Authors note: I do not own any characters created by J.K. Rowling. Full credit goes to her for all situations and information mentioned in any of the 7 books or interviews, etc. as well. However, the storyline of this fanfic is all me and the little voice in my head.
*year 5 - age 16*
"How do you feel?"
I'd just woken up.
And I didn't have the faintest clue as to how I felt.
How I felt about 'meeting' those... Those sadists.
How I felt about (apparently) coming close to dying.
How I felt about having faced something that Harry had met multiple times - and having been unable to really face it.
How I felt about knowing that, most likely, in a couple of months, maybe a year if I got really lucky, I would have to face that, them again.
How I felt about having nightmares for months to follow.
How I felt about being afraid of my own shadow.
How I felt about being so terrified that I couldn't think, couldn't see, couldn't breath anymore.
How I felt about...
How I felt.
And I wanted to snap at them, ask them how they think I felt?
How they would feel if they'd just gone through that?
But they had.
And they seemed to be just fine.
And it just wouldn't do to tell them that I was mad at myself.
For not being able to cope with that.
For not being able to keep a clear head.
For not being able to remain calm.
For not being able to get over the fact that I, the 'brightest witch of our age', got outshined by people who were younger than me, didn't get the same grades as me.
For not being able to remember what I already told Harry in our first year: that there truly àre greater, more important things than bookwisdom.
For allowing myself to forget that.
For not being able to help them more.
For being mad at myself for being mad at them because of that.
For feeling so utterly helpless.
And I was happy that we'd all survived.
And that we all were okay.
That we...
Just not that I had turned out to be the weak link.
But I'd work on that.
I'd study even more.
And I'd be there for them.
And next time, and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that there would be a next time, I'd be there, and I'd be able to help them.
But now, right now, I would just be happy that we'd survived.
I would worry about all the rest later.
Right now, I just wanted to talk to my friends.
And be happy that I could.
5th year is done, only a couple more to go... As usual: please let me know what you thought by reviewing, following, favoriting, ... It would truly make my day!
Greetings!