A/N: Hey guys! I just want to thank you for all the positive feedback and your constructive criticism! I think I will do more Peeta POV's but this one is from Katniss. Don't forget to review! (I don't own the Hunger Games)
Gale and I grow closer as the days go on. The only time we leave each other's sides is when I have training. I haven't had much improvement in my mental state. I still blame myself for Aaron's death and I swear Snow is still watching me, all the time. I am a lot better physically. I can run 5 miles easily and am in the best shape I've ever been in. Today I have yet another therapy session, but this one is an all day thing.
"Hello Katniss. Ready for our extra long session?"
"No but I'll do it anyway."
"Alrighty then, how are you feeling."
"Snow is watching me, always."
"What?"
"I don't know how to explain it. I just- I just feel like he's everywhere and I can't escape him."
"He can't touch you, not here."
"I know but I just feel, watched."
"Well doctors are watching you. Maybe that's it."
"No, I can feel his snake eyes. Just like in the Capitol."
"Well why don't we come back to that. Why don't we talk about Aaron."
"NO! I don't want to, I won't!"
"Why do you feel it was your fault he died?"
"Wow, going straight for the heart aren't you?" I'm starting to feel weird as if to hurt someone. I reach out and punch Dr. Aurelius, square in the nose. It starts bleeding immediately. I scream horrible things at him. "You heartless son of a bitch! Is it your goal to make me want to kill myself because it's working! No one hear cares about me! I'm worthless!" Everything seems so shiny, as if I have been stung by a tracker jacker. The room starts spinning and I quickly lose my breakfast. I hear someone come in. Great another sedative, it's the only way I really sleep now. Instead, someone's arms come around me. They feel so familiar, but it can't be, Aaron's dead. Shh, it's okay. You're not worthless, you're priceless. You're amazing. You have so many family and friends that love you, especially me.
"I'm a horrible person, real or not real?"
"Not real. Not even close, you're a wonderful person."
Who is this person? Why do they care so much about me? If I didn't look up I would've swore it was Aaron, the way I feel safe in his arms. The way his words get to me when no one else's does. I look up and I see the last person I would expect, Peeta Mellark. I thought I was done with him when I slapped. I would've thought I would be the last person he would want to hold. I though he was off in battle somewhere. "P-p-peeta," I ask between tears. "Shh, I'm here Katniss, whether you like it or not," he chuckles. "Did I punch Dr. Aurelius? I can't remember."
"No, you didn't. The Capitol made you."
"I felt like I had been stung by tracker jackers. That's all I can remember. What's going on? Why do you care about me? I slapped you."
"That wasn't you either."
"Yes it was. I didn't feel stung."
"No, because the real Katniss, the actual real Katniss, would remember me. Don't worry, we'll get her back."
I look in a mirror and see how horrible I look. My hair is a tangled mess, I have scars everywhere, I'm extremely thin, and I have horrible bags under my eyes. My shirt is soiled in my vomit, why is Peeta holding me? Isn't he disgusted? "Wow, I look horrible."
"No you don't. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
"Don't Peeta, just don't. I look bad and you know it. My hair is horrible, my skin's a mess, and I haven't slept in days."
"Do you wanna know what I see? "
"Not really."
"Too bad. I see a girl who was brave enough to save her sister from the Games, risked her life for a boy who was practically dead, and gave hope to a country in need. If that's not beauty, I don't know what is."
"Peeta, why are you so nice to me? All I've done is been mean and yet you keep coming back."
"Because I see more to you then a broken girl, I can see a girl who gave up everything for a rebellion. I know you can be put back together."
"Leave."
"What? Katniss I'm sorry for whatever I did, forgive me."
"No, I'm going to say something wrong and you'll give up on me too."
"I'll never give up on you, no matter how bad you get, but I'll leave. I'll go get a doctor."
"Where did Dr. Aurelius go?"
"He left while you were crying to fix his nose." Peeta leaves and I hear him tell Haymitch everything. Why are they so close? Haymitch doesn't socialize with anyone besides his tributes. Then, Dr. Aurelius comes in with a bandage around his nose.
"Oh Doctor, I'm so sorry for hitting you. Something came over me. As if I weren't myself. It felt like I had been stung by a tracker jacker." He seems very interested the second I say it.
"Have you ever felt like that before?"
"In the first Games when I really was stung by tracker jackers."
"Anytime else?"
"Um, in the Capitol, every day."
"Did they give you shots that would make you feel like that?"
"Yes. It makes everything, shiny."
"Katniss, by what you're telling me, it seems as if you have been hijacked."
"Hijacked?"
"Taken over. It seems as though the Capitol tried to take over your thoughts. You resisted amazingly. That's why you sometimes think no one loves you. It can also make you violent. For some reason I can't explain, it is just now starting to affect you."
"Can it be reversed?"
"I'm not sure. I've never seen it been reversed before."
"So I'm broken, forever?"
"No, if anything, thin will make it easier to repair, now that we know exactly what's wrong. I'm going to inform the other doctors and Haymitch if you don't mind." He leaves and I'm left alone with my thoughts. I know it won't get fixed. It will take over me and I will permanently be a deranged Capitol mutt. That's what I am, a mutt. Hopefully it will kill before anything gets too bad and I can be with Aaron in the afterlife. I can shake the feeling I'm being watched. I think by Snow himself. "Is this what you want Snow? For me to give up, because I am! You won! Peeta can win this war for you!" At that very moment, the TV turns on and I see Peeta.
"Hello people of Panem. It's Peeta Mellark here. I'm here in District 13 today to update you on Katniss Everdeen's condition. It turns out Katniss Everdeen was hijacked by the Capitol. While captured in the Capitol, they shot her with tracker jacker venom and caused her to think she is worthless. That no one needs her, but she's wrong. We need her. Without her, there might not have been a rebellion and you would be watching your children fight to the death. We need to fight, for her! Show her how not-worthless she is. Show here that she inspires us. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but she can't remember me. She can't remember that we love each other. I need her back and so does all of Panem. So fight! Fight for her and she'll come back and fight with us!"
The TV turns off and I can feel the hijacking coming over me. I try to hide it to get to Peeta. Peeta, who does he think he is, telling all of Panem I'm weak and need others to fight for me?
"I look to a camera that's supposed to be hidden, "I need to talk to Peeta Mellark, please, now." I'm surprised by how well I am controlling myself. Within five minutes Peeta enters my room.
"Hello Katniss. I heard you wanted to talk to me."
"Yes, I do. Who in the hell do you think you are going around telling all of Panem I need someone else to fight for me? I can fight for myself whether I'm hijacked or not! You had no right saying those things. I didn't forget you, I never knew you! Stop making up such preposterous lies and tell the truth! I don't love you, I can't! I can't love you, we don't know each other well enough to love each other!" I'm screaming at him, louder than ever.
"Katniss, you're right, I had no right saying those things. I should've asked," he says very calmly. He's so understanding which just makes me angrier.
"No! Stop being nice! Why are you always nice? It makes me feel even worse because I'm yelling at someone who's nothing but nice! Be mean for god's sake!"
"Fine, you want me to yell! I'm yelling! You want to know why I'm so nice?"
"Yes, just tell me!" Everything is so shiny and I barely know who I am. I only know that Peeta Mellark has bothered me for the last time.
"Because I love you! I love you more than anything else in this world! I can't be mean to someone I love! I just want you back!"
"No! You don't love me, that's impossible! No one loves me! Everyone dies because of me!" I lunge out at him to attack but he's quicker and has me against the wall so that our eyes meet.
"No, Katniss. None of those deaths were your fault. You are very loved Katniss." His eyes are such a beautiful blue I can't take my eyes off them. I come back to my senses and try to get away but he's extremely strong. I guess carrying all those bags of flour paid off. The next thing happens so fast, the only thing I can register is a stirring in my chest. He leaned and kissed me, right on the lips. It feels so good, so familiar. It makes me feel safe and for that very moment, everything stops being shiny. The room stops spinning. After the kiss, I'm pulled back to reality and remember what Peeta did. I scratch him right across the face. He doesn't even flinch. All he does is kiss me after. I try to pull back but they feel so good, I almost don't want to. I give up and kiss him back but when I run out of breath I remember once more that he humiliated me and scream for help. Gale comes running in and pulls Peeta off me. I almost reach out for Peeta. Why can't I just push him away? Why did I have to feel something in those kisses? The next thing I see is Gale punching Peeta. The room is spinning and I pass out right after I see Haymitch pull Gale off Peeta.
When I wake up I see Gale beside my hospital bed. "Hello Catnip," he leans over and kisses me on the forehead. I try to say "Hi" but my voice is gone. I guess all that screaming was not good for my vocal chords.
"Here drink some water." Gale hands me a cold glass of water. I drink the whole thing in one drink and my voice feels ten times better.
"Thanks," I croak out, "Is Peeta okay? I really overreacted. He was just trying to help."
"He's fine. Don't blame yourself, it wasn't you. I hurt him more anyway."
"On the outside, I know I did more damage on the inside. You should've seen how hurt he looked."
"I did. I was watching with Haymitch and doctors."
"Where is Peeta? Is Haymitch angry with me?"
No, Haymitch understands. You've been hijacked. Peeta is in District 2. They're trying to convince 2 to come over to the Rebel's side. I think it's working. I have to go out there today, I was just waiting for you to wake so I could tell you goodbye. I love you." He leans in and we kiss for a while. I feel bad for thinking it, but these kisses don't feel near as good as Peeta's. It was probably because I was hijacked and couldn't control myself. Still, when he kissed me, everything felt normal, no more than that, magical. I kiss back though so he doesn't suspect my thoughts. "Be safe."
"I will Catnip. Take care of yourself." He leaves and I feel guilty for only thinking of Peeta.
Weeks go by and no word from 2. I keep myself busy, hanging out with Annie while Finnick trains some more, like he really needs to. He's the most athletic person I know. Johanna and I study military terms together although I doubt they will ever let me fight in this condition. I help Prim study for her doctor's degree by quizzing her from her book. I don't talk to Haymitch much but I know he watches my sessions with Aurelius. I don't improve much. I have attacks about once or twice a day. Afterwards I drift into a restless sleep for what feels like days but turn out to be about a half hour. That's the only time I sleep.
About two and a half weeks after Peeta had left, Haymitch comes in. "Katniss I need to tell you something. You probably won't care but I still think I ought to tell you. Peeta has been shot. He's alive, he was wearing a bulletproof vest, but he broke a couple ribs. He's here but he's unconscious at the moment."
I run to find him in a different part of the hospital. He looks so helpless just lying there. He's shirtless with white gauze covering his rib cage. I sit in the chair next to his bed and take his hand in both of my. His hands that could frost a cake so well. Hands that threw me burnt bread and helped me when no one else would. I just sit there watching him and wondering, is it possible that I might love him too?