A few days later, Charlotte's sitting up in bed around 3:15 AM. Her breathing is quick and her heartbeat's even quicker. She clasps her hands in front of her, in an attempt to calm herself down. She gnaws into her bottom lip and closes her eyes, a thin layer of tears welling up. A couple rebellious tear droplets squeeze their way out from under her shut eyelids and roll down her cheeks.
Cooper stirs, rolling over in his half slumber state, and opens his eyes. He tilts his head and looks at his wife. He sits up abruptly and sighs. "Char?"
She turns her head and blinks her eyes open. "I'm ok."
He goes to touch her, to comfort her, but she shrinks and pushes his hand away.
"Don't touch me."
He snaps his arm back and nods. "Ok, I won't. Just tell me what I can do."
"Go back to sleep. I'm fine."
He shifts on the mattress, slipping back down to a lying position, and closes his eyes. If she thinks he'll be able to go back to sleep now, she doesn't know him as well as she believes she does.
As she sits there, trying to work herself back down to calm, she's painfully reminded why it's not a good idea to have a child living with them right now, especially, a child who's been through as much as Betsey has. She swallows and after a little less than half hour later, she turns her head, looking at Cooper. She knows he's awake, but she's grateful that he's pretending to sleep—for her. She lets her hand lazily work through his hair, her nails scratching his scalp.
He opens his eyes and looks at her. "Hmmm?"
"I'm ok."
He silently curses himself for sleeping through her nightmare. He usually wakes up. He doesn't dare bring the subject up. He just offers her a smile and traces the long visible vein on the underside of her forearm.
She shimmies down the mattress and rolls onto her side, facing him. She lets out a breath and closes her eyes, letting his soft strokes lull her back to sleep.
Once he knows she's fallen back to sleep, he pulls his hand back and drifts off to sleep again.
Cooper finds Charlotte in the kitchen in the morning, putting on a pot of coffee. He smiles and sneaks up behind her, gripping her hips, brushing her hair to the side, and pressing a kiss to her lips.
Charlotte jumps, letting out a soft frightful scream.
He backs off, sighing and realizing maybe that wasn't the best idea he's ever had because of what happened last night. "Sorry."
She swallows and turns around, facing him.
He sees that she's shaking, so he rests his hand on her chest and holds her hand. "It was just me." He drops his hands when he senses she's calmed down a little and gives her a soft peck on the lips. "I didn't even—I wasn't thinking." He pauses. "Can I make you breakfast? Or do you have to get to work?"
"You can make me breakfast." She smiles.
"Pancakes? Eggs? Waffles? French toast? Feel free to stop me at anytime." He laughs.
"Waffles."
"Alright." He gets everything out, laying it all on the counter. "Betsey's being discharged today, so I was thinking maybe she could come home with us for a couple nights."
"Like a test run?"
"Um, maybe."
She sighs. Last night was the first night in a while that she's had a nightmare, but usually when she has one bad night, she has a few in row and the first night is typically mild compared to the others. "I don't know, Coop." She pauses. Aside from the nightmares, they're not ready for a child. They haven't had any time to prepare or make room for one.
"Think about it, ok? She's not getting discharged until later." He flips the waffle machine over and opens it. He takes out the waffle and sets it on a plate. He drizzles it with raspberry and maple syrup and sprinkles powdered sugar over top. He puts it in front of her and smiles.
She arches an eyebrow. "We're goin' all fancy this mornin', huh?"
He laughs and pours some more batter into the machine.
"Thank you."
He smiles. "You're welcome." In fifteen minutes, he's sitting beside her. He clinks his glass against hers and presses a kiss to her cheek. "Here's to a good day."
She turns her head and smiles. "Mmhmm."
She's still a little shaken from last night and he can tell. "You need a ride to the hospital?"
She shakes her head and pushes her plate forward. She gets off the stool and kisses his cheek. "I gotta run. Thank you again for breakfast." She smiles and walks around the island, setting her plate in the dishwasher and filling her thermos with coffee. "See ya later, Coop."
He waves, his mouth full of waffle. He swallows. "Bye." He coughs, choking on his breakfast. He quickly washes it down with orange juice and swallows again. "Bye," he repeats, clearer.
"You ok?"
He nods, coughing again. "Have a good day at work."
"You too." She disappears into the living room and heads out the door.
Charlotte comes home at lunch time. She needs a break from the day she's having. She sticks her key in the door and turns it. She slowly opens the door, realizing that it isn't locked. "Cooper?" She hesitantly steps into the living room and looks around, slowly shutting the door. She keeps her hand on the doorknob and swallows. "Cooper?"
Cooper comes out of the bathroom and smiles. "Hey."
Her shoulders drop as she lets out a gush of air.
"You ok?"
She nods. "It's just been one of those days."
"I'm glad you're home. I've got stuff to show you."
She glances at the coffee table and raises an eyebrow. "Are those colorin' books?"
He walks over to her and nods. "What kid doesn't like coloring books?"
She eyes him suspiciously.
He disappears into the kitchen and she follows him, curious. He opens the first door on the right and steps in. He flips on the light and smiles. "What do you think?"
She looks around the small space. She always assumed this door led into a closet. "What is all this?" There's a dollhouse in the corner, some stuffed animals thrown on the twin bed, and a bunch of horses and ponies near the window. "You made a room for Betsey?" She guesses and steps in farther.
He nods.
She runs her hand along the shelves against the wall and looks around again, taking in everything, including the pink, purple, and blue comforter, matching fuzzy pillow, and Disney princess blanket folded at the end of the bed. "When did you do this?"
"Today." He walks out of the room and into the kitchen. He proceeds to show her that he went grocery shopping, buying fruit snacks and spaghetti Os and other kid friendly foods like chicken nuggets.
She laughs.
"I've been doing some research and I printed out some information. Support group information, adoption agency brochures, adoption process brochures, and real-life stories of families who've adopted or fostered older children."
"You did all this today?"
"My only patient for the morning rescheduled, so I figured I'd look into more of the logistics of adoption." He pauses. "I realized that you're right. Adopting Betsey isn't like going to the pet store and buying a puppy. There's a lot to consider."
"Music to my ears."
He smiles. "I found a private adoption agency in LA and there's an orientation meeting tonight at 7:30. Basically we'll just learn more about adoption and all that. I think we should go."
She shrugs. "I guess it wouldn't hurt." She pauses. "But I'm not sayin' yes, yet."
He nods. "I know. There's no commitment yet." He pauses. "It's a little different because we know Betsey and we knew her parents, so after the meeting, if you decide—if we decide to go through with this, we'll call social services and talk to them about the specifics for our case."
"Give me the address and I'll meet you there."
He walks into the bedroom and opens his bedside drawer. He pulls out an orange folder and sifts through it. He pulls out a brochure and writes down the address on a post-it. He hands it to her and smiles.
She looks at it and her stomach twists a little. Even though they haven't committed to anything yet or even begun the actual adoption process, seeing the address of an adoption agency written out, suddenly makes this all real. It's not just random chatter anymore. They've got a plan and they're working towards it, checking boxes off and moving forward. It's scary.
"Do you want lunch?"
"I'm not really hungry. I just needed a break."
"Everything ok?"
She nods. "Just had a rough mornin' at the hospital."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Maybe later."
He presses a warm, soft kiss on her cheek and smiles. "Is it about a patient?"
She nods.
"Well, I hope your day gets better."
She smiles, a half smile, and lets out a breath. "Me too, but I doubt it."
"I was gonna talk to the social worker tonight, the one who's coming to get Betsey from the hospital, and ask if she can stay with us for a couple days. I asked you this morning, but do you still need more time to think about it?"
She sighs. After the day she's had, her night's going to be even worse. She's been dealing with a patient who was raped all morning and it just brought everything back up to the surface. She sits on the couch and turns her head, looking up at him.
"What's wrong?" He sits on the coffee table and rests his hands on her knees, rubbing circles into their sides with his thumbs.
"I don't think it's a good idea, that's all."
"Any reason?" He pauses. "And I don't mean just that you're scared or nervous or something like that. I mean is there a bigger reason?"
She nods and sighs. "I had a nightmare last night, Cooper, and with the day I've been having, I'm goin' to have one tonight, and possibly tomorrow night too, and I just—it's not a good idea to have Betsey here."
He nods. "You don't have to worry about that, Char. If you have a nightmare, just worry about calming yourself down. If Betsey wakes up, I'll take care of that. I'll make sure she knows everything's ok. She's an eight year-old child, who's lost both her parents in horrific ways. She understands nightmares—those kinds of nightmares."
She stays silent for a couple minutes and shifts on the couch. She twists her body towards him finally and smiles. "Ok. Talk to the social worker."
He kisses her. He can't help it. "Really?"
She nods. "It's just temporary."
"Just relax and you'll be fine. It's like a sleepover. Do exactly what you did that day in her hospital room with the horses. You were a natural."
She sits on the couch for a minute or two and then stands up. "I have to get back to the hospital. I'll meet you at the meetin'. I'll call if I can't make it and you can just go without me, then."
He nods. "Try to make it."
"I will." She smiles and leaves the apartment.
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