Disclaimer: Ouran doesn't and will never belong to me, it belongs to Bisco Hatori who is the genius who came up with the Host Club. I am only its fan fiction writer.
Warning: Implied stuff, OOCness, and some spoilers (more like references) to the anime.
We're twins...it's natural to always want to be together. You never saw one Hitachiin without the other. I don't like being seperated from Kaoru. It just gave me an uneasy feeling like something could happen. Like in Karuizawa when Kaoru got injured. Only a scratch but I'm glad his injuries were left at that. But that sense of relief didn't calm me when we were in our room and I gripped his hand tightly. I was scared to let go. I still am...
We were back at school and soon returned to our normal routine. Well, as normal as you can get from being part of the Host Club. The boss and Haruhi had begun dating secretly and Haruhi was still apart of the Club despite having paid her debt. It was nice having her around but something had changed. I don't know what it was but it was infuriating me for no reason.
I guess it was how awkward it's been with Kaoru. Ever since Haruhi and Milord got together, he's been kind of moody. Oh, he tries to hide it but how can he expect me, his twin, to fall for it? I knew he was lying about being sick so I'd take Haruhi on that horrible date. He still had me worried though. Why would he want to trick me?
Back to his moodiness, Kaoru has been acting so strangely. He's been having trouble sleeping, eating, and for some reason he doesn't like talking about Haruhi. Or Tamaki for that matter. And he thought I was the childish one. Ok I am but that doesn't change how he refuses to tall me what's wrong. Even now as we walk with Haruhi between us he's forcing himself to smile and laugh. Although he has a light shade of pink on his face that's refusing to go away.
Of course something's wrong with me too.
For the past week all I've been able to think about is Kaoru and just Kaoru. Not to mention I've been getting so nervous around him, especially when we go to sleep. I mean come one, we've been sleeping in the same bed for our entire lives. Even when we first started going through puberty things didn't change between us. And now all of a sudden I'm blushing like crazy. I'm turning into Milord woe is me.
I blush even now as I recall how much Kaoru clings onto me in his sleep. The way his sleeping face holds no secrets and how he makes the cutest noises. And just how close his lips are-Oh god bad thoughts go away.
"Hikaru why are you hitting yourself?"
I look up to see Kaoru looking at me curiously while Haruhi is busy sitting at her desk working.
"Oh nothing. I just remembered an embarrassing dream I had." I rubbed the back of my head awkwardly and Kaoru sits down with a "Whatever."
Huh? Usually he's so much more considerate. Not only is he more grown-up but he gets people's feelings better then I do to tell the truth.
"Guys you should really stop talking and get to work. Class is going to start any minute now."
Haruhi's voice cut in and Kaoru stiffened before focusing his attention on the window. I frowned. Just what is this guy's problem? Is he having a bad day or something?
"Hitachiin sit down."
Reluctantly I obeyed and snuck glances every now and then at Kaoru. He had that faraway look in his eyes as he held his head up with his hand while gazing out the window. He sighed every so often and he glanced over at Haruhi whenever he thought someone wasn't looking. Wait, what's so special about Haruhi? Hypocritical but hey I'm his twin he should be paying attention to me.
Quickly I scrawled a note and tossed it. It landed on the back of his head and he shot me an annoyed look before reading the note. He scrawled his reply and his toss barely cleared Haruhi's desk.
You can tell me if you have a problem or something
Thanks but I don't.
I ripped the note in half and was about to get out of my seat and shake him when I saw him staring at Haruhi. It was such a sad and caring look that it took my breath away. My voice died in my throat and my heart beat so much faster. I turned my head the other direction and put a hand over my mouth. If he's giving Haruhi that kind of look then is it possible he's...? Wait. He can't! I turned m head slowly to see Kaoru looking out the window again, no one aware of it but I.
I wonder what he's thinking. Could it be about Ha-her? I looked down and stared hard at my desk. So what if he is. I don't care. My hands clenched and unclenched and I looked back once again at Kaoru. That look in his eyes reminded me of when he was watching the boss and Haruhi dance. Without even knowing I was blushing, I pictured Kaoru turning to me and fixing those beautiful eyes on me. Just the thought made the temperature rise.
BRING!
As soon as the bell rang I leapt out of my seat and was the first out the door. There's no possible way Kaoru was in love with Haruhi just no.
"Hikaru wait up!" I stopped walking at my fast pace and waited as Kaoru caught up with me.
"God haven't you heard of being patient?" He said in an irritated tone while he pouted. I fought the urge to laugh at his cute face.
"Sorry. Class was just too dull so I had to get out of there."
"Well you should've waited. It's only polite you know." He huffed and started walking. I already knew I was forgiven.
"Say, where's Haruhi? Are we going to wait for her as well?"
Kaoru tensed up for a second before trying to act nonchalant.
"Nahh she's walking with the boss."
"They're certainly getting along rather well considering he's such an idiot. Hey wanna prank them later?" I'd caught up with Kaoru since he'd been walking pretty fast.
"Not today. Don't feel like it." I narrowed my eyes at him. We'd arrived at Music Room #3 where instead of entering right away I blocked Kaoru's path. "What are you doing?" He matched my annoyed expression with his own.
"I'm trying to understand the problem here."
"As far as I know there is no problem."
"There's another problem. You keep lying to me. Whatever it is stop it. I can't read your mind so just tell me what's been bothering you and I'll fix it." He looked surprised at my statement and looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't.
"Please. I'm not good at this kind of thing so just tell me and I'll try my hardest." At this point I'd gripped Kaoru's shoulders while he looked into my eyes with such surprise.
"Hika-Hikaru" He said as tears gathered in his eyes. He shut them and buried his face into the crook of my neck. Startled, I fought to control my breathing and instead focus on the crying boy in my arms. I hugged him and patted his back while his muffled sobs continully broke my already aching heart. He gripped my back tightly as we stood there together.
"Shhh. Just let it all out." I whispered and we must've been both surprised at how mature I was being. But on the inside I was melting with such nervousness and my body trembled with Kaoru's. I placed my face in Kaoru's hair and almost fainted at the rich scent. Why was I feeling like this towards him? I'm in pain whenever he's in pain and all I want right now is to see him smile again.
After for who knows how long Kaoru stopped his sobs and relaxed gradually. He lifted his head and wiped his remaining tears with one hand while the other still clutched the fabric of my back. I found myself staring intently at him and focusing at how much more attractive he was today. I gave a gentle smile as he hiccuped and hid my disappointment when Kaoru let go of me with a quiet thank you.
"Now will you tell me what's wrong?"
He sighed and barely uttered Haruhi before the familiar laughter of pauper and prince reached our ears. We turned to see the couple round the corner. Haruhi was cute as usual but for some reason she was annoying me. Milord was running after her as usual while she pretended not to hear and a smile threatened to escape. I turned back to face Kaoru and found him blushing darkly while his sad eyes avoided the couple.
I froze. It all clicked into place. The reason Kaoru was so upset, had been reduced to tears, and was even now avoiding it, was because of Haruhi. He was upset that Haruhi was with Tamaki because he was in love with her. He'd been heartbroken all along and I didn't notice it. Guilt washed over me before my head snapped up and I grabbed Kaoru's hand, dragging him into Music Room #2.
As soon as I shut the door I grabbed Kaoru and held him in tight embrace.
"I'm sorry Kaoru. So sorry." I said while Kaoru stood there. I calmed when he returned the embrace with a loose one.
"Why are you sorry? It's not anybody's fault, least of all yours." His voice still cracked and I held his face like I did during our act. Close enough to tease but never satisfy.
"Because I am not just your twin but your older brother. And it's my job to protect you from harm." Kaoru smiled back at me, almost all traces of tears gone.
"Thanks. That really does mean alot Hikaru. Maybe you're not as big an idiot as everyone thinks." I frowned a tiny bit while Kaoru laughed gently. That gentle laughter of his awoke butterflies in my stomach but luckily he didn't notice me laugh nervously with him. Then it occured to me we were in a room, together and alone.
"Hey, I think you're coming down with something Hika. Your face is all hot." Kaoru's cool hand rested against my hot forehead and I swear if he didn't hear my heart pounding then he must've been deaf.
"Ehh it's nothing. We should get back or else we'll be late." Kaoru stood back and looked at the clock on the wall while I felt where his hand had just met my hot skin.
"Oh no! C'mon Club started 15 minutes ago!" He grabbed my hand this time and led me out. I wasn't focusing on how soft his hand felt or how perfectly our hands fit together for your information.
Kyouya shot us a look promising punishment later but in the mean time we had a lot of clients to attend to. I breathed a sigh of relief that he didn't just kill us on on the spot.
As Kaoru and I made our way to a table where lots of our clients were waiting, I felt his hand squeeze mine as we passed Tamaki and Haruhi. I squeezed back to let him know I was there if he needed me. He shot me a thankful look as we took our seats but I couldn't help but miss his hand in mine. I just couldn't.
I guess I should've seen it coming. The seed was slowly growing and yet I still didn't notice. The pain I felt for Kaoru was strictly brotherly, or so I thought. But maybe the sharp pain in my heart wasn't just Kaoru's pain but also the pain of the roots digging and spreading inside. That's what I should've noticed. When Kaoru's pain became my own. And when I started missing his touches even when he was sitting near. Our mother always said we were born holding hands. Whether it's true or not doesn't atone for the want to believe.