A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews! I'm sorry that I didn't have the time to reply to you all individually, but your kind words are so very much appreciated! :) Thanks.

Chapter Two: Initiation

"You're asking me for a date?" Tony finally checked back, making sure that he was actually awake and not still sleeping.

"Yeah," Gibbs replied, looking highly uncomfortable by now as if he was dreading Tony's answer all of a sudden.

Tony continued to stare at the older man for a very long time, trying to find a way to calm down his heart and his pulse. He felt oddly light-headed and didn't even know why that was. Wasn't this what he had been waiting for all along? Wasn't this the reason he had refused to search for a new apartment? Wasn't this the reason why Abby had scolded him for fooling himself? It was strange because now that Gibbs was here, offering him what he had desperately hoped for, he felt strangely enough rather empty.

"What if you don't?" he finally asked so quietly that Gibbs took a slightly shaky step forward, tightly holding on to his cane, which was new, Tony noticed, one made out of wood.

"D-don't ask you for a d-date?"

"No," Tony replied, realizing that that question had only made sense in his head. "I mean… what if you don't fall in love with me again? What if you can't?"

Gibbs stared at him for a moment and for a split second it seemed like he wanted to reach out to him, but like so many times before he refrained from doing so and subtly shook his head.

"I d-don't know that, Tony, but… I just think… I wouldn't m-miss you like I d-do right now… if… if we…"

"If we were just friends?" Tony finished the sentence for him and felt something inside of him dissolve at Gibb's nod.

"Yeah," Gibbs just answered and the younger man noticed that his cheeks had turned slightly pink.

Just as he started to marvel at the fact that the older man never used to do blush before, Tony realized that they had rarely ever talked about stuff like that and that was maybe the reason why. Gibbs had never been good at the talking part of the relationship, so Tony had mostly provided it and gladly at that. The older guy had always talked louder through his actions than through his words and that had been fine with Tony. It did, however, suddenly make Jethro's statement even more loaded. Trying to give him a smile, Tony ran a hand through his hair, probably messing it up big time. He remained silent, though, not knowing what he was supposed to say now.

"So?" Gibbs finally followed up on his earlier question, causing Tony to finally look him into the eyes again.

"Maybe," he said softly and felt the guilt settle in somewhat when he saw Jethro's face fall ever so slightly, so he hurried to continue. "I mean, if I can. I just need time, okay?"

"'Kay," Gibbs replied, the smallest of smiles appearing on his lips. "L-let me know when you know?"

"Sure."

Once again, they remained silent for what seemed to be a very long time, spending it just looking at each other before Tony finally cleared his throat loudly, knowing that they couldn't possibly stay like that forever.

"How did you come here?" he asked, realizing only now that Gibbs wasn't allowed to drive with his leg these days.

"T-took a c-cab."

"Want me to drive you home? It's getting kind of late."

"Would be g-good."

"Okay, uh, let me just grab some jeans," Tony felt his cheeks grow hot ever so slightly as he realized that he was wearing nothing but boxer shorts and an old t-shirt, but Gibbs either hadn't minded or hadn't noticed.

"'Kay."

Tony gave him a smile and then hurried to get back into the bedroom and dress himself, not even knowing why he was so keen on being alone with the guy all of a sudden. Maybe it was the fact that McGee was most likely to listen in on their conversation and he wanted to get away from him or maybe it was simply the fact that he wanted to spend time with Jethro, even after everything that had happened. But that didn't mean that he was sure that dating him was a good idea. He loved the thought of it, had even dreamed of it, but something inside him held him back. He didn't know yet what it was exactly, but he would need time to figure it out.

.

They spent most of the drive in silence and to Tony's surprise it was a rather comfortable one for once, not like all the quietness back when Gibbs had first gotten home from the hospital.

"And you really mean it?" he finally said, glancing at the older man and saw him jump ever so slightly as if he had just been preoccupied with his own thoughts and hadn't expected him to start talking again.

"Yeah. R-really mean it, T-Tony."

"Okay," he turned his head and gave him a smile. "Why so suddenly, though? What brought this up?"

"I d-don't know," Jethro answered rather reluctantly after a moment's thought. "L-like I said, I m-miss you and I've b-been looking at p-pictures of us and Abby… she v-visited m-me quite a lot and she always t-tells me how… happy we were. And I… I want it back."

"How can you want it back when you don't even know what it was like?" Tony inquired just as he pulled into the driveway of Gibbs' house.

"I m-might not remember," Jethro slowly answered, his eyes locking into Tony's. "B-but you d-do and m-maybe we c-can get me to remember us, t-too… or g-get new… m-memories."

.

When Tony opened the door to McGee's apartment almost an hour later, he was still reeling from the talk in the car. He couldn't help but feel all tingly inside at the prospect of actually creating new memories with Jethro, even if the phrasing had sounded suspiciously like Abby's. It didn't matter much, though, because the older guy would never say something he didn't want to, so Tony didn't particularly care. It was the sentiment that counted and it was enough for the moment. He let himself in and then almost let out a cry of surprise as he spotted McGee sit on his couch, staring at him with a rather gloomy expression, sitting there much too still.

"Fuck, McGee," Tony breathed out. "You scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry," the younger man just shrugged, looking at him seriously. "I just wanted to wait for you. Wasn't entirely sure you'd come home tonight."

"Well, thanks Mom," Tony started to joke before he realized that he had indeed come home.

Funny, how that fact had changed so quickly. Brushing away the uncomfortable thought for the moment, he flopped down on the couch next to McGee, knowing that he wanted to talk to him.

"So, you'll go back to him?" Tim asked straightforwardly, very much like he had spoken to Gibbs earlier that evening.

"I don't know," Tony answered truthfully. "Do you think I should?"

"Not my decision to make."

"Yeah, I know… but hypothetically… I mean, you did tell him to talk to me?"

"Yeah, couple of weeks ago," McGee admitted, fixing his glance at the blank TV screen in front of him. "We all have, I guess."

"Why?"

"Why? You're asking? Have you looked at yourself lately? No offense, but you're such a mess. I mean, you're great at work and all, but whenever you get here, it seems like you're just… I don't know… falling apart, I guess. That's why I thought it would be good for you to talk to him. I wasn't so sure tonight, though."

"Why?" Tony repeated his question, once again feeling the well-known guilt in his stomach that he had let McGee clean up his mess like that.

"Because I don't know if it's prudent for you to… start dating or whatever you're planning to do, that's all. I'm just concerned, okay? Didn't mean to interfere with anything."

"You didn't," Tony replied slowly, leaning against the backrest of the couch, fixing his glance on the ceiling. "And thanks."

"That's okay," McGee replied and Tony felt him fidget ever so slightly next to him.

"So, you think I shouldn't go back to him?" Tony finally asked.

"No, I mean… I hope you'll make the right decision, that's all. It's just hard to imagine what you'd do if he really doesn't remember you or if he really doesn't want to get back together, you know? You've been so depressed these last few weeks that I can't imagine how bad it would get, you know?"

Tony turned his head to look at the younger agent, feeling his heart pick up pace again. This was why he had been reluctant to say yes straight away. This was why he had wanted to talk to Tim after all. He needed another opinion on this.

"I know," he finally said. "But I don't think I can live with the what-if. I think I really need to know if this still could work because otherwise I'll always ask myself I made the wrong decision, you know?"

"I get that," Tim nodded, finally looking at him. "That was why I wanted him to talk to you a couple of weeks ago. You really just needed someone and I knew that he was the only one you ever talked to. Even before you got together, it was always Gibbs that was the best at… I don't know giving advice or whatever and I knew that nothing I or Abby or Ziva said to you would make any difference."

Tony stared at him for a long while after that, trying to blink away the tears that had formed themselves just beneath his eyelids once again. He managed to keep them from falling this time as he let the thought settle in that he would have to start trusting the younger man with stuff like that. He had done nothing but to be there for him those last couple of weeks and maybe even months, and Tony suddenly felt his heart sink as he realized that he would never be able to pay him back.

"I…," he finally started unsure of what to say. "I… thanks, Tim, for all of it."

"Hey," McGee just grinned as he stood up. "That's what friends are for, right? So, uh, can I interest you in a movie tonight? Still haven't seen the new Batman."

"Ah, the return of the McGeek," Tony just replied, getting to his feet to browse through his DVDs.

.

By Wednesday Tony had finally made up his mind. Deep down he had probably always known that he would go out on that date with Jethro, but his mind hadn't caught up with it until late on Tuesday night when he had lain in bed, realizing that he was actually all tingly inside at the mere prospect of it. He had no clue what to expect, had no clue if it was really healthy for him to go back to Gibbs' house and watch a movie or eat cowboy-style steaks. Hell, he didn't even know if that was what Jethro wanted, but he would go along with anything anyway.

Stealing himself away from Dorneget and McGee who were huddled around Tim's computer to look at whatever – he supposed he didn't really want to know – he reached for his cell phone, pushed speed dial number one and waited for Jethro to pick up. It took a couple of rings before he was finally able to hear the other man's voice on the other line.

"Hey," Tony greeted him. "How you're doing?"

"'m fine," Gibbs replied. "You?"

"Same, basically," he lied effortlessly because he was in fact feeling rather queasy at the moment. "Listen, about that date… I'm going to take you up on that."

"Yeah?" Gibbs asked and Tony could almost hear the smile through the phone.

"Yup. What do you want to do?"

"Thought I'd t-take you out to d-dinner somewhere."

Slightly taken aback by that offer, Tony remained silent for a moment before he got himself together and answered.

"You sure? I mean… uh… we never used to do that."

"We d-didn't?"

"No," Tony replied, chuckling soundlessly at the obvious surprise in the other man's voice. "First we had to make sure that nobody would actually see us because of our job and stuff and once we were out, we usually just stayed in, you know."

"'Kay," Gibbs answered thoughtfully. "B-but that was before, r-right?"

Tony felt his heart sink at those last words, realizing that this was the reason he felt so queasy. He didn't want something new – not really. He wanted the old stuff back. Wanted their old relationship back, wanted to have the old easiness between them back. But he only realized now that it wasn't likely to happen like that. The chances that Jethro's memory would come back completely after all this time were almost zero and while he had learned to somewhat accept that thought a long time ago, it hadn't really hit him until now. But it hardly even mattered at the moment. Jethro wanted to take him out on a date, wanted to make it somewhat alright with him and Tony would never put an end to that attempt without even trying.

"T-Tony?" Gibbs interrupted his thoughts and only now did the younger man realize that he still hadn't answered.

"You're right," he finally replied. "You free on Friday?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll pick you up at 7.30 then?"

"Sounds g-good."

.

When Tony pulled into Gibbs' driveway at 7.30 sharp, he wondered when he had last been that nervous because of a date. He had been restless all day, had all but prayed that no new case would wash up and then had stormed out of the office in order to get home as quickly as possible. McGee hadn't commented on the various outfits he had tried on or on the way he had tried to restyle his hair a couple of times, but he had smirked quite a lot. Secretly, Tony was glad that the younger man seemed to be okay with him going on that date with Gibbs. He had known that McGee had been reluctant for all the right reasons, but he had never brought up the topic again and Tony had taken it as his silent connivance.

Quickly checking his reflection in the mirror, Tony was about to get out of the car when he saw Gibbs walking towards him. He was wearing black slacks and white button-down shirt and Tony couldn't help but notice that he was actually looking good. He had only seen him in casual clothes, sweats mostly, ever since he had gotten home from the hospital, so this was a nice change. He smiled at him as Gibbs opened the door and then sat down on the passenger seat.

"So, where am I taking you?" he asked straightforwardly.

"You know R-Rustico?"

"Of course, I do," Tony replied as he reversed the car out of the driveway and onto the streets. "Best pizza there is."

"W-we can go someplace else, t-too," Gibbs said with a slight note of uncertainty in his voice that made Tony momentarily take his eyes off the road to look at the older man instead.

"No, Rustico's just fine. I love their food. Perfect choice."

"G-Good," Gibbs just replied before they settled in a rather uncomfortable silence.

Tony didn't know how to break it, so he kept his focus on the road, trying to find a way to ease up the tangible tension between them.

"So, uh," he finally started. "Ducky tells me you're making progress with that leg of yours?"

"Yeah, I c-can walk a c-couple of steps without this stupid thing."

He indicated at the cane and Tony nodded, only now realizing how much the older man had to hate it, hate it to be dependent on something like that.

"That's great," Tony replied awkwardly. "You made it yourself, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Gibbs nodded, staring out the windshield. "'s n-not like I have m-much else t-to d-do these d-days."

"Right," the younger man just said before silence continued to prevail again.

.

They hardly talked to each other until they had already placed their orders and had spent the next five minutes or so staring at each other uncomfortably. Tony knew that it was his job to get the conversation up and running, but somehow his brain seemed to be slow-witted tonight and he wasn't able to come up with anything. Maybe it was because he was so nervous or maybe it was because he didn't want to talk about something that would make the other man uncomfortable. He wasn't sure if the guy wanted to talk about their past or if he wanted to talk about work or whatever. So, he just sat there, staring at Gibbs, feeling more restless with every moment that passed.

Finally, after the waiter had already brought them their drinks, Gibbs cleared his throat, took a sip from his water and then spoke up.

"This is… awkward."

Tony let out a bark of a laugh, realizing that he should have probably known that Gibbs would just state the obvious.

"Yeah, it is. Sorry."

"D-don't be," Gibbs gave him a slight smile. "What d-did we use t-to t-talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know. Everything. Work, Abby's latest quirks, Vance's stupidity. Everything and nothing, I guess."

"V-Vance's stupidity?" Gibbs smirked ever so slightly and Tony felt something in his stomach flutter because that expression was so familiar to him that it almost hurt.

"Yeah, you know. Just general stuff."

"B-But he helped?"

"Yeah, he did," Tony replied thoughtfully, thinking back to the last year and how Vance had been there for them. "He's been great actually."

"Yeah," Gibbs nodded and they fell silent again as the waiter placed their plates onto the table in front of them. "How d-did he f-find out?"

"Find out what?" Tony asked around a mouthful of pizza.

"Us," Gibbs replied. "You t-told m-me that we had t-to hide before."

"Yeah, that's right. We had really managed to keep it quiet for about half a year or so until Abby almost walked in on us on a Sunday afternoon. God, I'll never forget her face as she saw us making out on the couch in your living room. She looked just like the overly surprised characters in the cartoons. And well, then we kind of had to tell the rest of the team, too, because you know how Abby can't keep a secret that big even if her life depended on it."

"They were c-cool with us?" Gibbs asked now, his expression rather indifferent, but Tony was able to see through the ruse immediately as it was the exact look on his face he was always sporting when he really wanted to know about something.

"Pretty much, yeah. I think Palmer couldn't look you in the eye for months and McGee needed about a week to close his mouth after the surprise, but all in all they've been pretty supportive. It was really great actually."

"Yeah," Gibbs just replied. "And V-Vance, t-too? I was your b-boss."

"He found out when he heard Ziva and McGee talking. He was pretty furious and wanted to transfer me at first."

"What changed his m-mind?"

"No clue. One day he was all pissed and the next he calls us to his office and we were really prepared for it, you know. Had all kinds of pros and cons up our sleeves and then he's just like your stats haven't gone down and the team seems to be working just fine. He never told us what or who had changed his mind, but maybe it actually was our solve rate… or his wife. Who knows?"

"B-bet it was Jackie," Gibbs spoke up, chuckling and then fell silent all of a sudden as his eyes widened ever so slightly.

"What is it?" Tony asked, putting down his fork and knife to look at the other man, who had furrowed his brow now, more closely.

"N-nothing," Gibbs replied, but his expression was telling a totally different story.

"That's not nothing," Tony pressed on, trying to get eye contact again. "You just remembered something, didn't you?"

"'m n-not sure," Gibbs slowly answered, finally taking a bite of his lasagna. "There is something 'bout Leon's wife, b-but I d-don't know what it is."

"That's okay," Tony tried to reassure him because he was having that slightly panicked expression on his face again as always when he couldn't connect the dots in his mind. "It'll come back, I'm sure."

"Yeah," Gibbs just replied, attempting to give him a smile before continued to eat his dinner.

.

The rest of the dinner went by in no time and Tony caught himself actually having fun. Gibbs still seemed a bit uncomfortable and maybe a bit freaked out, but Tony contributed that to the fact that he only half remembered something about Vance's wife and not that he didn't want to be there with him. He drove him home afterwards and while they were mostly silent on the ride, it wasn't awkward like the drive to the restaurant had been. They were now merely letting the evening fade away into night and Tony, for once, didn't feel the need to talk. The date had been nice, despite the rocky beginning and had proved to him that all was not lost for them just yet. He didn't know what Jethro was thinking about, but he thought that he probably wasn't too freaked out about their evening. So when Tony stopped the engine on the driveway of Gibbs' house a little while later, he wasn't entirely surprised when Gibbs gave him a smile as he reached for the door handle.

"C-can we d-do this again?" he asked and he sounded so unsure of himself once again that Tony had to hold himself back to not reach over and cup his face to reassure him.

"Yeah," Tony hurried to reply, eager to see that smile back on the other man's face and he did him the favor after a short moment. "I had fun tonight. I'd love to go on a second date with you."

"G-Good," Jethro just replied, then reached out and squeezed his shoulder for a short moment, sending an unexpected shiver down Tony's spine before he got out of the car without another word.

Tony watched him walk slowly towards the house and realized that he did indeed want to go on a second date. It was strange to go out like that, considering the fact that they had been together for three years, but it was most certainly the right thing for Gibbs to do. And maybe it was even right for Tony. Maybe he would have to get to know the other guy as he was now and would have to stop looking for the man he had used to be.

Jethro simply wasn't the guy he had been only eight months ago anymore and maybe Tony would have to learn to love the new Gibbs. He knew that he could most certainly do it and he prayed to any god that would listen to him that Gibbs would do the same in return.

A/N: Hope you liked it ;)