'This won't hurt more than a pinch
So just pour a drink; let's talk it over'.
As predicted, planning for Lily's birthday party had resulted in a long morning of sniping between Cece and her daughter. But come evening, the van der Woodsen penthouse was beautifullly decorated and awash with guests and tinkling champagne glasses.
Chuck had already spotted Blair. She was with Serena, of course, looking gorgeous in a tight green and gold wrap dress and black tights. She quietly ignored him. He'd been driving her crazy all week, he knew. Just this morning he'd casually wandered into her bathroom - in search of some floss, of course, since his had run out. She'd been in just a towel, carefully curling her hair; and she'd nearly burnt herself as she'd leapt up, yanking her towel tighter. He'd just raised an eyebrow at her. Didn't friends do this kind of thing all the time? (And she'd smelt deliciously of cocoa butter, her bare skin soft and smooth under that single piece of material that gaped a little at her thighs). She'd ended up screeching at him to get out. She hadn't spoken to him since.
Evelyn was glancing at her too. Chuck had intended to avoid his mother for the whole party - unfortunately Lily had also invited the chair of the Bass Industries board, and Chuck was stuck trying to charm him. Which was why Evelyn kept looking at Blair, eyes narrowed. She clearly wanted him to drag her over here. Chuck's jaw clenched as he focused on talking to the man instead.
Eventually Evelyn decided enough was enough. With an idle glance at her son, mouth pursed, she swept up to the girl herself and disengaged her from the blonde.
"Blair." She bent to kiss her cheeks, lips cool; Blair managed not to flinch. "I haven't seen you since my party. How have you been, lovely?"
"Great."
Evelyn's lip curled down at her. "Much better now that you're out of that penthouse, I'm sure." Those black eyes glittered. "I do worry about you sometimes."
"I can't imagine why." Blair's tone was sweet and even.
"Oh, Blair." Evelyn laughed softly as she rested a brief hand on the girl's pale cheek. "You're so brave." It was little more than a murmur. "So like your mother. I suppose I worry because I've always thought of you as a daughter."
"Because you and Eleanor were such good friends," Blair agreed. She held the woman's eyes.
Evelyn's hand stiffened on her cheek. She smiled. "Exactly." She withdrew her touch. "How are you and Charles doing?"
Blair cocked her head at her. "I don't mean to be rude, Mrs. Bass," she smiled tightly herself, "But I'm not sure Chuck's love life is any of your business."
She walked away before the woman could respond. She was aware of Chuck watching her as she turned; and the expression on his face, as their eyes met, was strange. His gaze moved over her - and she realised there was real gratitude in there. Almost burning. Surprise. And something else, something she couldn't name. It made her swallow, hard. She tore her own gaze from his and moved in the opposite direction.
But he was still staring after her with that same expression.
Blair had kept herself occupied with Serena and a glass of champagne - but her eyes narrowed now as she spotted a familiar figure. Standing, of course, at the edge of the party.
"Humphrey." She arched an eyebrow, moving over to him with a little sigh. "What are you doing here?"
Dan shifted on his feet. "Uh, honestly? I have no idea." He nodded over at his father, who was currently wrapped in conversation with none other than Lily. "My dad...got invited."
Blair repressed an eyeroll. So Lily was going for music moguls now that her marriage to Klaus was officially over. Cece was also watching the pair - and she did not look impressed. Because despite the money Rufus Humphrey had acquired, there was still an aura of something vaguely...scruffy, about him. Like his son. Blair supposed it made a change from Lily's usual suits.
She could feel Nate and Serena sparing Dan curious glances from next to her. She wasn't sure she liked this, she realised - this was hardly keeping the two sides of her separate. Then again, maybe this was what she needed to explain to Nate and Serena that this was who she'd become.
Dan was rambling on about how great the buffet was now. But his voice stuttered off as he noticed someone, and -
"Blair!" Tish had crossed the room in a couple of strides, dragging a tight-faced Carter behind her. She seemed oblivious to the tension between brother and sister as she kissed Blair's cheeks. "I don't know anyone here," she announced, "And I need you to introduce me." Then she spotted Dan. "Ooh. Except you." She was already smiling, lazy, as Dan rubbed nervously at his hair. "Dan, wasn't it? You're the one who writes." She still seemed very pleased with this.
Carter raised his brow at him. "I wasn't aware highschoolers had time to write," he drawled. He remembered the guy vaguely from Canterbury Accademy - Blair used to complain about him.
Dan's face flushed a little. "I graduated, actually."
"Oh right. I forgot you were in the same year as my little sister."
Blair shot him a look. She suddenly realised, though, that the faint hint of distaste on her brother's face was still there as Tish asked Dan if he'd published any novels. (Which, predictably, made Dan choke). Carter was jealous, she realised. She tried not to laugh - jealous of Dan Humphrey. Not that he'd ever admit it in a million years. Well, she decided; good. He needed to be kept on his toes. He was also clearly annoyed with himself for just how much Tish leaning into Dan irked him. She bet he hadn't even worked out why it was getting to him so much.
"Actually," her eyes gleamed, "I had an idea last night. Dan's supposed to be writing a piece on an It-girl." She smirked, briefly, at her brother. "Why don't you do Tish?"
Tish looked rather entertained by the prospect of an article all about her. "Really?"
Dan had flushed. "That's...I mean, if you don't mind, that would be, uh, really great."
He couldn't even complete a sentence, Carter thought with irritation. But Tish's face had brightened. "I don't have to do any writing myself, do I?"
"No," Blair assured her sweetly.
"Well, as long as whatever you write is good...daddy does have a 'no-publicity' rule, but I'm sure he won't bother to read anything published by a Yank," Tish reflected.
"You two should swap numbers," Blair went on as she noted Carter's scowl. "Set up the first interview as soon as possible."
Dan was nodding eagerly, pulling out his phone. He looked a little dazed like he could hardly believe his luck. Actually, Blair decided at Carter's look of disbelief, she'd got it all wrong. Clearly brothers and sisters were supposed to interfere in each other's lives. She'd forgotten how much fun it was. Carter could get off his lazy ass and work for something for a change.
"We should find Max," Carter snapped now.
Tish glanced round too. "It's fine, darling. He's keeping Toby busy." When Carter got the invitation to Lily's party, Max had not only invited himself but insisted on dragging Tish's cousin along too. Toby, Blair assumed, was the pale guy stood next to Max now, quietly nodding like he'd rather be anywhere else.
Then her gaze landed on Chuck. He was watching her, of course. She hastily looked away again - not that it made a difference. She could still feel his eyes on her.
Chuck couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand watching her avoid him, watching her pretend he didn't exist. Because as much as he'd driven her crazy this week, she'd driven him far crazier. She wouldn't be going to such lengths to push him away if she didn't still want him on some level - her reaction just this morning - so why was she doing it? Why was she trying so hard to deny it?
(And why had she said what she did to his mother? She only had to tell Evelyn that there was nothing going on between them - which was what she claimed to want anyway. And why had watching her do it made his breathing constrict so painfully?)
He'd noticed the other, smaller changes too. It was obvious she still wanted to be with Nate and Serena, but whenever they went out she was always busy. She'd put up a definite barrier. Just a tiny one - barely noticeable at all, really - but still there. Like she was drawing lines that only she could see. He'd been trying to put his finger on exactly what it was all week, and he wondered if he'd suddenly seen it with Evelyn. Blair would do anything for them. But she wouldn't let them do anything for her.
He was still watching her as Evelyn herself approached. Her haughty face was impassive; she didn't bother to even glance at her son. She downed a flute of champagne. "Charles," she inhaled. "This ends now." Her gaze rested on Blair as she slipped away from Nate and Serena to the bathroom. The girl wasn't going anywhere. It curled in her throat, a hiss. "You fix it."
Serena had started questioning Dan about Blair's love life in school - she'd even made the he's cute face, like Blair would ever go for a rambly wannabe writer - which Blair had taken as her cue to leave. She could see the questions flustering Dan too, but she figured he owed her. Hell, she'd set up a date with him and his dream girl - like he'd ever have accomplished that on his own. She was quite content leaving him to mumble that he had no idea what the guys at Canterbury Accademy were like.
She was on the verge of shutting the bathroom door, now, when a hand stopped it. And before she could shove him out, Chuck had slid in too. He locked the door behind him in one fluid motion, blocking her path. He appraised her in silence, and the heat of his golden eyes made her burn.
"What are you doing?" she demanded. She tried to edge away from his body.
"We need to talk." It wasn't even a request.
"No," she said between gritted teeth - because the room suddenly seemed impossibly small and now there was no escape from that gaze - "You need to stop following me into bathrooms."
His eyes narrowed dangerously. He wasn't in the mood for playing, she realised. "I'll stop following you when you stop denying anything ever happened." He took a step closer, and she found her back against the sink. "I know your feelings haven't changed," he growled, those eyes still never leaving hers. He studied her silently. He'd had enough of this friends crap. "You want me."
She tried not to flinch as her heart sped up, as she breathed in the scent of him - against her better judgement - and his stare threatened to consume her. Yes, she still wanted him. She wanted him so much her throat was dry and her chest ached. She wanted him so much that, for a second, she wondered why she didn't just give in. Give in, relent to that dark abandon again.
"It should never have happened in the first place." Her voice caught, struggled to surface as she struggled to remind herself exactly why.
He leaned in even closer. "Your eyes are doing that thing where they don't match your mouth," he murmured, gaze flickering down to her lips and back up, slowly, over her face. He had one hand against the counter now, practically pinning her to it even though he wasn't actually touching her. Yet. His mouth curved as he heard her breathing hitch, as those wide chocolate eyes drank him in and he tilted his face even closer. His heart was thudding against his chest. "Don't forget, Waldorf. I know you too well."
She stared up at him. Don't forget. She couldn't forget - she couldn't let herself forget why she had to stop this. "You don't," she said, tightly. "And that's exactly why we'll never work." She couldn't move out of his hold, but she turned her face away from his.
His jaw tightened, uncomprehending, as he tilted her chin up to him. He couldn't stop himself. "How could I not know you?"
"Because I'm not the same person I was seven years ago!" It was sudden, the snap - and he almost flinched, but he was still holding her.
He stared down at her as he tried to work it out. What was she talking about? "Waldorf. Of course you are." How could she not be? Those were the same brown eyes he'd always known - parents dying and boarding school didn't make her any less Blair.
She just scoffed. But it stuck, harsh. "I don't know who that person is any more. And it was stupid to think that I could come back from school and things would go back to the way they used to be." She was finally, finally saying it - and it didn't make it any less bitter. It didn't make the hurt in her chest go away, and it didn't make it any easier to look at him.
But he caught her arms, forcing her to. "I know exactly who you are," he growled. "Do does Serena, and so does Nate." He gazed down at her and his eyes were almost black as he refused to let her avoid them. "You really think trying to cut us out is going to make us any less aware? You really think we could ever not know you?"
She swallowed. She was silent as she finally gazed up at him, and he saw the confusion - fear and hurt and reluctance as she tried to process it. But hewasn't like Nate and Serena, she thought hopelessly. He was, but he wasn't. Him knowing her terrified her; because then what did it mean? That he knew her weaknesses? So was it pity? Because what was she to him?
"I don't-" she shook her head. "Why do you care, Chuck?" It tripped out of her throat, hot. Was she an old friend? A fuck buddy? Carter's little sister? "Why are we even doing this?" Why had he followed her into the bathroom? Why had he stayed with her after that first night, gone to find her in the games room on Tish's jet? Because he looked out for his friends or because he felt sorry for her or -"Is it because everyone expects us to?" she demanded. "Because it's keeping Evelyn happy?"
The mention of his mother's name made him flinch inwardly. But if he'd really wanted to keep her happy then he wouldn't have gone such lengths to keep him and Blair a secret. Because everyone expected them to? Everyone expected them to date and be a perfect couple.
"Because I want you."
That was all he wanted - her.
She gazed up at him. She wanted him too. And it wasn't enough, she realised. Want wasn't enough. It didn't explain why she'd do anything to protect him. it didn't explain why he'd done those things for her - told Carter that she'd needed help - unless it really was just sympathy. Or. Or -
"That's it?" she said, very softly. Her voice was a little unsteady as he held her. She searched his face. (Tell me it's not pity. Tell me what it is every time I see your face or breathe you in or feel your touch). "Is that the only reason?"
His hands were still curled around her arms. But he stiffened, ever so slightly. She was looking up at him; asking him. She wanted an answer. An answer that he already knew.
It's not hard, Charles. Three little words and she'll do whatever you want.
He stared down at those dark eyes, every inch of her fierce beautiful face. He was still holding her. Slowly, he closed his mouth. Silent.
Blair's breathing was uneven for a second as she acknowledged that he wasn't going to say anything. Her eyes moved over him, one last time, and then dragged away. There was a stinging somewhere at the back of her throat. She pulled her arms out of his.
"It's not enough." It was rigid as she turned away from him. She unlocked the bathroom door and he watched her walk away. His chest was unbearably tight, hands clenched as he made no move to go after her.
Tish was currently regaling Max and Toby with news of her article. Toby smiled, warm, while Max just laughed.
"Sure, babe. Just make sure there's no naked pictures, or your daddy'll kill me." He went back to talking to Toby about some kind of investment - the business that actually mattered - while Carter suppressed a faint scowl. Tish went after guys because they were good in bed. Not because they wrote, for Christ's sake. He'd rarely seen her this lazily enthusiastic about anyone. And of all people, a pretentious stuttering little freshman?
He rolled his eyes as Dan waved, awkwardly, over at Tish now - what the hell was that wave? - and then he spotted his sister. She was coming out of the bathroom, and her face was white. His eyes narrowed for a moment.
He saw Chuck too, but he noticed the distance between them. Whatever they'd been getting up too, Chuck's face was even blanker than hers. He headed straight for the bar. Blair headed straight for the elevator, once she'd said bye to Nate and Serena.
ِCarter wasn't the only person watching. Evelyn's gaze had slanted, her face twisted in icy irritation. She should have known she couldn't leave anything up to her son. He ignored her as he started on the whiskey. If she wanted to get something done, then she needed to do it herself. Of course. That Waldorf legacy wasn't going anywhere. It was about time, she decided coolly, she did some digging.