A/N- My internet was down for 20+ days, my computer broke, my dog died, I changed jobs, my husband was made redundant and is currently unemployed, the kids went back to school, I went back to uni...I'm sure there's more things to blame but that'll do.
I am so very sorry. I promise I will never leave it this long again!
I am going to have to give replying to every review a miss from now on :-(
Thank you all for the reviews for Chapter 13, they make me smile.
So where were we...
Chapter 13-
Hermione and Severus had shared a kiss, Severus had gone all noble on her and told her it was wrong and then...
They stared at one another for a moment; neither sure how the other was about to act.
"Fine, I'll leave, but only because I am mature enough to see that this discussion isn't remotely productive," she sniffed disdainfully as she pulled the shoulder of her dress back up. "This isn't over though; you know that, don't you?" Hermione tried to control her temper.
"Is that a threat?" Severus growled as stood up from his chair, his fists clenched.
Hermione rolled her eyes before throwing up her hands in frustration. "Of course not you stupid arse! I care about you, I would never…nobody will ever hear about this. I would never harm your reputation or try to hurt you."
He looked at her from under hooded lids and took in her earnest expression. She would never intentionally cause me harm, he thought remorsefully.
"I meant," she began through gritted teeth, "that there is no way we can co-exist harmoniously in this castle without dealing with this properly," Hermione pointed out gently, as she thought about how awkward things could get. She wanted to scream at him; she wanted to cry and stamp her feet and tell him she couldn't live without him. She didn't however; none of that exactly screamed 'yes I'm young enough to be your daughter, but don't worry, I'm mature enough to be your lover.'
"We'll manage," Severus muttered indifferently as he poured himself another drink.
"I won't," Hermione's voice wavered as she struggled to maintain her aloof facade. "I'll miss you terribly if you avoid me and act like this never happened."
He snorted into his glass. "Well, then you are a fool." He knocked his drink back before reaching for the bottle again. Gods, get out you wonderfully perfect human being, he thought as her kindness and maturity made him fall for her just that little bit more.
Hermione watched him as the hurt she was feeling began to invade every cell in her body. I have been kind, patient and understanding, and all the while he sits there getting pissed and belittling what just happened between us.
"I'm starting to see that," she spoke sadly, but there was a hint of steel in her tone that showed she was angry too. "I am evidently an awful judge of character." She was glad he was staring into his glass as she felt her lip wobble and her eyes fill with tears. She walked over to the door and picked up her shoes. "Goodnight, sir."
Severus' head shot up, ready to chastise her for taunting him, but she was already gone.
He waited long enough for her to have reached Gryffindor Tower before he threw his glass against the wall.
What have I done?
Chapter 14-
Severus had not felt so wretched since his Death Eater days. He awoke with a pounding headache, a tongue like sandpaper and an overwhelming sense of shame and regret. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, wincing as he irritated the cuts on his knuckles. He stared at his hands; where the hell did these come from? He flexed his hands experimentally as if hoping the sharp jolts of pain would jog his memory.
He stumbled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom, staggering all the way due to feeling distinctly unbalanced. As soon as he entered the bathroom and saw the broken glass littering the floor, the memories of punching the mirror with both fists came rushing back to him. Why? He picked up his toothbrush before throwing it in the sink with a look of horror on his face. He let out a growl and marched through to his living room, picking up the half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey as he went. He stormed into the bedroom with only his Firewhiskey and his resolution that he would never leave his chambers again, to keep him company. He kicked the door shut behind him with a thud.
Severus Snape had remembered.
X~X
Hermione had not felt this miserable since her Horcrux-hunting days. She awoke with a pounding headache and feeling as weak as a kitten. For a moment she couldn't quite fathom why she felt so terrible, but she had an overwhelming feeling that something was extremely wrong. She blinked and rubbed her eyes, wincing as she noted how tender the soft skin surrounding her eyes seemed to be. Why does it feel like I've been rubbing my eyes all night? She sat up slightly with her elbows supporting her and looked around her room, taking in the sight of her dress and heels lying on the floor with a look of horror on her face. I have been rubbing my eyes all night because I've spent most of it crying, Hermione thought as she lay back down with a groan. She threw her duvet over her face with only her pillow and her resolution never to leave her bedroom again to keep her company. She rolled over onto her stomach and let out a muffled scream into her pillow.
Hermione Granger had remembered.
X~X
Several hours later…
Severus sat up rather too quickly and cradled his pounding head in his hands. What the hell just woke me up? He checked the time and noted it was 4:00pm. He lay back down and reached his hand out to the right hand side of his bed, fumbling blindly for his bottle. There was a dull thumping sound coming from somewhere outside his head but in his drunken haze he couldn't quite locate the source of said sound.
"Severus?" Minerva McGonagall's voice accompanied the impatient rap at his bedroom door.
Severus Snape lost all hope of evading his boss when he gave a rather uncharacteristic yelp before getting tangled up in his covers and falling out of bed with a thump.
"I know you're in there Severus; what on earth is going on with you? Why are their pieces of broken mirror all over the floor."
"Excuse me Minerva; I am indisposed at the moment. Could you possibly call back tomorrow?" He remained sprawled on the floor, praying that she would leave.
"I'm afraid not Severus. I was knocking at the door to your private chambers for almost 10 minutes before I was forced to use the master password to enter. There is a situation. I must speak with you immediately. Face to face might I add, not through your bedroom door," Minerva spoke firmly.
Gods I'm done for. I'm about to be fired and arrested. Hell, I'm probably about to be murdered. How does she know? Has Hermione gone back on her word? No, she wouldn't. I bet she ran back to her tower crying, and some annoying little friend got the truth out of her. Fuck!
Severus got to his feet and began using healing and cleansing charms on himself to make him more presentable. Unless…perhaps it is merely a coincidence. Maybe something is wrong with one of the Slytherins? Oh, please let there be a copycat Dark Lord or a pregnant teenager…anything but Minerva castrating me for sullying her favourite pupil. Yes, it's just a coincidence. He began dressing as he attempted to calm himself. There is no reason to assume it is about Hermione, he reassured himself as he began buttoning his coat.
"It's about Hermione Granger," Minerva added in clipped tones.
Shit.
X~X
"Hermione are you in there?" Ginny knocked furiously at the door.
This was the third time Ginny had knocked at her door today. I've got to get out of here, Hermione mused as the thought of facing Ginny had her stomach churning with nerves.
"I'm going to grab some breakfast for both of us, and when I get back I expect you to let me in," Ginny threatened. "Or you're not in there, and I am talking to myself. " She let out a sigh. "Either way I'll be back."
Hermione's heart began to race as she heard Ginny make her way down the stairs. Crap, I can't face her yet. I have got to get out of here. She threw on a pair of jeans and her favourite oversized cardigan and camisole combination in muted natural colours before pulling on her boots and her outer cloak. She gently opened the door a fraction before peeking out into the hallway; seems safe enough, Hermione thought as she shuffled out into the hall before closing her door gently behind her. She crept along to Ginny's dorm, pausing at the door to take a calming deep breath.
"Hello? Ginny? Is anybody here?" She questioned as she opened the door hesitantly. Hallelujah, she squealed internally. She ran over to the trunk at the bottom of Ginny's bed and sought out the familiar cool fabric of Harry's invisibility cloak. Thank Merlin that Harry wanted Ginny to have the cloak here at Hogwarts, Hermione thought as she threw it over herself and disappeared from view.
She felt a little guilty as she watched Ginny pass her outside the Great Hall with a range of breakfast goods in her arms. She'll understand, Hermione thought as she made her way outside into the cool, winter air. Her feet crunched through the snow as she began to form some kind of plan. I just need to walk, and think…and hide.
X~X
Severus was unclear as to which emotion he should be dealing with first as he followed Minerva through the hallways of Hogwarts. He was relieved that the Headmistress seemed to have no idea what had happened last night; he was ashamed that he had even put himself in the position where such a conversation was possible, but there were more pressing emotions consuming him. Fear, anger, concern, longing, hurt, worry, sadness, guilt…bloody Granger, he thought with a snarl.
Hermione was missing. Her room was empty, the school had been searched, and she hadn't been seen all day. It was getting dark and the faculty members were about to search the grounds more thoroughly, but Minerva wanted to ask Ginny a few questions and so Severus found himself in Hermione's room once more. There was no half-naked Hermione this time; only a thoroughly vexed headmistress, an anxious Charms professor, an arrogantly heroic fool who taught Defence and a rather uncomfortable-looking duo of Dean Thomas and Ginny Weasley. Severus drummed his fingers against the bedpost he was leaning against, acting as though he found this entire situation mind-numbingly boring; in actual fact, he was a wreck as he waited to hear just how well Hermione's friends really knew her.
X~X
Hermione was freezing. Yes she was wrapped up, yes she had applied warming charms, but that didn't stop the bitter chill of the Scottish winter air permeating her being. She crept past the Great Hall, still hidden beneath the invisibility cloak. She did a quick scan of the room and noticed that the staff table was pretty much deserted. She glanced at the Gryffindor table, trying to decide whether or not to just stroll in and approach Ginny when she noticed that Ginny wasn't even in the hall, and neither was Dean. The Gryffindor students looked fairly subdued and were whispering amongst themselves. Gods, Hermione thought with a groan as a feeling of dread swept over her. I'm probably in a whole world of trouble.
X~X
"Thank you for your time Miss Weasley, Mr Thomas," Minerva offered with a sad smile. "You two run along and get something to eat."
Severus breathed a sigh of relief as the two students left the room without divulging anything about his relationship with Hermione. They didn't seem to have a clue that anything was going on, they barely even noticed he was there.
"When I get my hands on that girl…" Minerva trailed off in a fit of anger.
"It is a tad irresponsible of her but hey, kids will be kids, right?" Professor Shardlow offered with a shrug of his shoulders.
Kids will be kids? Where did they find this fool? Severus resisted the urge to punch the smug professor who didn't seem to care where Hermione was.
"I am gravely concerned; this is wildly out of character behaviour for Miss Granger to display," Filius began nervously. "I can't help but feel this isn't entirely her fault."
"I agree," Severus confirmed without thinking.
"You do? Who do you think is to blame for Hermione's vanishing act?" Minerva asked bitterly, as she paced the room.
"Miss Granger is the most mature and responsible student in the school; do you really think she would disappear without a word if it could be helped?" Severus attempted to sound logical, but some passion crept into his defence of her.
"There is no way she has been harmed Severus, Hogwarts is perfectly safe." Minerva dismissed that idea with a shake of her head.
"Perhaps she has been harmed emotionally? I'm sure you'll find her tucked away at The Burrow or Grimmauld Place," Severus sneered.
"I would know if she had left the grounds Severus; she is still here somewhere. All her belongings are here, and just who do you suppose could have upset her so greatly that she would flee her education without a second thought?" Minerva eyed Severus warily. "Hermione respects you a great deal, Severus, has she confided in you?"
Severus' blood was pumping as he thought how best to deal with the situation. Hermione was in serious trouble, she was in danger and he could give Minerva better insight into what Hermione was experiencing right now. He was exhausted, and he couldn't stand here and act concerned for a student when it was his awful behaviour that had led to this entire situation.
"Although she hasn't shared anything specific with me, I believe I can hazard a guess as to why she might have felt the need to disappear," Severus began as he cleared his throat. He felt the eyes of his colleagues on him and suddenly found breathing normally a challenge.
"Miss Granger is not to be blamed for this. The responsibility lies solely with-"
"Oh, are you all looking for me?" Hermione spoke breathlessly as she ran into the room.
Severus' head snapped up in surprise, and he felt an instant rush of emotions. She stood there with her rosy, pink cheeks and her wild hair and he breathed a sigh of relief. She is safe, he thought as he fought the urge to stride over to her and sweep her up in his arms. He noticed she was avoiding his gaze and was confused at the warring emotions of bitterness and gladness. Why won't she look at me? Can she not stand the sight of me? Thank Merlin she isn't looking at me, I doubt I could hide my emotions.
"Hermione Granger! Where on earth have you been young lady?" Minerva asked coldly before throwing her arms around the girl and hugging her tightly. She patted Hermione's hair once before pulling away and rearranging her facial expression once more into that of the angry headmistress.
"I-I've been out walking in the grounds." Hermione lowered her eyes in an attempt to avoid the scrutinizing gaze of the headmistress. "I'm sorry, I didn't think anybody would miss me," she muttered sadly.
Severus felt his heart clench as he realised how his actions must have made her feel. He wasn't ready to deal with everything between them, but he needed her to know that he cared. "Clearly you were wrong, Miss Granger," he sneered. "Evidently you were missed." He fought not to soften his expression when she suddenly gazed at him in reaction to his statement.
"Be that as it may, I cannot begin to imagine how you would get out of the castle without being spotted. Nor can I understand why you would do such a thing!" Minerva spoke frostily.
"I just needed some privacy; I am an only child, and I now share a home with hundreds of other students. I just wanted to be alone," Hermione explained calmly.
"You just vanished, Miss Granger!" Minerva practically screeched.
"I understand that you are an adult and that school is merely a formality at this point, but Hermione, dear, you must realise how worried we all were," Filius offered kindly.
"I'm sorry, I truly didn't think anyone would notice," Hermione choked out as tears began to fill her eyes. She was exhausted; the effort it took not to stare at Severus, not to throw herself into his arms, was almost unbelievable. When she had been standing outside the door listening earlier, she had been horrified when she had heard him about to confess all.
"That's preposterous," Minerva scoffed. "Surely you must know how many people here value you? Did you really think that-"
"Minerva," Severus interrupted calmly. Minerva turned her icy gaze upon him. "Miss Granger hasn't actually broken any rules. She has merely…misjudged the situation." He continued to look at his Scottish colleague despite the fact that he was directing the sentiment of his words to the beautiful young woman standing to the right. "Perhaps if she had considered the whole situation, especially regarding our responsibilities as her educators, she would realise what a difficult position she was putting us in," Severus spoke gently and allowed his eyes to briefly flicker up to a thoroughly dazed Hermione Granger.
"I am not bothered about my reputation as headmistress, Severus. I am more upset by the fact that Miss Granger gave no consideration as to how her little 'vanishing act' would make others feel," Minerva lectured seriously. "Don't you understand how much you have worried poor Miss Weasley? Mr Thomas?"
Severus rolled his eyes as he watched Minerva chastise her favourite student. Hermione's bottom lip began to quiver, and Severus felt a swooping sensation in his stomach as he was overwhelmed with longing to protect her. There is nothing I can do for her now, not without alarming this lot, Severus thought as he watched Minerva take out years of stress and worry on Hermione.
"Minerva, I think you have made your point," Severus drawled with a smirk as if he was entirely unmoved by the situation.
"Hermione, there are people here who will miss you if you disappear, who will worry about your whereabouts and who will always go looking for you," Minerva explained in a kinder tone.
Hermione simply nodded furiously as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
"She knows, Minerva," Severus interjected softly.
"There are people here who would do anything for you-"
"She knows," Severus spat out a little louder through gritted teeth.
"There are people here who love you-"
"She knows!" Severus yelled before heading for the door. Why won't Minerva just leave her alone? She looks so bloody vulnerable and hurt. Hermione knows what she means to us, what she means to me-
"I'm sorry," Hermione practically shouted.
Severus stopped in the doorway, but did not turn to face her.
"I'm not sorry for what I did because I didn't do anything wrong," Hermione began hesitantly. "I did something I wanted to do, and I enjoyed it. It was something I needed to do." Hermione glanced briefly at Minerva before returning her gaze to Severus' back. "I am, however, sorry for putting you in a difficult position and for not considering how my actions would affect you. That was selfish of me and I'm sorry," Hermione offered sincerely.
"Well, thank you Hermione; apology accepted. " Minerva smiled at the tired-looking girl.
"Here, here!" Filius shouted.
"No harm, no foul, eh?" Professor Shardlow offered with a wink.
"I'd do it again, in a heartbeat though," was the last thing Severus heard before he strode determinedly away from the awkward encounter.
X~X
One week later …
"Harry and Ron will both be back tomorrow," Ginny suddenly said as she lay on her bed repeatedly tossing a Quaffle in the air and catching it.
"Yes," Hermione agreed as she placed a bookmark in the textbook she had propped up in her lap.
"Are you going to chuck Ron?"
"Ginny!"
"What?"
"That's a horrid thing to say," Hermione scolded as she glared at Ginny.
Ginny shrugged. "What? It's true though isn't it?"
Hermione let out an exaggerated sigh. "Yes, I am going to end our romantic relationship, but I'm not 'chucking' him. I still love him, and I'll always have a place in my heart for him…just not as a love interest."
Hermione had arrived at The Burrow earlier in the week for the Christmas holidays. She hadn't seen Severus once since he had stormed out of her room; probably because she spent any time not sleeping, eating or studying in detention with Minerva.
"How are things going with your mystery man?" Ginny raised an eyebrow in a gesture eerily reminiscent of the man in question.
"Not well. In fact…they're not really 'going' at all," Hermione groaned before running a hand through her curls. She knew Ginny would devour the details of their last few encounters with interest, but she didn't really feel like gossiping about Severus, nor did she fancy facing the wrath of the youngest Weasley if she admitted to kissing someone other than Ron.
"Have you had any encounters? You must have seen him at the party?" Ginny stopped tossing the Quaffle and sat up.
"Yes and yes, but both encounters made me absolutely sure that it won't work," Hermione murmured sadly as she began studying her fingernails.
Ginny stood and began pacing the room. "Let me get this straight; you're breaking up with your boyfriend partially for another guy even though things with this other guy have ended before they've even begun? "
"Pretty much," Hermione snorted in amusement. "That's not why I'm breaking up with Ron though; it would have happened either way."
"You know what you need?" Ginny smirked.
"No, Ginevra; enlighten me?"
"Firewhiskey…lots of Firewhiskey." Ginny winked before pulling a full bottle out from under her bed.
Several hours later…
"The-Boy-Who-Nailed-Me…that's how I like to think of him," Ginny smiled dreamily as she swayed slightly.
"Urgh, gods Ginny I do not want to hear that. That's Harry…he's like a sister to me." Hermione screwed up her face. "No…wait that's not right. YOU'RE LIKE A SISTER TO ME!" Hermione yelled as she pointed her finger in the air in triumph. "Harry is like a brother to me." Hermione gave a self-satisfied nod before screwing her face up once more. "Ewww, my brother and sister are having sex with each other; gods why couldn't I have been an only child." She knocked back another drink.
"I don't wanna go back to school," Ginny whined. "And do either of you know why?" She pointed at Hermione and then slightly left of Hermione.
"Because you can't screw our brother Harry!"
"That's right," Ginny slurred. "Also, Professor Snape is riding me really hard this year."
Hermione sprayed her mouthful of Firewhiskey across the room.
Ginny rolled her eyes. "Not literally, that would be…actually it probably wouldn't be all that bad."
"Excuse me?" Hermione stared at her friend, wondering if she was actually admitting to wanting to bed Severus Snape. He's mines, she needs to back off.
"What? I know he's kind of scary, but can you imagine that voice talking dirty to you?" Ginny placed a hand on her heart before sighing.
"Yeah, it was bloody…I mean it would be hot." Hermione shook her head, desperately trying to rid herself of the drunken brain fog she was currently experiencing. I can't let Ginny figure out my secret, Hermione thought as she tried to focus on connecting her brain to her mouth.
Luckily enough Ginny was so drunk she didn't notice Hermione's little slip up. "Poor guy, I think he needs to get laid…badly. I know! We can get him laid! Then he'll stop vanishing my potions and failing me on my essays."
"Just what are you suggesting, missy?" Hermione frowned in disapproval.
"No I'm Ginny, Missy is my mother…oh no wait she's Molly. Gods this stuff is good, I don't even know what's going on. Hands down, this is The-Most-Pissed-I-Have-Ever-Been!" Ginny giggled. "Back to Professor Sexy; couldn't we set him up with someone?"
Me, Hermione thought.
"Get some nice woman to fuck him?" Ginny suggested absent-mindedly.
How about me?
"Do you know anybody who would want to screw Snape?" Ginny asked innocently.
Erm, let me think….ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, OH AND HOW ABOUT ME?
"I can't think of anyone of the top of my face…I mean head. Urgh, being drunk makes me stupid." Hermione threw herself down on the bed before wailing, "Oh no, now I have no good qualities!"
"Shut up, you're full of qualities!"
"Like a box of Quality Streets?" Hermione giggled.
"I have no idea what you are talking about."
"Muggle sweets. Anyway, back to Professor Snapealicious!"
"Yes, back to that…I don't think we can get him laid unless one of us does it, and that's not going to happen!" Ginny laughed.
Hermione scowled. It might happen, just because you are with Harry you little ginger menace! She thinks I couldn't do it! I could, I bloody could! I've got moves, Hermione rambled internally as the drunken haze clouded her mind.
"Oh! We could get him a present!" Ginny began squealing and clapping her hands together. "That would cheer him up, right?"
Hermione thought of the look on Severus' face if he woke up to presents on Christmas morning. "Yes! It will be like a Christmas film; the grumpy man finds joy in the world after receiving a selfless gift from an unexpected and mysterious source!"
"What can we get him?" Ginny grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill from her drawer before sitting down and wearily holding her head in her hands. "Once the room stops spinning, I'll write down some ideas," she groaned.
"I'll do it; I am The-Shiniest-Witch-Of-The-Age."
"No you're not," Ginny countered.
"I am so!"
"No you're not, you are The-Brightest-Witch-Of-The-Age…but I think you were lovely and shiny at the party so if you like you can be both!"
"Ok, I stopped listening a while back…" Hermione waved Ginny's kind words away with a flapping hand. "Can we get him a new wardrobe?"
"Why? What's wrong with the wardrobe he's got?"
"It's all black!"
"The wardrobe is black? How does he see his clothes in it? Is this like a spy thing? Hiding his pants and million-buttoned coats?"
"No, I mean can we get him new clothes!"
"Well, why did you say a new wardrobe?"
"It's an expression for getting someone a whole new set of clothes."
"Why not just say 'new clothes'?"
"Because…oh gods, you are so right about that. It is a stupid thing to say!"
"See, not just a hat rack my friend," Ginny offered as she pointed at her head.
Hermione began racking her brains as she tried to come up with the perfect gift for Severus. I could just lie in his bed, completely naked except for a big green bow? Who am I kidding, that's more a gift for me than for him. "How about a nice… book? He likes books; he makes us read them all the time." Hermione frowned and her own drunken stupidity.
Ginny laughed and clutched her stomach. "Of course he does, it's his job to make us read and study! I'm sure he loves reading almost as much as you do, but I think a book is too serious. How about a puppy?" Ginny stared at Hermione excitedly, awaiting her reaction.
"You can't get Professor Snape a bloody puppy on a whim! Nope still too serious; a puppy is for life."
"Pants?"
"No!"
"Porn?"
"No way!"
"We could get 'I LOVE SNAPE' tattoos in his honour?"
"Hell no! Can you imagine what Harry would say?"
"Fine, you think of something!" Ginny pouted and crossed her arms.
"What about a nice tie?"
"He's a wizard you great big Muggleborn!"
"Fine. A new cloak?"
"Too expensive, and how will we find one that billows?"
"True. Socks?"
"Yes, perfect! Oh, oh flashback! You, you," Ginny jumped up and pointed at Hermione excitedly. "You, with all your crazy novelty socks! Remember I wanted to send the Muggle science ones to him?"
"The ones with the periodic table on them?"
"Yes! That's the ones! Do they come in pink?"
Hermione rolled her eyes as the two girls began arguing over what colour to buy the socks in.
The next morning…
"Wake up girls, your boys are downstairs!" Molly Weasley shouted through Ginny's bedroom door cheerily.
Oh dear Merlin, that woman is unbelievably loud, Hermione thought as she sat up with a groan. "Ginny?"
"Meh?"
"I think I'm dying," Hermione tried to open her eyes, but the blinding light streaming in through the window made it too painful.
"I think I'm already dead and in hell," Ginny moaned from beneath her duvet.
"Last night was a bad idea. I'm never drinking again," Hermione declared as she tried to sit up before flopping back down on the bed.
"Screw seeing the boys, let's just go back to sleep," Ginny yawned as she burrowed even further into her bedding.
"Agreed," Hermione mumbled as she closed her eyes and drifted off once more.
X~X
Several hours later saw the girls showered and dressed. They had woken up feeling just as terrible as before, but Ginny had managed to remain upright long enough to sneak up to Ron's room and pinch a little pick me up potion George had recently invented.
"This stuff is amazing," Hermione giggled. "I haven't felt this refreshed in years."
"I know. I feel like a new woman!" Ginny was trying on her t-shirts looking for the tightest one she could find. "Let's go and see our…I mean I'm going down now. You coming?"
"Yes," Hermione sighed as she smoothed down her grey knee-length skirt that she wore paired with a black racer-back vest and thick black tights.
"You ready for this?" Ginny asked kindly as she rubbed Hermione's arm reassuringly.
"I guess," Hermione shrugged her shoulders. "Can you remember what happened last night?" Hermione asked as they began heading down the rickety staircase.
"The last thing I remember is you moaning about how your brother and sister were…you know," Ginny whispered guiltily before giggling softly. "Even that is a blur!"
"What? I don't have a…oh. Was I talking about you and Harry?" Hermione whispered in Ginny's ear.
"Mmmhmm, I believe you were convinced your life would be better had you been born an only child. Ironic, huh?" Ginny raised an eyebrow at Hermione before laughing.
"Gods, I can't believe how stupid alcohol makes me," Hermione muttered as she blushed. "I do have this horrible feeling that something happened last night but I can't remember anything!"
"We were in my room all night, what's the worst that could have happened? Harry!" Ginny squealed as she attacked her boyfriend.
Hermione smiled at the enamoured couple before she turned her head and locked eyes with Ron. He was standing shuffling his feet anxiously and smiling sheepishly at her. She couldn't help but grin at him and before she knew what she was doing she had enveloped him in a hug.
"Hey Mione, I've missed you," Ron mumbled into her hair as he held her tightly.
"I've missed you too," Hermione whispered into his shoulder as she enjoyed the familiar comfort of his embrace.
He placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back slightly so he could see her face. "You look gorgeous," he said before he closed his eyes and pressed his lips against hers.
She pecked him quickly before pulling back and smiling. "Thanks Ron, you're looking well. Have you grown? You seem even taller. How's the shop? I imagine it must be pretty hectic at this time of year, are you open later for Christm-"
"Jeez, Mione: one question at a time! You know I've never been able to keep up with your train of thoughts." Ron joked as he rolled his eyes.
"Ha, oh yes…erm sorry," Hermione said nervously as she began to feel guilt welling up inside her.
She felt as if someone was watching her so she turned her head and found Harry and Ginny staring at her; Ginny with a sympathetic grimace and Harry with a kind of wary curiosity. She schooled her expression into one of happiness and excitement. "Harry, come here and give me a hug." She opened her arms and Harry came over and held her tightly.
"Is everything ok?" Harry whispered to Hermione as Ron and Ginny greeted one another.
"Yes…no…not really. I don't know," Hermione whispered back as she felt tears building in her eyes.
"You've not forgiven Ron for that argument, have you?"
"No, no, I have Harry, I promise. I just…I d-don't want to be with him anymore. Please don't hate me," Hermione whispered fiercely as she glanced over Harry's shoulder to check if Ron was listening.
Harry pulled back from her and smiled at her sadly. "I could never hate you Hermione. Just promise me you won't string him along? And please come and talk to me about this properly."
"I will, I promise." Hermione nodded.
"Let's eat, I'm bloody starving!" Ron hollered across the room.
"Some things never change," Hermione muttered sadly to herself as her three friends headed towards the kitchen.
X~X
Hermione locked herself in the bathroom with a reassuring click of the lock. She stood with her back against the door and let her head thud lightly against the wood. The four friends had enjoyed a lovely lunch with only one awkward moment when Ron squeezed Hermione's thigh under the table. Of course, it was only awkward for Hermione, so she had just ignored it.
Now Ginny and Harry were 'hanging out' in Ginny's room and there was a suspicious silence coming from behind the door. Hermione knew she would not be getting back in that room anytime soon; especially not with Mrs Weasley currently out shopping. She also knew that meant that Ron would be waiting for her when she left the bathroom. She turned on the tap and splashed her face with cold water before drying her face roughly on a towel. Stupid, lying, cheating face, she thought as she scrubbed brutally at her cheeks. An image of Severus' eyes boring into her own as he traced her upper lip popped into her mind and she groaned into the towel. She felt heat flood her cheeks and was more than a little disgusted with herself when she felt the beginnings of arousal infuse her being. I am a horrible person, she thought as she stared at herself in the mirror. Well, I refuse to be a horrible person any longer than necessary, she thought as she squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. She stuck out her chin proudly before unlocking the door and stepping out into the hallway.
"Hey Mione, come here," Ron hissed as he appeared out of nowhere.
"Ron, you scared me! What is it?" Hermione hissed back at him as he dragged her down the hallway. Oh gods, Hermione thought as he pulled her up the stairs. She felt even worse when Ron merely turned and winked at her.
In what felt like a mere second Ron was opening his bedroom door and pulling Hermione in behind him. Before she could get two words out he pushed the door shut and pressed her up against it as he captured her lips in an intense kiss.
"Fuck Mione, I've missed you so much. I love you," Ron moaned as he ended the kiss before he began sucking sloppily at her neck.
"Ron," Hermione gasped as tears filled her eyes. Ron took her tone to mean she was aroused rather than upset and so gripped her arse firmly as he pushed himself against her.
Hermione was torn; on one hand she knew she wanted to end her relationship with Ron, but on the other hand he was so familiar and comforting that the thought of kissing him for hours and acting like a normal teenager seemed appealing. She closed her eyes as he nipped at her earlobe and instantly a memory of Severus' voice rumbling in her ear invaded her mind.
"Ron, stop," she yelled as she pushed him away from her.
"Sorry Mione, I know you wanted time to think, and I know you probably think I'm rushing things, but I've realised how much I love you. " Ron stared into her eyes as he reached out to stroke her cheek.
Hermione flinched away from his touch and watched as his eyes hardened slightly. "Ron, I'm sorry but I need to talk to you."
"Let me guess, you're breaking up with me," Ron spat out bitterly. "I told you I was sorry, I never should have called you a prude. I was an insensitive arse, and I'll never speak to you like that again. Please, Hermione," Ron pleaded as he calmed himself.
"Ron, I know how sorry you are, and I completely forgive you-"
"Bloody hell Mione, way to give a guy a heart attack," Ron mumbled before leaning in to kiss her.
"Let me finish," Hermione whispered when Ron's lips were mere millimetres from her own.
He stared into her eyes as his hand cupped her cheek. "Okay…yeah. Sorry for interrupting." He removed his hand but remained directly in front of her, his eyes flickering over her face as he watched her warily.
"I do forgive you," Hermione began as she took a deep breath. "But Ron, I- I…I don't want to be…I mean-"
"You can't be serious," Ron growled and for one horrifying moment he sounded exactly like the boy with the Horcrux round his neck who abandoned her.
"Ron, I-"
"NO! I don't understand what's changed. I don't understand why you won't love me anymore!" Ron had stepped away from her and was pacing nervously.
"I do love you, I just don't want to be in a relationship with you," Hermione mumbled sadly.
"But why? If you've forgiven me then what's changed?" Ron murmured sadly. "Unless…"
"Unless what?" Hermione asked with a hitch in her breath.
"Unless you've found someone else, someone better than me? I mean, Hermione Granger has grown into quite the sexy little war hero. Maybe you were just with me because you didn't think you could get anyone else?" Ron tilted his head at her. He was trying to come across as angry, but his eyes shone with tears, and Hermione could tell he was upset.
"Ron, that's…I wasn't with you because I couldn't get anyone else, I was with you because I was in love with you for years," Hermione admitted as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"So why don't you love me now?" Ron raised his voice, "What's changed?"
"Nothing…and everything. I don't know Ron! I want to be in love with you, nothing would be better. Merlin, Ron can't you see that we would be miserable if we were married to one another? We would argue…we always argue-"
"We hardly ever argue anymore, and if we do it's usually about sex; I'm guessing if we ever got married you would finally-"
"Don't," Hermione warned. "Don't say something you will regret. I want us to be friends Ron. I know that might not seem possible right now but-"
"Are you kidding me?" Ron spat out. "You think we'll ever be able to be friends?"
"Ron, you're my best friend…I can't…I need…"
"Yeah well, I love you, I need you to love me. I want to be with you. We don't always get things the way we want, do we?" Ron spat out as he wiped tears from under his eyes.
"No, I guess not," Hermione spoke sadly. "We're not going to get anywhere right now. I'll give you some time to think." Hermione wrapped her hand around the door knob.
"Yeah, you willgive me time to think. I want you to leave." Ron stood up and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Ron, I understand how you must be feeling right now but I think-"
"I don't want to hear what you think, I don't want to see you, I don't want to be near you. I want you to get out my house…now!" Ron took a few steps towards her and Hermione crumbled.
"Ron, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, please I can't stand the thought of you hating me," Hermione cried.
"I'm trying really hard not to right now Hermione, but all I can find in me is love or hate, and you've already told me that love isn't an option." Ron was glaring at her but tears ran ignored down his cheeks.
"Ron, I do love you, I'll always love you I just don't think we work as a couple."
"No you're wrong. We do work." Ron grabbed her by the waist and pulled her towards him. He pressed his lips against hers, and Hermione impulsively kissed him back. He pulled away gasping for breath. "We do work," he mumbled before pinning her against the door and kissing her again. "We work," he whispered as he kissed her neck.
Hermione knew she should push him away, but she was clinging to this familiar contact. When he was kissing her, he wasn't hurt. When he was kissing her, he didn't hate her. When he was kissing her, she hadn't just destroyed their bond.
"Please Hermione, tell me we work?" Ron had buried his face into her neck. "I know you love me, I know you are attracted to me…why wouldn't we work?"
"I-I don't know Ron, we just…don't." Hermione whispered before pressing a kiss to his head.
"Why did you kiss me back then? Why did you react to me?" Ron looked up at her.
"I'm confused-"
"See, you're just confused," Ron began earnestly. "If you just-"
"No Ron, I know we're not right for each other…I just don't know how I feel about that."
"Sleep with me," Ron pleaded.
"What? Ron-"
"Sleep with me. If you still feel we aren't right for one another then at least we will have had our first time together," Ron begged as he stared into her eyes.
"Ron, please don't do this."
"Do what? Ask the only girl I've ever loved who also happens to be my best friend to have sex with me? Is that so crazy? I'm sure if we do everything will fall into place. You'll see how right we are." Ron kissed her gently before pulling back and staring at her.
"I can't," Hermione spoke softly.
"Why not?" Ron asked patiently.
Gods Ron, why are you doing this? Hermione clambered for something to say that would make this whole mess go away. She desperately wanted to just run away, but she couldn't do that to him. He was trying so hard to be mature about it; he was keeping his temper in check, he was trying to reason with her.
"Because I don't want to sleep with you."
The words hung between them as he took them in.
"I love you. I'm attracted to you; but I don't want to sleep with you. All my feelings for you, all our past…it's not enough to take things further. This is as far as we go. I can't imagine a life married to you. You light up a room when you walk in. You like to be the centre of attention, whereas I sneak in behind you. I will never stop being a bookworm, I will never stop being slightly socially awkward and I will never be the right woman for you," Hermione's chest was heaving by the time she finished speaking, and she waited as Ron processed what she had just said.
"But I'm Ron and you're Hermione…we're meant to be. You are the only woman for me," Ron whispered, it was evident his own beliefs were starting to shatter. There wasn't the same amount of vehemence behind his words.
"No Ron, I'm not who you need." Hermione shook her head and reached for the door handle once more.
"If you walk out that door you better go get your things and leave this house," Ron spat out bitterly.
"Why would you want me to stay in this room? I'm not going to change my mind." Hermione shook her head firmly.
"Then get out. Get out of my room, my house…just GO!" Ron screamed at her.
"Ron, I don't have anywhere else to go," Hermione sobbed.
"That's not my problem anymore is it?" Ron tried to sneer at her but his voice wavered and his eyes shone with tears.
Hermione knew he didn't want to be cruel and so she was resolved to make this as easy for his as it could possibly be.
"No, you're right…I don't suppose it is," Hermione whispered before opening the door and closing it gently behind her.
As she wandered through The Burrow, tears filled her eyes as she thought of all the memories made here. This was her home, the only home she had left since obliviating her parents, and now she was being forced to leave. She hovered outside Ginny's bedroom door, but then decided she could get her things later. She wrote three letters before tossing on her cloak and heading out into the bitter cold; one for Harry and Ginny, one for Mr and Mrs Weasley and one requesting a place to stay for Christmas. Then, in the blink of an eye she was gone.
X~X
She heard steps crunch through the snow and turned a tear-stained face towards the sound, catching a glimpse of her saviour in the process, Severus.
She watched as he realised the identity of the late night visitor and faltered slightly. He began murmuring gently in Latin as he placed a hand against the gate. Hermione shivered as his low voice seemed to caress her body as it washed over her. They both took a step backwards as they allowed the gate to open, neither one dropping the other's gaze.
"Hello," Hermione practically whispered as she took in his stony expression.
"Are you alright?" Severus stepped closer to her and began studying her face intensely.
"No," she mumbled as her lip began to wobble.
"Come, Minerva is pacing," he spoke stiffly before turning and walking ahead.
Thanks for all the heartfelt concern, Hermione thought bitterly as she trudged behind him.
The walk was filled with an awkward silence and as Hermione's little legs struggled to keep up with Severus, she stumbled and fell to the ground. Tears of frustration and humiliation filled her eyes before she felt two warms hands wrap around her and pull her up. She stepped towards him, seeking comfort as she watched his eyes soften in concern.
"Hermione," he warned in a growl as she pressed herself against him. "Hermione," he pleaded as she placed her cheek against his chest.
"Severus," she bantered back monotonously as she rubbed circles on his lower back.
He had just brought his chin to rest on the top of her head when the sound of the castle doors opening shattered the peace, and he pushed her furiously away from him.
"Nice," Hermione spat out as she flounced off.
Severus cursed under his breath as he took in her hurt expression, before marching after her.
I have a feeling this Christmas is going to be anything but merry, Severus thought as he watched Hermione approach the doors of Hogwarts at a furious pace.
X~X
A/N- Hmmm we'll see Severus!
Another 7,000+ words chapter but you certainly deserve it. I will try and be speedy with the next chapter.
I know this chapter isn't the best for Hermione/Severus interaction but it is important and I would LOVE to hear from you; if only so I know you don't all hate me for being an awful person and disappearing :-(