I watched as the snow fell to the icy road below from the window. I propped my head on my hand and closed my eyes, listening to the chirping of birds on the telephone wire, the only other sound than the constant beeping of my heart monitor. The windowsill was damp from last nights storm, melted snow seeping through near invisible cracks. I was startled by a pecking at the window, and peeled my eyes open to see a sparrow. It tilted it's head slightly, and chirped. I would have smiled at this, little things like this always made me happy. But as I watched the little bird sing its song and flap it's wings, I noticed that one of its wings was hanging at its side, limp. I could only imagine the pain it was in, not being able to fly with its friends, soaring above the small town buildings. But yet, when I looked at the bird, it acted merrier than ever. For some reason, this made me smile. Just watching it leap around the wood sill, waving around its good wing, having the time of its life. It made no sense, but it would make the most hated, most evil person in the world crack a grin for even a second. Everyone would, exempt Cartman. I felt the need to cry at the thought of him, out of sadness and rage, but I couldn't. Instead, I screamed. I knew a nurse would come running, but I did anyway. I screamed until the windowsill was blank. Confused, I pulled open the window and looked outside. Two stories down, on the white frosted ground, lay an unmoving sparrow. I glare, and slam the window closed just as three doctors come running in. "We heard you screaming, are you okay?" I just sit back down without answering, and cover my face with one arm. "Are you going to be alright, then?" I feel one of the doctors take my arm from its place on my knee and prick near my wrist.
"What the fuck!" I sneer, pulling it back to look at the newly added wire in my arm, along with the other two.
"Your blood pressure is extremely low, and you can't eat or drink anything by mouth for a while." Two of the doctors leave the room, and pull the door closed on thier way out. "We're monitering your stomache to see when it could be safe for you to consume anything." I reach down and grab onto the brace inclosing me in my own body. She looks at me, and shakes her head. "That is for your back, and it cant come off now." I pull on it harder until I gasp. I arch over in pain, and let the shock pass. Without any sign of sympathy, she makes sure the brace is still in tact and follows the other two doctors out of the room. I sit there for almost an hour, doubled over in pain, until I spot a cup on the desk just across the room. It contained pills, the pills I hadnt taken when asked. It had been almost three days, and every day they brought me a new cup filled with six pills. The lot of them where pain killers, and probably at least eight were drugs to make you fall asleep. Not wanting to move, I reached for the cup, and crashed onto the floor. I let out a cry, and noticed the doctors standing at my door, watching me through the window. With an effort, I dragged my weak body to the small table which held the answer to my pain. My eyes met thiers through the glass window, and they watched as I reached for the cup. Just as my fingers, shaking, met the plastic container, the door burst open. Quickly, I shoved the entire thing of pills into my mouth and swallowed, just as they grabbed my arms and flung me onto the bed. The impact forced another four pills down, as I gasped for air. Five more. I was coughing violently at this point, but continued to swallow one by one. Only smaller pills remained in my mouth, and with one final gulp, they were gone.
"Who gave him this many meds?"
"He was supposed to take them hourly, but I guess he just forgot about them," She shrugged. The older woman glared, and snapped on a glove.
"It dosnt look like he forgot, now does it?" I felt a finger plunge into my throat, and I gagged until it pulled out.
"He's has no food, he cant vomit!" A tall, pale woman yelled. Her gray scraggly hair was wrapped in a tight bun, and her eyes matched. I glared, as I continued to cough.
"We have to pump his stomach, or he could die from overdose!" The room went silent, aside from my gagging. The circle around me nodded, and the bed was rolled from the room. The hallway lights shone a bright yellow, forcing me to cover my eyes. The wheels clicked along the marble floor, and seemed to roll forever. Between the yelling and screaming, I heard a static beeping to my right, and the bed came to a hault. "His heart," I heard the woman gasp. I turned my head to examine the heart monitor, but all I could see was white. Everything moved in slow motion, clouded by a white mist. I tried to blink, but couldnt. The mist turned into a fog, which quickly turned into a mask. There was nothing to see, or anything that I could. My breath slowed, and I could no longer get air. Despretly trying to breathe, I tryed to open my mouth, but couldnt. It was as if I was paralyzed. I tryed to cry, but my eyes were useless. Instead, I lay there, and let go of everything. My regrets, memories, pains, I shut it away before I couldnt even remember anything. It all became foggy, but I didnt care. I felt myself lose control of my body, and my mind. The only thing left that I was able to see, was a light so bright it made me...happy.
I saw them there, all of them. Even though I knew they wernt dead, this was my comfort. Kenny stood there, arms crossed, a huge grin reaching his ears. His orange parka was unzipped, and his hood fell to his back exposing his dirty blonde locks. Stan at his side, a softer expression on his face, raven hair uncovered by his hat. He stood by Wendy, thier fingers interlocked, waving at my with her other hand. And there was Clyde and Craig, Craig flipping me off, but smiling. Clyde of course was by Bebe, blonde hair falling in perfect ringlets over her shoulders. Butters sat in the center, as happy as life itself. And in his lap, arms reaching, sat Ike. I didnt know why, but I just knew what to do. I glided along the light, reaching out to my comfort. When my fingers, unscratched and unstiched, touched the light that was my friends, it didnt disappear. Didnt sink into the darkness, didnt fade away. There was nothing that could be more perfect. There was, but I couldnt find it. The lights looked at me, pressing thier hands on my body, embracing me in warmth. I met the eyes of Stan, who was still smiling. He always knew when I was upset just by looking at me, but this time was different. 'Where's Eric?' My voice flowed through the nothingness, soft and angelic. There was no point in calling him Cartman, he wouldnt be aware of the difference. Bebe spoke up, her voice like a song. A song sung by a sparrow.
'It is not his time to go, Kyle. Be happy, don't worry about the hate you left behind.' I understood, but shook my head.
'But it wasnt hate, it was guilt. I wont- can't be happy knowing I left him like that,' They stared at me, a look of compassion reached everyone of them. 'I cant be left knowing that I was the one who left him like that.' I said, my words echoeing through the white.
'Then why did you?' I looked for the speaker, but everyone's eyes were by my feet. 'Why did you go?' I bit my lip, and turned.
'I didnt mean to go! It wasnt my fault!' I yell, my voice somewhat mellowed by the clouds.
'But you did. You knew that those pills would end your life-'
'I was in pain! They were to stop the pain, not kill me,' I shout back, hands moving away from my body. I watch, mortified, as the lights of my friends disappear into the clouds. 'Hey! Wait, don't go,' I beg, falling to my knees, airy tears falling in my lap. 'Dont leave me,' I sobbed, and despretly got up and searched for them. There was no sign of anything, exempt me. And I stood there, not knowing what to do, but collapse into more invisable tears. In the distance, I heard laughter. There were many sounds surrounding my heaven, but no matter what, they all faded eventually. There was one sound though, that didnt fade, but only got closer. When the heavy footsteps stopped I looked up, and gasp. 'Cartman,' He glares at me, an oxegen mask covering his mouth, tubes up his nose and his arm, leading to a beeping heart monitor. His eyes are closed, but his face only gets more angry.
'Get up, Jew.' He commands, his voice scratchy and dry. I stand up, and look hard at him, realizing the transparency. 'In case you're wondering, kike, I'm not dead.' I swallow, not needing to or getting anything from it. I simply nod. 'Why did you leave me, alone, and dying?' His words tear me apart, and as I become more scared inside, the clouds burn, and the light turns to smoke. I cough, and fall back to the ground, now coal. 'Why did you do this to me, Kahl? Why did you hurt me so-' And with a gasp, I begin to fall. I dont scream, because whatever I had was stuck in my throat. As I plummet, smoke whistling past my hair, I see him, falling with me. He's standing on a platform that isnt really there, following me while I fall. 'Why-' I claw the air in front of me, until I can feel where he should be. There was nothing to feel, but yet I felt him. My hands reached through his stomach, but I could feel his warmth. And when I felt his light itself, he turned into something less transparent. His body began to solidify, and it gave me something to hold on to. I dangled, holding his legs, never wanting to let go.
'I did it because I hate you, Cartman! You're undoubtfully the most self centered, racist, predjudice piece of shit on the entire planet, and I hurt you because I couldnt let you hurt anyone else anymore!' He looked down at me, clinging to his legs for dear life, and frowned.
'You really are just a stupid Jew, arnt you?' My eyes widen, and I clench my jaw. 'Remember your bitch of a mother telling you when you were younger, that if someone teases you and makes fun of you, it means they like you?' He smirks, and shakes his legs. I gasp, and wrap my antire body around his feet. 'Kahl, why do you think I've waisted half of my life taunting you and making your life an utter hell?' I close my eyes, and shake my head.
'No,' I feel his body become warmer, his light growing. 'You...you cant...' His legs become more like mine, and slowly he turns.
'You have two options Kahl, option one- hold on to me, and don't fall. You'll be free to see Stan and Kenny, but they wont be true friends, only a light, a light that imitates what you left behind.' I tighten my grip, and close my eyes as tears begin to fall. 'The longer you hold on, the less time I have up there,' My eyes shoot open, and I bring my head up to look at him, his light almost full. I understand what he means. I know that he wouldnt live much longer anyway, but... 'Or,' He begins. 'You can trust me.' I look back down at the blackness below.
'Why would I trust you-' I sneer, digging my nails into his calf. I take one final look at his face, emotionless. 'What is it then?' His lips part, and he bends down to my ear.
'Let go,' He whispers. 'Let go of the guilt.' My eyes plead with him, but as they do, I hear his heart monitor go flat. He mearly glances at the stRait line, and looks back down at me. 'Im trusting you, now trust me.' Slowly, I unwrap my arms from around him, as I see his stitches vanish, and his wounds disappear. With one breath, one that feels too real, I let go, and fall back into the nothingness.
As I fall, my body jolts. I close my eyes, as the energy fills my body. Another jolt, and my eyes open, not to see the Carmtan's spirit, or the firey depths of hell, but a light. A light, not a beautiful inviting one, but electric.
A/N~ This was hard for me to write. I dont like it when I kill people, espescially ones I love. Just in case you didnt get what happened, I'll reveiw. Cartman was in a coma when Kyle died. Kyle was in heaven, until he started feeling his guilt, which happened to take the form of Cartman. When he was forced to face his guilt, he went to hell. When they fell, Kyle grabbed onto Cartman, keeping him from falling. The longer Kyle held onto his guilt, the faster Cartman slipped in the real world. When he said let go, he was talking about his guilt he felt for him. And when he finally did, he ended up sparing Cartman's life, because he let go of his guilt. See, this is getting sad. I'll update by the end of the week. ~M