Hey, I wanna crawl out of my skin
Apologize for all my sins
All the things I should have said to you
Hey, I can't make it go away
Over and over in my brain again
All the things I should have said to you
Counting stars wishing I was okay
Crashing down was my biggest mistake
I never ever ever meant to hurt you
I only did what I had to
Counting stars again
Hey, I'll take this day by day by day
Under the covers I'm okay I guess
Life's too short and i feel small
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
- Counting Stars by SugarCult
I woke up later that morning to the blaring sound of my clock, sighing I slam it off and slowly roll out of my bed. Wincing as my vision goes white and I loose my sense of balance. I wobble around for a few seconds before everything goes back to normal. I grab a towel on the way out of my room and go to the bathroom.
I strip down and wait for the shower to get to the desired temperature before stepping in. I shave my legs as the strawberry shampoo sets in my hair. I wash out my hair and put in the conditioner as I rub my body with soap. Once all rinsed off I turn off the shower and step out. I wrap myself in the towel and wring my hair before placing it in a messy bun.
I wash my face and brush my teeth before going back to my room. I was finally able to be pulled from my thoughtless, zombie like state when I start picking out a outfit and happen to grab a shirt Renee had bought me. My eyes water and I bite my lip to hold back a sob. I push the thought away and dress in things I bought when Renee wasn't around.
I look in the mirror to find my cheek slightly bruised in the shape of a hand. I sigh and rub foundation on the mark to hide it. Next I put on mascara and stare at myself in the mirror. I didn't have much of Renee's, her stature and maybe a few facial features.. But the rest was Charlie. I couldn't decide whether or not I was gratefull for that. Where I wouldn't have to stare in the mirror and be constantly reminded of her, I may forget.
I look at the clock and see it's time to go. I grab my bag and walk down the stairs, Charlie is in his room doing god knows what. The station gave him a few days off to grieve. I get in my truck, jumping when it roars to life and began the drive to school. When I pull into the parking lot, there arn't many people there yet, I can see Angela's car though so I make my way towards it. On the way to her car I see a car I've never seen here before. A shiney Volvo. I then dully remember that there's a new student today.
I walk over to where Angela stood and leaned against her car. "so I saw the new kid today. And Jessica was totally right on him being hot." to amuse her I asked her what he looked like. With that she gasped and rattled off some description of gold like hair, bright green eyes and lickable features. I wondered briefly if it was just the new kid that was causing Angela to talk more like a subdued Lauren then the quiet natured Angela.
I was gratefull when we split, unable to handle the amount of like she had seemingly grown accustomed to saying. I made it to my locker without any nasty encounters gratefully and grabbed all my books for the first few hours. I made my first way to English and sat in my desk. I opened my notebook and started to doodle and write random words, not really paying attention to what I wrote. I thought about my mom's last night alive. Last night.
Her blue eyes pulled sharply to mine, fury seeping out of them. She zipped up the last suitcase and stalked over to me. "why can't you just fucking accept that Phil makes me happy. Not you two" I felt tears pricking at my eyes "why can't you be happy with us" I yelled. Suddenly I felt something slam across my cheek and I was forced to take a step back. Holding a hand to my cheek, tears running down my face I stared at my mom. Her hand was still up in the air, she was breathing heavily. Panting.
"I hate you" I whispered. "what?" she asked, eyebrow raised, slowly putting her hand down. "I said.. I FUCKING HATE YOU" I screamed. Another slap. I fell to the floor and leaned down next to my ear "I hate you to" and with that she grabbed her stuff.
I zoned back in when somebody sat next to me. I looked down at what I had wrote. There were a few random words like death or flames and even birds. Then I had drown flames shooting up my paper and in it.. I wrote what had happened that night. Last night.
I suddenly realized that no one was supposed to sit in the desk next to mine. It was supposed to be empty. I looked from the corner of my eye to see a guy sitting there, who I immediately concluded to be the new guy. He must be smart if he was in my English. I didn't say much but all I could think was. No Angela, bronze, not gold.
I shaded in the flames, making them seem more real, the way I see them, and maybe the way my mom saw them before she burned to death. I could hear the guy shuffle beside me and rip some paper before scribbling on it. He shoved it over to me and I didn't glance at him before slowly opening it up. are you ok? It said in a smooth clean script. I was instantly jealous due to my chicken scratch writing.
I then looked up at him, he was staring at me. Lickable features, bronze hair, beatiful green eyes and all. Suddenly I had the urge to tell him everything, I wanted him to know everything. Maybe it was the way his green eyes poured into mine that made me feel like I could tell him anything and he would stay there, and just take it all in. I shook my head. His eyebrows furrowed. "why" he whispered. Or maybe it was the way he spoke to me.
I ripped a piece of paper and scratched down my response. my mom's plane crashed last night and she died.I passed the note to him and watched as his face grew sad. I'm sorry to pry, but there's more you're holding back.How could he read me so well? Already? I nodded and wrote more. And the last thing we said to eachother was I hate you.I shoved the note towards him, angry at myself for letting myself say I hated her. I wasn't angry at Edward for prying, no I was grateful.
He didn't say anything, he just held my hand, small tingles shooting up my fingers. He knew exactly what I needed. And for that I was forever grateful to him.
The rest of the morning passed quickly and I was stuck in the thought of the new kid. How I wanted to hug him, kiss him, open up to him, have him open up to me. All such beautiful thoughts to me. I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and was more then suprised when I ran into something. It was hard and warm... and seemingly full of electricity. The new kid. I felt one of his arms go around my waist and press me to him as I started to fall backwards.
I looked up at him "hey" I whispered. "hey" He replied back, a small crooked smile playing on his lips. How I wanted to be that smile. "what's your next class?" he asked. "biology with Banner" his smile grew. "same, do you mind walking with me?" I shook my head, and was happy when his arm kept at my waist. I couldn't help but snuggle into it the tiniest bit. It was so warm and so tingly. He smelled so good. We walked into Banner's and new boy was directed to the seat beside mine. "so I don't know your name" I finally asked. He smiled and responded "Edward"
I nodded thoughtfully. Edward. Edward. Edward. "Edward" I finally tested out. I nodded, liking the way it felt against my tongue. "and I think it's fair to ask what your name is" he continued. I flashed him a smile "Isabella, but everyone calls me Bella" he nodded and did the same as me. I wondered if he repeated my name in his head, like I had done.. And hadn't stopped.. Edward. Edward. Edward.
Banner started the lecture and a piece of paper was pushed into my elbow. I knew it was from Edward and eagerly opened it. A bunch of questions were written in that beautiful scrawl that I love so much. I answered each and every question before handing it back. Questions asking of my birthday, favorite things, etc.
This continued all through-out class, each of us grinning like fools. The bell rang and I felt like I knew every little thing that made Edward, Edward. I walked out of school that day with Edward's number clutched in my hands. I smiled all day, on the car ride home, and until i got home. Then it hit me. My mom was dead. And Edward didn't make me forget that, he just distracted me enough that I could open up to him and accept it, but not to the point where I spent my whole day dwelling on it.
How he did it, I don't know. But he wasn't here now. No matter how much I wanted him to. I fell on my bed crying. Crying for my mom's unfortunate death, for our last words, and for the fact Edward wasn't here to hold my hand.
it seems they have a very odd relationship dont they? *raises eyebrow* yes well that is very necessary if the story is going to turn out like how I had planned. hope you enjoyed reading this :)