A/N: So this was probably my first idea for a fan fiction ever, but I never published it, so it doesn't really apply to the end of Season three. I've always loved this idea and now I've finally written it, so I hope you all enjoy. It starts off a little angst-y and the end gets pretty fluffy. Anyways It goes back to season 2, episode 3 when Andy and Luke's engagement was announced in parade. This is how I thought Sam should have reacted to that news.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Rookie Blue.
Time seemed to stop moving. Thoughts raced through his head at a million miles an hour. The cheers that erupted echoed through Sam's head. His heart pounded in his ears. His vision started blurring and he couldn't focus. He sat frozen for what seemed like eternity, attempting to comprehend the unimaginable. He couldn't believe this was what it had come to. No. This can't be happening. He repeated over and over again to himself.
His eyes shifted to Andy's and he knew that if he didn't get out of the Parade room soon he would break down in front of the entire station. He plastered his best fake smile onto his face as he approached Andy. He had to get out of there. He couldn't bear to see Luke. He couldn't bear to see Andy. He couldn't bear to see anyone. This can't be happening. He repeated once again.
"Andy way to go, that's great," he said before high-tailing it out of there. He didn't notice the way Andy's eyes trailed after him, trying to gauge his reaction. He didn't notice how she seemed to be looking for his approval. He didn't notice the concerned look on Oliver's face. He didn't notice anything. He couldn't notice anything- not after that bombshell.
Sam burst through the locker room door and made his way to the back of the room before collapsing against the wall. It seemed to him as if his entire world was falling apart. He knew that it wasn't his place to be upset, she had made her choice long ago, but Sam just couldn't help himself. In the back of his mind, Sam had always held out hope that Luke would screw things up for good and he could be there for Andy when he did.
That was the plan. That was always the plan. He would come in and sweep her off her feet and they could be together. Well now that plan was shot to hell. Sam didn't know what to do. His body felt numb and he wished that his mind could feel numb too, so then he could escape this nightmare.
Sam felt utterly defeated. He hung his head between his knees and fought the urge to cry with all his might. It wasn't enough though. The hot, salty tears streamed down his face, tracing the pain that was coursing through him. He stayed frozen there, a broken mess of a man. It seemed as if his entire life was spiraling out of his reach. God, she's just a girl Sam. Pull yourself together. There'll be plenty of others. But even as he thought it, Sam knew that it was a lie. She was it for him and now it was too late.
This revelation snapped him out of his trance and compelled Sam to get up. He furiously swiped the tears off of his face and was quickly taken over by a rage stronger than he had ever felt before. He was not only mad at himself for not making a move sooner, but at Andy for never even giving them a chance. He knew that she could feel it too. She had to feel it too.
The more he thought about it, the angrier Sam got. On an impulse he kicked his locker, just like he had done the first day he'd met her. The day that changed his life forever. He relished in the feeling of relief that came from releasing his frustration and proceeded to beat the shit out of his locker. At least this could make him feel something again- physical pain to distract him from the emotional agony that just wouldn't leave his heart. He felt as if someone had ripped his heart out and torn it into shreds before returning it to its rightful place. So he punched and kicked his locker until the rage wore off.
Sam once again collapsed, this time onto a bench and finally made an attempt to pull himself together enough to go back out into the station. He had no idea how long he had been having his temper tantrum but was very thankful that no one had entered the locker room during his episode.
The cold water that Sam splashed onto his face finally snapped him out of his funk. He resolved that he would just have to take matters into his own hands. He had to talk to her and make sure that she really did want Callaghan. If she did he would be utterly crushed but at least he would know for sure.
When Sam finally emerged from the locker room, he was met with Oliver's back. Oliver had seen Sam make a break for the locker room and had immediately gone to stand sentry while his friend digested the information thrown at him during parade. He knew it was best to just let Sam figure things out on his own when it came to things this sensitive. Sam nodded at him, expressing his gratitude for Oliver's actions. Oliver gave him a small smile and tilted his head to the side, leading Sam's eyes to the other person waiting for him.
The sight of her caused a rush of feelings to take over again, but this time Sam was able to keep it together, at least a little bit.
Of course he should have known that she would be waiting for him, seeing that they were partnered together, but it still came as a surprise and shock. Sam hoped she couldn't tell how upset he felt on in the inside.
"McNally," Sam said coarsely. "Let's go."
"Yes sir," Andy responded, not knowing where his head was at and not wanting to incur his wrath. She followed him dutifully out to the squad car.
They rode in uncomfortable silence for a while, both of them wishing for a call to come in, anything to break the tension. There was no such luck though, so after about 45 minutes of pure silence, Sam pulled the car over so they could talk. Really talk
"What are you doing?" Andy asked as they pulled into an empty parking lot out in the middle of nowhere.
"Radio's silent, the rest of fifteen can deal with all the idiots out there today. We need to talk," Sam got out of the car without another word and went to sit on the hood of the car. When Andy didn't join him immediately, Sam turned back to look at her and gestured for her to come out.
Andy reluctantly pulled herself out of the car, really not wanting to have this inevitable conversation with Sam. She knew that he would be upset by the engagement but really wasn't looking forward to explaining herself to him. She shouldn't even have to explain herself to him. She had hoped they would be able to put this off for a little longer, but it seemed like the universe just wasn't on her side today.
She stood in front of Sam and waited for him to talk. She stared into his eyes as he mustered up the courage to say what he had been wanting to say for such a long time.
Sam took a deep breath and started, "Look Andy, I know that you probably don't want my opinion on your engagement and that it's really not my place to comment, but it'll—"
Andy interrupted Sam right there and said with a certain amount of bitterness, "Yeah, you're right. It isn't your place to comment. You've made your feelings about Luke abundantly clear already and you know what? I'm not in the mood to be lectured about him once again." Andy really didn't want to deal with this right now, while they were on the job, in some random parking lot in the middle of nowhere, freezing their asses off.
Sam, undaunted by her outburst continued, "Just hear me out one last time. I promise I'll let it go if you just listen to what I have to say."
Andy sighed as her eyes met his and she gave a small nod of her head, telling him to go on.
"I know that you think that Luke's the guy for you, but I don't. And before you make some stupid comment about me not knowing what I'm talking about just listen. Don't think I don't notice how he blows you off for the job all the time. How you look dejectedly at a text from him, cancelling your plans. You think you hide your disappointment when we're in the squad car, but I notice Andy."
Her cheeks turned slightly red, indicating to Sam that he was spot on so far. "He's never there when you need him and he doesn't deserve you. You don't deserve him. You shouldn't just settle for him because it's convenient. You deserve so much better Andy. You deserve someone who will love you unconditionally. You deserve someone who knows how lucky they are to have you. You deserve someone who will appreciate you and tell you how much you mean to them every day," Sam said, his voice cracking with raw emotion. "He says he loves you but he doesn't Andy. Not like I d—"
Sam stopped abruptly realizing what he was about to admit. His mind raced at the implication. He had not planned to say that. Never in a million years. His eyes darted toward hers which were wide with shock. He quickly hopped off the car and started walking away in a desperate attempt to avoid the situation he had inadvertently created.
He walked swiftly to a bench on a sidewalk nearby and hung his head in his hands. Shit, he thought. Well that went well. I've just royally screwed everything up. What the hell were you thinking Sammy? He mentally berated himself. You were supposed to convince her not to get married, not tell her that you love her! Dammit. She's never going to want to talk to me again. God, you're such an idiot.
Sam hadn't even realized that he loved Andy McNally until the moment the words had slipped out of his mouth. And that, more than anything else, was probably what scared him the most.
If Andy chose Luke again after this, Sam would be crushed. Not the same crushed that he had been this morning, but crushed to the point of no return.
As Sam freaked out on the bench, Andy freaked out by the squad car. He loves me? The thought just swirled continuously through her head. He loves me. He loves me. Samuel Thomas Swarek loves me. Those were the words she'd subconsciously been dying to hear since the night of the blackout. What am I supposed to do? Andy thought. Now it was her mind that was racing and Andy was the one overcome by emotion. Why did he have to wait until after I got engaged to tell me this?
The thing is, though, the fact that she was already engaged didn't really matter to Andy and that scared the shit out of her. All she wanted was Sam and she was engaged to another man. I'm such a mess, Andy thought. He couldn't have meant it. But she knew deep down that he did. And she knew that she felt the same way. The emotion in Sam's voice when he had started talking was all the proof that Andy needed to tell that Sam had meant every word he had said.
She glanced over at his figure on the bench and slowly walked toward him.
Sam heard Andy approach, but couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes. He couldn't bear to hear her inevitable rejection.
She sat down next to him and neither said a word for a few moments, then Andy said, in a voice so quiet that Sam wasn't sure she'd even said anything at all, "I love you too."
Sam turned his face to hers and searched her eyes for confirmation that he wasn't dreaming. That he hadn't just imagined those four words. Those four little words that had the power over his entire being. Their eyes met and Sam knew, at that moment, that he could die happy.
His hand rose to her face and brushed her bangs out of her eyes before his lips slowly descended upon hers. His touch and lips were gentle and slow, expressing the love that his words had just conveyed.
When they pulled away, Sam had a huge grin on his face. His entire disposition was elated, as was Andy's. He felt like the luckiest man on the planet, sitting there with his McNally on a freezing cold bench in the middle of nowhere. Sam put his arm around Andy and pulled her close. They just sat there contentedly for a few minutes.
When the cold became too much, they made their way back to the squad car, Sam's arm around Andy's waist. Before they got back in the car, they shared another steamy kiss. They rode the rest of the day with hands interlocked, needing at least some physical contact. Both of them knew that there were still conversations to be had before they could be together, but the idea of this new relationship gave them the hope and inspiration that everything would work out just fine in the end.