Disclaimer: Ouran doesn't belong to me
"Mori-senpai what's the point of this?" I asked the huge giant of a human sitting across me.
"To clear the mind." He said opening and closing his eyes for what he called an exercise.
"How does sitting and doing nothing clear the mind exactly?" We were in one of the many rooms of the Morinozuka doing what I've just said. NOTHING AT ALL.
"..." He remained as still as a statue while I figeted. And here I thought Haruhi was the boring one, not this Kendo champion. I wish Kaoru were here, nothing's that fun without my devious little doppelganger around. However I'll try this just to get it over with. Closing my eyes I breathed deeply, in and out, slowly. Focusing on just my breathing I tried to not think. Oh the irony since my sweet little brother wants me to think more then I already do.
Speaking of Kaoru...
Holding his slender body close, I felt this sudden urge to lean forward and close that tantalizing distance between us. Just one taste to know what another's warm would feel. But that would be pushing the limit and it's just plain wrong. This was Kaoru, nothing more nothing less. Yet a pair of hands made contact with my back, propelling me forward. Quickly a comforting warmth met with my lips and I felt the urge to press harder but I held myself back. I wanted to enjoy this warmth while I could, not scare it away. Is this kind of contact supposed to make you feel so warm inside? Unintentional contact like this could only last so long and in pulling back in shock, I still could feel my lips tingling from kissing him. And I wanted more. More of this delicious and sinful closeness with the one who makes my heart beat for him, and only him.
"Takashi I don't think this is helping." I blinked and noticed Honey standing right in front of me, wiping my face hwere a trail of drool had escaped. "There you go you're all clean." WAIT A SECOND HOW LONG HAVE THEY"VE BEEN STANDING THERE? AND WHEN DID THE LOLITA GET HERE? I gaped while Honey disposed of the handkerchief and Mori stood.
"...Agreed."
"Hika-chan needs soemthing to get his mind off of kissing Kao-chan."
"What! I was so not thinking that! That's my brother you're talking about!" I could hear my voice crack and face grow warm. They both only flashed me looks that said 'whatever you say.'
"If he's only your brother why do you act so strange around him?"
"That's cause-!" He cut me off.
"You also got angry at Haru-chan for some reason." He narrowed his eyes, just the tiniest bit. "Me and Takashi know Kao-chan likes her but that's still no reason for you to get all mad."
"You're not sorry either." Mori butted in. I would've told him off except he spoke the truth.
"She hurt him! It's just that..." They stared at me, beckoning me to continue. I took a deep breath. "I saw Kaoru was acting all weird and it took me awhile to figure out he liked Haruhi. When I did, he just-just started crying. He was sobbing his heart out because of her!" The emotion that resembled angry ran through me, making me wish Haruhi had never come to Ouran. If she hadn't then I wouldn't have to deal with this anger and Kaoru wouldn't be hurt. He'd be happy.
"But you have to accept that it's not Haru-chan's fault." Honey's somber voice cut in.
"I can't though."I couldn't meet their probing gazes anymore so I put a hand over part of my face, blocking them from sight. "I just can't. She's hurting him without even knowing it and it just makes me so mad at her. And Kaoru gets so sad and hurt but I can't do anything to help. It's because he's so happy around her and it hurts for some reason to see him look so happy around her instead of me..." I trailed off and looked up after only a minute of silence. "I want him to be happy and all, just not because Haruhi's around. I want him smile and laugh with me because I'd never hurt him the way Haruhi did."
The cousins only looked and nodded to each other. Mori left the room and Honey plopped down on the ground and pulled a piece of cake out of nowhere. He offered a bite to me and I shook my head no. He ate the entire cake in under a minute and I wondered how he remained so tiny on his diet of nothing but cake and sweets. Mori came back into the room with another cake and a book. He gave the cake to Honey who muttered a thank you before flipping open the book. It grew very silent save for Honey's chewing and just when I was about to sleep Mori thrust the book in my direction.
"Read."
"What for?" I questioned but got no answer. With a grumble I took the book from him and gave the page a quick glance. A dictionary. It was a freaking dictionary. I opened my mouth to protest but the fierce look in Mori's eyes made me think twice. My eyes fell to the open page and read a recently underlined word.
Love:
Verb: Feeling of a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone): "do you love me?".
Noun: An intense feeling of deep affection: "their love for their country".
Synonyms:
-verb: like - be fond of - fancy – adore
-noun: affection - fondness - darling - passion
"What the hell is this for?" I muttered after slamming the book close.
"Hika-chan, please just open your eyes." Honey pleaded with me. "Surely you must know by now what you're feeling." He kneeled in front of me and grabbed my hands, looked me in the eyes, saying "You're in love."
"I...I'm..." Honey nodded, still holding my hand while Mori gazed down at us.
"You love Kao-chan more then you think. More then as his brother." He looked so serious that for a second I almost believed in his words. Alost.
"Are you crazy!" Honey frowned a bit and I cut him off before he could say another word. "That's my brother you're talkng about. This must be some sick joke isn't it?" I stood and clenched my fists tightly. How could they! I come here because I have a problem and they pull this on me!
"You love him." I looked up to see Mori's stony face and I glared at him. He only stood his ground and crossed his arms.
"It's just an act! We're great actors but if you think it's real then you've got another thing coming." I swear they're turning into a bunch of fangirls for believing in Milord's crap about us being a pair of incestous brothers. Or they've lost their minds.
"But you just said when he's hurt, you're hurt. When he's happy, you're happy. And when he's with Haru-chan you get jealous. If that's not love then I don't know what is!"
I remained silent. There was no way I was...it's wrong! It's wrong on so many levels! It's so wrong to think I must be gay for my little, no, TWIN brother and that I'll have no problem with it! I'm supposed to love and protect Kaoru as my brother not as his freaking lover! There's no way in hell that I'd be some pervert after my own flesh and blood! I'd kill myself if someone didn't kill me first. Not even the biggest fangirl would ever accept this in real life so get real! I'm not in love with Kaoru and that's final.
...So why does it make sense?
Thank you very much Honey! Same goes to you Mori! We should include Milord since it's his whole damn fault I have to be so incestous towards my twin. God, I feel so creepy just thinking this. Ok if Kaoru's happy I'm happy? Of course. Does knowing he likes Haruhi kill me? Hell yes, I have to deal with a stinking crossdresser and commoner stealing the only person I'm close to. And it's not even fair! She has milord just drooling at her feet along with practically the entire school and she wants more? Just go die in a ditch Haruhi and stay away from Kaoru! He doesn't need anyone besides me and that's final!
I just sounded possessive didn't I? No wonder Kaoru thinks he's more mature. I'm going to give this a try.
"Ok let's say I do love him but what then? There's no way he'd accept it." It makes me want to return to Milord's corner. Kaoru yelling, screaming at me to get away from him, never go near him again. Being rejected like that...it'd kill me.
Honey looked extremely sad and his next words made me feel even worse. "You're right. Kao-chan does like Haru-chan a lot. But that shouldn't stop you from telling him."
"No offence but that's totally unrealistic. He'd reject me without blinking an eye."
"That maybe how you'd react but this is Kao-chan. He'd be more understanding." He got up to leave and walked over to the door where Mori was waiting for him.
"But how can you be so sure?" He turned back to me and a smile ran across his young feautures.
"I'm not. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. After all, most people would give anything for the kind of love you already share with your brother. So don't be afraid and give up. Some people go through their whole lives searching for someone to love. You're lucky to have been born with the one you love Hika-chan." They left and closed the screendoor. I still stood there.
"I'm lucky...Total crap." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. This was goin way too far fast me. I came here because I kissed my brother all because of Milord's clumsiness and I thought I didn't know how I felt about it. I liked it but it was wrong to like it. But in love? That's taking it too far. Kaoru's great and all but he's still my brother. I thought back again to the kiss. How his body was so warm, it fit perfectly in my arms, and how soft his lips were. My face was getting all hot and red just thinking about what it'd be like to kiss him again. Because kissing him felt so amazing and so right...I'm in trouble. I hit myself in the head a couple times.
"Get a grip on yourself! That's your twin you're thinking about!" I did that for a couple of minutes and held my head while it throbbed. And here I thought the boss was the bigger pervert but no~ Haruhi's not really his daughter but Kaoru is my brother. And I think I might have a small crush on him. I'm so going to hell for this.
The slamming of a door caught my attention. There, standing in the doorway and panting like he ran all the way here, was Kaoru.
"Hikaru! Are you ok?" He rushed over to me and tackled me. My bad that was actually his hug.
"Woah! No need to pounce on me like that!" Kaoru wouldn't let go and he gave me a pout. "Hey don't give that look. What made you think I was in trouble?"
"Honey-senpai sent me a text saying you were." He huffed and let go of me. "I thought he was being serious but I guess he just wanted me to come over. You weren't being any trouble were you?"
"Of course not. I was just having trouble sleeping." Kaoru puzzles over this and I don't know whether or not I want him to see through my lie.
"So was I. So where are we sleeping? It's getting pretty late." And he thinks I'm the clueless one. He doesn't know the half of it, that little brother of mine. Well as long we get to sleep together everything will be...wait a minute! I feel like such a pervert for this and yet we've slept together for such long time but it's that age. Stuff happening when we're asleep and I do not want to risk waking up all hot and bothered because I'm sleeping next to an object of affection. My object of affection...that sounds so creepy and perverted without even trying.
"Oi Hikaru! You really need to learn how to pay attention." He tapped my head a couple of times but I still wasn't paying any attention. You see as long as I don't look at him I won't be reminded exactly what kind of pervert I am for feeling this way. I won't have to look into those innocent eyes and lie to them, have to tune out that voice before it speaks words I'll twist around, avoid those plump kissable lips before I force my own on them and force an appendage of mine through them. Just thinking about it means I'm screwed for the perhaps the rest of my life.
Overdramatic much? I really am turning into Milord. No~ I don't want to be a blonde idiot with chessy pick-up lines!
A familiar and moist softness places itself on my cheek for barely a second before disappearing. I raise my hand up to cover whatever trace is left. Savor it while I can.
"You did it again." The little devil kissed my cheek. Again. Oh how cruel is fate for giving me this kind of brother?
"Well it seems that it's the only way to get your attention Hikaru." I could hear his smile in his words. Bastard.
I don't really see why fate has to be so cruel to me. Is it because I'm too beautiful? Too rich? Is it because I'm starting to sound too much like the boss?
Whatever it is I'm screwed. Look over at Kaoru's sweet, innocent face, I'm even more screwed.
Thanks to our oh so genereous hosts, Kaoru and I get to share a room with a king-size bed since they just happened to run out of rooms with twin beds. If they weren't karate and kendo champions I'd totally make them pay. It's their own fault I'm even thinking this so late at night! I haven't been able to sleep while Kaoru here went out as soon as Honey shut off the light. And to make matters worse Kaoru's very clingy tonight. Adorable but kind of annoying when I'm trying to not pounce on him.
He makes it so hard too! What with how when he breathes he inhales with his nose then lets it out by opening his mouth a bit and repeating the process. And he occasinally makes a little noise, a whimper, a purr, a whatever-but-it's-going-to-drive-you-crazy-anyway type of noise. It's too much I tell you! My mind is screaming at me to just get up or push him away and go sleep in the corner but no. Instead I get to sleep with my twin practically on top of me and in his death-grip too.
After about another hour of this torture I make up my mind. I will shift and push my dear little brother off gently then get away as fast as possible without waking him up. Good plan right? Easier then done. Somehow when I try to get out of Kaoru's grip, he tightens it so I try and push him away as gently as possible and instead end up on top of him! You try being bare-chested towards your crush and not panicking. Did I mention how my breathing and heart stopped while blood rushed everywhere? Yet another cruel effect handed from fate to mother nature. Screw them.
I'm ok. I'm ok. Just need to get off of him and I'll be golden. But I'm stuck in place because of the view I have. Ginger hair splayed over the pillow, skin glowing in the moonlight, warmth breath mixing with my own, and of course how calm and innocent the face identical to my own is. It's too alluring and the distance between me and that face grows less and less until I'm barely hovering over those enticing lips. But just as I'm about to pull away something totally catches me by surprise. Kaoru shifts beneath me just the tiniest of a fraction and our lips join together. I press against them, fusing them, not too hard but not too gently either. And it seems I can't get enough because even when I pull back for air my lips join his again and again.
I gasp for air. It's stupid how people seem to forget to breathe when engaged in this kind of activity but you'd be surprised. I go in for anther taste and hear Kaoru moan against my lips. My ears hear him uttering a word, almost like a mantra.
"Haruhi...Haruhi..." I freeze, pull back, and stare down at him. Even when I'm the one kissing him in his sleep, his dreams are still full of that girl. It takes me a while to realize my eyes are stinging and that the droplets of water falling down Kaoru's face are dripping off my own. Raising a hand, I stroke his cheek and lean in close. This image of how vulnerable Kaoru is...I don't want anyone but me to see him this way. I inhale his rich, flowery scent, truly something from heaven. But he also smells different. He smells like a certain commoner.
No it couldn't be. She was with Milord and Kaoru would never think of that. But that smells still bothers me. It's messing up Kaoru's already unique and beautful scent that's so intoxicating. I want to erase any trace of her. Kaoru's so much better without her and he can't seem to understand it.
I pull further back and on all fours I take one last look at him. Soft lips, soft hair, soft body. My face burns. If only he knew I was staring down at him like a piece of meat. I settle back down, next to him. He whimpers and shifts so that once again he's holding me. I hold still before giving in. I turn to face him and bury my face into his neck, allowing that flowery scent to wash over me. Combined with his calm breath and heartbeat, I feel my eyes getting heavier and heavier as my arms grip him even closer to me. For tonight I'll let myself be swept away. After that who knows?
This is a phase. A twisted phase about incestous feelings towards my brother. If only the fangirls knew. Just as long as Kaoru never knew. Honey says he'd understand but there's a part of me, I don't know how big it is, that says if I ever said something to him the consequences would be severe. But is it really better to hold in all these feelings? If I do that then won't there be a chance I'll snap?
Made good on my promise didn't I?
Anyway I'm thinking of making this fic M-rated and I just wanted your guys' thoughts on it. See ya!