Disclaimer:Bisco Hatori who is the genius who came up with the Host Club.
Warning: OOCness, and some spoilers (references) to the anime.
I didn't have any idea what he was going through. My twin Hikaru...How long have you been feeling this pain? If I could go back and change things I would. Maybe-maybe then your heart could heal properly. I'm afraid though there's no such thing as being able to change the past. Back then I was so selfish, thinking of only myself when you needed me most. I can feel your sadness even now...
Hikaru was silent. He was being so quiet it made me self-counscious. Did my confession stun him that badly? Could he harboring feelings for Haruhi as well? If so, then why has he still not said anything? It worries me when I can't tell what he's thinking, like we're drifting apart. But I'm sure he'd be able to function without me, after all midnight is approaching.
I've already lost my chance with Haruhi. Truth be told I don't think we would've even become a couple. It was pretty obvious Tamaki was in love with her and I even thought Hikaru liked her too. Setting up that date between them scared me deep down inside. What if he really did fall for her? I'd have a broken heart either way but to be left behind as well? I don't anyone could handle that much pain, no matter how selfless they are. Which is why I've kept these feelings to myself.
I mean, Hikaru musn't worry over these things. His head would explode from all the thinking! Back to the topic though, Hikaru would really protest if I told him we had to grow up and be independent. And Hikaru can be really loud when he wants something. However it's for the best. He will never be happy if our relationship stays the same as it is now. I thought Haruhi reaching into our world would finally show him that we don't have to depend on each other only. But it seems it backfired. Haruhi's presence only makes him cling tighter to me. He doesn't notice these things like I do.
He doesn't see how tightly he grips my hand when she's near. He doesn't hear her voice, only wanting to focus on my own. He seems to talk to her reluctantly and only if I am in order to keep up with appearances. Lately, while sleeping Hikaru's been holding me tightly, afraid to let go at times. If only he knew I would never abandon him like that. True my heart belongs to Haruhi but no one could ever change that fact that we are twins. Once, before we met Haruhi I told him I'd die for him. He yelled at me saying I shouldn't be thinking things like that, especially since he thinks he's supposed to protect me. I let him think that since it's one of his reasurences.
"What's love like?" I look up in surprise. Of all the things he's said this is most shocking of him. He's not exactly good with his feelings. I'm not much better but I try. I smile and sit up while Hikaru sits as still as a statue on the edge. I pull my knees up to rest my head. I have to rest but I'll let Hikaru have his answer before I'm too tired.
"Well I'm not quite sure. When does one cross the border from like to love?" I smiled to myself. "You know it's probably the best and worst feeling out there. One second you're happier then you've ever been in your life, all because that one person glanced your way. But that second's over when their eyes land not on you but the person beside you, the one they're actually interested in. That feeling of happiness that overwhelms you becomes your deepest despair and your heart breaks and will do so until the next time." My smile fades as I recall the first time Haruhi, instead of scowling at his antics, offered a smile and that laughter of hers to the boss.
"...Why would anyone fall in love? Why go through that pain?" I can feel Hikaru's eyes on me but I still have my head buried into my kness. He doesn't understand yet but-
"Because being in love is a gift. If you can't love they say you'll never reach happiness."-love is truly the best feeling.
I feel sleep beckoning me and I move to get under the covers. Hikaru moves stiffly when he turns off the light and joins me. In just a few seconds my heavy lids are shut and I can feel Hikaru's breathing calm. I feel his sleeping body shift until arms wrap around me and a head buries itself into my neck. I smile even though I feel like pushing him away so he can learn I won't always be here. But until that day comes when he decides to take that step forward, whether or not I'll be with him, I'll let this slip.
"And then he clung onto me and asked if we could share beds!"
"Hikaru!" Look down, place hand over heart, blush. "How could you them that! It was supposed to be our secret!" I exclaim. Once again, Hikaru turns to comfort me.
"But Kaoru-" His hand strokes my faux pink face. "You were so cute hanging onto me I simply had to tell these ladies." The ladies are currently swooning over us, squealing when Hikaru takes my hand, placing a kiss on it. But my mind is elsewhere. At Haruhi's table to be precise.
"Forgive me? Kaoru?" I snap back into focus at Hikaru's voice, mentally berating myself for getting so distracted.
"I forgive you." The girls are too excited to see Hikaru's frown beginning to form at the lack of emotion in my answer. They're much too blind to see I'm not really here with them, nor have been with them for a long time. Just the symptoms of longing.
"Kaoru~" I'm mildy surprised to hear an almost feral tone come from my brother, even more so when I realize a very ticked off doppelganger of mine still hasn't released my hand.
"Hik-" Hands grab at me, pulling me to a warm chest.
"There's no need to look at anything but me. Kaoru." I look up at Hikaru's face with a smug little smile replacing an almost frown.
"Oh God I can't take this anymore!"
"Shut up and enjoy it while it lasts!"
"Yes, who knows when it'll happen again!"
Typical fangirls. I suppress the urge to roll my eyes at them, knowing Kyouya's probably watching. I can hear the fangirls from Tamaki's table squealing as well. I see him wooing another girl and is prancing about like the blonde he is. He's so into his act that he doesn't notice a banana peel on the floor and fell forwards. I would've laughed had a sudden pressure not pressed against my mouth. I blink and Hikaru's eyes do the same. I notice a second later that the pressure is soft warm and doesn't really feel like anything. In that same second I realize Hikaru's too close, Tamaki's gaping at us while still on the floor, and the girls have just fainted. Hikaru and I pull back at the same time and at the same speed of ok-we-just-kissed-nothing-to-see-here-folks while clamping a hand over both mouths.
"NO! Why'd you stop!"
"It was just getting good too!"
"Mommy!" Tamaki clutches onto the Demon Lord's jacket while a dark aura emantes from him.
Hikaru and I lock eyes at the same time. We are so dead.
"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" A group of girls start chanting. I grow curious at how Hikaru buries his face in his hand and is that a blush I see?
"Yes why don't you show us how close you are?" Kyouya smiles down at me while writing in his notebook. Damn, is this his idea of a twisted joke or a way to make profits?
"Fine." I lean over and place a chaste peck on Hikaru's cheek and I hear a click. He just had to take a picture didn't he?
"This will make a fine addition to our calender." He smirks and I glare. He really only does think of profits now doesn't he?
"Hey..." I look down and Hikaru looking back at me with a hand placed on his cheek. "Why'd you do that?"
"Don't worry it was just to get them to leave us alone." I watch bemused as girls surround a smiling Kyouya with hearts in their eyes and yen in their hands. Fangirls.
"Um Kaoru?" Haruhi stands before me.
"Yeah?"
"Hikaru's growing mushrooms over there and I just wanted you to know."
"Oh thanks." Sure enough there he is in what's supposed to be Tamaki's emo corner. But he's not alone. Honey and Mori are there over with him and they stop talking as soon as I approach them.
"Kao-chan!" The karate-expert runs at me with Usa-chan in both arms.
"Hey Honey-senpai. Listen I just came here to get Hikaru so if you'll pardon me..." I run into a wall but it's actually Mori!
"Sorry Kao-chan no can do. Takashi says he and Hika-chan have very important business and are sleeping over at Takashi's house!" Mori keeps nodding at everyting his cousin says, blocking my view at the same time.
"Ah, okay I understand, loud and clear." Hikaru had better warn me next time before he decides to do something like this! Especially since the weekend's here and I'll probably have nothing to do. With Hikaru anyway. I walk away to grab my bag since Host Club was nearly over and all when something tugged the back of my jacket.
"Hey Kao-chan?" It's Honey, eyes hidden from me since his bangs were in the way.
"You need something Honey-senpai?" I crouch down so Honey and I are eye to eye. He raises his head and smiles brightly at me.
"Just remember that Hika-chan will be always be there for you. 'K?" He hugged that pink animal of his and smiled brightly.
"Sure but why?"
"Because the people that are closest to us are often the ones who hurt us the most. But Hika-chan loves you too much to try to hurt you so what I'm saying is that you should think about what you're doing since it could be doing more harm then good." I was speechless so he continued. "I know you think separtion is the answer but you shouldn't decide things on your own since you don't really know what either of you want, do you?"
What I want? What Hikaru wants? It's supposed to be independence, isn't it?
"See ya later Kao-chan! Remember what I said!" I snapped my head back up. Wait host club's done already! I've been standing here like an idiot for who knows how long!
I rushed to grab my things and was ready to call for Hikaru when it hit me. He already left. Damn it, I need to stop depending on him so much. It's what we want.
Right?
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Arigatou and Gomenasai!