I had gone through three male dementors. Lady Pink Bow wasn't taking any of them. Good God, it was boring.

"You know," I said to my quill, which was studiously taking notes on the dementors (good ol' quill, eh?), "I'm starting to think this dementor is gay." I glared sharply at my quill. "Don't write that."

My quill scribbled out its last line and returned its attention to the dementors.

Suddenly, there was a popping noise to my right. I glanced over, not the least bit unnerved. "Oh, hey Fudge," I greeted nonchalantly. "Come to see the show?"

Cornelius Fudge, Advisor to the Minister, frowned and adjusted his robes. "Well it just so happens that I have some spare time," he told me.

I shrugged and waved my wand. A chair appeared beside me with a screeching sound. "Have a seat, get comfy," I said. "It's going to take a while." I held out my hand.

Fudge blinked at me. He took my hand before sweeping up his robes and sitting down, using my hand to steady himself. "So what's happening here?" he queried.

"A bit of matchmaking."

His face grew confused. "With dementors?" he asked. A repulsed expression took over his features. "You want them to breed?"

I rolled my eyes over to Fudge. "You want dementors, don't you?" I looked back to the glass room. The dementor I had previously dressed in a black bowtie was circling the one with the pink bow. I could practically hear its rattled breathing as it inspected its potential mate.

"How do you tell if they like each other?" Fudge wondered. He had removed his bowler hat from his head and started fiddling with it.

I gave his annoying habit a sideways glance and sighed. "They kiss."

"Excuse me?"

"They try to suck each other's souls," I snapped, as if this were obvious. It was called a dementor's kiss, wasn't it? I pointed. "See, he's starting to swoop down on her."

Fudge gaped. "Is that natural?" he cried.

I shrugged again. "Well dementors came from somewhere, didn't they? Besides, if we leave them there long enough, the female will steal the male's soul and pretty soon we'll have two or three little dementors running around." I glanced over at him, just to see the shocked expression on his face. I smirked. "Look, they're starting."

Fudge both did not want to look and could not look away. I watched his face as the dementors began inhaling each other. The female always wins, or at least does according to my research. Sometimes I wondered what would happen if she didn't.

A thought occurred to me. Maybe the females don't have any souls. They can't lose!

My eyes flicked over to my quill. "Make a note of the girls not having souls," I told it. "I want to check that later."

The quill scribbled in compliance.

Fudge tore his eyes away from the dementors and stared at me. "How do you handle these creatures?" he said, and I thought I detected a hint of admiration in his words.

I had to smile. "They like me, for some reason." I paused. "I think that's why I got this job." The thought made all others screech to a halt. How had I gotten this job? I hardly remembered it. "Or maybe someone gave me a sleeping drought. It kinda seems like I just woke up in that office." I leaned forward, contemplating, and my hand slipped out of his. I hadn't even realized we were still holding hands. "Hm." Absently, I glanced up.

And nearly leapt out of my chair.

"Oh my God are you seeing this?" I exclaimed, and my outburst was so sudden that Fudge jumped. "Look at them! They're holding hands!" I turned to the quill and parchment. "Are you getting this?"

"Is that good?" Fudge asked hesitantly.

"I don't know!" I cried. "It's never happened before. What's different about these two? Is it the bowtie? I thought it was tacky at first but maybe it was a good idea after all. Or maybe…" I gasped with epiphany. "Maybe they're not just interested in mating! Maybe these two want a partnership!" I whipped around and grinned at Fudge. "Isn't this wonderful?"

Fudge grimaced. "It's rather creepy, actually."

I rolled my eyes and returned my attention to the dementors. "Look! Look! Oh that's so cute! What else might they do? I wonder, if I play music, will they dance? They look like they might!" I spun around. "I need a record player." I went to run upstairs, but Fudge caught me.

"Wait a minute!" he exclaimed, holding me back. I looked up at him, confused. Never mind his arms around me, stopping me. "Don't you think you should just observe, instead of interfere?"

I blinked. Damn. He was right. I sighed. "Fine," I agreed. "But next time, I'm playing music." Dejectedly, I went back to my chair and sat down hard in it. Fudge took his seat again, moving his robes as if he couldn't decide whether to sit on them or not. I frowned as I watched the dementors. "They're holding hands, but usually they've kissed by now," I muttered. "Why aren't they kissing?"

With a confused scowl, I watched the dementors. The female slipped her hand out of the male's, and the boy began fiddling with something nonexistent. I stared at his strange behavior. What was he doing? It almost looked like he was…

The answer dawned on me. I looked over at Fudge, who was incessantly playing with his bowler hat. A glance back at the dementor told me it was mimicking his actions.

"Oh…" I said slowly.

"What?" Fudge wondered. "What is it?"

I grinned. "They're copying us."

Fudge stared at me as if I had lost it. "They're dementors," he stated.

"Yeah," I agreed. "And we were holding hands, so they held hands. You're playing with your hat, so he is too." I pointed. "That's why they're not kissing. Because they're copying us…" I trailed off, pondering this dilemma. Suddenly, I looked up at Fudge. "Um…"

The look the Minister gave me was positively priceless. "Excuse me?" he demanded.

"It wouldn't mean anything," I snapped. Was kissing me that undesirable? "It's for research." I looked at the dementors again. The one with the bowtie had wrapped his arms around the waist of the girl, as if stopping her from getting away. I blushed. They had left copying us in the dust, it seemed.

Fudge sighed. "Well," he began, "I suppose if it's for research." Gently, he turned my head to face him. I closed my eyes, and not a moment later I felt his kiss.

I pulled away almost instantly. I wasn't going to miss a moment of these fascinating copying dementors. "I wonder how long it will take them before they mimic it," I murmured. "Do they process these things? Do they understand what these gestures mean, kissing and holding hands? I should form some sort of test to see if they can understand this stuff. And what—?" I stopped and looked to my left. The chair was empty. "Fudge?" I called.

Fudge stopped at the foot of the stairs, his hat on his head.

I blinked, confused. "Are you leaving?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied. "I'm afraid I have some matters to attend to in my office."

I stared at him. "Oh," I said. "Okay."

Fudge nodded, almost to himself, and took one step before he stopped again. He turned towards me, but kept his eyes on the ground. "Do you remember when we were in school together?" he asked me quietly.

Well, this was rather out of the blue. I nodded. "Yeah, of course I do. We sat next to each other in Transfiguration." I paused. "Every year." Wow. I had completely forgotten that.

"Yes, that's right," Fudge went on. He refused to look at me. "Seven years in that class and I—we never had an actual… conversation."

I frowned as I thought about this. I vaguely remembered short, one sentence exchanges between us, mostly complaints about the homework. "Huh," I said plainly. "I guess you're right."

"And you," Fudge went on, "you were dating the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain."

"Oh yeah." I laughed a little. "I remember that bonehead."

Fudge stared at me, his expression baffled. "You really couldn't tell?" he breathed, and I got the feeling he wasn't talking about my ex-boyfriend anymore. "Seventeen years I've known you, and you still don't see it."

"See what?" I wondered.

The Minister's advisor sighed. "Nothing," he mumbled. He continued up the stairs, not looking back.

I blinked. "That was… strange." I turned back to my dementors, trying to forget Fudge and his strange behavior. The moment I sat down, I jumped back up again. "Yes!" I cheered. "That's what we need!"

The dementors had started sucking the life out of each other, and I noticed that the one in pink seemed to be dominating. "It doesn't look like anything is being sucked out of her," I stated, sitting back down. "This backs my 'women have no souls' theory."

Suddenly, the female dementor broke away. My eyebrows knit in confusion. I watched the male hover away, his hooded head hanging in an almost dejected way.

Oh. They were mimicking the scene after Fudge and I had kissed. I nodded as I observed, stunned by how well they copied it.

Then the dementors did something that shocked me beyond belief. The dementor with the pink bow chased after her rejected mate. I cocked my head to the side. She grabbed his rotting hand and yanked him back. She made a strange sound, audible even through the glass, and… it was like she wanted him back. And then, instead of sucking the soul right out of him, she hovered toward him in a hug.

"What the hell?" I said in disbelief. "Fudge and I never did that—." I broke off abruptly. "Oh," I breathed.

*Good God, romance. Ish. But it's going to be so much fun later on. I just know it.

And women don't have souls. Which is fine, because I'm a woman. And... oh my gosh. A ginger dementor. Yesss...*