A/N: Thanks again for your reviews! :) You're awesome.

Chapter Five: Expectation

Tony found himself blinking back the moisture in his eyes and realized that for the first time in the last five weeks, he was actually able to do so, was actually able to stop his tears from rolling. He felt oddly relieved about that but had no idea why that was and he didn't care to indulge in the passing thought for too long because there were more pressing matters to consider right now. He was still standing there by the window, though, his eyes still resting on the one finger of Jethro's hand that had suddenly turned his world upside down. He knew that this didn't have to mean anything, he had read one too many reports about TBI after all, but he also knew that it could mean the world, too. As if from far away, he heard Abby sobbing quietly, but he didn't have the energy and the will to avert his eyes from that hand to look at her.

"Is this really happening?" he asked then, realizing his voice was trembling.

"Yes," Abby answered and oddly enough hers was strong again all of a sudden, wasn't breaking for once. "Yes, it is, Tony."

"Good," he replied whispering. "That's good."

He kept on staring at the hand that had already stopped twitching again, but he didn't care. Gibbs had moved and this was way better than nothing. He had no idea when Abby had pressed the button to call the nurses and he had no clue how long they had taken to come here, but all of a sudden, he was softly but forcefully shoved away from the bed and then just as gently taken by the hand by Abby and walked out of the room. He didn't want to leave the room, he felt anxious about not seeing Gibbs anymore, but still, he let it happen and he had no idea why that was. He was out of breath, felt hot and sweaty and his thoughts were all over the place and yet he was still able to see the finger twitch in front of his inner eye. With a start, he realized that it was the first time that his mind had shown him something different than the ever-present loop of that baseball bat hitting the back of Jethro's head.

"Tony?" he was torn out of his headspace by Abby.

He turned towards her and realized that they were sitting on two chairs in the hallway of the ICU and he had no idea how they had even gotten there. He blinked a couple of times before he nodded at her, causing her to smile at him ever so slightly.

"You okay, Tony?"

"Yeah," he replied before he shook his head. "No. I mean, I don't know."

"It's okay," Abby said, grabbing his hand and interlacing their fingers and Tony felt the warmth of her fingers spread through his own hand and up his arm.

He hadn't let anyone touch him like that ever since Ziva had given him that rather awkward hug a little over two weeks ago and he only noticed now how much he had craved any sort of physical contact. It wasn't the person he wanted to touch like that, but Abby's touch was warm and friendly enough for the time being and it was enough to pull him out of his headspace entirely.

"What now?" he finally asked, looking at her as if she knew all the answers.

"I don't know. I guess we'll have to wait and…"

"See," Tony finished her sentence; finished the sentence that seemed to be the favorite of all of Jethro's doctors.

'Wait and see' had become Tony's mantra over the last couple of weeks and had yet started to lose all meaning. But now, finally, he had seen and not only waited and it suddenly made all the difference. He couldn't even remember why he had been angry mere minutes before, couldn't remember why he had shouted at Abby.

"I'm sorry about before," he mumbled nevertheless, knowing that the scientist would appreciate it.

"No, I have to apologize," she replied hastily. "You were right, I shouldn't have given up. I didn't even realize that I had, but you were right, Tony. It's not too late till it's too late."

Tony nodded and felt the slightest of a smile form on his lips. "Don't apologize," he finally said, causing Abby to actually chuckle next to him.

"It's a sign of weakness," they both finished at the same time and it felt so normal that Tony's gut started churn ever so slightly.

He didn't care to figure out the reason for that, though. He couldn't bring himself to care about anything else that wasn't linked to the man just inside the other room, who might or might not wake up slowly. They sat in silence for a very long time with Abby still holding his hand, giving him all the support he needed at the moment.

After a while, and Tony had no idea whether it was ten minutes after they had left the room or two hours, Dr. Martin closed the door behind him and approached them, his expression just as serious as it had always been, but Tony thought that there was something there that he hadn't seen before. He fervently hoped it was hope.

"Agent DiNozzo," he finally started. "It seems like there have been some changes in Agent Gibbs' condition. We don't know yet what has caused them and why it all came so quickly, but it does indeed seem like the cerebral edema is in control, the pressure's normal and he's getting enough oxygen for the moment. We don't know yet whether the slight movement of his hand has really anything to do with it, we have to wait and see."

Tony felt himself nod, not really sure whether the doctor was telling him that all of this was good or not. He continued to look into the doctor's face, as if it held all the answers and yet he had still no idea what to say, what to ask, what to do.

"So, what are our next steps?" Abby did him the favor and asked the one question that Tony hadn't even been able to form in his mind.

"We decided to reduce the sedation for the time being, so that we'll be able to examine what he's able to do. We want to see if he'll be able to wake up for a short while or if he can move. I don't want to give you too much hope at this point, chances are that the twitching was only temporary and a false alarm, but we want to monitor him closely over the next twenty-four hours, just in case. The most important thing is to be patient."

"Okay," Tony pressed out, feeling slightly queasy inside again at the doctor's words.

He knew that it didn't sound all that great, at least not as great as he had expected, but Dr. Martin had been wrong before, too, so maybe Jethro's chances were better than he had just made them out to be after all.

"Can I see him?" he asked, slightly increasing the pressure on Abby's hand.

"Yes, in fact I advise you to. In case he does indeed wake up, it might be better to have a familiar face around. That only goes for you, though, I'm sorry, Miss Scuito."

"It's okay," she just nodded at him before he turned to leave. "I'll call Ducky," she added. "I'm sure he'd want to know. Should I give anyone else a call?"

Tony looked at her for a moment before he shook his head. "I don't think you should. Ducky's fine because he is his personal physician and all, but don't tell anyone else. Don't tell them and raise their hopes. They'll be too disappointed if this doesn't work out."

I'll be devastated enough as it is. He thought to himself but didn't share that particular thought with Abby. He'd have to deal with it alone if things came to the worst and he knew that perfectly well. And Tony was certain that it would be worse than before. Before, he had lived with the fact that Jethro hadn't moved, hadn't opened his eyes and probably never would again. But now, things were different because he had shown signs of life and Tony simply couldn't pretend not to have seen it, in case Gibbs would go back to not moving.

Slightly shaking his head, he finally stood up and let Abby hug him.

"He's going make it, you'll see," she softly whispered into his ear and Tony felt himself nod despite himself.

Then, he slowly entered Jethro's room again, visibly shaking and anxious about what he'd find in there this time. He released a breath when he sat down on his chair and realized that nothing much had changed. The heart monitor was still beating regularly, the ever-present swoosh of the ventilator that was breathing for Gibbs was still there, too, and Tony felt himself relax gradually.

"The sedation will not ease up for another couple of hours," Ashley said softly as she adjusted something on the IV bag. "So it's not likely there's going to be any change until then. If you do spot something, though, let us know immediately, even when you don't know what it is exactly. You know him best, so it's more likely for you to notice any difference in him. I'll make sure to check in every half an hour."

"Thanks," Tony gave her a weak smile before he fixed his glance on his partner again.

"I really hope this works out for him," Ashley said as she was about to leave the room. "You deserve it, Tony."

He turned to look at her, but only saw the door close behind her, so he just sighed and leaned back in the chair, his eyes resting on Jethro's body, just to make sure that everything was still alright – or as alright as anything could be lately.

.

Ashley had been right. Nothing had happened in the following three or four hours and slowly but steadily, Tony felt slightly restless. It was worse than any torture he had had to endure in his life; just waiting and waiting and waiting for something, anything, to happen. He had no idea what he had to expect and that was the worst part of it all. He just didn't know whether Gibbs would wake up or just stay like that. He didn't know if his earlier movement had been exceptional or the beginning of something new – of something wonderful. He just didn't know and it was slowly driving him crazy with every minute that ticked away.

His gut had started to churn again and he knew that time was running out once again. He knew that there was nothing he could do but still, he felt like there had to be something that would speed up things. He had held the older man's hand, had stroked his hair affectionately and had watched out for any difference. But there was nothing and it didn't seem like anything that Tony was doing made any difference. Sighing and stifling a yawn, Tony leaned back into the chair, closing his eyes for a moment. He was tired beyond believe all of a sudden and he felt like he hadn't slept in weeks. As he came to think about it, he realized that he hadn't really. He had taken naps here and there, but he hadn't let himself sink into sleep properly since Jethro had been admitted to the hospital. He hadn't dared and even knew why. He was too afraid to miss anything, was too afraid that by letting himself sleep, he'd somehow betray Jethro. He knew that it wasn't logical, knew that it was nonsense, but he just couldn't help himself. He wouldn't probably sleep for real until Jethro was back again - or gone. Either way, it was impossible for Tony to relax enough right now. It felt wrong to think about the latter possibility, though, so Tony forced his eyes open again, craned his neck and gently took Jethro's hand again.

"Hey," he softly said into the silence, feeling slightly stupid as always when he talked to him like that. "I don't know if you can hear me or anything, Jethro, but I'm here. I'll always be here and I'll be waiting. Maybe not as patiently as I should, but you know me, patience is not really my strong suit. But who am I talking to, huh? You're even more impatient than I am. If you were in my place, you'd already have changed doctors at least four times, telling them to do something, right? God, I wish we could actually change places, you know. You'd be handling all of this so much better than I am. I know you hate waiting just as much as I do, but you'd have found yourself something to occupy yourself with. Not like me, who's just staring at you for like twenty-four hours a day, rambling to you about whatever. You know that one movie in which Sandra Bullock falls in love with that guy who falls into a coma? She has never spoken to him before and he's like the opposite of what she has expected, but she still stays there, waiting for him to wake up. Of course, in the end, she falls in love with his brother and the movie is all sorts of cheesy, but still… you know, she just patiently waited for him to wake up, no matter what. I wish I could be like that. But clearly… I'm failing. I'm failing at everything lately. Can you believe I shouted at Abby earlier? No wonder you had to do something to stop me. Thanks for that by the way, at least you shut me up that way. Moving your finger and all, it was more effective like any head slap. Maybe we should stick to that? I think my head would concur. But my head's not really what is important here, is it?"

Tony trailed off now, squeezing Jethro's hand again. He didn't know why he kept on talking to him. He wasn't entirely convinced that the older man could actually hear him and he had no idea what he hoped to achieve with talking anyway. Maybe it was just his defense mechanism whenever things got too bad. It had helped him cope with work and cruel murders over the years after all and perhaps he needed it to wind down. It didn't really matter anyway, it wasn't like Gibbs would put an end to his rambling with a head slap or - like in those last three years whenever they were alone - with a kiss.

With a sinking sensation in his gut, Tony realized that he didn't even know when he had last kissed him. Couldn't remember what the guy had smelled like that day or where he had last felt those surprisingly soft lips on his. He simply couldn't remember.

He sighed again, suppressing the urge to hit himself for not treasuring every single moment with the other guy. Tearing himself apart wouldn't help. He needed to be alert in case something about Jethro changed. He needed to watch him, needed to make sure that he was still comfortable despite the lack of sedation. So Tony rubbed a hand over his face and let out another sigh before he trained his eyes on the guy in front of him, willing him to move again.

.

"You know," Tony picked up his speech a couple of hours later as if no time had passed since then and now. "You should have really watched that flick with Sandra Bullock. While you were sleeping. You'd have complained about the discontinuity of it and the unlikelihood of Peter Gallagher just waking up from his coma with no real troubles and all, but it is exactly that kind of movie that would have made you all grumbly with me because I made you watch it. And I love it when you get like that because then I know that you care enough about me to watch it anyways, you know, just because I wanted you to. I know people think I'm crazy for putting up with you and I guess that goes the other way around, too, but I honestly don't think that there has ever been one single moment that I've regretted that one day that started it all, you know."

He trailed off, scrubbing a hand over his face again, making sure that the tears would not fall this time. He didn't want Gibbs to see him crying when he finally opened his eyes. He wanted him to see his determination to make it all alright again, wanted him to see how proud he was of him that he had made it this far.

"You think blackmail would work with you?" Tony finally started over again, not able to stand the silence in the room any longer. "You know like… I'd say if you wake up now, I'll never ever make you watch a movie with me again. But that won't work, will it? You were never great with deals. So, I guess, you have to wake up on your own account, huh? So, come on, please."

He stared at Jethro for a long while after that, taking in the pale face and the sunken expression on his face. It didn't bother him as much as it used to, but he still ached to see that half-smile on the other man's face, ached to see that famous Gibbs-glare and above all, he desperately wanted those blue eyes to look at him again, wanted to lose himself in them again one more time. Just as that thought had formed in Tony's mind, there was a slight change in the other man's expression.

Tony didn't know what it was exactly, but he was sure that there was something there. He continued to stare at him for a few moments longer and then he saw it again. The fine lines on his forehead had deepened ever so slightly for a second, just like every time he'd be immersed in his thoughts, and Tony felt his heart pick up pace as he leaned closer towards him, not daring to blink in case he'd miss something.

"Gibbs?" he asked softly, his nose mere inches away Jethro's face. "Can you hear me? Come on, it's me, Tony."

There was no reaction this time, but Tony wouldn't give up that easily, not when Gibbs had moved twice in one day. That had to mean something, he was sure about that.

"Jethro?" he tried again, even softer this time. "Just open your eyes. I know you can do it."

Again, Gibbs' forehead wrinkled ever so slightly, causing Tony's stomach to turn in excitement. He kept on watching Jethro, silently cheering him on and then, and the younger man had no idea if it had been two minutes or two hours, Jethro's eyelids started to flutter for a moment or two. Tony felt a smile spread on his lips and felt tears stream down his cheeks despite his efforts to stop them, but he couldn't bring himself to blink them away, as he was too afraid that he would miss everything.

"Boss?" he asked now.

His eyelids continued to flutter for another second or so and then they slowly opened, causing Tony to suck in a breath. His heart missed a beat or two before it continued to beat in its erratic rhythm and his pulse was so loud in his ears that he wasn't entirely sure he could still hear the beeping of the heart monitor. But all of that didn't matter, nothing else mattered and would ever matter again because Jethro was looking at him through bright and unfocused eyes. They weren't settling on anything just yet, but Tony didn't care. He was able to see those icy blue and yet warm eyes again, was able to look into those eyes that had always managed to convey any message that Gibbs wanted to send.

Right at that moment, Tony was simply happy. Simply happy that he had made the right decision for once, happy that he hadn't listened to anybody but his own heart. He could look into those eyes again and that was all he ever wanted – and it didn't matter that they were unfocused right now, that there was no sense of comprehension in them. It didn't matter that they were missing that specific spark and it didn't matter that they seemed to be oddly cold and dead. It just didn't matter.

Except it did.

A/N: In case anybody is wondering about the slow pace of this, things will pick up in the other parts, I promise. I'd love to hear your thoughts, though! :)