was produced. "N-No, not quite. In fact, what I was going to say," he seemed to regain some confidence in his voice, gesturing as he spoke, "is that you were akin to the gentle winter sun, but I see now I was wrong, for your smile is nothing short of radiant. On my name as Mikael the Bard, I offer you my sincerest apologies for underplaying you so."
Ah. A bard. Wonderful. That would explain the verbose manner of speech. "Mikael, then. Very well, apology accepted," she replied shortly. As he lifted his head, she added: "Was there anything else you wanted from me?"
Mikael appeared a little stunned at the directness but quickly got back into his rhythm, once again flashing that cocky smile of his. Something about it made Serana want to hurl. "Why, for what reason could I approach a beauty like yourself if not to request a dance?" Okay, scratch that - now Serana wanted to hurl. "But more than that, and though I dared not hope for it ahead of time, I could not help but wonder…" He extended a hand towards her. Serana had to actively fight her instinct to recoil away from it. "Would you grace me with your name, madame sunshine? Or would you prefer to stay a mystery unsolved?"
"Oh, there you are!"
Serana visibly relaxed as soon as she saw the familiar head of red hair among the crowd. Saya waved as she approached, and the vampire returned the gesture sheepishly. Only afterwards did she notice that the man beside her had suddenly gone very, very still. Saya looked up at him and whistled, recognizing him immediately.
"Oh, Mikael." Serana could've sworn she saw him flinch upon hearing his name. "Still going after women that aren't interested in you? Or does the other kind only exist in your stories?"
Mikael turned towards the Dragonborn, staring blankly at her for a few long, silent seconds. Then, just as stiffly, he turned towards Serana and bowed down his head - not the small polite bow from earlier, but a deep bow that put his torso almost parallel to the ground. "I am sorry for the disturbance," he muttered quickly and, without a word of elaboration, turned around and speed-walked away.
The pair watched the bard disappear into the crowd before slowly looking at each other and bursting into giggles.
"You sure took your time!" Serana scolded her jokingly as Saya leaned on the stone railing, pushing the red hair behind her ear. Her dress looked even more beautiful in low light, faraway torches and braziers dancing as little lights upon the golden thread.
"Sorry, sorry. Turns out when you become Thane in like two days, you're suddenly the hottest shit in the pan. Who would've thought?" Saya chuckled, looking back at the gallery. There appeared to be some kind of intermission as everyone stopped to get more drinks. Saya was almost tempted to grab herself something strong as well. "Enjoying the party?"
Serana snorted. "Is that supposed to be a joke?" Saya gave her an amused look and she crossed her arms. "I come to a ball for the first time in centuries, and I end up standing here for twenty minutes, all alone, so I can drink by myself and watch other people dance." The vampire's lips stretched into a smirk. "You have quite the debt to work off."
Saya laughed and stepped away from the railing. "Alright, you got me there. Let's see… Ah, I think I know where to start." She turned around and bowed down, mimicking Mikael's pose from before as she offered the vampire a hand. "Care for a dance, sunshine?"
Serana looked at the Dragonborn's palm and then at her face. Then, after a moment of dramatic silence, she grinned and took her hand.
Well, that was fun. Turns out Serana is a better dancer than I am. Not sure how surprised I should be, if at all. A shame the music wasn't that good, though. I think I saw Mikael playing his lute with the other performers, so that might explain it.
Anyway, the guests were starting to leave closer to three in the morning, all in various states of inebriation, so Serana and I decided to sneak out as well. Good thing we grabbed our cloaks, because it started snowing almost as soon as we left. I don't think either of us realized how much we needed the fresh air after an evening of breathing perfume and alcohol.
Just because the party at the Jarl's was slowing down doesn't mean the rest of the city wasn't still celebrating, though. We wandered around the town for a while, ran into this group of drunks. They were great, we walked around singing songs and telling stories to each other. I don't think it was even the same group by the end of the hour.
Also one of them bet me I couldn't climb the Gildergreen, so I did. Turns out yes, I can, so that guy owes me twenty drakes. I'll have to collect later, though, because Danica saw me and threatened to call the guard. I wasn't taking that chance, so I bolted and we ended up running around the alleys for a while. Not that the guardsmen were trying too hard to catch us, I don't think I saw anyone even close to being on our tail.
We waited out the snowfall and went back to shambling around the city after a while. The decorations were a little fucked up, and we had to step around some patches of yellow snow, but that's a festival for you. Honestly it's a bit of a blur at this point. I know we saw some statues while we were wandering and stopped by a frozen fountain. Some kids made snowmen that were still standing. I remember when I was younger and dad told me about those, I got really jealous. Not much snow in Morrowind. I made one out of dirt instead, that one stayed for a while.
Serana noticed that it's almost morning, so she suggested we go to bed. I think I have a better idea. My family always met the dawn during New Life, and I am not gonna stop now. I have just the spot in mind.
"Are you sure about this?" Serana asked nervously as she looked down over the wooden railing. When Saya led her back to Dragonsreach to 'take her somewhere cool' she expected many things. A journey through the corridors and many, many stairways that eventually took them to a small balcony on what appeared to be the uppermost floor of the palace, however, was not one of them. "It is… a long way down," the vampire muttered, swallowing heavily.
"Which is why we're not going down." Saya seemed to be completely unbothered by the situation. Without warning, the Dragonborn jumped onto the thin wooden railing, kicking away the snow and extending a hand to Serana. "You coming?"
Serana looked absolutely horrified. "Are you out of your mind?" She whispered, physically taken aback. Saya rolled her eyes.
"After all you've seen me do, climbing a rooftop is what makes you say that?" She chuckled. Serana still seemed hesitant. She sighed. "We'll be fine, I promise. Just take those heels off if you're worried about falling." Saya nodded towards the vampire's shoes. Beautiful they might have been, the vampire wouldn't dispute that they were not exactly practical…
Ah, to Oblivion with this. What would it hurt to try?
Saya grinned as the vampire carefully removed her high heels and left them on the balcony before stepping onto the railing with Saya. She seemed to maintain balance well enough, though she was still shaking a bit from the fear alone. Saya took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "We'll be fine. Just hold on tight, okay?" She made eye contact with Serana and the vampire nodded, her grip noticeably tighter. "Atta girl. Here we go…
Wuld, Nah, Kest."
As Saya's words left her lips, Serana felt an extraordinary airiness embrace her body. It felt as though a weight she had been carrying without ever realizing it had suddenly disappeared and she became light as a feather- no, even lighter than that. She tried to look down and suddenly noticed she had no head to look down with, no limbs to move, no body to feel. She was nothing but a puff of air, rising to the sky above, pulled along by something warm, something invisible…
She needed a moment to come to her senses when she stepped onto solid wood, snow cold against her feet. She nearly screamed when she realized she was standing atop the Dragonsreach roof, nothing but a thick oaken ridge separating her from a long, long fall.
"See? We're fine." Serana heard the voice beside her and turned to see Saya. The elf was smiling warmly at her, paying no mind to their surroundings. "Follow me, I'll walk slowly so you can keep up. Don't let go of my hand, alright? You can close your eyes if it helps." Serana could only reply with a mute nod.
True to her word, Saya walked at a slow pace, step by step leading the vampire behind her. Serana's eyes were shut tight like never before and she felt nothing but the cold wind in her ears and the fluffy snow on her bare skin. Her grip around Saya's hand tightened.
Eventually, Saya stopped. "Alright, you can look now."
After a moment of hesitation, Serana opened her eyes and gasped. From where they stood, she saw the entire city of Whiterun unfold below them. Lights, trees, walls and buildings, winding roads that took hours to navigate now looked no bigger than specks of dust. Even with her eyesight, she could barely see the hundreds of people still walking around the streets, little lanterns dancing in the dark of night.
Farther still, beyond the walls, she saw the rolling hills and the distant ruins of what was once a watchtower. Indefinite treelines, the echoing rush of the river that circled the entire city, and the giant mountain ridges stretching like teeth to swallow the horizon, the world's snowy throat only half-there, hidden by the grey clouds…
"Quite the sight, huh?" Saya asked, pulling the vampire out of her thoughts. Serana didn't even notice that Saya let go of her hand - while she was distracted, the Dragonborn managed to crawl on top of the gable horn that bent upwards from the ridge, the decoration itself shaped like a stylized dragon. "I think that's one good thing about Skyrim, from my experience at least. It's full of places like this where you can just… forget about all the shit down there for a while."
Serana stepped closer to the carved dragon and sat down on the ridge, wrapping one arm around the decoration for support. She didn't really know how to respond, but she knew it in her heart that she agreed. "It's breathtaking," she finally said after a while.
Saya smiled and looked off into the distance with her. "Yeah. It is." They sat in silence for a while, simply watching the sprawling landscape that stretched out before their eyes. The snow had long since stopped, but the clouds were more persistent. Somewhere far away, right above the horizon, they had just begun to turn the gentlest shade of pink. "So, what do you think?"
Serana glanced back at Saya. "About what?"
"About… everything, I guess." Saya shrugged. Curiously, she didn't look at the vampire as she talked, instead staring off into the distance. "The party, the festival overall. Whiterun. Skyrim. Whatever's on your mind."
The vampire hummed in thought. "Whatever is on my mind, you say…" She echoed, tilting her head. There were a great many things on her mind. Many things she wanted to ask and to say. She smiled. "I think… I am grateful."
Saya looked back at her. "For what?"
Serana shrugged. "A little bit of everything," she said, and both of them fell silent for a while. Grateful. The word felt a little funny on her tongue. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling. "I just caught myself thinking that… if I stayed back home, with my parents, I would never have seen anything like this. The places that we've been to, the things we've seen, the people we've met…" Her voice was full of wonder as she spoke, each word radiating a warmth that Saya could not describe. She lifted her head and looked to the sky. In the gaps between the clouds, she could see the stars. "When I first awoke, I remember being confused and scared. I was hoping to see a familiar face - my mother, my father, even one of the servants, but now…" Serana trailed off, fingers playing with the fabric of her dress.
"Now… what?" Saya asked stupidly, a slight tinge of nervousness in her voice. Serana looked at her, her lips stretched into a soft smile, and in that moment Saya suddenly understood where all those stories of vampires hypnotizing their prey came from.
"Now… I think I am glad," she said. "Glad that you are the one who found me instead."
Saya stared at her, wide-eyed and blinking wordlessly. She tried to stammer out a reply of some kind, but no words would come to her. She shuffled awkwardly on her improvised seat and pulled her cloak on more, as if trying to hide herself. Even through the shroud of night, Serana could see the pink flushing her cheeks. The vampire grinned, pleased with the reaction.
"What about you?" Saya glanced back, still coming down from the last statement. Serana cocked her head curiously, elaborating: "Does the great Dragonborn have any thoughts she would care to express about the things around her?"
Saya chuckled at the dramaticized delivery and scratched the back of her head. "Call me that again and I'm kicking you off," she joked.
"You wouldn't dare!" Serana snapped back, giggling. The two of them let the exchange hang in the air for a while before Saya finally decided to speak.
"I… have mixed thoughts on a lot of things," she began. She didn't sound very sure of her own words, like she was struggling to verbalize the things in her mind. "My father was from Skyrim, as I told you before. I was raised on stories about this place and its people. And it's… I don't know." Saya shook her head. A wry smile twisted the corners of her mouth. "It's nothing like what I thought it'd be, but somehow it's everything I could've wanted and more."
Serana nodded sympathetically. "I know that feeling all too well. Books and legends can only go so far to portray a world or the people within it. Especially ones so far removed from the present time." She looked off into the distance. The pink mountaintops that jagged the horizon were beginning to faintly shimmer with a flaming orange. "What is it like, being a living legend?"
"A pain in the ass." Serana snorted at the Dragonborn's immediate reply. Saya couldn't help but chuckle as well, relaxing a bit and leaning more on the wooden dragon's neck. "It doesn't really feel real a lot of the time. I don't like thinking about it."
"Why?"
"It feels… awkward," she said slowly, as if gauging if that was the right word to use. "It's like being a child and putting on adult clothes. Waddling around in them, tripping over your own feet because the boots are just too damn big and none of it feels like it fits like it's supposed to. And all the while, everyone around you is just… laughing and clapping and cheering you on, and every time you ask if it's supposed to be like this, they all say 'yes' with such certainty that you can't tell which of you has gone mad." She sighed, shaking her head. "It's a mess. I hate it."
Serana smiled wryly, putting a hand on Saya's leg. Saya glanced down, her expression blank. "I think you are doing great," she said.
Saya smiled slightly. "Then I guess we're both mad."
"No, I'm serious!" Serana laughed, lightly punching the Dragonborn's leg. She feigned hurt at the gesture, and the vampire rolled her eyes. "I really am. I will not pretend to know what it's like to be on your side of the coin, but from where I stand… I do not see that awkward stumbling you speak of."
Saya straightened her back and closed her eyes. "What do you see, then?" She asked, wrapping her arm around the dragon's neck. It felt like she could fall asleep like this. She probably shouldn't, but she could.
"Hmm, let's see…" Serana mused, thinking for a moment as she looked at the sleepy Dragonborn beside her. Then she turned away and looked down to the streets. The lamps and lanterns were slowly going out, one by one. The city slept, waiting in anticipation of the dawn. "I see a girl with a big weight on her shoulders. She's strong, and smart, and very witty when she needs to be." Saya chuckled. "And I think that she's always striving to do her best. Despite everything, in the face of any challenge she comes across."
Saya opened one eye lazily. Playing that game, is she now? "And what do you think of that?"
"I think she is doing great," Serana replied without missing a beat. "Even though she can be a bit stubborn, so she might disagree." Saya lightly kicked Serana's shoulder at that and both of them giggled. When she settled down, Serana sighed. "...I think it's admirable. That even though she doesn't think she will ever succeed, she keeps trying."
Saya hummed. "Sounds like this girl of yours is one hell of a bull-headed moron." Serana shot her a glare and she laughed, shifting a bit in her seat. The violet sky was slowly fading to a faint yellow. She didn't notice the smile slip off her face. "...and do you think that 'trying her best' is going to be enough to save the world?"
Saya's eyes locked on Serana's back. The vampire didn't turn around and only shrugged. "I don't know," she said. Then, after a brief pause, she looked at her with that same soft, warm smile that made Saya's mind go a little fuzzy. And she added: "But I do know that if it isn't, she will just keep trying. She is a little bull-headed like that."
The two looked at each other in complete silence. A heavy, warm, fuzzy silence that weighed them down like a blanket. For a moment, it felt like nothing else existed. Just the two of them and the vapor of their breath upon the cold air. Two pairs of eyes, staring at each other unblinkingly even when they had the whole world to see around them.
And then Saya broke that eye contact, blinking rapidly and covering her face from the flash of light coming from behind Serana. The vampire cocked her head, confused, only to turn around and gasp as she finally saw the sun rising above the distant peaks, warm light spreading across the forests, rivers, fields and hills. A new year, a new day was breaking over the land.
It was then that she randomly remembered a certain tiny little detail and all the magic of the moment suddenly felt quite irrelevant. Serana swallowed a lump in her throat. "Hey… Saya?"
"Hmm?" The Dragonborn raised an eyebrow. Serana turned around awkwardly, her expression very stiff and nervous.
"H-How are we supposed to get down, again?"
The question hung heavy in the air for a few seconds before Saya chuckled, a knowing smile on her face. She hopped off the decorative dragon, both feet firmly touching down upon the oaken ridge of the roof, and offered Serana a hand. "I have a little something in mind. Ready?" Serana once again glanced back and forth between the hand and Saya's face. She nodded hesitantly, and took her hand. Saya grinned, and the vampire felt a chill run down her spine.
Moments later Saya tipped to the side and came tumbling off the roof, pulling Serana down with her. Poor girl didn't even hear the Shout over her own screaming.