I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
For you
For you
For you

- Hate me by Blue October

So I'm not search how many people are gonna find this story since it is still VERY new, unlike my other story The Donor where I started it one year, completely restarted it almost 2 years later and some people were already waiting for a new update. But I have high hopes for this story anyways and I hope you guys like it:)

I always knew my mom would do something, she was too flighty by nature and too binded here. She was going to do something to get free. She was in a too small cage and she was a tiger, pacing back and forth as much as possible. Ready to bite. I thought of many things my mother might do, take some 'underground' activities, drugs and alcohol, cheating...

I had to consider cheating cause that was a very possible one. Though I expected her to cheat. I didn't know when. But how could she do that. Get married to another man? When she already had a 17 year old daughter at home and a eagerly awaiting husband? I didn't expect it to that degree, I thought maybe she'd been doing it for a few years but obviously she's been doing a little something else.

And of all people she had to marry Phil, the town crazie who was convinced he was going to become a little league baseball star and is going to be travelling all over the country. "Just you wait" he would say as he walked around the sports shop he owns, that sat next to Newton's Oylimpic Outfitters. We all knew though that he dream of being a minor league baseball star would never happen. He couldn't hit the ball with my damn truck in his hands.

We found that particular piece of information out when a teenager tried stealing something from the store. In the middle of the day. Phil grabbed his bat and tried hitting him but ended up hitting himself and effectively knocking himself out and the kid getting away. Yeah, nobody particularly wanted him in this town but no one had the guts to kick him out and I guess somebody did..

That brings us to my poor father, Charlie. He was much like me, or maybe it was I was much like him. Brown hair, brown eyes, introverted, not saying much. The oppisite of Renee. Brown hair, blue eyes, flightly, and anything but introverted. Anything that passed through her head it was coming out of her lips before she could even finish the thought.

Going fishing every weekend with his friends from the Rez, Billy(who I'm still suprised is alive.. what is he? like 80?) and then Billy's son, Jacob who is like 45 and married to Leah and they have a son named Seth. He was a little younger then me and was a cute kid. Then being the Chief Police Officer he, you coud say, had a busy life. And add all the games he didn't have much time to do what Renee wanted. Another thing to make her act rash.

I, on the other hand was the loner. With only one friend I didn't say much in class and confided my boring life into the willing ears of Angela Weber. She, unlike me had a boyfriend. Ben Cheney. Cute I guess, not my type though. I was the straight A student which gave my dad pride. My mom, well she was more upset that I wasn't going to the latest parties Mike was throwing.

School was boring, nothing happened. Well except lately. With the news of my mom's betrayl out and the appearence of new kid. There was a lot of buzz, to say the least. I haven't seen him yet, he's supposed to be coming for his first day tomorrow. Apparently he's god worthy according to Jessica Stanley who claims she saw him checking her out when she was at the grocery store.

I didn't belive her though. I was pulled out of my long string of musings to find that I was still sitting across from Phil and Renee, Charlie sitting next to me. "so what do we propose?" Renee said excidetely, gripping Phil's hand and looking around with eager eyes. I wanted to propose a lot of things. How could she just drop me and Charlie. Her husband and daughter? Of 17 years and more. I didn't understand it. I didn't say anything though and neither did Charlie. Each of us glaring at the people who sat across from us, eager to move on with their lives and forget about us.

"so you don't mind if me and Philly dear move to Florida? I hear they have-" I couldn't take this anymore and I could see Charlie was closing down. I stood up abruptly, my chair falling down. "what the hell" I growled. Renee looked at me startled. "we-" I cut her off with the wave of my hand. "who do you think you fucking are! You have been married to Charlie for over 2 decades and I'm your kid! Yeah forget about me? Nice to meet you I'm Bella fucking Swan." I took a deep breath, my lungs screamed for it.

"How could you just drop us when you find some cracker jack that entertains you! Fuck. You. Bitch" Clearing my throat I looked around to see if my message got across and was pleased to find several shocked faces. I picked up my chair and daintly sat down with my fingers wrapped up in eachother I looked around expectantly, tapping my foot.

Charlie cleared his throat and looked around the table nervously, his beady brown eyes scanning everybodies faces. Searching for reactions. He cleared his throat again and I was left wondering whether he had something in his throat or he just wasn't satisfied with Renee's blank stares. After a few blinks she turned to a waiting Charlie and raised a eyebrow.

"I have to agree with Bella." he took a pause before continuing. "you've been my wife for almost 3 decades, her mother for almost 2 and you just decide to marry another guy? Why?" he said in a gruff voice. She rolled her eyes "because you two are so alike and you both are so boring. Philly here is exciting, he's always talking about something or doing something. And frankly.. He's young" I scoffed at the part she added. "so what are you? The new town cougar?" She sighed in exasperation.

"no I'm not going to be a cougar. We're moving to Jacksonville. There's plenty of attractive women my age-" another scoff and a snide comment about her age which recieved a glare. "As I was saying.. There's plenty of attractive women my age who live in Jackonsville who are dating younger guys. I wouldn't be the town cougar" she smiled proudly. "so what? Is this whole move about repuation?" I snapped, she shook her head "Forks is so boring! Jacksonville is exciting" I rolled my eyes as she plainly states that she needs a thrill.

"you two may leave. Renee pack your stuff" Charlie grunted, I bit back a proud smirk. Renee huffed but said nothing as she stood up. Patting down her skirt and picking off some imaginary lint she turned to me "will you be a dear and help me Isabella?" I held back a comment about Philly Dear. Nodding I stood up and followed her to the master bedroom. We made our way to the dresser and she pulled open 3 drawers. We pulled out articles of clothing and began folding them into 2 large suitcases.

"I didn't want you guys to find out like this" she whispered. "well how would you prefer it" I said sarcastically. "I was hoping you two would be more accepting about this" I froze. "accepting? You want us to welcome the fact that you're abandoning us cause you need some thrill in your life. Ride a fucking rollarcoaster that'll give you a thrill. Not marrying the town crazie!"

Her blue eyes pulled sharply to mine, fury seeping out of them. She zipped up the last suitcase and stalked over to me. "why can't you just fucking accept that Phil makes me happy. Not you two" I felt tears pricking at my eyes "why can't you be happy with us" I yelled. Suddenly I felt something slam across my cheek and I was forced to take a step back. Holding a hand to my cheek, tears running down my face I stared at my mom. Her hand was still up in the air, she was breathing heavily. Panting.

"I hate you" I whispered. "what?" she asked, eyebrow raised, slowly putting her hand down. "I said.. I FUCKING HATE YOU" I screamed. Another slap. I fell to the floor and leaned down next to my ear "I hate you to" and with that she grabbed her stuff. That was the last time I ever saw her.

After Renee had left I managed to crawl to my room and throw myself on my bed where I cried for a hour or two before falling asleep. I was woken up later that evening by a distraught Charlie. "Bella...Bella...Bella" he shook me, seemingly barely choking out my name. I cracked open my eyes "there's something I want you to see" I nodded with a groan, just wanting to sleep for I was emotionally exhausted.

We walked downstairs and he pointed to the tv. "the plane flight 245 crashed before it reached it's designated airport." The scene changed from a reporter to a video of a fire ridden plane. "there are no survivers" I turned to my dad confused "wha-" and it hit me. "that was the plane your mother was on" Charlie whispered. I nodded, numb and went back up to my room.

I fell on my bed and cried some more. My only thought being the last thing we said to eachother was I hate you.

I wasn't the only one who fell asleep crying last night in the Swan household.