Title::..College Blues
Spoilers::..Goodbye
Rating::..PG for adult themes and low level course language
Genre::..Romance
Characters::..Quinn Fabray, Joe Hart and OC: Steph, with mentions to the remaining Gleeks
Pairing::..Quoe
Author's Note::..Before season four begins and all of my Quoe dreams are dashed entirely I wrote a little piece about what I would like to see happen for them. This could also serve as a character-study for Quinn, just because I adore her character so much and find her so compelling to write for. I really hope Quinn comes back for at least an appearance in the new season, but before that comes to be enjoy some college!Quinn.
Summary::..Joe Hart travels to Yale to visit Quinn Fabray, hoping to tell her of the unrequited feelings he's been harbouring for her since they first met.
Quinn woke up in her roommate's bed, again. Their scantily-clad bodies entwined beneath the blanket as they attempted to fight off the persistent autumn chill.
At first Quinn relished this warmth, turning in closer to the inviting body heat. In these few moments, floating between slumber and reality, there was nothing to feel bad about. She could unashamedly enjoy the company of Steph. There were no relationship-altering conversations to be had. There were no life-decisions to be made and no explanations to be decided upon. In this state of blissful ignorance everything felt fine.
Then her eyes opened and Quinn viewed the bedside table over Steph's shoulder. It was littered by empty bottles of vodka mixers; one was tipped on its side, steadily dripping its content on to the floor. At the sight of this the ugly realization settled into Quinn's skin. The pounding headache pushed itself against her forehead with unwavering force and the upset feeling in her stomach wasn't a figment of her imagination. God, Steph smelt so bad, when was the last time she had washed her hair?
Quinn groaned inwardly, placing a hand over her eyes to block out the unforgiving sun. This was beginning to become the usual way she woke up on Saturday mornings. It had been this way for the past three Saturday's and she didn't have the confidence to say this would be the last time.
She and Steph were falling into an unhealthy pattern. It wasn't because Quinn was especially attracted to the girl she shared her dorm with and wanted to have sex with her. It was mostly due to Quinn being a light-weight. Alcohol had always gotten her into trouble in the past, why would that change just because she was living in a new state?
Quinn was well aware that she should avoid alcohol. But lately it had become necessary. College was a lot harder than she had ever imagined. She had managed to get into Yale but did that automatically mean she belonged there. She couldn't help second-guessing herself, which wasn't a usual trait for her. The work load was more than she had cared to anticipate. There were some nights where she could hardly sleep thinking of all the things she still had to do.
Steph had easily spotted how tense she was and had suggested they go out to a party to help her relax. It had worked perfectly. So ever since then she hadn't refused a bottle extended to her. Surely there were better way for her to calm down, but she was yet to find any.
The encounters with Steph weren't anything Quinn felt proud of. They were born out of her loneliness and she had been lonely for a very long time. Steph was close-by and she knew how to get Quinn off, this was the only criteria she needed to meet. A desperate girl was not picky, Quinn had come to learn.
It took some time for Quinn to remove herself from the bed. She didn't want to wake Steph up, which seemed to be impossible with the girl's well-tanned and toned leg thrown across her body. Quinn managed to slide out from beneath this trap. She held her breath as she climbed over the motionless form to reach the floor on the other side of the small bed.
One of Quinn's feet reached the ground and she was beginning to think she would make it. She didn't want to risk getting cocky, and so braced herself for a movement, with a hand resting on either side of Steph's head.
Then Steph twitched, almost her entire body jolting an inch or so to the left. This was usually a sign she was awakening and Quinn sunk her teeth nervously into her bottom lip. Her arms trembled as she squeezed her eyes shut, praying this was a false alarm and Steph would sleep on.
Thankfully a moment later Steph resettled, letting out a drowsy sigh, her eyes remaining shut. Quinn exhaled, relieved and returned to the task at hand. Her other foot landed on the floor and she could breathe easily.
She collected her bathrobe from its hook on the back door and quickly wrapped it around her shivering body. Her head felt full of thick clouds as she went to stand beside the window. She stared out at the courtyard littered by mostly orange leaves. As she gazed the sinking feeling returned to her stomach. It was a sensation she was beginning to become accustomed to, she rarely had any breaks from it while awake.
When would this feeling go away? When would she finally prove to herself she was right for this amazing place? She had spent three years in Glee club proclaiming her self-worth and singing about reaching for the stars. But now she wasn't sure how much she believed in all of that stuff.
She dressed into her exercise wear. She had bought it when she had joined a yoga group. She had thought yoga could be her thing, it would help relax her and she could make new friends through it. That had lasted only seven days, now the spandex lay mostly forgotten in her chest of drawers.
The new idea popped into her head to go for a run. Maybe this could be her new thing. She had never been much of a runner in the past, but it might help her clear her head.
After securing her hair into a Cheerio-style high-pony and splashing water on her face she emerged from the small bathroom. She didn't escape the dorm unnoticed. As soon as she returned she saw Steph stirring and knew she was caught.
"Hey." Steph greeted, her voice husky and low. Her lipstick-smudged lips formed into a smile as she looked Quinn up-and-down. "You look sexy. Where 're ya goin'?"
"I'm going to take a run." She announced, lacing up her sneakers.
Steph sat up a little straighter. "That sounds cool. I should come with; I haven't done any proper exercising in forever. Gimme a minute to get ready and we'll go together."
Quinn knew Steph was only trying to be nice, but she had to draw the line somewhere. If neither of them took a stand they were likely to find themselves stumbling into an unintentional relationship. That was the last thing in the world she wanted, so she pursed her lips and shook her head. "I was kind of hoping to go on my own, I've got a lot on my mind, so…" She picked up her iPod for extra emphasis.
"Oh." Realization filled Steph's eyes at once and she settled back down on her pillow. "That's cool; I'd probably just slow you down anyway. Have fun."
Quinn started running as soon as she reached the ground floor and was off the campus in no time. The fresh air helped to remedy her hang-over. She was feeling better physically with every step she took, but her emotions didn't improve much.
Her mind didn't clear. Instead she felt as frustrated and confused as ever. This persuaded her to keep running. It didn't seem to be helping her find any solutions. But maybe if she ran for long enough she could out-run her problems, at least for a little while. She pushed herself further, leaving the campus as far behind as possible. She could barely hear the music fed to her from her iPod through the mess of thoughts dominating her mind.
In the end she was stopped by a tree-root peeping out of the ground to trip her up. She went flying, landing with an almost comical 'thud!' She wasn't so badly injured that she couldn't get up and keep going. But she didn't. She crawled to sit under the shade of a tree as she worked to recover her breath.
She couldn't fool herself into thinking she could stay here and avoid it all. She knew she had to go back to the campus and when she got there a large pile of work would be waiting for her. She couldn't escape it forever.
Slowly she began walking back. She wasn't any closer to a solution now than she had been upon leaving the dorm. There was no plan of attack on how to get through all of this. She could only hope she had the strength to stick it out until things got easier. She wasn't as sure of herself as she used to be, but there was nothing to stop her from hoping.
This was stupid, this was stupid, this was so stupid, this was by far the stupidest thing he had ever done. Despite having reached his destination Joe felt wholly unable to get out of his car. The motor was off but he continued to cling desperately to the steering wheel.
He had just completed a drive of over five hundred miles. Usually he would be leaping out of the car at the end of such a lengthy road trip. This time he was as still as a statue, paralysed by the fear of what would happen to him when he left the safety of his old, reliable car. Where was the bravery he had felt when getting in the car and beginning this long journey from home?
This had all started with the exchanging of letters. During the final Glee meeting Quinn had asked him for his home address. She was determined to stay in touch with all of them and due to his lack of internet access this meant they would have to write to one another. At the time she had deemed it to be very weird, saying she couldn't remember the last time she had sent anyone a letter. But she had promised he would receive a letter from her.
Quinn was a woman of her word. The first letter had arrived two weeks into the new school year. It was three pages long, filled with excited praise for the wonderful place Yale was proving itself to be. It had included a photo of her wearing a Yale hoodie – her hair was longer, she looked happy.
He had written back as quickly as possible, his hand cramping as his pen raced across the page, not moving fast enough to keep up with his enthusiasm. He had filled her in on how well Glee club was going with a few new members. Meanwhile the God Squad was proving itself to be mostly a waste of time as he and Sam were the only ones left in the suffering club.
Then he had filled a whole page with queries. He wanted to know about the classes she was taking, were they interesting? Had she made a lot of friends? He was curious to find out about the sense of community in the dorms. He sought a description of the New Haven weather.
He wanted to know every tiny and seemingly insignificant detail. That way he could imagine he was there with her. Or he could picture them discussing it all. That might make the days at McKinley without her a little easier to survive.
She had replied within the month and he devoured this new letter as greedily as he had the first. He wrote back as fast as he could and they carried on this way for a few months.
But the time came that there were no new letters waiting for him in the barren mailbox. There was no letter after nine days. Then a full month past without any new arrivals. He understood that she was busy and probably had a lot on her plate. His mom told him college was a period filled with sleepless nights, trying to meet deadlines. This didn't make the end of communication hurt any less. The distance between them felt entirely unbearable.
Running to a different state after a girl was completely out-of-character. Something so spontaneous wasn't like him at all. He had always been outgoing, but he was kept out of trouble due to how cautious he was.
It had been Tina's idea at first. She had read the letter over his shoulder during a slow Glee meeting. She had made the suggestion for him to visit Quinn and Sam had backed this up with gusto.
Now he was in the student parking lot, staring at the return address of the last letter. He wasn't sure of what he would say. But it would be a waste to not get out of the car. After driving all of this way he had to see her, at the very least.
He wasn't any closer to thinking up anything to say by the time he reached the door of her room. He waited, barely able to breathe as he strained his ears for the slightest sound on the other side of the door. Would she be glad to see him? What would she say? How would she react?
The door was opened by a short, brunette girl. There was dark makeup smudged around her eyes as she looked up at him, not appearing entirely coherent. She had a fluffy pink robe wrapped around her and not much else. "Wow…hi."
"Good morning." He greeted politely.
She smiled, standing up a little straighter. A peek over her head allowed him to see how messy the dorm was. "Yes it is. Can I help you?"
"My name's Joe Hart, I'm here to see Quinn Fabray." He informed her.
"Of course you are, no hot guys ever come here to see me." She muttered to the ground.
"Pardon?"
She pushed the door fully open, looking back up at him with a grin. "Come in." She stepped aside and he ventured uncertainly in. "She went out for a run, but she should be back within the hour."
She invited him to sit down and offered to get him a drink or something to eat. Both of which he declined. She then scampered off to the bathroom, proclaiming she needed to tidy herself up.
He didn't think she should stop with fixing only her own appearance. The state of the room was quite shocking. He could hardly believe this was where Quinn lived; he had only ever known her to be well-presented and neat. There was a huge pile of clothes shoved into a corner; he bashfully looked away from the bright yellow bra at the very top. Bed sheets had spilled onto the floor and there seemed to be empty alcohol bottles on every available surface. There was no sense of order and he thought it would take at least twelve hours to organize it all. The smell could hardly be described as pleasant either.
He willed Quinn to return from her run sooner and whisk him away from this dump. He felt very out of place, perched on one of the seats beside a small, circular table. The table-top was barely visible. There were papers strewn across it, more alcohol bottles and several unwashed dishes.
He was curious about the set-up (what lie beneath the rubble), but he didn't want to over-step his bounds and intrude on any private things.
Instead he remained perfectly still until the girl who had introduced herself as Steph returned from a side room. She had thankfully located a pair of jeans and a T-shirt advertising for something called 'Judas Priest' – what was that, a TV show?
She continued to be very friendly, smiling as she sat down on the messier of the two beds. "So how do you know Quinn? Do you know her from back in Ohio, or did she win some kind of hot guy lottery?"
He cast his eyes down, his cheeks uncomfortably filling with heat. "I went to school with her; we were in Glee Club together."
"Oh right, the show choir." She agreed. "That's probably why you look so familiar. You must be in some of the pictures she's got up there."
He followed Steph's finger to a noticeboard hanging on the wall alongside the vacant bed. He got up for a better view. Among a lot of 'to-do' lists and other scribbled on scraps of paper was a cluster of photos of the various Glee members.
Joe spotted himself in three of the Polaroid shots. One group shot, capturing all of their ecstatic grins at the victory party to follow Nationals. Another showed him sitting between Mike and Sam as they played with his dreadlocks: Mike had pulled a bunch across the top of his own head, while Sam had one secured between his nose and top lip.
The final photo of Joe was instantly recognizable. He shared this frame with Quinn and no one else. His arm was slung casually around her shoulders as they stood side-by-side, wearing wide smiles. Another snap from the victory party.
He had gained a copy of this photo. It sat on his bedside table, framed along with a series of accompanying pictures of the rest of the Glee club. He considered every member of the club to be the best friend's he had ever known, but this was the photo his eyes always lingered the longest on. His mom loved to tease him about the great care he took in polishing the silver frame. He was biased, he didn't care.
"So you're the Teen Jesus?" Steph said, indicating the subtitle Quinn had written upon the frame.
"That's right." He admitted.
"How did you get a nickname like that?" She inquired.
He straightened up, pondering how best to explain the title. He was saved from this task when a new voice entered the room, causing both of them to turn toward the sound.
"Steph, you shouldn't leave this door open; I don't really wanna encourage everyone to look in-…" Quinn's eyes grew wide and the rest of her speech disappeared as her mouth fell open in surprise. "Joe Hart is standing in my dorm." She announced in a quiet voice, verifying the fact to herself.
"Hey Quinn." He addressed her mostly-frozen figure.
A few more moments passed, wherein she continued to stare at him. Steph's presence was forgotten in response to this intense eye-contact. She was still so beautiful, her cheeks full of colour from the run. Finally seeing her again made the old rush of nerves and excitement flood through his body.
After a handful of minutes the paralysis broke. She strode across the floor, wearing a breathless smile. He caught her in his arms and she put her arms around his neck at once. She tightened her grip, holding him so close his lungs weren't able to expand properly. But he didn't care if he never took a full breath again.
She didn't smell as spectacular as he remembered. But being in her embrace was as incredible as ever. "Joe, what are you doing here? I can't believe it."
He responded to the soft patting on his back by releasing her. He moved a little away so as to fully drink in her appearance. "I came to see you. I've really missed you and I thought it'd be cool to surprise you."
"Well I'm surprised." She said, beaming. "How have you been?"
"Great, we won Regionals." He told her.
"That's fantastic!" She enthused, her eyes travelled away from him and landed on the third member of their party. Her smile lost some of its brilliance before her gaze returned to him. "Do you wanna go grab a coffee or something?"
"Sure." He responded immediately, none too fussed with having to part ways with Steph.
"Just let me grab my handbag." She instructed.
There had been moments when Quinn had indulged in fantasizing about seeing Joe Hart again.
This wasn't the kind of thing she had ever imagined. She had thought of the amazing embrace they would share. Where she would leap into his arms and the world around them would slow, like in a movie. In a movie the heroine wouldn't be covered in sweat or wearing unflattering work-out gear. He had come all the way from Ohio and she was looking like crap, she felt disappointed for him.
Luckily Quinn had always been practical and so the situation could easily be repaired by a quick visit to the bathroom. They arrived at the coffee shop and she zipped off to the ladies room. A portable makeup kit was pulled out of her handbag and the transformation began. A quick application of eyeliner, some mascara raked across her lashes and an indulgent amount of cherry gloss. She removed the tie from her hair and ran a brush through the silky waves.
Last month she had gone out on an awkward and meaningless date with a dull class-mate. In preparation of this she had spent a whole day working on her appearance. Three hours at the salon, an hour getting her hair done, two hours doing her makeup and she had gone through seven outfit changes.
At the end of it all she had looked spectacular. It hadn't been enough to save the date with Ethan. But she had carried herself with incredible pride for the entire night. She couldn't manage as much with so little time, but the little improvements helped to make her feel slightly better.
She caught herself fussing with her hair and paused, giving her reflection a surprised look. This was an awful lot of work to be putting into her appearance for grabbing a coffee with an old friend. She hadn't given her appearance so much as a second thought when she had caught up with Mercedes earlier in the year.
Joe wasn't like Mercedes. He wasn't just another face in the choir room, someone to share jokes with. He was different and the way she felt about him had always been different. She shouldn't be caught off-guard by the way her heart-rate increased at the thought of leaving this bathroom and sharing a coffee with him.
She sprayed some perfume around herself before deciding there was no way she could make herself look any better and finally left the ladies room. She had been in there for so long she couldn't blame him for worrying of her falling in. But it was all worth it to see his face light up when he saw her again. She slid into the seat opposite his, acting as casual as possible.
"Have you figured out what you wanna get yet?" She inquired.
"Actually, I don't really like coffee so I figured I'd just get a coffee or something." He responded.
She giggled a little, so he was still an alien. "If you don't drink coffee how come you agreed to come to a coffee shop?"
"I kind of wanted to get away from your roommate." He admitted quietly.
"Yeah Steph can get a little aggressive, but she's a cool girl once you get used to her." She said, silently praying Steph hadn't made any mentions to the nature of their relationship to corrupt the mind of sweet and innocent Joe.
She ordered her coffee and he purchased a bottle of water. They sat on either side of a small table sharing a laid-back conversation.
She was interested in everything he had to say about McKinley. But while he spoke she found herself helplessly distracted. Sweet Lord, he was so hot. Had he always been this good-looking? She was transfixed by his intense eyes. His lush lips danced through the words he used enthusiastically. His shirt was buttoned too low and for a while she couldn't hold her concentration on anything other than how much of his toned pecks she could currently see. Why hadn't she thought to make a move on him before?
As he continued to talk about high school her common sense reminded her the age gap between them when they had sat opposite one another in God Squad was still the same size now. She had never met someone so dedicated and faithful to their religion the way he was before. He was also a virgin, he'd never kissed anyone. She didn't want to ruin him: she'd ruined the trust of her only two serious boyfriends by cheating on them, both without remorse. She didn't think Joe was anything like Finn or Sam, but she didn't want to risk making the same mistake.
It was difficult to care about any of this right now. At the moment he was just a sweet guy, listening raptly to everything she said.
Listening to all of the lies she was relaying to him. He had asked her about how college was going and she told him the things he expected her to say. He expected success and thrilling experiences, so this is what she said.
She heard herself saying these lies and no matter how guilty she felt she couldn't stop herself. If she admitted to the fear she was one step closer to letting it overwhelm her. She hoped if she repeated these lies continually they would become the truth and she wouldn't be afraid any longer.
They fell off of her tongue flawlessly and he seemed to believe it all. She could remember when they were so honest with one another. Why was Quinn hiding behind this façade? Joe was her friend; he had held her hand during the most difficult times in physical therapy. He deserved the truth from her. But she continued to avoid the truth.
"How long are you in New Haven for?" She asked, keen for the conversation to focus on him again.
"I'm gonna drive home next week." He replied. "I've got some family in the area I wanna catch up with and I'm hoping to do some tourist-y things."
"Sounds awesome." Had she really been such an ego-maniac to believe his trip had just been to see her?
As he drove her back to the campus (her coffee cup was empty and he had those relatives to get to) he told her about the hotel he was staying in. It was the first hotel he had ever stayed in and he was very excited. She had missed the way he looked at the world with fresh eyes, delighting in so much and never taking anything for granted.
He walked her to the front of the building that housed hers and all of the other students' dorms. Here came the awkward goodbyes. She didn't want to part ways with him yet. But she didn't have the words to explain why she needed to have him around for longer.
"If you need a tour guide to help you out with that sight-seeing let me know, okay?" She offered.
"I will." He grinned. "I definitely will."
A few uncertain gestures later she pulled him into her arms for another tight embrace. "It was great seeing you again."
"You too." He responded. "Take care of yourself Quinn."
He left, waving over his shoulder before disappearing around a corner. She stood there for a few moments longer, silently willing him to come back.
When it finally dawned upon her that he was not coming back for her she began into the building. The taste of regret burnt her tongue. She reached her room, wherein she continued to avoid her many assignments.
'Take care of yourself Quinn'. This awkwardly phrased sentiment repeated itself mercilessly in Joe's mind. He heard his voice saying it over-and-over, each time he cringed, feeling physical pain. How could he have said such a thing to Quinn? That was the kind of thing he would say to an aunt, not a girl he was interested in.
He had wanted to come here and tell her how much he cared about her. He had been too shy. He had told himself to wait for the right moment and then the words would come out with ease. But that moment had never come. He kept biting his lip against the feelings he was longing to share. They had kept talking about Glee and Yale, until eventually coming to a horrific conclusion.
He had screwed up, majorly screwed up. It was such a huge screw up he could probably be entered in the book of world records so everyone could know how dumb he was. He had gotten stage fright, almost as bad as the case he had developed during Sectionals before Tina had joined him for their duet. Despite his nerves he had stuck to the song Mr Schuester selected for them. This time he had branched out and sung an entirely different song. A song he had never rehearsed. A song he didn't like and he would probably never forgive himself for it.
He went back to his hotel room. He wasn't as impressed with it now as he had been this morning. He flung himself onto the large bed and stared up at the ceiling. He replayed the whole encounter in his mind, allowing himself to recall more than just the parting. It hadn't been all bad. There had been points where he'd made her laugh. It wasn't what he'd had in mind when setting out. But he had gotten to see her and talk to her again. It wasn't all cringe-worthy. It hadn't been a waste of time.
Quinn had been denied a lot of things in her life. She'd been denied any friendships when living under the title of 'Lucy'. Her alcoholic parents had denied her any real affection. Puck's Mom had denied her bacon during the most ravenous cravings of her life. She had been denied her fairy-tale ending with Finn when her crown had been awarded to a friend as a part of a cruel joke by the rest of the student body. Not to mention all of the solos Mr Schuester had overlooked her for.
But she was not going to be denied this, she decided as she drove to the hotel Joe had gushed about. Joe was a nice guy and why wasn't she allowed to end up with the right guy for once? They had a lot In common; there wasn't any reason why they couldn't be with one another.
She turned off the motor after finding an available spot outside the hotel. She felt very nervous as she applied her lip gloss. This was the fourth coat she had smeared across her lips but still she wasn't satisfied. She was used to boys coming to her and it wouldn't take her long to wrap them around her finger. Joe wasn't like those other boys and this intimidated the hell out of her.
She tried to manipulate these nerves into excitement. She wanted to be with him and hopefully those feelings were mutual, as they had been when heavy eye-contact coupled with some touching had given him a boner in one particularly unforgettable physical therapy session.
He looked surprised to see her. But thankfully he seemed pleased by her unexpected appearance. "What are you doing here?" He asked, closing the door as she made her way in.
"I had to see this hotel room you raved about." It was easier to test the temperature of the water by dangling her toes in, before she threw in her entire body. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"
"No, I was just checking out some TV." He shrugged. "Have you ever seen Jersey Shore?"
Her mouth fell agape. "You were watching Jersey Shore?"
"Never again." He declared. "That was frightening stuff, even though I couldn't understand half the things they were saying."
"That's why you shouldn't watch reality TV, it's all pretty crappy." She informed him.
"Except for The Voice, that's what Sugar says." He responded.
She shook her head gently. "We don't need to talk about the Glee club again."
"Okay…" He replied uncertainly. "What do you wanna talk about?"
"The real reason why I came." She stated.
He stared at her quizzically and she felt there was no reason to dance around the matter any longer. She stepped up to him and swallowed the last of her nerves. After lifting herself up on to the balls of her toes their lips met. It was chaste, not really daring at first. In her fear she had misread all of the signals the last thing she wanted to do was force him into an unwanted kiss. She kept some distance between them to provide him with an easy escape should he want to take it.
But he didn't need the escape. As soon as she felt him reciprocating her movements she linked her arm around his shoulders to pull him closer. His hands found her hips and any remaining space between them was eliminated.
For someone she had before believed to be a virgin he wasn't shy with his lips. This helped her to achieve the best first kiss of her life. If she had needed any further proof they should be together here it was.
"I should've done that a long time ago." She murmured as they both paused to recover their breath many minutes later.
"So why didn't you?" He inquired with a smirk to dispel any worries of hurt feelings.
"There was always something between us but I was never sure if we should act on it." She said. "Then when you appeared out of nowhere today I realized we had been waiting for too long. I don't want to waste any more time."
The next handful of minutes was lost in more kissing. They were a little more adventurous this time. With his hands travelling slightly further south she swiped her tongue across his top lip.
"You smell just as good as I remember." He informed her, running his fingers through her hair, which she had taken the time to straighten for this occasion.
"You're as sweet as I remember." She responded, unable to contain the large smile that spread across her face.
"I wanna be with you Quinn." He said.
She didn't reply with words, instead using kisses to show him how mutual the feeling was. There was a swarm of butterflies in her stomach, causing her to tremble slightly in his secure hold. Whenever her mind switched over to the confirmation that she was on the verge of intercourse she always became anxious. Would she please? Would they want to speak with her afterwards? Would she regret it later?
She wasn't as worried as usual. This time she was simply over-enthusiastic to be with him. Unlike the rest of her partners she knew Joe would still respect her when the encounter was over. She wasn't scared or intimidated with him. There was a safety in the way he held her and this sense of security allowed her to become excited.
They threw caution to the wind and fully admitted to the feelings they had been harbouring mostly in secret. Quinn remembered how great it felt to be honest.
There was no way Joe could have expected this turn of events. His main goal had been to simply tell Quinn how he felt about her. He could never have hoped to share something so ground-breaking with her. He could rest entirely assured that she knew exactly how he felt about her and it hadn't taken a flood of words to get there.
He didn't have any idea of what might occur for them next. But he felt fine with not knowing any of that. Right now he didn't hold a single care for what lay on the next page of their story. This moment he was currently experiencing was too perfect for him to think of anything beyond it. While Quinn was in his arms nothing else in the world could hold any kind of importance.
He observed a small smile on her lips as she stared out the window, looking upon the cloudless night. He had seen many variations of her smile in the time he had known her and he could safely say this was his favourite. There was something secret about it and he hoped no one else saw her looking so beautiful.
She inhaled deeply, shutting her eyes as she began to speak. "I'm really glad you came to see me."
"Likewise." He responded. He returned his head to the pillow, closing his eyes and simply enjoying her scent. She was still using the same berry-infused shampoo, he noted happily.
"What would you have done if I hadn't come here?" She inquired.
He held her a little tighter, feeling very glad that hadn't occurred. "Gone back to Ohio and spent the rest of the year hating myself."
She giggled lightly. "You couldn't have just told me you wanted to be with me?"
He opened his eyes to find her looking over her shoulder at him wearing an incredulous expression. He felt a rush to explain. "I was going to when we were at the coffee place. Then you started talking about Yale and all these great things that are going on for you here in New Haven. I didn't want you to feel some kind of obligation toward me just because I have a crush on you. I didn't think it would be fair of me to hold you back like that."
Her eyes clouded over, filled with a new and unreadable emotion. She shifted, turning to face the window again. "You don't have to worry about that. Yale isn't really all I've made it out to be."
"What do you mean?" He prompted.
She set her jaw and he could hear the sound that meant she was grinding her teeth together. "I'm scared…no, not just scared, I'm fuckin' petrified. I'm petrified all of the time."
"What? Why?" He asked, instantly concerned.
"I think the admissions board made a mistake when they let me in. I sit in my classes and look around and all of the people in there are smarter than me. The professors pose a question and before I've even figured out what the question means like half the class already have their hands in the air. I can barely keep up with the workload; meanwhile they're all organizing groups and maintaining their extra-curricular activities." She explained. "I'm drowning; I wouldn't be surprised if I flunked out before the end of the year."
He sat up, unable to remain still in his shock. He put his hand on her shoulder and guided her onto her back so he could fully survey her. Looking down at her he almost felt he didn't recognize her. "Are you serious?" She nodded miserably. "How long have you felt like this?"
"The first month was kind of okay, but it's been downhill ever since then and it keeps getting worse. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep this up." She said. "I don't know whether I'm strong enough."
He was further stunned by the unshed tears shining in her eyes. "What are you talking about? That doesn't sound like the Quinn I know. The Quinn I know was in a wheelchair and told she might not walk for years. But she pushed herself every day in rehab and she made it out of that chair. It didn't matter what anyone thought or said, you wanted to dance at Nationals so you pushed yourself until you got there. Man I didn't even know the words 'I can't' were in your vocabulary."
"You really think that much of me?" She asked.
"Yes." He replied. "Because I was there when you walked on your own for the first time and I saw you stand up on stage at Prom. I wish I could hold up a mirror and make you realize how amazing you are."
"Do you think you could shrink down so I could carry you around in my pocket to help me feel better?" She asked.
"I'll work on it." He said.
"I guess I do need a bit of an attitude adjustment." She agreed.
"Yeah, you need to get kick-ass Quinn back." He encouraged.
She grinned. "Kick-ass Quinn, I like that."
She was beginning to look like the Quinn he (and so many others) had admired in school. She had been at the top of the social tower for a reason. At least for now she believed she could do it. The old 'kick-ass Quinn' glimmer had reclaimed its rightful place in her hazel eyes.
Joe followed Quinn in his own car as she drove back to the campus. She didn't feel the same dread upon viewing the large building. She even felt a little excited to return, there was a lot of work to get to. A lot of work she needed to unleash 'kick-ass Quinn' on.
It was time to get back to business and she felt confident in her ability to do this. She didn't feel anything like the weak and ashamed girl who had woken up in the less-than-seductive embrace of Steph the morning before. Pride was swelling within her and she felt powerful again.
She got out of her car and watched as Joe pulled up in the space beside hers. She couldn't help smiling, feeling so perfectly happy in his company. She couldn't remember the last time anyone had made her feel like this. She didn't have to prove anything to him, he already knew who she was and she didn't have to put on an act to keep him interested. She lamented the time she had spent convincing herself she had to keep her distance from him. Wasted months they could have spent together.
Now was their chance to make up for all of that lost time. He got out of his car and they stood opposite one another for a few moments. She didn't want to start talking immediately, the sooner they began conversing the sooner they would come to the inevitable 'goodbye'. Maybe if they remained silent for long enough she could fool herself into thinking they didn't have to separate.
She decided against any further timid pauses and stepped into his personal space, pushing her lips to his. He wrapped his arms around her and the dreary parking lot disappeared.
"I know I have to go home but I don't want to." He complained. "Screw Lima."
"It's okay." She said. "It's only a year and we'll keep in touch. We'll figure something out."
"How can you be so sure?" He asked, his brow creased in worry.
"What we shared isn't something that you share with just anyone." She began, keeping recollections of her past mistakes in the bedroom to herself. She could downgrade it to the foolishness of her younger girl and promise herself this was the turning over of a new leaf. "It's like an invisible tether that will keep us together. It's a connection only we share."
He paused. "That kind of sounds like a relationship."
"Yeah, I guess it does." She agreed. "I'll change my Facebook status."
His eyes grew wide in that curious way to happen whenever he was faced with one of Sam's impressions he didn't understand. "Your what…?"
"Don't worry about it." She said, the giggle caused a crinkle on the bridge of her nose. She put her hands to the back of her neck and released the clasp of her gold chain. She placed the crucifix pendant in the palm of his hand. "My grandfather gave it to me as a graduation gift. I think it'll be safe with you."
He unwrapped a black band from around his wrist and held it out to her, the silver cross dangling from the worn cord. "Then you should take this."
They each put on their new trinkets, her gold necklace fitting around his neck and his silver cross resting on her chest. It wasn't like any of the other pieces she wore. All the jewellery her mom had bought for her was delicate and girly. This had an edge to it and was admittedly much better suited to his tastes to hers. But it was a nice way to remind her of him on a daily basis.
They embraced again. They began to make plans. He made her swear to write to him and she offered up her pinkie finger to be linked with his in a binding contract. They talked about how much longer they would have to wait to see one another again. Would she go to Lima or would he come back to New Haven? Either way, this was not going to be the last they saw of each other.
There was an envelope on the table with his name on it when Joe walked through the door after completing another day at school. He didn't pay much attention to where he dumped his backpack or kicked off his sandals in his eagerness to get to the letter. He didn't need the return address to tell him who the letter was from. His heart was thumping rapidly as he ripped the envelope carelessly open.
Spilled across four pages was Quinn's hand-writing. His eyes quickly ran across the many paragraphs. He didn't pause for a single second and he thought a bolt of lightning could not stop him in his mission to reach the end of the letter.
It was a letter filled with good news. A pop quiz had revealed Quinn to be the top of her American History class. She was brimming with positivity. She was back to sounding sure of herself. He had never held any doubts of her excelling at Yale and now she was starting to believe it too.
He reached the end of the final page and placed the papers down with a smile. A glance at the wall calendar told him he had ten weeks left until he got to see his girlfriend again. In the meantime all the things he wanted to tell her in his response were already filling his mind.
The End.