KENNY'S LETTER

The sound of yelling was the usual alarm clock for Kenny. He sighed as he laid in bed for a few minutes as his parents fought about who-knew-what in the living room. From the sounds of it they were yelling about who drank the last beer. He hoped his sister was okay for he knew she had the unlucky end of it having her room be in the garage right off the living room. He could only assume she would be coming into his at any moment wanting to get away from their parents. He could just see her walking across the living room unnoticed by their mother and father and sneaking into-

"Hey sis," Kenny said softly as his door opened and nine-year-old Karen stepped in.

"Okay if I stay with you for a while?"

"Of course."

Karen hopped onto the old lumpy mattress and clutched a favorite doll of hers.

"Dad's blaming Mom for taking the last beer," she said.

"Sounds like it. Don't listen to it Karen, they're idiots."

His little sister frowned. "Maybe but they're still our parents."

Kenny sighed and rubbed his eyes. "It hardly matters. Either you have a great relationship with your kids or you don't. In a few years you'll start to not care anymore too."

Just then there was a crash and more shouting.

"You broke the one good glass this family has you jerk!" Carol screamed.

'Maybe next time you'll think twice before drinking something I stole from the Andersons!"

Kenny had had it. He got out of bed and began looking for his shoes. "Let's get out of here Karen."

She watched as he found his black shoes and tightened his hood over his face more.

"Where are we going?"

"Anywhere away from here."

"But I need to change out of my pajamas."

Kenny went into his one-door closet and took out an old jacket and put it around her; he did not want to cross paths with his parents at the moment helping Karen find clothes in the garage. She thankfully already had her shoes on and together the two split from the house. They walked a little while not saying anything before reaching an old favorite hangout of Kenny and his friends, East Snowy Hill Park. Kenny took a seat on a bench and surprisingly so did Karen.

"You don't want to go on the swings or something?" he asked.

"No. I can sense you're troubled so I don't want to leave you."

Kenny had to chuckle. "Me troubled? I've been through too much shit to be bothered by anything. You're the one who still hates it when Mom and Dad fight and break things."

Karen studied her older brother's face, well, his eyes anyway.

"How was it yesterday?"

"Huh?"

"You went to hear Stan's will reading thing yesterday right? How was it?"

Kenny sighed. "Shocking." He looked left and right before unzipping his coat and reaching into a pocket within the clothing. He pulled out a wad of bills.

"Wow! I've never seen so much money," his sister gasped.

"He left me and the family $282."

Karen was speechless.

"That- and this"- Kenny pulled out an envelope with his name written on it. "I haven't opened it yet though."

Karen swallowed. "What- what are you going to do with the money? Do Mom and Dad know?"

"Yeah right. Only you and I know about it now and I want to keep it that way. I don't know what I'm going to do with it. It's a lot, more than I've ever had in my hands but at the same time not a lot at all. I have to be careful with it and not spend it all at once because who knows the next time I'm ever going to see two-hundred bucks again."

Karen nodded.

"I really want to go buy my first beer but Stan specifically stated in the will to not do that. We'll see."

Kenny always found it easiest to talk to his sister; she was the only one who seemed to generally care about him and he felt like her protector and it was his duty to look out for her. If they didn't have a good relationship there was no point being brother and sister. Karen was again studying him.

"Do you miss him?" she asked quietly.

Kenny sighed. "Yeah, a bit."

"I don't have a lot of memories with him but I know he was a good person. His funeral was really sad."

Kenny could only nod.

"I wish kids couldn't get sick like that. It's so sad. I don't know what God or whoever up there is thinking, making kids really sick. Stan was only twelve."

Kenny stayed silent. Stan's death still made him feel weird; he almost didn't know what to think of it. He had spent all the past two weeks being the shoulder for Kyle and occasionally Butters to cry on. Kenny himself didn't cry often if at all. As he mentioned, he had seen too much for anything to really upset him. He still hadn't cried his eyes over Stan's recent death yet, all he knew was it made him incredibly angry such a good person was taken far too early in life. What a waste of life Stan's soul was, he was so kind, caring, smart, talented, fun… he had his future lined up almost. Why have such a great kid walk this earth if all those things were to die twelve years later? It wasn't fair, it didn't make any sense.

The two were silent for a while now, each lost in his and her own thoughts. Karen finally turned to her brother.

"What's in the envelope?"

Kenny looked down at the thing he didn't realize was still in his hand. "Oh. A letter. I didn't read it yet though."

"Why don't you read it now?"

Kenny looked shocked. "What? To you?"

"Not if it's too personal. I was just thinking now might be a good time since we're not home, it's up to you."

Kenny scanned it. He really wasn't one to keep secrets or care much at all. The only secret he tried hiding from the guys when they were little was that he was poor, but they found out the truth very quickly in preschool. He was sure Stan would mention some things Karen shouldn't know but on the other hand she already knew so much and it was no use protecting a kid. Plus the letter was short, just a page long. What was the worst that could happen?

"Sure, let's read it together."

Kenny was written on the title line of course. He read the first line.

"'Ha, hey dude. I'm writing a 'final letter' to everyone and now it's your turn.'"

Karen smiled.

"'Dude, I had a feeling when we all became friends with you back in preschool nothing would ever be the same again. (What is normal anyway?)'"

Karen laughed.

"'After my fourth birthday party, dude… you may not think you mattered much in my life but you have made it what it is. You introduced curse words to us. You shared your wisdom on sex and girls on us.'" Kenny's eyes were wide as he looked at his sister.

"I'm not surprised," she passed off. "Just look at the stuff in your room. Keep reading!"

Kenny cleared his throat. "'You were the brave and daring one of us. You have always been the cool one Kenny. Every group needs the guy who is willing to do anything, and then do it again. I could never do half the things I've seen you do. You kept life interesting from day one.'" Kenny smiled. "Wow, seems like I did a lot already I didn't know."

Karen nodded and pushed him to go on.

"'What's life without being daring now and again? So thanks for packing a punch and having some balls dude. But with that you can also be really caring and that's cool too.'"

Karen smiled as she placed her head on her brother's shoulder.

"'Man, you were everything Kenny.'" He paused with the words that came on the next line. "'About your deaths…'" He looked to Karen again.

Karen looked down. "I know you die brother. I don't know how but I know you disappear then reappear for no reason. I've… known for a while now. I've just been too scared to say anything."

"I don't know if I should read this aloud then."

"You don't have to, it's your letter. But I'm pretty sure whatever he said are things I already know."

Kenny decided to gamble with this and read from his mouth. "'Really dude, I can't remember them. I do believe you when you say you have died before. I do recall some pretty graphic things but that's it. I admit… I have had some scary crazy dreams about you dying before. Maybe they were your actual deaths. I'm not sure if it makes you feel any better, me telling you this. Guess I will have my time shortly.'"

Kenny sighed as he leaned into the bench. The first real roadblock in Stan's words. It sickened him knowing he was feeling like this. Kenny was the only one who knew what it was like to die and know you were about to die. One of the ways he went before was by a muscular disease when he was eight. He knew what it felt like to be in the hospital hooked up to all sorts of things that were supposedly keeping you alive but in reality; he knew he was going to die soon no matter what. It was the only time Kenny had died from a disease and he wasn't keen on having it happen again. It had been a slow and painful way to go and as he thought about it…

A tear formed in the blonde's eye. Stan was in so much pain those past two and a half years. More so than Kenny was for he had the fear of needles and hatred of hospitals. Stan was weary of adults and took a lot of convincing on their part to show him they were a good person. Stan was dying and unlike Kenny, couldn't come back once he went. To be shot was painful but it was a lot quicker to die that way than to have a disease slowly weaken your whole body. Kenny could feel Karen's eye on him so he decided to continue reading.

"'You say you've been to heaven and hell and in-between. Let's see where I end up… who knows, maybe you'll get to see me up there.'" Kenny frowned before continuing. "'Maybe not. Eternal peace is different for everyone. Maybe I will never see you after I pass. But the thought is kind of comforting right? Anyway… I want to tell you- please try to refrain from becoming some homeless crack addict when you're 20 okay?'"

Karen looked up at her brother's blue eyes. She knew what he must be thinking so she didn't say anything, he was close to the end of the letter.

"'I know you dude, you're going to be the first one to drink and smoke regularly.'" Kenny glared at the letter now. "What the fuck? Does he really think that low of me?"

"Read the next bit, it's not as bad," Karen pointed out.

Kenny grumbled before doing so. "'It's cool, as long as you don't make a living out of it.'" Hardly any better, Stan still thought he was going to break all the rules. Who was he kidding? With the parents he had and his brother already stealing beer the chances were pretty high. He'd want to find some way to break away from the stress as he got older, there was only so much ignoring he could take. He sniffed and returned to the words in front of him. "'Just because you're poor and have crummy parents doesn't mean you're doomed for life. You so can make a life for yourself, people do it every day no matter what their life is like. I'm rooting for you dude. Try to do me proud. That's all I really have to say. Thanks for being a cool friend and MAKE A LIFE FOR YOURSELF. Your friend, Stan. June 3rd, 2013.' Oh wow…"

Karen had tears in her eyes as her brother held onto the letter. She rubbed his arm.

"See? You- you don't have to be doomed forever. Stan believes in you."

"Yeah, yeah."

Karen glared. "I don't want to hear that tone Kenny. You're my brother, the person I look up to. The person I like most in the family. I may not have known Stan like you have but I know he was a very honest person. He just wants the best of you."

Kenny sat up straight. "I know. I'm not going to disappoint him. I just- I don't know what to think. I'm confused."

Karen sat silent.

"I just don't get it. This really great guy had to die way before he was ready. He could pretend all he wanted how he knew it was going to happen but it doesn't make it right. Stan was such a good person. A great friend. His future was so promising you know? Out of all of us beside Kyle of course we knew Stan was going to be successful. Whether it be he ran his own tiger rescue center or became a professional quarterback... If he joined a band or opened a fucking knitting shop, he was going to make it work because it was who he was. It's- it's such a waste of life. Why have such a talented person walk this earth who was so full of promise and have him die when he was twelve? I don't get it."

This was the most Karen had ever really seen her older brother talk. He never was one to open up because he hardly cared about many things. He hated his home life and didn't get the best grades or had any hobbies beside burning things. He kept all the real feelings locked under that orange hood of his. Now just a sliver was being exposed.

Kenny sighed as he rubbed stinging eyes. Perhaps getting over Stan's death would be harder than he thought. He thought he had death all figured out but when he thought about it he had never had anyone close to him die before. Add in the obvious sorrow he knew the other guys were dealing with now, Kenny had to be strong for them too. He was afraid Kyle would do something stupid and who knew, might end up being the first one of the group to slip into drugs and alcohol. Time to pick up the pieces.

Kenny put the letter back in his pocket and got to his feet. "What- what do you say to a nice steak dinner tonight Karen?"

Karen's eyes lit up. "What- but how-?"

Kenny pulled out his wad of bills. "Stan's treat." She frowned. "Come on, what better way to spend thirty bucks? You deserve a nice dinner for once. We both do. Come on, let's check out the town and find the best pick."

Karen shrugged and followed her brother out the park. Kenny knew already he had to be strong for those around him. Be the bigger man to his friends and be a role model to his sister. For some crazy reason Stan believed he had it in him, and who was to say he was delirious while writing it? He hoped he wouldn't be a screw-up, and if so, he hoped there was a chance he'd meet Stan in the afterlife one of the next times he died and have time to apologize for all the stupid things he had done.

Sorry for the late chapter. I've had laptop issues. They seem to be resolved for now although my internet dies on me now and again. I hoped you liked the Kenny and Karen dynamic. I honestly had no idea it was going to go this way but when started, it felt right. I don't know if I had Kenny speak too much or not. I'd like to think in this situation he would do so just a bit. Stay tuned for the next letter and tell me what you think.

Lots of love: Rose, February 7, 2012