CHAPTER EIGHT

In the hallway, away from prying eyes, I sagged against the wall and clutched my stomach. The pain ate me, blazed and desecrated every nerve, and I took precious seconds to pant and bear down against the agony that threatened all my carefully wrought plans. I had to use the smooth, white wall for support as I determinedly put one foot in front of the other, stopping every few feet to catch my breath. I made it to my office and grabbed my precious laptop and bag before slowly entering William's office to leave a note of apology and take one last look around my mentor and friend's office. I'd miss him, but in all honesty, he would be the only thing about my current life I was sorry to leave behind.

The burning, searing, oh-holy-shit hurt that battered me eased somewhat, but I wasn't fooled. It slavered at its chain, waiting, looking for a chink in my armor, a hole to slip through and overwhelm.

"Not yet," I bit out between clenched teeth. "Not even close yet."

I wouldn't let him win. I could do this. I could bear the unbearable. I'd come this far and somehow managed to manipulate a master. I wouldn't give up or be defeated by my own weak human body. My mind was stronger. My will fiercer. He thought he'd fooled me with his clever and pretty manipulations? Well, he had to a certain extent. I couldn't lie to myself, not when I was stripped bare by crushing torment. I had believed him, everything about him, but thankfully it wasn't in my nature to trust blindly, not even when he'd offered me the most tempting, beguiling bait—himself, and the possibility of becoming like him.

Making sure my carefully crafted plan came to fruition was all that mattered. With that thought in mind, I glanced down at my watch. Amazingly, less than fifteen minutes had passed since he'd bitten me. Had I managed to get enough of his venom into my bloodstream before he grew weak and tore his mouth from my neck? Would it start the change, or would I linger in this painful hell, this burning inferno, forever? I had no real idea, and that was the flaw in my plan I couldn't do anything about. I had no solid data on how long it took for the venom to take full effect, how long the change took in total, or how the drug I'd affected myself with would counteract the venom—or for how long. Dimness wavered at the edges of my vision, and while I might not be entirely sure of the outcome, incapacitation of some kind hovered very close. If I carefully rationed my waning strength, I could still achieve my greatest success. But I would have to hurry. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold back the crippling pain.

I rushed as best I could toward the main entry. If I could drive the few miles to the small house I'd rented nearby, I'd be safe. Returning to my home, my condo, wasn't an option, for that would be the first place they'd look. Ever since Edward's initial mention of changing me—even if it had just been an enthralling manipulation on his part—I had been consumed with the thought, obsessed by it, and had done everything within my considerable power to make it happen. Vampires were tricky little monsters, and Edward more than any other I'd ever encountered, but so far my attention to detail and superior planning skills had proved successful. I just had to make my body hold out for another precious few moments and get somewhere I could suffer through the change safely—and hope I came out whole and perfect on the other end, with every bit of knowledge and experience on my life's work available to me first hand.

I had certainly underestimated the excruciating depths of suffering I would endure in the meantime.

Sweating and shaking, I stumbled toward the main entrance, the parking lot, my car, and salvation of a kind. The kind I desperately wanted. I had to pass the security desk, and the young man glanced up at me with a friendly smile of greeting—he was used to my late hours—but his expression quickly changed as he examined me.

"Dr. Swan? Are you okay? Should I call someone?"

"No, I'll be fine. But thank you." I managed a small, if shaky, smile in reassurance. "I guess it's just hitting me how stupid it was to go into a vampire's cell after hours. I'm very lucky. Silly, but lucky."

My reaction could certainly be blamed on that, for it really was the truth.

"Well, it wasn't very smart, but everything turned out okay. You're sure you don't want me to walk you to your car?"

I shook my head and pushed through the heavy glass, hoping my gasp of pain was covered by the sound of the door opening. Everything had turned out okay and would continue to be okay. I just had to make it to my damn car and the damn house. Then I could sob and shake and shudder and hope the change progressed quickly after that.

I spared a brief thought for Edward, trapped in the titanium transport cage, and unwelcome regret knifed through me despite all he'd done. He deserved his fate, I told myself firmly, even if he did end up being disposed of in the morning. He'd manipulated and lied to me from the beginning, and while I felt a twinge of guilt at his loss—well, more of a pang, an ache, a burning—that was probably the venom.

I was certain he did possess attributes greater than the typical vampire, but how much of what he'd told me of his abilities was based on fact? Would his proclaimed superior strength be enough to fight the drug that incapacitated him? Was his physical might great enough to escape, like he'd hinted at? Not to mention the additional power my blood would supposedly give him—my singer's blood, he'd called it.

He did deserve whatever fate held in store for him. If everything he'd told me hadn't been a lie, and he managed to escape before the morning, it wasn't a concern to me. It couldn't be. I'd gotten what I wanted from him—I hoped. He'd lied to me. He really had intended to eat me, to drink my blood, to kill me. My concern for his demise should be no greater than his for mine. I couldn't worry about him. I wouldn't.

Damn it.

I collapsed into the driver's seat of my car, wracked with great waves of pain, panting, tears streaming down my face. I missed the ignition with my key three times before finally sliding it home, the soft rumble of the engine barely registering. And still, I thought of that traitorous bastard. My wavering vision drifted to the rear of the building where the disposal unit was located. Why did I spare even an instant of concern over a monster that had planned my death with blood-chilling, cold calculation, with sadistic delight? He'd toyed with me cruelly, tempting me from everything I was, all that I believed, only to increase his own pleasure for a few fleeting moments. Was there another being in existence as cold and heartless, as unconscionably evil as he? A surge of anguish wrenched a pained cry from between my tightly clenched teeth and any weakening, any choice in the matter, was taken from me. I had to get to the house. Now.

The car swerved drunkenly through the parking lot, but I managed to steady my course before approaching the last security gate. My teeth chattered with agony even as I burned, the fires of hell nipping at my heels, threatening to consume me. Not yet. Not quite goddamn yet. By sheer strength of will, I managed to roll my window down and push my card into the reader, the seconds before the gate opened the longest of my life. A guard inside the secure gatehouse watched closely but only raised a hand in farewell as the gate finally stopped rolling. I pulled through, fingers sinking into the leather of the steering wheel as I concentrated on driving slow and straight until I was out of sight of the complex.

I wasn't going to make it. I'd miscalculated the horror, the toll the pain took on my body and mind, how fast the venom would scorch through my system. I focused on beating the flames back, pouring ice-cold water on them, and then, when that didn't work, putting a shield between the ravaging flames and my abused body. I concentrated on thickening it, strengthening it, much like the barrier between Edward's cell and the observation room, a comforting and familiar image. Safe. But it hadn't been—only a false sense of security, and my mental barrier wavered.

No. Hang on. Just a few more miles.

I drove down the mountain, through the canopy of trees lining the road, rising and cresting on wave after wave of pain so intense my mind began to disassociate and separate from the body that sent such excruciating cries for help. The yellow line wavered, blurred, rose and fell, shimmied back and forth until a dull roar filled my ears. I panted, sharp, staccato sounds like a dog, a damn animal, reduced to that state by the oh, my God, it hurts, hurts, hurts!

I wasn't going to make it. I'd tried my best, but I'd failed. A devious, soulless monster had bested me after all. The road turned into gravel into dirt into trees. Pine needles and branches filled the front windshield, then dark, looping revolutions, a bright shattering, and then nothing.

Nothing but the pain.

Fire.

Consuming and controlling. Shrieking and shattering. Buffeting, then stillness that held no succor. Sharp, deadly slices, cutting the flames, not defeating them, but dancing in sharp, dragging incisions that tore guttural cries from the depths of my being. My hands were cut off and replaced with flame. My feet with fire. My knees, the inside of my thighs with scorching, searing ember, turning to ash, and then that, too, burned. Arms torn off and incinerated. My neck, my head, exploding in a firebomb burst that would surely kill me, bring on coveted nothingness, but…no. The flames rejoiced and intensified, and I couldn't even long for death. I was dead, and unholy suffering punishment for my hubris, my self-conceit and delight for what I wanted and had not only asked for, but also sought.

Never-ending anguish was my punishment for desiring knowledge, for believing myself smarter, quicker, more clever than the most manipulative monster that had ever roamed the earth.

Edward. Damn him to hell. No, damn him to my fate. A fate worse than hell.

Thank you all so much for the comments and responses. Not sure I'll be able to get back to everyone like I usually do, but man, I appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you think.

Thank Sarahsumbrella and SunKing for not pretending their internet is out every time I ping them with "Wait - I just had an idea..." It happens occasionally.