So we meet again reader, hopefully you didn´t gave up on me seeing 300 grammar mistakes (I could use a pre-reader... but I don´t know shit about that stuff, someone point me in the good direction, guides are guides, like science... I don´t get it) on the previous 2 chapters… good to know… To be honest this chapter probably has even more minding that it´s 10000 frigging words long… yes that´s how much I love you... Now repay that love with review or so…. If not, whatever… not like I need you or anything… pweezeee. I made myself check this chapter a few times to possibly find some mistakes, though we all know how much I suck at that… enough of pointless ranting…
I THANK ALL THE PEOPLE THAT REVIEWED, especially the ones that did it more that once (Donderkind :*)
DISCLAIMER: I DON´T OWN ANYTHING, STOP ASKING!
Wanderlust
Chapter 3: Knowing yourself
Desert storms were still annoying and Shinji Ikari was not accustomed to live in the open. After their meal Shinji sat on the uncomfortable sand and lost himself in deep thoughts, Asuka however excused herself and went off. It didn´t took a genius to figure that she was obviously puking. Shinji could understand that the girl was not accustomed to cannibalism, of sorts, neither was he but he surprisingly kept his cool. To Shinji everything was simple, life throws you lemons, you adapt and don´t ask questions. Shinji wanted to help her but she declined implying that she can take care of herself. He wasn´t taking any pride in fact that he helped Misato vomit on several occasions, that woman created whole new level of hangover.
Rei was starting to rot. It bothered him because they needed the new food source really fast, if not for the sake of eating then for sanity, both were running short. They could live at least two days through desert of what was left, but later on it would get messy. If they failed they would starve, or even worse. Thought of either he should or shouldn´t eat Asuka if necessary crossed his mind but he neglected that thought instantly.
He was starting to become afraid of himself. He didn´t want to hurt anyone but his brain unconsciously formulated worst-case scenario plans that included Asuka dead. Wind blew so shivers ran through his spine like daggers, he slowly warped himself within his cape, sun was setting and it was becoming colder with each moment. He already experienced how much of pain in the ass can desert nights become.
Once in a while Shinji loved to watch sunsets. They relaxed him and helped him to sleep; this one was even richer than any other. Crimson skies gave it a special tone and perfectly mixed with its fading colors or yellow and orange. Shinji could easily say that it was one of most beautiful and relaxing multicolored sunsets he ever saw. Instead of settling in plains, sun sat on Reis huge decomposed bloody face. It completely ruined the moment.
Shinji was deprived of the smallest things that made him happy. He lost his SDAT, cooking, cello and now he lost sunset. It was just small addition to the list of lost things. In just one day he lost everything, including whole human race. At least he could do is hold on to little sanity he has left and besides there was also Asuka. If he included his dreams that were the only precious things on this world that held him on his feet, he also realized that it would all shatter if he lost even one of those three. Life without dreams or goal was pointless, unworthy without sanity and unfulfilling without Asuka. It scared him that of all things Asuka was probably the least necessary, but to Shinji everything was gravely important. Even though he recently found out about ambition he started to cling onto it.
He felt like the whole day was just a waste of time, he and Asuka didn´t get to one important topic. He had no idea where to go or why. Deep down inside he just wanted to leave Japan and go overboard never to return, but now he wasn´t so sure. Things got a lot more complicated since Asuka emerged. Now he only thought of stable places to claim as their new home. First of all they could return to annihilated Tokyo-3 and scavenge enough goods to move on, or just stay there. Shinji decided to not to decide anything without consulting his female partner, after all they were together in this shit so he might as well share some of responsibility.
He wanted to sleep but he thought it would be appropriate to wait for Asuka, even if he wanted he couldn't simply fall asleep when one of his friends was suffering. Sadly there was nothing to kill time, it was already night and only thing he considered to be fun is exploring nostalgic memories of the past. Most of the time he tried to explain everything that happened up to now: Evas, Instrumentality, dummy plugs, clones, Children. He knew he could find an answer to everything if he tried; after all he had all the information he just had to combine the pieces together.
Instrumentality and Evas were little out of his comprehension, he knew a lot already but still missed the big picture. His thoughts drifted to his former colleges, his friends and his enemies. Everyone seemed to end up tragically, even his case was debatable. He didn´t blame himself for end of humanity but he wasn´t happy with the fact that he was a tool in the process. They made him to do stuff he never dreamed could even happen. He remembered vaporizing his best friend Toji and squashing Kaworu, the only person who loved him for who he was and who decided to go against his own kin to let humanity live. Shinji didn´t like the fact that he was only able to man up after he witnessed the fall of men and sacrifices of everyone he held dear. It was painful but Shinji decided to use that pain as the tool to go forward, there was no point in regretting it now.
He decided to cherish each sacrifice and learn as much as he could from what they told him. Misato taught him the importance of family, Toji of friendship and Kaworu of love. He remembered Kaworu saying many things he didn´t quite understand, things about people's hearts, strength of a soul and A.T. Fields, A.T. Fields…
"Now what did he say… he said that every human being possessed an A.T. Field… so that would mean that anyone could make it, right? What was it? He told me something about barriers of soul… there was something about ego… ughhh. How did I do that in Eva? Oh, I just said "Deploy A.T .Field"… that seemed easy enough… sure I have barriers…"
Shinji extended his arm and tired to focus, he had no idea of what he was doing but there was not much to do anyway. At least he could try; it was not like he even thought it was possible. He closed his eyes and started to focus on feeling he usually had when he deployed A.T. Field in his Eva. He tried to shake his arm as to give effect of channeling something in his arm, however nothing happened. But he decided to give one more shot.
He closed his eyes again and started to focus on his extended arm more forcefully. When he felt he was ready he focused all of his focus on his palms, however he felt nothing, only chills.
"…"
Then he heard a sparkle and then another one and then he opened his eyes to see a small orange light floating in his palm. It was not even electricity, but it sure was something.
He was stunned, overjoyed, and speechless, he did it. Even though it was smaller than his pupil it was still there. Small disoriented ball of sparkles that looked nothing like A.T. Field. In that second Shinjis imagination exploded. He was too busy imagining even to pay attention to the ball that started to sparkle more aggressively. Small light ball spiked in all directions. When he finally noticed it was too late, ball formulated some sort of orange lightning that slammed into his palm.
Shinji s mouth were wide open he didn´t left a single sound but a few small hisses that implied that the pain was inhuman, his mind was twitching from the pain barely registering anything else. His whole skin was shuddered, his eyes started to water as he pressed his palm between his legs. Pain was so horrible that he couldn't even move an inch, only his eyeballs moved from side to side. So for the next four minutes he could only manage bobbing back and forth mentally cursing everything that ever existed. When he felt that pain was decreased by half he slowly removed his arm from between his legs to study his palm. He noticed the obvious back hole in his arm, it was not deep enough to damage his bones but it was at least millimeter or something, more or less it resembled a small black crater. He noticed that smoke arose from his still burning black flesh. Luckily he could still move his fingers even though he wished he never even tried.
"Rule number one of survival, NEVER TRY ANYTHING LIKE THIS AGAIN! Screw NERV! How the hell did they pull this off! Damn this hurts… " He thought to himself still twitching from the pain. He quickly ripped some of bandages and tended his palm.
"Looks better…" He thought sadly. He didn´t make any accomplishment, he only disabled his fist for a time being. He felt his depression arouse as he realized that he won´t be raising invisible barriers at any time. He didn´t expect anything but he almost did something, whatever it was he did it. And that depressed him, even though it didn´t look anything like A.T. Field it was still there. Shinji cherished his life more nowadays so he simply decided to pretend that this never happened and simply forget everything about beautiful mini sparkling ball. It was for his well-being.
Moment later Asuka returned and found the boy warped in his cape looking more depressed than he usually was.
"Same place where I left him…"
"Hey Shinji," Asuka yelled to the boy. "Come over we are going to sleep."
She broke his trance. Shinji noticed where she was so he nodded rising up. They spent a few moments studying each other. Girl looked too pale for her own good, she obviously lost a few pounds there and he looked like he just re-watched the end of humanity, without popcorns.
"Are you ok Asuka? You didn´t eat anything…" He asked with obviously concerned face. She didn´t respond at first, she was just looking at his bandaged palm. Shinji noticed it and moved his arm behind his back making a silly face not even sure what to do. He was about to come up with some stupid excuses when Asuka stepped before him and gripped his arm to exposed the burnt palm.
"What is this…?" She demanded with very angry expression.
"Oh, the usual, creating something out of nothing… god-ish stuff you know…"
Shinji couldn´t explain anything even if he wanted to, so he decided to state the obvious. "It´s just a burn… I accidently burnt on fire…no biggie."
"Do you think I´m stupid Third? I know it´s from fucking fire, what else could burn you, idiot! This is too deep to be only a burn!"
She looked directly at his eyes; Shinji however was too scared to return her gaze so he just bowed his head. He couldn´t explain it, of course he could try but he knew that it was more likely to go back in time than make a believer out of Asuka .
Asuka was however frightened but mostly angry with the boy. "I swear Third, if you try to kill yourself one more time… I will beat up your sorry ass until you stop breathing! You got that?"
"It´s not like that…" He said with uneasy look, shaking his head.
"Don´t give me shit Third or I will seriously beat your sorry ass right now!"
Asuka was mad and Shinji knew that he can´t come up with anything better. He could try to make that ball again but that was just too painful for his well-being and he also doubted he could pull that off in any near future. So he simply declined to go with the obvious.
Shinji took a deep breath and prepared for the worst."I did NOT try to kill myself, it was an accident," He was a bad liar but this was not a lie, he did consider that burn to be an income of accident, "I swear."
"You are lying!" She said in disbelief, raising her fist. She was scared that he really did attempt suicide and leave her completely alone, however she was still puzzled by his change of mind, his arm was bandaged after all. As much as Asuka denied, truth was she hated to be wrong.
Seeing Asuka hesitating Shinji pressed on, "I am NOT lying, I just slipped on my cape and my hand ended on tip of some branch in the fire. It´s the truth…"
He felt very uneasy now, she was closely studying his face and he was not even sure what kind of expression he had now. Asuka gave up, she tried to study him but it was too dark, even if he did try to kill himself he didn´t, and that was important. She knew for a fact that Shinji couldn't cling onto something if it was not the truth, and she was also pleased with what she heard.
Her eyes narrowed and she sighted. "Suits you right! If you are that stupid to wear that blanket around you might as well suffer a little. Hopeless…"
She turned back and Shinji finally sighted and started to breathe at normal speed. It was the first "lie" that ever passed, this was not exactly a lie but it still drifted from the truth. Misato and Asuka always knew when he was lying but now it worked, Shinji felt a bit better. Though his composure instantly broke when Asuka suddenly stopped and turned to face him, now he could only thing of slow and painful death that awaited.
"Shinji…"
"Huh?" He returned nervously. She didn´t sound mad but he knew how easily redhead changed her mood.
"Y-You wouldn´t do anything like that… right?"
"NO, no… "He responded shaking his head.
"Good, you better not…" She responded walking to the fire. She laid down near it and turned her back to it, soon after Shinji followed and laid on the opposite side.
Shinji knew for a fact that Asuka was snoring; he remembered it from the one night when Asuka crept into his room and decided to sleep in his bed. They never spoke a word of it, mostly because there was nothing to say, or he was just afraid to say anything. She precisely stated that it didn´t happen, he didn´t object. From the cracking sounds of fire he couldn't hear anything even if she was snoring and asleep or not, for that he was grateful.
The boy couldn´t sleep, he was dead tired but sleep wasn´t coming. He was dirty, his mouth still had that same flavor of certain meat and he generally felt depressed. He missed his SDAT that usually helped him in this kind of situations, not only did it help him to relax but it also helped with neglecting bad things that kept him awake. For the time being the Third Child closed his eyes in hope of better tomorrow.
Asuka was not sleeping either. She was numb, cold and lonely. Asuka hugged her arms to her body in a vain attempt to ward off the deep chill that was scratching her bones. She could bare the loneliness but cold was just too much. She decided it was enough when she started to shiver all over. She slowly got up and crawled to her companion.
"I can´t believe I´m doing this again…"
She slowly tapped him on the back. There was no response.
She closed on him and slowly whispered to his ear. "Hey Shinji… you awake?"
Shinji heard her approach but didn´t felt her touch so he was not surprised, but her breath on his ear felt too awkward for his liking.
"Yeah, what is it?" He replied weakly. Asuka felt sorry for disturbing him after all that happened but it was just too damn cold.
With clumsy expression, Asuka mumbled, "You know… its cold and you have that blanket…so…"
"It's a cape," He felt a bit irritated of her disproval of capes but he was also uneasy because he was not that stupid not to figure why she came to him, he remembered that he didn´t close his eyes for a second last time they shared the bed, but he also noticed that she was shivering, it was simple," Y-You want to j-join me…?"
Auka blinked in surprise, taken aback by his proposal. "Y-Yes… if it's not a problem…"
Shinji slowly pulled some of his cape behind him as suggesting that she leans behind him. She did so but found the cape to be too short. They spent some time like that, back to back. Shinji was not complaining even though it was very uncomfortable but Asuka was not a person with nerves of steel.
She tried to relax but it was not helping, she was left with only one option. He leaned closer to him and started to whisper slowly. "Shinji…"
"Yeah?" He responded, also in whisper.
"It´s too SHORT, your stupid cape can´t cover my whole figure!"
Shinji taken aback by her sudden change of tone only squirmed. "Umm…it is a one man blanket after all, just try to relax-"
"Dam it, cape Shinji, CAPE…"
"-I am, it´s not working! Turn around!" She interrupted, also turning around. They both rolled and now were facing one another with only small distance between them.
"Look baka," she nervously gulped, "just come closer…"
To that Shinji was starting to panic."Umm… I-I..ugh…s-sU…a…"
"Oh for crying out loud Third..." Asuka clumsily leaned closer and closer to the panicking boy. Closer she got further he slipped, "THIRD, get your ass over here!" To that Shinji just gulped and stopped with pointless resistance.
They awkwardly reached to each other and pulled one another closer. Now they firmly stood one before another with only one centimeter apart. Laying like two wooden planks they both looked at the other nervously, there was not enough breathing place.
"Third it´s still uncomfortable…" Asuka informed the sweating child. "Hug me…"
Shinji felt his heart slam into his throat. Small blush escaped but the shadows hid it from Asukas eyes. "Umm, say what now?"
Asuka frowned in annoyance. "Ikari you hugged me before, you can do it now, I believe in you." She said mockingly. Third Child just sighted, if she was so damn persistent he might as well.
"Closer… "Something bumped. "Put it here… no wrong place…don´t touch that…CAREFUL… move that damn leg."
After a minute of what could be a struggle both children found themselves in some sort of appropriate position. Their legs were completely tangled and their arms crossed before them, it was acceptable. Blanke…cape was covering both of them perfectly, not exposing single part of their bodies but their heads.
It was getting awkward for Asuka to stare into Shinjis eyes all the time so she silently ordered. "Go to sleep Captain Kidd."
"Good night Asuka," came his irritated reply. Shinji closed his eyes for a few moments, he didn´t know why but he still felt uneasy. He closely opened his eyes only to see Asuka still starting at him with her good eye wide open. He was scared shitless.
The boy gulped feeling completely nervously. "W-What?"
"Don´t you dare to try anything perverted!"
"Just sleep." He returned even more irritated, he hated to be accused for something he was not. After all Shinji Ikari was one of rare young males without a hidden porn stash, he even refused Kensukes generous offer of his ultimate beach collection.
"Aye Barbarossa." She returned finally closing her good eye. He did too.
They both remained silent for some time before Asuka became irritated by something else. "Shinji what's that smell…"
"I´m afraid that that's your month of comatose coming on surface…"
There was no way that Shinji would tell her the truth so he responded with the first thing that came to his mind. "I don´t know...maybe a wind or something…" After he heard a silent sniff he slowly opened his eye a little to peak at the blushing redhead before him, he couldn´t help but to smirk.
They both stayed calm for a while, though none fell asleep. Even without any irritations sleep was simply not coming for any of them. They were both bored to death but also unsure if other one was even awake. Third Child slowly opened his eyes to find Second looking at him with her good eye.
This time he was not feeling nervous."Nothing, huh?"
"Nice observation, Captain Obvious," Asuka returned tauntingly. "You get smarter each day."
To that Shinji just grunted. "Good one…" He already formulated some "smelly "jokes, but Asuka being Asuka won every trash-talk they had, two of them to be precise. Shinji hardly ever fought back, this wasn´t a good time either, even if he wanted he wouldn´t be able to run away.
Shinji closed his eyes in annoyance but Asuka didn´t approve, "Shinji, if I can´t sleep neither will you!"
"I´m not sleeping…" He replied nuzzling his cape.
Asuka was angry with the boy, "Then open your fucking eyes when you talk with me!"
"Yes Asuka…" He replied sadly half-opening his eyes. Even if he couldn't sleep he was hardly in talkative mode.
Asuka took a deep breath before she started. "Jezz Third, I´m sorry for keeping you awake and all… it's not like I want to hurt you or anything. It's just that there is a lot of shit we need to go through, you know… I was in comatose and stuff, I probably missed a lot, even the 17th angel… I´m just curious… so can we please talk a little."
Shinji was not accustomed to Asuka apologizing nor saying please, he was shaken but he didn´t want to refuse her in the rare occasion when she was actually polite. "Yeah sure, something particular you want to know?"
"After I fell, what happened?"
Firstly Shinji sighted, this may be a long night so he started with the coming of Kaworu. Firstly he had to explain that Kaworu was a part human part Angel part Adam, for Asuka that was quite disappointing. She expected something like giant laser-faced monster so she hardly believed in red eyed albino boy story. He went through all the details and explained his every course of action. At first Asuka demanded that he skips to the part when "fucker" dies, but she quickly changed her mind through Shinjis detailed narration. He told her of his origins of his purpose, at least he tried to explain, girl was very new to the whole "end of the world scenario" stuff. She was displeased that he was her replacement and insisted on the fact that they deserved what they got for that. He told her of his relations with the Angel and finished with the killing part.
"That sums it up… questions?" He asked obviously confused girl. She shook her head feeling very puzzled, she expected some answers but only billion questions arose. Shinji noticed that Second was unsatisfied so he continued. "You see there is a lot more… but I think it´s enough for one day… rest of the things is too scary for your own good."
"Are you calling me a coward Third?"
"NO, no … it's just… I'm sorry." He answered shaking his head. Boy did that girl like to pick up fights.
Asuka was amazed by the boy's stupidity. "Baka! Stop apologizing for every little fucking thing… I'm just kidding… jeez."
"I-It's not...-"He interrupted himself before he repeated the same mistake, "…Old habits die hard I guess. I don´t think that you can´t take it, it's just too much information for one talk. Tomorrow I'll explain about the origin of Angels and Evas, SEELE… and whatever else you want…"
"You mean you really know about that stuff?" Asuka asked feeling amazed. She worked for NERV for eleven years and she never had a clue about any of it."Who told you?"
"Umm, no one… I kind of figured it by myself…" He answered wimpy.
"Bullshit! Stop lying!"
"I´m not lying, if you don´t want to hear it I won´t talk about it…"
Asuka started to inspect Shinjis face in details; boy was pretty uncomfortable with Asuka studying every corner of his face, occasionally even touching him.
"Well, I´m not dreaming and you are not an alien." Asuka informed the boy. She wasn´t coming with the terms that Shinji knew things she didn´t. It made her feel less important, even jealous.
"Whatever…" Shinji was once again completely irritated with the girl, even if he fought the small voice in his head sometimes he just felt like giving in. He closely closed his eyes in disbelief. He couldn´t stand her low opinion of people she could have, if she continued like this he would tell her that SEELE was florist organization and that Evas were descendants of ancient Antarctic penguins.
"Ughhh… look Shinji," Her voice a bit weaker. "I don´t think you are that stupid… or pervert… or anything… it's just…arghh…"
Shinji was starting to believe that she might be an alien, but liking what he heard he decided to push his luck a bit. "Go on…"
"Shut up Third! Let me talk for a change!"
Third Child thought for a bit."For a change…huh… what did I miss...? "Deciding not to stop her, he approved her continuation with a nod.
"You see… I want to settle some things. But let's get this clear, our relationship won´t change no matter what I say now, got it?" Shinji nodded so Asuka resumed. "First of all I told you a lot of bullshit I don´t really mean… well…umm… you see I don´t think you are that bad. Truth is you and I are quite similar, sure I can be a… bitch-"
"Nobody said th-"
"-Shut up panzie! Point is, I know that I could be… hard to deal with… and I´m thankful to you for bearing with me and all. I don´t know why you came back, to be completely honest it´s out of my comprehension of logic why you refused Instrumentality, but in the same time I´m grateful, for giving us the second chance of sorts… I know that last thing on your mind was being stuck here with me… and I repeat I AM grateful… though I´m probably not showing it…but you know me pretty well… In fact you probably know me better than anyone… so what I really want to tell you is…umm…even though you might not feel the same… umm… you see I´m s-sorry about thing I said earlier, WHAT I WANT TO SAY IS if I could choose anyone to be stuck with, it would be you Shinji…"
Asuka sighted all the remaining air she had. She felt better, up to now she didn´t realize how pain can disappear by simple sharing. Even though it was Shinji, deep down Second Child had a small tiny bit of respect for the boy that kept growing.
"So Shinji, now that we got that settled how abo-"
"…"
"..." Asuka clenched her fists, trying not to scream bloody murder. Right before her lay a peaceful face of sleeping Third Child, nuzzling his cape with closed eyes. She had no idea why her fist was not pummeling his face, but after a while she simply ditched the idea. Seeing Shinjis sleeping face made her feel tired as well.
She leaned closer to his ear. "Sleep now…because tomorrow you die…" She leaned back thinking of all the ways of teaching him the ends of all famous pirates. From hanging, drowning, walking on board, she also thought of being innovative and make up something painful tomorrow.
For the time being Asuka decided to leave Shinji alone. "Argh… what the hell" She slowly lifted his arm and snuggled in. Placing his arm behind her back they were now in full embrace, Asuka slowly placed her head under his chin and finally felt comfortable. With the small smirk she also fell into the deep sleep.
Without even noticing, a small crack appeared on her barrier.
"What was that for?" Shinji asked in pain rubbing the back of his head.
"That´s for being Shinji Ikari," Asuka replied turning her head. "Humph."
Boy was completely confused. Asuka was not a morning person but she usually never hit him the moment they woke up. "Ok…"
Shinji noticed that it was not even morning, it was hard to tell from the crimson skies but he felt like they slept for a very long time, he could even hunch that night was not far off.
Shinji slowly stood up. "Umm… Asuka I´m going to take a bath…"
Asuka jumped exited like a schoolgirl. "Wha… I mean where!"
"There is a small crater minute from here… water is not drinkable but I-I think we can bath in it…"
"WHERE!" She demanded with a small blush. Shinji got the situation, he forced all his power of will not to laugh.
"Umm just go this way… "He pointed south. Angry redhead stormed off in that direction leaving the Third Child with a small chuckle.
He woke up first and found himself unable to move because of a certain oozing redhead attached to his body. It was not pleasant; she had the aroma of dying out he noticed two good things. First he noticed that desert storms were gone and he saw a clear path to Tokyo 3, second he saw a bird.
"Bird…"
Shinji was not happy for the bird, he was happy to see an animal. If that bird was alive it could mean that all other animals were alive, which also meant that they might eat some proper meat in near future.
That also meant that certain animal Shinji despised would also be there.
"Damn crickets…"
Asuka finally finished removing all the bandages and her plug-suit. She slowly looked at her reflection in water, her eye was dead and tissue above was looking terrible as well. She closely studied herself; she had three ugly scars scattered across her back and three across her chest. One on her chest crossed her left breast and completely eradicated her nipple, what used to be a smooth skin was now an ugly scar tissue. She slowly passed through the damaged tissue feeling like some parody freak. After she couldn´t take it any more she slowly sat and pulled up her legs, she tried to fight the tears but they quickly overpowered her.
"Shit…" She spat starting to cry.
Asuka was thought that scars from battle resembled its glory and made the scarred one stronger, though only thing they reminded her off was feeling of helplessness and being eaten alive by grinning sadistic angels that would haunt her for the rest of her life. Shinji was not the only one who lost the things he liked, Asuka was very proud of her look, but now…
She continued to cry for a time being, she broke her old promise "not to cry" too many times already. It was painful to lose something and she tried to tell herself that it didn´t matter to her, but it did. Her whole body was in terrible condition, she noticed that she was much hairier all over. She realized that there was no way of caring for her body in this conditions, it will only get worse. Little by little she might become cavewoman lookalike, thought only saddened her. Scar that severed her arm wasn´t pretty either, more she looked at herself, worse she felt.
"Fucking cavewoman huh, fuck that shit…"
Before misery completely overtook her she slowly entered into the muddy water, closed her eyes and sank…
Shinji was puzzled with the redhead, she was gone for a while and now she suddenly came, completely ignored him and sat very far from their encampment. He had no idea what to do, he left her go alone yesterday and he was dying of worry, he would not do the same again. He took his item and strolled to her side.
He felt hurt looking at her; every fool could notice the aura of despair. Her plug-suit looked thorn apart without the bandages, which were all gone. Her head was bowed and her wet hair completely covered her face, even when he stood before her she ignored him like he was air.
There were times when Shinji tried to make the girl tell him what was wrong, though he never succeeded. Asuka was Asuka, she never showed weakness in front of anyone. Shinji knew for a fact that the thing she hated more than looking weak was showing her weakness to him. Every time he tried to help she pushed him further and further until they stopped speaking for a while. This was time for a new approach.
Shinji sat in front of the girl, slowly took off his cape and placed it on her wet head. He started to rub it across her head until she griped his hand. Not seeing her face he still knew she was pissed. Why? He had no idea; to him Instrumentality was simpler subject that woman´s mind.
Small yet angered voice came from well hidden face. "G-Get your precious… blanket off me… I don´t need your pity, I don´t NE-"
"-HUSH! It´s just a dumb piece of cloth, besides who said that I´m doing this for you," Girl was now completely lost. "You see it would be troublesome if you died of cold. What will I eat if we fail to find something edible?"
A small bit of fear struck her. "Huh…?"
Asuka slowly raised her head. She cleared the way for her good eye and looked at the mischievously grinning boy. He was taunting her, and she suddenly felt playful. Asuka hated to be played with so she decided to break his little show.
"Oh yeah, well look at this," She slowly exposed the other side of her face. Boy had a clear view on her destroyed pink flesh and still closed eye. "How delicious do I look now?"
For her surprise his face was completely neutral, the same face before and after he saw her scar tissue. Asuka was even more surprised when Shinji slowly extended his arm to her closed eye.
"What are you doing, baka?"
"Please… I want to see it." He returned now touching her damaged skin.
"What, so you can laugh and call me parody freak… forget it."
"I won´t do anything like that, come on… just thrust me this once." He was not sounding determined but Asuka had nothing to lose, sooner or later he would see it so why not now.
Asuka slowly did what she was told, expecting an outcry from the Third he was once again just observing with neutral face.
"On the scale to ten, how bad is it?" She asked nervously.
Shinji made a small smirk, not the mocking kind of smirk more of "seen worse" kind of smirk. "It´s not that bad… I would even say badass…"
"What…seriously?" She asked in obvious sarcasm.
"Wait a sec," Shinji slowly reached into his pocket and pulled another piece of cloth. "I was making this before you came, don´t ask… though I think it would fit you more."
Asuka was looking at the thing he pulled. "Eyepatch? Seriously Third, you made a frigging black eyepatch… no seriously, you have some pirate disorder or what?"
"Don´t ask… anyway stay still." Shinji placed it perfectly. He had to admit that she looked a lot better with it.
"So… how do I look now?" She asked still nervous.
Shinji slipped a small chuckle. "Even more badass..." Asuka couldn´t help but to also chuckle a little, more she laughed more did he, so in the end they both laughed very loudly. Shinji had no idea if the girl was only bothered with her eye but he felt pretty good for helping her, Asuka also felt a lot better.
Shinji announced that he was going to shower and left a girl alone. She laid back and stretched. She was still a bit down, but not as much as before. Sure, she was still scarred, uncared and many other but sometimes a good laugh did the job. Even though it was just a stupid piece of cloth she realized how the small things can make you happy, not intentionally, she finally understood what Shinji saw in that stupid cape.
Shinji was gone for two minutes and Asuka was already bored to death. She rolled on the floor screaming but nothing constructive came to her mind. She started to think of visit to Tokyo 3 where she could get all necessary things.
"Wax… tampons… shampoo…"
She started to inspect her body, hoping to come up with something to add to her mental list. After nothing came she simply resumed with laying doing nothing accept playing with hair on her arm. It was a downer but she consoled herself with thoughts of Shinji looking even worse. It crossed her mind to check up on him but she decided not to.
"I am not perverted like some worthless boy…"
Image of Shinji bathing in muddy water haunted her mind, she fought them valiantly but in the end she found herself helplessly giggling on the floor imagining certain things. She found herself imagining various things, one Shinji nude and sometimes crossover of Shinji, Bigfoot and pirate. Enjoying her fantasies a bit too much she blushed slightly and started to consult herself.
"It´s not perverted… he saw my shame why wouldn´t I see his…it´s only my imagination…unless" She thought as she stood up. She went in the same direction as the Third Child few minutes ago, silently chuckling.
Shinji was currently sitting in the bottom of the small crater nursing his palm. He spent most of the time splashing water but he occasionally dived just for the sake of it. His wound didn´t hurt until he touched it, or extensively clenched his fists. Though, he mostly focused on playing with his foot producing various "pirate" sounds.
"Captain Shinji Ikari on deck… orders Commander? Release the Kraken!"
He had no idea that certain redhead peaked from the top. She didn´t see much but from what she saw she concluded one thing; Shinji had no body hair whatsoever. She started to glare daggers at the Third Child. Not sure if angry at herself, hormones, natural order or even the boy for not being old enough she started with mental desecration of the innocent boy.
She slowly leaned out of sight. "Jeez! How… that´s just…urrr… Misato was right; Shinji really was the most feminine housewife in Tokyo 3."
There was still one place. "I am NOT perverted!" She though, fighting the idea. At the end it overwhelmed her, she justified it with the fact that he saw her naked when she was in comatose. "Not perverted… this is settling scores…"
She slowly peaked and saw the Third Child stretching completely nude, that gave her a mental image she would not soon forget. The redhead quickly dashed away, blushing madly. She had no idea that seeing it could… disturb her.
"If no one saw it, it didn´t happen…"
Later on Shinji returned and found a redhead playing with the rocks mumbling something to her chin.
Every time he left her alone she changed her mood completely, girl was an obvious enigma."Emm… Asuka… are you ok, or need something?" Second Child turned to see Shinji standing with his black set of clothes on. It was a relief because every time he thought of him image was of him completely naked.
The redhead slowly stood up and punched him in the shoulder. "Well hello Captain Alopecia…"
Shinji was completely taken by surprise so the punch landed right on the nerve. "Ouch… fuck," He spat "what was that for, it´s…second time today… and what´s with all those weird pirate names…seriously?" Shinji returned holding his shoulder in pain.
Asuka frowned. "That´s for… umm… female problems Shinji, though sometimes I think you realize that better that me…"
"I´m not following…" Shinji replied not even hunching the possible reason. Though, he had a feeling that this was one of those things in life that he will never figure. To him Instrumentality was still cleared than enigmatic girl.
"Just forget it!" And besides, where are we going from now on? I´m sick of this fucking place!"
"If we go there we can go back to Tokyo 3…" He said pointing in the west. Once more he was disappointed with Asuka, she obviously didn´t give much thought of their future but it was still fine because he already formulated some kind of a plan.
"That seems like a start, what next Third?"
"So you did leave me with all the responsibility." He thought bitterly.
He frowned. "I was thinking of visiting the Tokyo 3 first and then go somewhere else or just stay, I´m fine either way, and first I found some weapons." He announced, taking the two objects out of his backpack.
Asuka was not following, "Third why would we need weapons for fuck sake, we are all alone on this godforsaken shithole?"
But he knew few things she didn´t. "Wrong, you see while you were gone I saw a bird." He said proudly of his perception.
"You saw what… I´m still-?" She asked still not following.
"-A bird Asuka!" He repeated not expecting her cluelessness.
"Why the fuck is … oh…" She realized and made a small smile. "That sure is some good news, when did you saw it?"
"When you were gone showering I guess."
"Oh really, I thought you might do something as peeking on me?" She said mockingly, though she was scared that he actually might have. It never crossed him mind, he was more interested in coming with future plans and preparing his bag for the leave.
The Third Child only chuckled at that. "Nah… only some sort of pathetic pervert would do that."
"I´ll let this one pass shithead…" She thought, glaring daggers at the boy.
The boy pulled out a rusty axe and placed it below her feet. "You take an axe, you seem like axe person anyway…"
"What the fuck do you mean by "I seem like an axe person"?" She spat taking the axe. "Are you calling me a cavewoman Third?" Now Shinji was thinking that giving axe to Asuka was not such a good idea, but still, he was confused about the last part. In his mind dealing with angry Asuka was much easier that dealing with depressed Asuka. But still…
"C-C-Cavewoman…wha…w...w…WHAT THE FUCK!" He thought utterly speechless. He thought that she was either mocking him or he was simply missing something very important, either way he was better off not knowing.
He went with the best response. "Huh?"
Asuka sighted slinging the axe behind her back, "J-Just forget it… anyway, what are you taking?" At that Shinji pulled out a black orange crowbar and pointed it at the sea.
"This baby…" He said playfully as he pulled his new toy, stood up and went to the peak to get the full view of horizon and the crimson sea.
Asuka just observed his actions confused. The boy slowly reached the peak and spread his arms as far as it went, with his new shiny crowbar in the right arm he pointed it at the sea, or the world itself and closed his eyes. As he read in the books and manga, young protagonist always challenged the world itself as they started their journey. Shinji had no idea what was coming but he felt ready, sure he was not very stable or physically fit. But there he was, standing above the seas of long lost souls, feeling determined and exited. This chance was something he was given by others, and he might as well do everything possible to enjoy this shithole. He wasn´t sorry for them nor he was happy; all he knew now was that it´s him against the world, and whatever the world threw at him he would prevail and survive, at all cost.
A weak wind brought him the old smell of LCL, even if he couldn´t do anything about it he still wondered if people could return. He wondered if there could be anyone that would ever come out of the primordial soup, though again it was still paradise inside, why would anyone.
Asuka closed on the boy, closely observing his face and realized that he was lost in some other world; she started to worry if he might even jump, but he was not moving an inch no matter how hard the wind blew, only thing that moved was his black cape who was perfectly merging with the flow of wind. She slowly came closer to the boy. "W-What are you thinking of…" She asked still concerned that the boy might jump and join the sea of lost souls.
"You know… I was just thinking if anyone would ever come back…" He said with sadden expression. "I kind of miss some people…"
"I don´t know… you may not like it BUT it´s me and you now, so get used to it!" Aska informed crossing her arms. To that Shinji just smirked.
"You see I´m still oblivious with the whole mid fucking thing that happened in there, only thing I know that it´s a false reality witch I didn´t want to be a part of. My reasons are still my own, as much as I kept lying to myself; there was not a single moment when I felt like I belonged to that world. Call me crazy but I would rather die after two days of living in truth than spend the rest of my days soul merged with everyone in one big lie. No matter how much I hated loneliness, I resisted it will everything I had. As far as I am concerned mankind deserves happiness, if it did found it in there ,I´m glad, and besides no person in the right mind would return as I did. I mean seriously who in the right mind would choose this shit over heavens…"
"WE returned, right?" Asuka corrected, finally catching his drift, Shinji nodded. It was something that bothered her as well though she never made any analysis. "You see… I also miss the old days, believe it or not. I also have my own reasons why I returned… though I feel we can go over it for a time. We are pretty fucked up, starved and what not, but I think we might pull this off if you follow my lead. I´m never said that I regretted coming here or anything, sticking with you is not that bad as I thought it would be…." She finished with sticking her tongue out at the boy.
Shinji made a small smile and sighted. "Well if we are not regretting it, if we can put all the things behind and if we indeed are all alone, why not simply make the best out of this crap…?" He turned and took his bag walking in the direction what used to be Tokyo 3.
"Agree on that!" Asuka said following his lead. Both of them now walked in the same direction, desert might be new but they still knew the way to Tokyo 3. It could take a while and they might not survive but they still decided to go. "Well… I must agree on one more thing." She added.
"Which is?"
"No one in the right mind would return to this crappy world…" She proclaimed. Both started to laugh as they pressed on into the unknown.
The paranoid man was violently fighting through the crowd, he was sweaty and his legs were leaving him. To him it appeared that all the people were moving in the opposite direction. As much as he pressed they were pushing him behind.
"This is wrong… I need to get away…" He thought as he broke from the man-train on the street. He was trapped between the old looking house and the crowd of endlessly passing men. He started to observe the unreadable faces of everyone. They were all blank, every single face was blank. It didn´t feel right, he moved on to the old looking house. It was the only thing that could possibly shelter him.
He knocked violently screaming his lounges out. Next second the doors were opened and he was looking at the woman in late forties with a child.
"Move your fucking ass out of my way!" He spat at the woman. Woman simply nodded with a smile and moved together with the small child below her arms.
"Why is she so damn fucking happy, why are they all so damn fucking happy? What the hell is wrong with the world?" He thought as he rammed into the house and slammed the doors behind him. He looked at the woman.
"Why did you open the door for the man with the knife in his hands?" He demanded angrily. Woman just smirked. His paranoia arose and he started to look everywhere but not seeing anything.
"ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!" He yelled at the woman. He quickly glanced at the little boy who didn´t show any kind of reaction. He was creeping him out and so did the woman. They only smiled, nothing more. His nerves started to break as his eyes watered.
"This is fucking insane…"
"He is a child, he should cry! Why is he not crying, why is he so silent, what is wrong with those people… this kind of thing was fun back then…now it´s just crazy I´m going crazy…" He babbled aloud holding his arms behind his head and walking in circles. "You are pissing me off woman, you and your fucking ugly child, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?"
The woman simply stood up calmly. "Christopher is one of the prettiest boys in kindergarten, or at least that is what Mrs. Fickleton said to me… are you for some tea mister?"
"Shut your fucking mouth you whore." He screamed pointing a knife at her. "You should be afraid, that´s how things work for fuck sake!"
"I presume you are more of a coffee person, am I wrong?" The woman returned calmly, still smiling.
With that man snapped. He had nothing more to say, if that woman talked for a second more he might break down in tears. He rushed to her side, took her by hand and showed her into the chair. He leaned across her and looked at the kid whose expression did not change at all. He screamed, he took his knife and showed it into the woman's throat. Blood was splashing all over him, the boy and everything else in the house. Though there was not a single voice besides his screams.
He didn´t stop, he continued to impale her, every strike harder than the previous; making things even bloodier and even bigger mess of the woman. She didn´t scream even a little, nor did the boy change his expression. He had no idea when she even died, when he stopped there was a dead silence, boy was just staring at him doing nothing. He was so infuriated that he just continued to stab her all over the body. Blood splattered everywhere and he was now completely soaked.
He stood up covered in blood from head to toe and knelt before the boy. He stared deeply into his eyes; they looked more like shallow pools of darkness which scared him shitless. Little boy hardly blinked.
"Are you fucking kidding me you fuck, if a man with bloody face kneels before you… you scream and run, you simply don´t do anything, WHY?" He demanded, feeling completely amiss. Boy made no response.
He stood up and kicked the boy with his leg as hard as he could; boy went flying to the wall. Man walked to him and started to step on his face with his boots. The boy as the woman showed no reaction or resistance. The man continued to stomp until there was no resemblance of the face. Even more bloodied man took a lump of meat that used to be the boy and dragged it out on the streets.
Noticing that no one was even looking at his bloodied figure or the decapitated boy he screamed on top of his lungs. "I KILLED THIS BOY AND THE WOMAN IN THE HOUSE, IS ANYONE GOING TO ARREST ME?" He stood there with his arms spread but no one gave a flying fuck to him or the boy. He was now completely disoriented, he could even swear that few of them glanced but only smiled.
"This is hell… maybe someone finally killed me and I finished in hell not even knowing… "He thought shaking. He rushed into the house weeping and pissing his pants. If he was paranoid later now he was completely insane.
In the house corpse of woman was in the same place where he left her, but he ignored it. For a second a whole house interior looked at the blank plate, second later it looked like a normal house. He was so disturbed that he started to look for a bathroom desperately, like his life depended on it. He finally managed to find it on the second floor. He went to the sink and looked at the mirror; he looked at his own image hoping that he is also not one of the slates. Noticing his green eyes were still there he felt a bit relieved. If anything he was still himself.
"This is madness… this is some circle of hell that is made to torture me…. Madness is eating me alive… god hates me" He thought as he touched his reflection in the mirror. After passing through it one more time he clenched his fist and slammed it into the mirror, making a crack over it.
He studied himself in the broken reflection. "Who the fuck are you idiot, you are fucking killer, murderer, rapist, biggest scum that ever lived… why wouldn´t you deserve hell… that´s right this is my punishment … I am who I am, and if this is the consequence so be it…"
His mind was set on a little boy he once was, when he was little people abused the fuck out of him. He remembered every scar, every single bruise all the things people did to him and each moment they used him.
"Well fuck you all, you make me this… you made me like this …. FUCK YOU ALL…." He screamed at the mirror, he was breath taken. He started to breathe even heavier, he was almost suffocating. "DAMN ALL OF YOU… YOU MADE ME…" He was now starting to feel the water entering his lungs, he felt like he was drowning, though he was left with the strength of one final scream. "YOU MADE ME INTO *gulp* MONSTER… I AM FUCKING MOSTER BECA-"*gulp* His world completely changed, now instead of mirror in the bathroom he was looking at the deep dark abyss. He was in the water, of sorts.
He realized he was submerged, and it made his nervous. He started to swim away from the darkness, as paranoid as he was he swam as hard as he could. He finally reached the shore, he couldn´t believe it. Only thing he managed to do after he emerged was maniacal laughter. He had no idea where hell brought him now, but he didn´t care, he accepted himself as the monster he is. If he had to suffer why not with a smile, it wouldn´t get any better.
When he broke the laugh he noticed that the naked woman was laying on the sand before him. Raven haired woman with tattoos all over her body. She looked so pale that she might be dead but he noticed her chest rising and falling, she was just sleeping. He could even recognize some of tattoos; some of them were prison tattoos, which he remembered correctly.
"We have a bad one over here a? Well too bad for you that I am awake and you´re not sister." He said as he knelt over her. He slowly placed his arms around her neck.
"Well fuck it, you people never resist anyway. Why not to wake you up just for the sake of it." He said as he slapped her. Woman instantly awoke and just looked at the man.
"What the fuck are you doing, get the fuck off me." She spat at the man on top of her.
"Did she just… no… they never… oh god…" He thought as he violently grabbed her neck again and started to squeeze his hardest. For his surprise woman started to resist and hit him as hard as she could, but no matter how hard she fought he was still stronger.
"YOU ARE RESISTING, MY GOD THIS IS NOT REAL" He said laughing as hard as he could. He finally found a person who was not just a humble lump of meat.
"Why do I choke her when I have my fists…?" He thought as he released her already swollen neck. Woman took a deep breath and rolled on her back. He pulled her on the front side again and punched her in the face as hard as he could, the woman started to scream.
As much as this shocked him he was having too much fun, he simply continued to pummel her face laughing maniacally. He hit her, again, and again, and again until there was nothing left to hit. He was victorious; he finally felt the feeling that slipped him since the time he "died".
"This is real… this is a real world..." He proclaimed raising his arms in the air still hovering over woman's body. The blood from his arms dripped on his face, it made him laugh.
"No, this is not the real world… this is paradise… I can hurt again… that beautiful feeling… I feel so happy…"
END OF CHAPTER 3
A/N: Huh am I mad or what… sorry for somewhat weak end of chapter, I really wanted to make a more paranoid feeling but I was forced to hurry up because I will travel for a time being and won´t be able to write anything. So better this than who knows how long wait for an update, someone might think I´m dead… that would be bad…
Aside from that do you think I´m going too far with the pirate thing… firstly I thought of it as something that would make Shinji appear madder and somehow get you closer to his damaged psych… though I think it became sort of comedy element…. To be honest I am not complaining but what do you think?
That and this, turd slapping penis I am going aboard and I honestly doubt I will be able to write so next chapter will take a longer time… sorry
Hope you enjoyed this chapter, AND IF YOU DID WHY NOT REVIEW…. YEAH! YOU KNOW THAT MAKES ME WHANT TO MAKE MORE! HELP ME!
Now go somewhere and make up some new words…
Have a nice day reader.
Cotillon.