A/N: Thanks again for your awesome reviews! 3 Oh, and this chapter will be more cheerful than usual ;)

Chapter Five: Commemoration

Tony watched Abby saying her goodbyes to Jethro for the night, promising him to come back the next day which caused him to give her a small smile in return. Abby then gathered her stuff and gave Tony a quick peck on his right cheek before she closed the door behind her, leaving him standing there, desperately trying to regain his composure. Jethro was eyeing him rather suspiciously at the moment and he seemed slightly paler than usual. He wasn't exactly glaring at him, at least it didn't have the edge of a normal Gibbs-glare to it, but he was wary, that was plain to see. Taking a deep breath, Tony finally progressed further into the room and then sat down next to the bed, carefully avoiding eye contact with the other man. He remained silent for what seemed to be a very long time, but Gibbs never moved, never urged him to talk. In fact, he was his usual stoic self, just like he had always been when Tony had had something on his mind. Maybe not everything had changed after all.

"Look, I'm sorry," he finally started, staring at his own hands. "I shouldn't have left like that."

Gibbs let out something that sounded suspiciously like a grunt and Tony looked at him despite himself. He was still sporting a rather wary expression but his eyes were kindly looking at him, so Tony continued.

"I was just… hurt, I guess. And it's not your fault, you don't remember anything, god, I know that, but sometimes I feel… ah hell."

He trailed off, taking a deep breath before he looked Gibbs straight into the eyes. The older man was looking right back at him, the confused expression still on his face, so Tony hurried to continue.

"The reason I freaked out is… there's something I need to tell you and it's important."

He saw Gibbs stiffen ever so slightly, so he tried to give him a small smile before he started over very quietly.

"It's nothing bad, not at all actually. Bad thing is that I haven't told you until now. I really should have, though."

He stopped again, running a hand through his by now ridiculously long hair (Abby had been right, he really needed a haircut) and then turned towards Gibbs again who had raised one of his eyebrows and was squirming ever so slightly.

"Okay," Tony took a deep breath, trying to swallow his own insecurities. "Thing is… what I haven't told you before is… You and me, we're together, like a couple. We've been living together for two years now."

Gibbs stared at him for a moment, his brows furrowed and his cheeks slightly flushed. If Tony hadn't been that nervous, he would have smiled at the sudden awkwardness that was so untypical of Jethro. His pulse had quickened again and he realized that the palms of hands had started to sweat ever so slightly. He wiped them on the fabric of his jeans without any real success before he turned towards Gibbs again, who had a curious expression on his face that Tony wasn't able to interpret. Then, all of a sudden, the tension, which Tony hadn't even noticed before, left Gibbs' body as he leaned back against the headrest of his bed. He tilted his head ever so slightly, not quite smiling but definitely not scowling either as he looked at Tony. Something had changed in his demeanor and yet again the younger man had no clue what exactly it was.

"I know you might be confused now," Tony continued, slightly rambling because he couldn't stand the silence any longer. "We were each other's first. Wow, that does sound weird. But you know what I mean. I've never even looked at a guy twice before you. It just kind of happened, you know. One moment you were just my boss and my best friend and then suddenly you were… everything and more and I should have told you that so much earlier, I'm so sorry."

Gibbs just nodded again, the right corner of his mouth twitching ever so slightly as he raised an eyebrow again and Tony, having learned to read Gibbs' expression like no other, understood that he wanted to know why.

"I really wanted to tell you at first. I really did. But then you didn't remember anything and it was somehow so hard to talk about those things. It just… hurt too much just thinking about the possibility that you might never remember, you know. And here I was sitting having all those memories and still being too afraid to think about them. What can I say… I'm just sorry, okay?"

Gibbs continued to look at him for a very long time before he finally nodded and this time actually gave him a smile. Tony let out a breath he hadn't even known he had been holding and slumped back into his chair, scrubbing a tired hand over his face. He would have given everything to get to know what Gibbs was thinking at the moment, but he couldn't talk to him, of course. It hardly even mattered, though.

"Are you mad?" he finally whispered, leaning closer towards the other man who was now absent-mindedly smoothing down his blanket.

He looked up at Tony's words, though, and seemed to think about it for a moment before he shook his head. For a second, Tony was sure that his left hand had twitched as if he wanted to reach out for him, but the second passed and the younger man was almost sure that he had imagined it after all. Trying hard not to let his disappointment show, he smiled broadly at Jethro and was slightly startled when the other guy returned it with a smile of his own.

"We're good?" Tony asked just to make sure and ease his mind.

Gibbs nodded once and then yawned widely. Quickly glancing at his watch, Tony suddenly realized that it had gotten really late all of sudden without him even noticing.

"Time for bed, huh? Oh, before I forget and in case you're not up yet when I leave tomorrow morning… Abby's forcing me to stay at home tomorrow… over night. She'll stay here though. I know you probably don't need anyone to stay with you and stuff, but I think I need someone to stay here. I know it's stupid, but I just want to make sure, okay?"

Again, Gibbs nodded and gave him a half-smile before he made himself comfortable and soon was out like a light. Tony, however, stayed up a little while longer just to look at the older man. There was something different tonight. He seemed slightly more relaxed and the lines on his forehead were not as clearly recognizable as usually. Tony didn't know whether it was because of the thing he had told him or if it was the tiny piece of memory that had resurfaced and frankly, all of a sudden and despite his earlier break-down, he couldn't have cared less.

A little while later, he fell asleep watching the other guy.

.

The uneasiness that Tony had been feeling all day ever since he had left Jethro's hospital room in the morning slowly faded away as he looked at himself in the mirror in their bedroom. He had taken Abby's advice and had gotten his hair done earlier today. He looked more like his usual self, he realized, even with the dark circles around his eyes. Maybe Abby had been right to tell him to go home. Granted, he already missed Gibbs, but perhaps this was exactly what he needed right now. The talk with the other guy the night before had gone better than he had expected. It hadn't been all that hard to talk about it and Gibbs had seemed like he hadn't minded too much, either.

Sighing, Tony slipped into one of Jethro's white undershirts and then slowly went downstairs into the living room where he perused his DVD collection for a while before he found what he had been looking for. He switched on the flat screen that he had brought with him when he had first moved in and started the movie. It was the very first James Bond and it had never failed to make him feel better. As he watched Sean Connery chase the mine owner Dr. No, Tony couldn't help but notice that this felt oddly normal. The movie was still the same, the couch was still as comfortable as he remembered and he, himself, was just the same guy he had always been, maybe a few pounds lighter, but basically the same. He still enjoyed the same stuff and even though he wanted Gibbs to sit right next to him complaining about the unlikelihood of Bond getting away from all of this, it didn't feel all that bad.

.

He stretched himself as he watched the credits roll. He was tired like hell despite the fact that it was only shortly after ten o'clock. Maybe he should call it a night and get some real sleep for once. He didn't think that it would be much use because he'd wake up due to one nightmare of another by three o'clock anyway, but it was probably worth a try. Briefly, he entertained the thought of going back upstairs and sleeping in their bedroom, but his heart clenched at the mere thought of how cold it would be without the other guy there, so he just turned off the television and made himself comfortable on the couch. It was kind of ironic that he was now sleeping where Jethro had used to sleep for years and years before Tony had come along. It was oddly fitting that while the other man wasn't there, he would do the very same thing. Before he could dwell on the thought for too long, however, his eyes fell shut and he was asleep in mere seconds.

.

Tony slowly blinked his eyes open when the sunshine tickled the tip of his nose the next morning. He groaned as he looked around for a moment without knowing where he was. As he realized that he was at home, he couldn't help but grin to himself. He had slept through the night for the first time in what felt like forever and he hadn't woken up to one of his usual nightmares for the first time since the horrible thing had a mental note to bring Abby some extra CafPow! this morning to thank her, he finally stood up and picked up his watch. He stared at it for a moment and then cursed loudly as he hurried up the stairs to get dressed. He was running late – really late. It was already after eight o'clock. He quickly sent a text message to McGee that he would be coming in late, so that they wouldn't worry and then hurriedly grabbed his stuff and drove Gibbs-style towards the Navy Yard. Still slightly out of breath, he walked into the bullpen to see Ziva and McGee at their desks, both looking a little tired, which stood in stark contrast to Tony, who felt like a million dollars that morning for reasons even unknown to himself.

"Morning Probies," he greeted them, earning himself a slight scowl from Ziva and a raised eyebrow from Tim.

"Everything alright?" McGee asked.

"Yeah, McGee, peachy."

"Why are you late?" Ziva asked now, standing up from her desk to walk over to Tony's, a smile on her lips.

"Uh," he answered, typing in his password. "I overslept. Forgot to set the alarm."

"You know," Ziva replied, looking over at Tim for a moment before she returned her gaze to him. "You look a lot like Gibbs last night. You seem more balanced today, yes?"

"Well," Tony gave her a smile. "I don't know about that. But I've slept perfectly well tonight. You've both been at Gibbs' tonight?"

"Yeah," Tim answered. "And he did look a lot like you. I don't exactly know what it was but he seemed… very alert and happy, I guess. As far as one can always tell that Gibbs is happy, it's not like he doesn't hide it very well."

Tony barked out a laugh and nodded. "Thanks for staying there tonight. Means a lot."

"No Problem, Tony," Ziva just said and then, like nothing out of the ordinary had just happened, they all went back to work.

.

"Hey Jethro," Tony greeted the older man later that day.

The day had gone by in a blur and a happy one at that. He had treated the Probies, Abby, Ducky and Palmer to lunch without even knowing why. He was just in a good mood and even the sheer endless cold cases hadn't changed that fact. The others had been surprised but had gone along with it, not questioning the reason for one of Tony's rare good days.

Jethro just raised his hand and waved shortly in a way of saying hello to Tony. The younger man sat down next to him and then noticed a piece of paper that Gibbs was clutching in his slightly shaky hand.

"What's that?"

Jethro looked at him for a moment as if he hadn't seen him for a very long time before he almost imperceptibly shrugged and handed him the paper. For a moment, Tony's breath hitched as he thought that Gibbs had written something but then he realized that it was only Abby's handwriting after all.

Tony –

Gibbs wants to know how the two of you got together. Thought you would prefer to tell the story yourself.

At the corner she had doodled a small skull which caused Tony to grin ever so slightly.

"You want to know how we got together?" he asked looking up at Gibbs again who was slightly pink in the face again.

He never used to blush, but it somehow improved Tony's mood even more.

"Well," he started. "Once upon a time there was a prince…"

He was, however, rudely interrupted by a groan coming from Jethro. He looked at him again and couldn't help but smile at the sheer intolerance that was mirrored on the other guy's face. Yup, some things never changed.

"Okay, okay," he started over again. "It was a little over three years ago…"

.

. Flashback .

"I hate cases like that," Tony said as he entered Gibbs' living room, feeling oddly beaten from the last couple of days.

"Hmm," the older man just answered, his attention on the two steaks he was cooking over the fireplace.

"You weren't expecting someone, were you?"

"No, just you."

"Neat," Tony just answered as he opened two bottles of beer and handed one of them over. "Does that ever get better? You know… with age?" he then continued without thinking, but stopped dead at Gibbs' raised eyebrow.

"Are you calling me old, DiNozzo?"

"No, Boss, wouldn't dream of it," Tony hurried to defend himself. "I just meant… with more experience on the job."

Gibbs just grunted again as he took the steaks off the fire and handed one of the plates to Tony before he sat down on his couch.

"It doesn't."

"Way to smash my hope there, Boss," Tony sighed and got his knife out of his pocket and started to eat.

They didn't really speak much while they were eating, but Tony was long used to it by now. He had learned to enjoy the occasional silence and Gibbs was the one person that put him at ease – always and without exception.

"Something else on your mind, Tony?" Gibbs finally asked as he was done eating.

"No, I mean, it's stupid, I guess. It's just… have you seen the wife of the dead Lieutenant? I mean we've seen a lot of mourning wives and husbands over the years, but she was just so… devastated. I sometimes just wonder… if someone would be just like that if I died, you know. I want that, too. Not the being devastated part, but the being loved one. I know it sounds stupid…"

Tony trailed off now as he leaned against the backrest of the couch, staring at the ceiling. He probably shouldn't have drunk those couple of beers before he got here after all. He was sure that Gibbs wasn't exactly keen on talking with him about stuff like that. To his surprise, however, Gibbs answered after a little while, his voice oddly quiet for once.

"There are people who care about you, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, Abby and Ziva, McGee. I know, but it's… sometimes I think that's not enough. It's like there's got to be something more out there, you know."

"There might be," Gibbs answered as he also settled against the backrest of his couch and Tony felt his eyes on him, so he turned his head, that was still resting on the backrest, towards Gibbs, slightly startled at the expression the guy was sporting at the moment.

"I'm over forty, Boss. Who would want an overgrown frat boy who can't keep up any decent relationship?"

"Don't sell yourself short, DiNozzo."

"Easy for you to say," he just sighed in answer. "You've been married four times. And yeah, the last three probably weren't the happiest, but you did find that someone somehow. What if I don't?"

Gibbs remained silent for a very long time, just like he always did when someone mentioned Shannon, but Tony didn't feel the need to backpedal for once because Gibbs was still looking right back at him. There were a few emotions that Tony couldn't place flicking over the older guy's face before he had apparently found the right one which Tony easily identified as determination.

"Maybe you already have."

"Don't think so," Tony sighed. "And if you're talking about Wendy again, let me tell you, there's no way we're ever going to get back together."

Tony hadn't missed Gibbs' not so subtle attempt to bring the two of them back together earlier in the year, but Wendy really wasn't the one for him. He had learned that the hard way and he had no desire to relive any of that pain ever again.

A small smile unexpectedly ghosted over Gibbs' face, catching Tony by surprise. He didn't comment on it, however. So they remained silent after that again and Tony somehow wasn't able to avert his eyes from the other guy's. He was still staring intently at him and for a moment Tony thought that the older man had had too much drink, too, but Gibbs seemed, despite the weird expression on his face, like any other day. He felt almost certain that it should freak him out or something, but the panic didn't seem to want to settle in for once. What had the guy meant anyway when he had told him that he maybe had found his person already? He surely wasn't thinking about Ziva or Abby and he hadn't meant Wendy, either. So, who was he missing here? Internally, he went through every woman he had met over the last couple of months but came up empty. He wasn't looking for a fling anyway, he wanted something permanent these days, wanted someone he could feel safe with and someone who would be there for him when times got rough.

Huh.

That was weird. He had just listed every little thing that he appreciated in Gibbs. That was really weird, wasn't it? He chanced a glance at said person who was still looking at him as if he was waiting for something. Maybe for the penny to drop? No, Tony was imagining things, wasn't he? And yet, he continued to look right back into those bright blue eyes for a very long time, unable to avert his eyes.

"You missed somebody before," Gibbs finally broke the poignant silence between them.

"Huh?"

"When you listed the people who care about you, you missed somebody."

"Who?" Tony all but whispered, even though he kind of, somehow already knew the answer.

"Me."

Tony just nodded mutely as he stared at the other guy again, feeling something weird spread in his stomach. He wasn't entirely sure what it was exactly, but he did feel shaky all of a sudden. His breath hitched in his throat as Gibbs just kept on looking at him. For a brief moment his eyes flicked towards Tony's lips as if asking for permission and Tony felt himself swallow. Was this really happening? He had to be imagining it. As he was still thinking about the surrealism of it all, Gibbs had already leaned closer and somehow so had Tony. Their noses were nearly touching now and then, without warning, the older man had closed the small gap between them and kissed him.

And just like that, everything fell into place.

. Flashback .

.

"Of course," Tony said, smiling ever so slightly. "We both freaked out about it the next day, but you know… sometimes things just fit. I guess we were one of those."

Gibbs nodded thoughtfully, furrowing his brow and Tony's heart almost broke all over again as he realized that the older man apparently tried to remember that night three years ago.

"You don't remember, do you?" he asked quietly, desperate to touch him, but didn't dare to.

As Gibbs just shrugged apologetically, his eyes downcast, Tony continued. "No worries, it'll come back, Jethro. In the meantime I'll just remember for both of us, huh?"

Gibbs nodded again, the sad expression still on his face as he crooked his finger, gesturing Tony to come closer. Slightly surprised, Tony did exactly that and then felt his heart pick up pace as Jethro reached out his left hand, letting it hover over Tony's head for a moment. Just as he thought that he might get head-slapped, Gibbs let his hand sink ever so slightly and then affectionately ruffled Tony's hair for a moment. At the touch, Tony felt his heart flutter for a moment and he then let out a breath that felt as if he had been holding it for months. This was all he ever wanted, one touch, one sign that Jethro did care about him even after everything that had happened.

"Yeah, got my hair done yesterday," he finally said only above a whisper, afraid of breaking the moment too soon. "This is what I normally look like. The savaged style was rather something you rocked after you came back from Mexico a couple of years ago."

Jethro looked at him curiously as he let his hand sink back towards the mattress, but Tony didn't care. He would tell him that story sooner or later. In fact, he would tell him everything he ever wanted to know.

It didn't matter that Gibbs still had no recollection about the time he had spent with Tony. It didn't matter that he was still not able to talk or communicate with him properly. All of that didn't matter because he had touched him, he had just touched him.

And for once, Tony was deliriously happy.