I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
-hurt by Nine Inch Nails
I didn't want to go back home, it wasn't even home. With my dad's dead body in there, the stench of the pain he left, memories of my last few moments of mom. My head pounded and my stomach rolled violently in its confinements. I snuggled closer into Edward's hard stomach, breathing in his smell and sighing in relief as I forget for those few mere seconds.
His arm that was wrapped around my waist goes tighter and pulls me up to look into his open green eyes. He kisses my nose and I nuzzle myself into his neck. "I had a dream" I looked up at him curiously, slightly suprised by his sudden comment. He stood up and held out his arms, I slowly reached up and wrapped my hand around his awaiting ones.
He pulled me up and I flew into his chest. "in my dream we were at this dock" He said softly, "and I held you like this" his arms went around me and I was held tightly. "and me like this" my arms creeped up his chest and wound themselves together around his neck. "and we danced... like this" he began to sway us back and forth and I looked up at him. "you stared at me like that" he continued.
I swallowed roughly, remembering a time when Charlie and Renee did this kind of stuff. A tear slid down my cheek and one of his arms unwrapped itself from me and wiped away the stray tear. "don't cry" he whispered. I nodded, unable to speak in fear of a gruff voice. We danced for awhile and then laid down. Our stomachs growled and I giggled at Edward's loud rumble.
"the deck shook with that one" I giggled. He scowled playfully at me "what'd you say" He growled making me laugh harder "it... sho-sho-shook.. the" he threw his leg over me and began to tickle me furiously. He finally stopped when I had begun to turn blue. We sat on the dock for a little longer before standing up and walking back to our cars.
"want to go back to your house and gather you're stuff?" I shook my head furiously. He sighed and stood next to me, kissing my hair "you have to go at some point. Might as well get it over with sooner" I echoed his sigh and nodded, I had to go at some point "ok" I whispered. "... but will you come with me?" I didn't want to go in there alone. He agreed and we were on our way.
We stopped infront of the house and stared at it for a few minutes before we both got out of our cars. Edward walked over to me and grabbed my hand, rubbing soothing circles on it. "we can go whenever you're ready" I took a deep breath and start walking towards the house, Edward following close behind me. I stood infront of the front door for a few minutes, contemplating whether or not I should really go in there.
Edward put his hand ontop of mine and the weight turned the knob, I pushed the door open and was immediately hit by the smell of death. I choked on air and Edward coughed violently. When we finally got used to it we gathered our wits and continued into the house. It all looked the same from when I had left and I concluded no one had figured out about his death yet, other then me and Edward.
I walk quickly through the house, eager to grab my stuff and get out as fast as possible. I run past his room and into my room, grabbing the first bag I see I begin to stuff clothes into it, not paying attention to what. I grab my favorite books and once finished go downstairs to where Edward is waiting. He's staring at a picture from when I was 5.
I was hanging from one of Charlie's arms with a large grin on my face and my long brown hair pulled into pigtails. Charlie has his other arm around Renee and they both are smiling large. It was a time when we were happy. "you were cute" He said, still tracing the picture with his finger. I managed a smirk "were?" he smiled at me "ok you still are" I smirk at him "I know"
I grabbed the picture and put it in my bag, looking around I realized there was nothing left for me here. I turn to Edward and give him a grimace. "I have to go into Charlie's room" his eyebrows furrowed. "why?" I sighed "his funeral plans, will, and planned arrangements for me are in his dresser" his eyes went wide "do you want me to go for you?" I shook my head. I had to do it.
I walk slowly up the stairs, Edward still watching me from down below. I slowly turn to his door and stare at the door knob, I wrab my hand around the knob and twist it. I closed my eye lids and took a deep breath. Once the door was pushed open the smell was 100 times worse. I choked on the air and my eyes burned from the contamination.
I shielded my eyes from where I knew my father lay, dead. I ran to his dresser, pulled up each drawer and pushed through everything. I finally found 3 envelopes. 2 were pretty full, 1 almost bursting and the other one you could tell there was only one thing in it. I walked out of his room, back straight, tears pricking at my eyes. "goodbye" I whispered as I closed the door behind me.
I walked to Edward, he sent me a look that asked if I was ok. I nodded and smiled at him, he sent me a grin back. We walked to his car and sat on the hood. "which one should we open?" he looked at me, the question seemingly reflected in his eyes. "the small one" I said, pulling it out from the pile. Isabella was written formally on the front and I immediately scowled at the use of my full name but knew it must be important.
I slipped my finger in and ripped it, pulling out whatever it contained. There was a letter and a locklet that I hadn't noticed before, I bit back a sob when I realized it was my mom's.
Isabella,
Stop scowling at your name and continue reading. So by now you should have reported a death unless you have somehow been to distracted to bring your father some peace. Hopefully you have grabbed everything else I have required. You can open the will with a lawyer, and the funeral arrangements with a funeral director. In this letter though, I have your planned arrangements. Only one person could have guessed my actions and will take you in for as long as needed without question. Billy would take you in but with his old age I worry so I'm sending you to Jacob's till you're at least 18, then you can leave as you please and no one will hold you back. Hand him this note and he will know what to do.
I love you, Charlie
I sighed at the prospect of staying at Jacob's and with his over eager son, Seth. I had heard they were soon to have another baby boy, any day now. That made me sigh deeper at the thought of having a new born in the house. I turned to Edward, he was rereading the note. I buried myself into his neck and his arms went around me. "what do you want to do?" he asked curiously, anybody else would have thought he was talking about Jacob's but I knew he wasn't.
I pondered this for a second "movies?" he smiled and nodded "Ted?" he asked eagerly. I giggled "if they even play R rated movies" he chuckled at the prospect of our small movie theater that seated 50 at most playing something other then "Disney". But he nodded and we got into our respective cars and made our way to the movie theater.
We arrived and parked in the small parking lot. I grabbed Edward's hand and we walked in. At the front there was Oliver, some Sophmore. "two for Ted" Edward said and they quickly exchanged money for tickets. We got popcorn and twizzlers and found the room where Ted was playing. There were 10 faded red seats that were at some point made of good felt but quickly were faded and stained. We choose a spot closer to the back and lay back and relax as the movie starts.
We leave the movie in hysterics, reciting our favorite parts. We lean against Edward's car as we catch our breath, once caught Edward turns to me. Looking quite nervous. "Bella?" I turned to him, growing nervous myself. "yeah?" I swallowed deeply. "do you want to meet my family" I let out the breath I was holding in and smiled. "I'd love to"
sorry it took me so long to update and to have a shorter chapter at that. I was busy till wenesday, then had no motivation to write at all and to add to it all... I cannot just listen to a Framing Hanley music video, I have to watch it.. and I'm slightly addicted to them and cannot stop listening to the. Lol.