A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys!

Chapter Four: Trepidation

"Tony?" Ashley, the pretty nurse, stuck her head in at the door. "There's someone here for Agent Gibbs. He's asking if it's okay for him to see him. Says his name is Tobias Fornell."

Tony sighed and leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. He shrugged almost imperceptibly before he nodded.

"Sure."

He wasn't exactly keen on having to talk to Fornell, but it wasn't like he was the only one that wanted to see how Jethro was doing. The ICU restrictions usually only allowed family members to visit patients, but it seemed like that they had loosened them for the time being. The team had been there as many times as they could and along with them, some other more or less close friends and to Tony's utter surprise his own dad. Tony Sr. had shown up a week previously, had simply sat down next to him and had never uttered a single word in those three hours he had been there. And yet, it had managed to reduce Tony into a crying mess after his father had gone back to his hotel. Tony didn't even know why he had come because his dad had never been particularly fond of Jethro or their relationship. He had accepted it, but had never made a move to actually get to know Tony's partner or had shown any interest in how they were doing. But the fact that he had booked himself into a hotel in DC to be there now was enough for Tony to know that he could count on him, too, if things went from really bad to worse.

But Tony wasn't fooling himself into believing that the visitors were just coming around to inquire about Jethro's health. They were here to say goodbye to him and with every person, Tony's gut started to churn a bit more, his hands started to sweat a bit more and his brain would give him yet another shout out that he was fighting a lost cause here.

Two weeks had gone by since he had made the decision and it was only another one before he would have to effectively put an end to his partner's life. Two weeks had passed without a change. Jethro's health was just as it had been before and slowly but steadily Tony felt his own faith vanish. He knew that it wasn't the way it was supposed to be. But maybe he had actually been fooling himself when he had prolonged all of this. Sometimes, in the small hours of the morning when everything, except for the ever-present beeping of the heart monitor, was quiet around him, he would simply look at Jethro, desperately willing him to move. And with every minute that passed without a change, Tony would get more hopeless and even more frantic. He couldn't help but wonder if he should just release Jethro from all this torment and if maybe he should even release himself from it. But every time this particular thought reached his mind, he felt his gut twitch uncomfortably in the knowledge that he would give up on the one thing that had kept him alive so many times, would give up on the one thing that meant most to him and he simply wasn't able to do that.

He was roused from his thoughts by a soft knock on the door now and Tony sighed once again before he steeled himself and answered.

"Come on in."

The door opened and Fornell stepped in. He was very pale and Tony realized that he had never seen him looking quite that lost. He awkwardly stood there for a moment, just inside the door, running a shaky hand through his hair as he stared at Gibbs. Tony immediately realized that Fornell hadn't been prepared to see him like that. Like so many people, including Tony himself, he had trouble reconciling the pale and lifeless body with the vibrant man Gibbs had used to be. Tony couldn't blame him, Jethro had gotten rather skinny, his complexion was gray-ish and he looked exactly like Tony felt these days – forlorn. He heard Fornell take a deep breath, as if he was trying to cheer himself on to progress further into the room, before he finally stepped forwards and sat down next to Tony. They remained silent for a while and Tony could almost feel the uneasiness radiate from the older man and somehow it suddenly made Tony nervous.

"So, how is he?" Fornell finally asked quietly, as if trying not to wake Jethro up.

"The same."

"Damn," Fornell just mumbled as he unwaveringly stared at Gibbs in front of him. "How long…?"

Tony didn't need to hear the end of that question to know what the guy wanted to ask and he felt the by now familiar sickness boil up inside of him.

"A week," he forced himself to answer.

"Hell, I'm sorry, DiNozzo," he replied, strangely enough not pronouncing his name the old Italian way this time.

"What for?" Tony asked irritably, never once averting his glance from Jethro.

"For having to do this. Can't imagine what it must feel like."

"I don't have to do anything, Fornell," Tony replied sharper than he had intended.

He hadn't been prepared that Fornell of all people would come in here with no hope at all. With no hope that Jethro could pull through it still. He wanted to stop people from trying to shred the last little piece of hope that Tony was still carrying inside of him. Every goddamn person who had come had only made it harder to keep on hanging on. He didn't need them to tell him how strong he was, how proud they were of his faith and his ability to hang in there. What he needed were people who told him that he was right about keeping it up a little bit longer. He needed people to reassure him, but except for Ziva, Jackson and Abby, nobody had done it and Tony wasn't quite sure how long he would be able to keep up the appearance that he was still completely confident about his decision.

He forced himself to look at Fornell instead of Jethro now and saw that guy's cheeks had gotten slightly pink now.

"He's not dead, yet," he finally mumbled, not sure if he was reassuring the FBI agent or himself. "He's not dead yet, so I don't have to do anything."

"Right, DiNozzo," Fornell said and Tony could almost see Fornell's determination to look at it this way settling in. "I shouldn't just assume, right? It's one of the man's golden rules."

"You're right."

"Yeah," Fornell trailed off now as he sluggishly heaved himself out of the chair. "I'll get going, then. Was never quite comfortable only being around you two," he tried to joke and Tony gave a nod at that.

When the guy was already halfway out the door, he turned around again and looked at Tony with the slightest of smiles, though it did seem rather off. "I don't know what to say to you. I know we should still hope and all, but… hell, it's pretty damn hard and I know I shouldn't, but I'm slowly losing it… hope that is. So… yeah… I can see that you clearly haven't and I have to admire that, I guess."

"No, I haven't," Tony interrupted Fornell's awkward statement. "And I won't. Though people coming in all the time, saying goodbye to him doesn't exactly make it easier."

"I didn't," the older man started but stopped short under Tony's glare.

"You fucking did and I guess it's even okay 'cause Jethro deserves a proper goodbye in case..." he trailed off, averting his glance from Fornell.

"I didn't mean to, DiNozzo."

"I know you didn't. But people just can't help it and I get that because, well, it all looks pretty awful right now. But it was my decision to put up with it and I don't need people telling me that I'm just procrastinating. I wanted to give him that one chance and even if a hundred people come in here and fucking say that I was wrong, it won't change my mind. So… just go away, Tobias. Just… go. Please."

The older man looked at him with an expression on his face that Tony couldn't quite place before he simply nodded at him and with one last look at Gibbs left the room.

Tony took a deep breath and then moved his chair closer towards Jethro's bed. He felt tears sting his eyes once more but willed them down for the moment; he had more important things to do than cry. He leaned forward a bit and then softly whispered into Gibbs' ear. "Sorry, I didn't mean to. I know he's your friend and all, but I'm not sure I can stand people like him any longer. God, I hope you understand, Jethro."

But, of course, Jethro didn't answer, just continued to lie there like nothing had happened. Tony sighed and leaned back again, trying to clear his mind somewhat when yet another knock on the door interrupted his inner queries. A few seconds later, Abby came in with a curious expression on her face.

"Hey Tony," she said a little too cheerfully as she bent down and placed a kiss first on Tony's cheek and then on Gibbs'.

"Hey Abs."

He had taken Jackson's advice and had let people in, had let Abby and Ziva keep him company from time to time. McGee, Palmer and Ducky were there, too, but for some reason, it had been the two women that had occasionally managed to put him at ease a little bit. Tony didn't know why that was, maybe the fact that they had never questioned his decision, had never asked how he was dealing with all of this, made it all easier. He didn't know for sure and it wasn't like it really mattered. They simply had been there and it was all that Tony wanted at the moment.

"Fornell was just in here, wasn't he?" Abby asked now, walking over to the window to watch a bird that was sitting on a branch in a nearby tree.

"Yeah," Tony replied quietly, not exactly keen on talking about him.

"What did he say? He looked pretty distraught and didn't even notice me. And trust me, it's pretty hard not to notice me," she concluded, gesturing towards her usual outrageous outfit.

"Nothing," he mumbled, feeling even more beaten than before. "Just came by to fucking say goodbye like everyone else is."

Abby turned to look at him at the sudden outburst, but Tony immediately averted his eyes from her to look at Jethro instead, trusting him to calm him down like he always had. But it didn't really work this time because Abby came to sit down next to him, put a finger under his chin to make him look at her and then quietly started to talk.

"Don't be angry with him, Tony. You can't blame them for feeling like that. And I know you don't want to hear it right now, but I think you have to. I know it's still a week till your ultimatum, but you have to start to consider the possibility that he won't make it, Tony. I know it's hard, but if he really doesn't pull through, I want you to be prepared, okay? I want you to have actually said goodbye to him because impossible as it might seem, you'll need to in order to move on."

Tony stared at her for a moment or two, trying to figure out whether he was supposed to cry now or shout at her. Deep down he knew that she was right but as of now he had yet to accept it, had yet to accept that things wouldn't change in the course of the following week. He just wasn't ready yet and he had counted on Abby to be on his side. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Had she given up hope, too, all of a sudden? Or did she never actually have faith in Gibbs in the first place?

"You know what, Abby?" he desperately tried to keep his voice calm as he sprang up and started to pace around the room, frantically avoiding to look at her. "Don't. Just don't. I don't want to hear anything you want to say 'cause you sound just like all the others. All of them. I thought you were on my side, I thought you still have that little piece of hope left somewhere that Jethro will not die. But I can see that it's all been empty words. You never thought there was still a chance, did you?"

"No, Tony," Abby interrupted him fervently, but Tony didn't listen.

"You never believed that he would pull through. You just wanted to reassure me. And you know what? Don't. I don't need anyone's pity. I don't need anyone's opinion on anything. You want me to say goodbye to him? I can't do that, Abby. I can't do that until those freaking three weeks have passed. I still got that one week left and I won't give him up till then. You might and everybody else might already have, but I won't. Did Jethro give up when everybody thought I'd die of the Plague? No, he didn't because he had faith in me. And now, I'm returning the favor. You can say whatever you want now, but I won't listen. Go say goodbye to him if you want, but don't you try talk to me again about doing it myself."

"Tony," Abby started again and her voice was trembling now, but it wasn't enough for him to stop pacing in order to look at her.

"I don't want to hear it," he said sharply, hoping that it would shut her up, but once again, Abby cut him off.

"No!" she said now and her tone of voice had suddenly changed and it made Tony stop for a moment as he gazed out the window. "Tony, look."

She was definitely crying now because her voice was breaking and Tony couldn't help but turn around because it was Abby after all and no matter just how angry he was at her, he didn't want her to cry. As his glance reached her, still sitting on one of the chair next to Jethro's bed, he realized that she wasn't even looking at him.

He followed her glance and then felt his heart miss a beat. Jethro was still lying there, was still pale and his eyes were still closed - but the index finger of his right hand was miraculously and wonderfully and earth-shatteringly and yet most definitely twitching.

.

Tony felt something warm spread inside of him and had momentarily trouble to keep on standing, but just like that, he knew that this was by all means the happiest moment in his entire life.