'I love everything about you that hurts
So let me see your moves'.
"To us!" Serena grinned with a toss of her blonde hair, raising her drink.
Blair chinked her own glass back and forced a smile. Her first day at Columbia had been...strange. She remembered being the new girl at Canterbury Accademy; she remembered the subtle stares from people who recalled all the headlines, from teachers who'd been informed and always trod so carefully around her. But she'd been well-dressed enough and from a good enough family that she'd soon been accepted into the right groups of girls. And she'd been cold enough that any ideas of pity had soon disappeared.
But the truth was that she'd been so focused on covering up the nightmares and toilet trips and making sure she wasn't known as that orphan, that any other opinion hadn't really mattered. Worrying that people would see her as the plainer one, the less interesting one, the less sparkly one - that had, for the first time in her life, been the last thing on her mind.
No one at school knew her by anything other than her reputation. There had been no one to compare her with and no competition. There had been no Serena.
The Waldorf tragedy was far enough in the past, now, that Blair didn't need to worry about stares from all the other students at Columbia that didn't know her. And she'd been relieved. This was exactly why she'd been looking forwards to Columbia for so long, after all. A fresh start. The Blair she was always supposed to have been, and no one who knew any different.
But she'd forgotten.
She'd forgotten the way heads turned when Serena walked past. She'd forgotten the way Serena lit up a room. She'd forgotten just how effortless everything was for her best friend. College was meant to be the time you moved past all those petty insecurities; but Blair felt like they were hitting for for the first time. And that had caught her unaware. She'd felt like that twelve year-old on the beach again, watching Serena float from boy to boy while she burned with bitterness.
She tried to tell herself she was eighteen years old and not in high school any more. Except high school had never been like this, because Serena had never been there.
Serena had never been there to catch her eye and grin, to nudge her and make her laugh till her sides hurt. Serena had made their first day at Columbia fun, something that boarding school had never been. Survival had always been more important than having fun. And now that Serena was here, everything was brighter. Everything was always brighter with Serena.
And somehow that knowledge stung Blair deep down, in that dark bitter part of her that wanted to hate Serena as much as she loved her. It made her wonder if she even knew how to have fun without Serena.
Nate knocked her shoulder with his now, gently. "Come on. Drink up!"
Blair rolled her eyes and knocked back her martini. The bitter taste of gin stung the back of her throat; she found herself wishing she'd gone for a drink as sweet as Serena's cocktail. Serena didn't have to purse her lips to supress a grimace after finishing.
"Where's Chuck?" Serena was asking.
He'd better come, Blair thought savagely as she stabbed the olive in her glass. She hated the way the thought of him not being here made her feel ten times worse.
Two more martinis down - at Serena's insistence - he still hadn't arrived, and she told herself it was a good thing. She didn't want him here anyway. (She didn't want him to see her when she was feeling this insecure). He'd no doubt just laugh at her. Although a small part of her ached for the curl of his lip as he told her she was being ridiculous. He'd told her to stop feeling sorry for herself when she was ten and Serena got nominated for class president, and then he'd helped her rig the votes so Blair won anyway. He'd told her it was for the good of the class.
But they weren't ten any more. Blair had thought she was past this.
And how could she possibly scheme against Serena when Serena was just being...Serena? Blair was the only one with the problem. Serena and Nate were both having a great time. And it was about time she did too, she decided.
Chuck had spent all day in the meeting with his father, being largely ignored by the man. As expected. Bart didn't let anyone distract him when he got into business mode. Chuck had always watched the utter ruthlessness with which Bart went about things - his father in the boardroom was one intimidating presence. There was a reason he'd made his fortune out of nothing.
Chuck was hardly even aware that he'd adopted the same coldness, the same pentrating stare as he sat in the same room and watched the man. People were genuinely scared of the Basses.
He'd been planning on heading straight to One Oak after the meeting, but Bart had told him an old parter was back in town and he would damn well stay while they invited the guy for drinks. Evelyn had flown to Paris for a couple of days, which was the only reason they were now sitting in the Bass home.
Chuck had heard of Russel Thorpe before. But the fact that he operated from Chicago and not Manhattan was enough to lower him by any standards. Chuck had picked up on a faint coldness behind the pleasantries Russel and Bart were exchanging now; he suspected Thorpe Enterprises had its eye on something Bart wanted too.
Russel could just piss off back to Chicago, he thought with some irritation. He was supposed to have been at One Oak half an hour ago, and he couldn't even get his phone out until this ridiculous thing was over. Russel had brought his twenty three year-old daughter too, who clearly had more experience in this than Chuck did. Not even the gleam of her mahogany breasts in a tight dress interested him. He found himself wishing for smaller breasts that fit perfectly in his hands; that he could only reach under the fabric of a blouse. Raina largely pretended to ignore him, though he'd seen a couple of the smirks she's sent in his direction. He'd smirked back, cool, aware that there was only one girl's smirk he really wanted.
The drinks were bad enough - but then the elevator chimed and he knew they were about to become a lot worse.
There was a swish of fabric and the lazy, echoing click of heels. And then Evelyn appeared in the door. She surveyed them all through slanted eyes, gaze resting on Thorpe and then, with a curl of her lip, back to Bart.
"Well well," she purred. "Russel. What brings you here? Don't tell me you and my husband are thinking about going back into business?"
Bart's face had hardened, as expected. He glanced coldly at his wife. "I thought you were in Paris."
"I got bored," Evelyn drawled. "Saw everyone that I needed to, and...well." She left little doubt as to her meaning. Evelyn only visited other countries if she had lovers in them. "But I've missed you, Russel." There was a particularly langorous gleam in her eyes as she perused his figure. "I don't think I've seen you since your hasty departure. Tell me, how's Ilinois?" The name was a barely concealed snort - she shared her son's feelings about the place and then some.
"Fine." Russel was looking at her. Chuck felt that little twist of revulsion, as ever - clearly they'd slept together. No doubt this was why Russel and Bart were no longer partners.
"And how's your wife?" Evelyn enquired indolently. "Not with you?"
Russel cleared his throat, but his gaze still hadn't left the woman. "Avery's still in Chicago."
"Send her my love, won't you?" Evelyn smiled, horrible.
"Chuck," Bart interupted. If his wife was getting to him, he didn't show it. He never did. His face was closed and cool as ever. "We've kept you and Raina long enough. You can give her a ride."
Chuck realised then that Raina was bristling a little, frowning at her father. In other words, Bart wanted him to get rid of her. Well, that worked fine in his favour.
"Good idea," Russel was agreeing. "Didn't you have a spa appointment anyway, sweetheart?"
Raina climbed to her feet with some reluctance. She was looking with evident distrust at Evelyn. Evelyn didn't even spare her a glance.
When her son stood too, though, her gaze flickered to him. "Are you seeing Blair tonight, darling?" Those dark eyes were narrowed idly. She still didn't bother looking at Raina, but it was obvious what she meant. She'd seen that the girl was beautiful enough and she couldn't have Chuck getting distracted. Besides, the bitch looked far too much like her mother. Insecure little Blair worked far more in her favour. "Don't keep her waiting."
Chuck ignored her, and he only bothered waiting for Raina so that Bart could attempt to get on with his deal. He was so busy hating his mother that he didn't notice the eager kid with the cell-phone who photographed him following Raina into his limo.
Raina raised an eyebrow at him as the car pulled away. "So, that was awkward."
Things like that had stopped being awkward for Chuck a long time ago. This was far from the first man Evelyn had thrown in his father's face, and not the first man who'd had his doting wife or children with him at the time.
He just snorted.
"Who's Blair?" Raina asked lightly. "Your mother obviously loves her. Is she your girlfriend?" She didn't think he looked like the kind of guy who did girlfriends.
"No." It was quite brusque, almost harsh.
She looked at him sideways. "Are you available, then?"
Chuck spared her a glance in return. He wasn't blind; she was beautiful. "I'm not," he said, slowly. Quietly. She looked wrong on the leather seats of his limo.
Raina smiled a little. "That's a shame."
"Mm." Blair hadn't responded to his text. He hoped they were still in One Oak. Raina glanced over his shoulder as he sent her another one, her face on the screen as he selected her from his contacts.
"Is that her?" She raised an eyebrow. "She looks very young."
Chuck pushed his phone in his pocket. "She's the same age as me," he answered coolly.
Raina gave him a look. "You seem a lot more experienced."
He snorted again but said nothing. He bet Waldorf was pissed at him for being late. He'd been looking forward to going out until his mother had showed up; now he had no particular desire to do shots with Nate and Serena. Hopefully he'd be able to pull Blair off early.
The car finally drew to a stop outside Raina's hotel, and she glanced at him again. "Thanks for the ride." She paused for a moment before fingering a business card. She slipped it into his jacket pocket as she climbed out with a faint grin. "If you ever get bored of little girls...I'm in the city till next week. Call me or don't - the offer is there."
Chuck rolled his eyes and threw away the card once she'd gone. Raina was beautiful, and he was sure plenty experienced. But there was only one offer he wanted, and it was from just one brunette. Serena and Nate would be well into making out by now - he told Arthur to step on it.
He pushed through throngs of beautifully dressed girls, and felt a flash of relief as he heard a familiar loud giggle. One blonde head stuck out above the other at the bar. They were still here.
She had his back to him by the time he finally reached their spot; but he felt that twist at the sight of her dark curls against a navy dress. He was just about to reach for her - in a friendly way, of course, round the curve of her waist - when he realised she and Serena were mid argument.
"-Because it's just yours to take?" Blair's voice sounded very tight above the music.
"B," Serena was protesting. "Look, I don't want to get in your way. Ok? I'm not trying to outshine you at Columbia-"
"Because you don't even have to try!"
Nate noticed him then, and the relief on his face was obvious. "Chuck." He sounded pointed, clearly trying to distract the girls. "Hey! What took you so long?"
He saw Blair's spine stiffen. She jumped down from her bar stool without looking at him. "Excuse me."
Chuck took hold of her arm before she could get anywhere, eyes narrowing a little. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"
She ripped herself out his grasp; that was when he saw the anger on her white face. "That's not really any of your business, is it?" She'd disappeared into the crown before he could stop her again.
He rounded on Serena. "What the hell's going on?"
The blonde was obviously upset. "Why don't you tell me, Chuck? We saw Gossip Girl. Blair saw Gossip Girl. And when I tried to tell her to forget about you, she practically bit my head off. How could you do this again? Blair won't admit it, but you know she's waiting for you. She's not even looking at anyone in Columbia. You're obviously not ready, and you need to tell her that instead of doing whatever it is you're doing-"
"And what am I doing?" Chuck snarled.
Serena sighed and thrust her phone in his face for an answer. He snatched it away. On the screen was a photo of him helping Raina into his limo.
Looks like C has already traded up, the caption read. Poor B. First Columbia, then Bass...will she ever get her chance in the spotlight?
Chuck's jaw tightened.
He pushed the phone back and turned on his heel before Serena had a chance to berate him again.
Blair came out of the bathroom to find Chuck waiting for her. Glowering, she went to push past - but he caught her arm. "What's your problem?"
She twisted in his grasp and spat, "Nothing. Let go of me."
He didn't. "That was Raina Thorpe. Her father's doing business with mine. Bart asked me to take her home."
"Bass," she snapped. "I could care less if you want to mix business with pleasure. Go right ahead."
He let out a snarl of frustration as she pulled her arm out of his grip and moved away. He went straight after her, and this time he managed to pin her against a wall. He leaned his hand up next to her head so she couldn't get away again; she wriggled and tried to refuse to look at him. He was angry and equally aware of how hot her body was under his.
"You're the one who wanted no strings attached." His eyes were dark amber in the light, slanted down at her.
"Yes," she hissed, "But the deal was that you couldn't sleep with anyone else while you're sleeping with me. I told you, I don't want an STD."
"Did it look like I was sleeping with her in that photo?"
"What," she sneered, "While you were taking her into your limo?"
He leaned closer, his face milimetres from hers and his hand still trapping her. His voice was little more than a growl. "There's only one person I do that with in my limo." She tried to scoff, but it caught in her throat. He was too close. "I'm not into cougars anyway."
Blair pressed her lips together. "I told you, I don't care."
He traced the tight line of her mouth. "Really?" he murmured. She could smell his aftershave, and the familiar scent was making her dizzy. She tried to squirm away again, and he captured her lips with his. His mouth was hot and firm and she was suddenly glad there was a wall pressed against her back to hold her up. He felt her finally relax into him as his hand caught the nape of her neck.
This, he realised, was what he'd been waiting all day for. He felt his own shoulders relax and the tension in his jaw disappear, thoughts of his Thorpes and his parents long gone as he deepened the kiss.
She was breathless when they finally broke apart, and he could feel her heart flutter against his. Her eyes were wide and dark as they gazed up at him. "'You're not allowed to kiss anyone else either. I need to know where your mouth has been."
He smirked a little, his forehead against hers as his fingers buried in the back of her hair. "Same rule applies to you, then." He didn't think he could stand the thought of those lips on anyone else's. He kissed her lower neck, bare above the cream collar of her dress. "Besides," he murmured into her skin. "There's only one person I want to kiss..." His mouth brushed her ear as his other hand slid, slowly, up her dress. "And one person I want to do this to."
He smirked again, against the hot skin of her neck, as she moaned in pleasure.
"Blair!" Serena caught her as she approached, grabbing the smaller girl's hands. "B, I'm sorry about earlier. Don't worry about Columbia." The blonde was clearly several more cocktails down.
Blair smiled and squeezed her hands back. "I'm sorry, S. I was being a bitch."
"Look," Serena insisted. "You're my best friend, and I love you. We're at school together for the first time in years and we're going to enjoy it. Ok?"
Blair's smile stayed in place. "Ok."
But as Chuck slid onto the bar stool next to them and she caught his eye, feeling the heat of his arm next to hers, she reflected that maybe she did know how to have fun without Serena.
The blonde's eyes narrowed on him for a second. Chuck's hand was now on the small of Blair's back. Blair noticed Serena's pointed look and rolled her eyes. "It's Gossip Girl, S."
Her best friend considered this for a moment. She had to admit that she had a point. "All right, then." Her mouth twitched reluctantly; she could never stay mad at anyone for too long. Even Chuck. "Just be careful, both of you!" She was a little drunk, and she was teasing.
But Chuck's eyes slid to Blair's for just a moment, and he found himself wondering just how careful he was really being. And the thought twisted at that good feeling he'd had from her in his arms just a few moments ago. She pulled a face at him and he forced a light smirk back. Her eyes were bright now.
But the thought lingered in the back of his mind. And it suddenly felt a lot like the faint twistings of something close to guilt.
Chuck had considered skipping the hell of his parents' anniversary. He'd considered it, knowing damn well he wouldn't - he needed to be there. Even the knowledge that the Waldorfs would be there didn't make it any less bearable. If anything, it made it worse; it meant that Evelyn and Blair would be in the same room.
He'd actually wanted to tell Blair not to come at all.
But Serena was going, and Nate was going - she'd never stay at home.
Worse still was the fact that Carter would be there too. Chuck had spent a lot of time avoiding his supposed friend since they'd got back from the Hamptons. It wasn't, really, any of Carter's business how Blair spent her time - her brother couldn't dictate who she slept with. No one told Blair what to do. But still that guilt churned, silently, in the back of his mind. Because he knew that there weren't many things that Carter cared about, and Blair was one of them. And he knew Carter would never not put his sister's best interests first. He kept telling himself that Blair was entitled to enjoy herself, that she was fully capable of making her own choices. She knew what she wanted.
(But the truth was that he wasn't sure he could handle even the the idea of giving her up).
And this evening, he already knew, was going to be unbearable. Evelyn had already started drinking, her male guests already flocking at the door, and Bart was nowhere to be seen because the reporters hadn't arrived yet. He was no doubt still working.
Chuck had taken up residence by the bar while he waited. He could see Evelyn talking in a low murmur to one of her admirers out of the corner of his eye. He never knew if things were worse or better when Bart was there. Bart tended to keep the parties under control, but Evelyn tended to act even more malicious at his presence just to spite him. Bart was even colder to Chuck when Evelyn was there; but Chuck suddenly became the centre of Evelyn's focus, which was far worse. As a small kid, he'd used to think that Evelyn's attention was genuine affection and not simply a ploy to get at his father. She'd told him enough times that she was the only parent who loved him. Better than Bart, who didn't seem to have the word 'love' in his vocabulary. Chuck had certainly never heard him use it. Despite the layer of unease that had shrouded most of his interactions with his mother, he'd always thought he was closer to her. Because the more Bart criticized, the more Evelyn heaped praise and lazily defended him. And vice versa.
He didn't know when, exactly, he'd realised just how much he hated her. He didn't know if it was the first time he'd caught her in bed with another man. The first time she'd told him he was as bad as his father was. The first time she'd struck him, perhaps, those long nails that had once caressed his cheek and the scent of alcohol.
He knew that Evelyn was unhappy, stuck in an awful marriage. She'd spent so long poisoning him against Bart, telling Chuck he was incapable of human feeling and would only ever bring misery – that he didn't know how to love. Chuck couldn't pinpoint when it was exactly that he'd realised she might as well have been talking about herself.
She blamed it all on Bart, he knew. The picture she'd always painted had been of a young, vibrant woman trapped to a man so cold that was it any wonder she'd become bitter? And Bart was cold. Chuck resented his father for being everything Evelyn said he was. He couldn't imagine his father ever having even liked, let alone loved her.
But still they carried on with the charade. Chuck had assumed it was because of the money. The scandal of a divorce. But sometimes he wondered if it wasn't just that they both liked being miserable. Evelyn liked torturing Bart, and Bart was too devoid of feelings to change that.
Happy Anniversary, the banner read.
Chuck picked up his first glass of scotch as he heard his mother's sensuous laugh. The door opened and Bart appeared, closely followed by the journalist of the evening. He didn't even look at his wife.
Happy anniversary indeed.
Anne's punctuality ensured that the Archibalds were one of the first families to arrive – and Chuck was glad. Nate escaped his parents the first chance he got to join his best friend at the bar.
"Hey, man." Nate knew what the Basses were like; he glanced over at Evelyn too. She was on the opposite side of the room to Bart. Bart was still talking to the reporter. Nate pulled a sympathetic face.
"Scotch?" Chuck muttered.
"Yes please."
They grimaced at each other as they both drank.
Blair was late arriving thanks to Serena. The blonde, of course, hadn't been ready in time. Serena had many skills, but being able to keep time wasn't one of them.
Carter had got particularly impatient. He wasn't looking forward to a night at the Basses, and he'd been aware that Chuck was avoiding him.
His little sister pushed ahead of him, now, as they moved out of the elevator. Carter watched her approach Nate and Chuck, but he didn't catch much from their greeting. Chuck's hand rested briefly against the skin of her back, bare in her brown silk dress – but she was hugging Nate now anyway. With any luck, Carter had succeeded in putting a stop to whatever it was between them. If Chuck had any sense then he'd do the same. Hell, if he cared about Blair then he'd do the same.
"Bass." He joined Chuck himself as he glanced round the room. Christ, what a mess. Evelyn had her hand on some guy's shoulder with that eternal look of boredom on her face. "Where's the scotch?"
Blair was trying to focus on Serena and Nate's story, but her gaze kept moving back to Chuck. He was with his parents and the reporter. Flawless in his tuxedo. And she could see, even across the room, his tight slanted smile. Evelyn simply looked amused. It struck Blair that both Bart and Chuck had the same rigid shoulders. But she was more focused on the darkness in Chuck's eyes and the urge to make it go. She hated it. She hated what it was doing to her insides.
She couldn't take it anymore, she realised.
She managed to get away from her best friends to slip closer to Chuck.
"Bartholomew is a wonderful father," Evelyn was purring. "He and Charles had the closest relationship. He's never missed a birthday or a parent teacher conference. Have you, lovely?" Although for all Evelyn knew, that could even be true – it wasn't like she ever bothered with any of the things either. "It's so important for Charles to know where his father's priorities lie." There was a note of particularly cruel relish in her voice.
The reporter had picked up on it, of course. "Cha – uck." He didn't really know what to refer to the boy as, or which of his parents to listen to. "You must admire your old man."
"He's the most successful person I know," Chuck replied drily. "How could I not?"
Bart cleared his throat. "Why don't we take a break?" He was already moving off with the reporter, one more cold look in his wife and son's direction. "I'll get you a drink."
Evelyn swept away to get herself a drink, and Chuck decided he needed the same thing. As far away from his parents as possible.
He was just rounding the pillar when a small hand shot out and pulled him behind it. He found a small brunette pressed against him, her eyes shining.
"I thought you could do with a break of your own," she whispered. She just wanted that look to leave his eyes.
And then she'd slipped her hand through his and was leading him out onto the balcony where they wouldn't be disturbed. The night was cool, and as his hands found that warm bare skin against her back he felt the shiver that ran up her spine.
But she was smiling up at him as her fingers curved around his shoulders, butterfly kisses against his mouth that ached from forcing a smile and his jaw that was still clenched. He was suddenly filled with a blind, aching desire for her. For the warmth of her body and those soft dark eyes and the scent of her hair. He pulled her closer; but she was suddenly slipping away from him, down on her knees.
"What are you doing?" he murmured.
She smiled up at him. "Helping you relax." Her skin was pale in the darkness, her throat exposed as she reached for his pants.
He stilled then. "Blair." He caught her shoulders suddenly, pulling her away. Because Christ the mere thought of that turned him on – but he didn't want that now. And that confused him. "What are you doing?" he repeated.
He saw her freeze, saw that flicker in her eyes as she looked up at him. As she realised he was stopping her. She looked like he'd just kicked her. She stopped trying to open his pants. "Nothing," she muttered. She'd been thinking that this was Chuck and she didn't know how else she could make him feel better. She'd been thinking that -
Oh God. Of all the humiliating -
She got quickly to her feet, trying to pull away. Chuck was oddly immobile as she reached the balcony door. She was on the verge of yanking it open when he stopped her.
"Blair." His voice was low and tight. "Wait."
"Why?" she shot back furiously, aware of her burning cheeks in the cool darkness. "So I can be humiliated some more? Thanks, I think I'll go."
He grabbed her then. "Just wait."
She struggled against his chest; he'd just rejected her, for fuck's sake. Chuck Bass had just rejected a girl going down on him. She'd got on her knees for him.
His hands gripped her forearms. "You'll get your dress dirty, Waldorf." He tried to keep his tone light, but she could still only glare at him. Finally, he muttered, "You are helping me relax."
He dropped down onto the balcony chair.
She gazed down at him, uncertain. His shoulders were still tight. He suddenly looked impossibly tired in the darkness, and it made her chest constrict.
And before she knew what she was doing, she was sliding onto his lap and her arms were winding, tight, around his neck. Her head rested on top of his as she held him tight. She didn't give him a chance to protest, either. She felt him pause in her hold. And then she felt his hands grip the small of her back as his face pressed, slowly, into the crook of her neck. He closed his eyes against the softness of her skin and she clung tighter, fingers running through the back of his hair.
And as she held him and felt the stiffness finally leave his body, and his hot fingers tracing her spine, she realised it was too hard to keep pretending. It was the same feeling that had threatened to engulf her as she'd woken up in his arms after their first night together.
The tightness in her chest and the odd feeling in her stomach every time she looked at him; that aching want for him and the need to protect him. The pain at the thought of him kissing someone else, the misery when she wasn't with him.
It wasn't going away.
"Charles."
His body coiled, just like that – as did hers – because Evelyn was suddenly standing in the balcony doorway. She regarded them in silence, and Chuck saw the satisfaction in her eyes.
"Your father wants us. We have to finish the interview." Her gaze lingered on Blair for a moment. "Darling," she said, soft. "I'm so glad you came. I see you've got her well-trained, Charles."
Chuck was already on his feet and guiding Blair in front of him, rigid, off the balcony and away from his mother.
He could see his father on the other side of the room, waiting with the reporter.
He was still holding Blair as he turned away from the man. "Want to get out of here?" he murmured against her ear.
She was still white and a little shaky, but she wasn't entirely sure it was just because of Evelyn.
Carter appeared at that moment. He'd seen them both come in from the balcony. And he saw, now, that Blair seemed a little pale.
He arched an eyebrow. "What's going on?"
"Nothing." Blair managed to roll her eyes.
"I'm heading off," he said, shortly. He was still watching his sister. "Blair?"
Blair caught Chuck's gaze. His eyes were golden and that feeling in her chest was worse than ever. "I-"
"You should go."
Chuck could see Evelyn moving to rejoin Bart. He'd also seen the slight pallor to Blair's skin and the way Carter was narrowing his eyes at him. She did need to get out, he realised. And not with him. This was his mess, after all. He didn't want her anywhere near Evelyn a second longer. And seeing Carter so concerned – even if he'd never admit it – jerked at that feeling again.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
Carter glanced back at Chuck, once, before they left. The expression on his face was unreadable.