EPOV

I felt like I was suffocating with guilt. I'd never imagined it would weigh on me like it was, but then again, I had never done something as horrible, cowardly, selfish as I had done to Bella. I felt exhausted, emotionally drained and pretty much disgusted with myself. I knew I had to talk to Bella. Sooner or later the truth would come out, and it would probably be a lot better if I admitted to Bella what I felt. A better man than me would have been honest. A better man than me would have let Bella go. A better man than me would put the needs of the woman he loved and his unborn child before his own. Unfortunately I was not that man. I was a coward, a selfish bastard who would rather hurt Bella by being dishonest instead of telling her the truth and letting her go. After all, there was no way Bella would stay after she found out how I felt about the baby. I never should have let things go this far. I should have told her long ago. There was nothing I could do now. The end was near; I could feel it already. Me not going to the doctor's appointment, after cancelling on her so many times, would probably be the last straw for her. It was just a matter of time before she either packed up her stuff or kicked me out. I deserved to be kicked out. I deserved much worse. The worst thing was that Bella would never do to me what I really deserved. She wouldn't be mean, she wouldn't try to hurt me, she wouldn't be spiteful or hurtful in any way. She would just accept what I said, face the reality of my words and move on. She would be strong for herself and the baby. She would be strong because she was a strong woman. And she deserved much better than me.

Once I got home the day of the appointment, I went straight to the room we used as an office. Bella hadn't arrived yet, so I decided to keep myself busy with some work until she came home. About an hour later I heard the door being opened. I was tempted to go greet her, but I decided to stay where I was and wait to gauge her emotions. She walked past the office and went straight to our bedroom. I waited a few minutes before following her. She was changing into some sweats when I walked in. I was just about to say something when I noticed an envelope on the nightstand. While she changed, I opened the envelope and found a picture inside. It was a picture of the sonogram she'd just had. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I remained frozen, staring at the picture until I looked up to find Bella looking at me with a heartbroken look on her face.

"I think I'm going to stay at Alice's for a few days. I need some time," she whispered. I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces.

"Bella…" I trailed off. I wanted to beg her to stay, to beg her forgiveness, to promise to her that I would change, that I would do whatever it took for her to stay, that things would be different, and that she wouldn't have to go through anything alone again. It was like my throat had been fused shut. I couldn't say anything, maybe because deep down I knew that reason I wanted to say those things was to get her to stay with me, because I knew that her leaving me would destroy me.

She looked at me and I knew she was waiting, hoping that I would ask her to stay, hoping that I would show her how much I loved her and the baby and that I needed them both in my life. I lowered my eyes to the floor because I was a fucking coward, and I knew I wouldn't be able to stand the look on her face when she realized I had disappointed her yet again.

I could only watch as she packed a few bags with some clothes and things she would need for work. The silence in the apartment was overwhelming. I wanted to scream, to run, to throw something against the wall, anything to break the silence that was suffocating.

"When will you be back?" I whispered.

"I don't know," she answered. We both talked in hushed tones. It was as if we were both afraid even the slightest noise would shatter what was left between us.

"Can I see you while you stay there?"

"I don't know, Edward. Things between us are not okay; I'm not okay here, and seeing each other only makes it more difficult."

"I'm not saying right now, but maybe I could go visit you in a few days," I said in a hopeful voice.

"I don't know. We'll talk," she said standing up to gather her bags.

"We will?" I asked, somewhat surprised.

"Yes, I'll call you."

"Let me help you with those," I said, trying to take the bags from her.

"No," she said in a firm voice. "You have to stay in here. I need you to stay in here when I go," she said, her voice breaking.

"Bella," I said, my voice breaking as well.

"Please," she said. "We'll talk soon."

I walked over to her slowly, and I placed a lingering kiss on her forehead. We were both crying when I pulled away. We pressed our foreheads together and just stayed like that for a moment.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too. But I have to go now."

"Take care of yourself, please."

"I will," she said.

I didn't turn around to watch her leave.

BPOV

I pulled up in front of Alice's house to find her waiting for me at the door. I got out of the car slowly and approached her. Neither of us said anything while she hugged me.

"I need to get my bags out of the trunk," I whispered.

"Jazz will get them; don't worry. Let's get you inside. I'll make us some chocolate," Alice said, and I nodded my head. I felt numb, like even getting out words was too much of an effort.

Alice and I spent the next few hours talking. Well, she talked and I cried for the most part. I showed her the photo of the sonogram, which made me cry even more. I was emotionally drained and completely exhausted by the time I went to bed, however, I found myself staring at the ceiling wide awake. I felt incredibly lonely. It was the first time I'd be sleeping without Edward in years. Despite everything that had happened lately, I still missed him like crazy. I missed his smile, his laughter, his affection. I missed everything that had made me fall in love with him. I knew I was doing the right thing. Putting some distance between us was the only way I could get some perspective about our situation and make a decision, even if it was the most difficult decision I would ever have to make. Leaving Edward, even if it was for a few days, was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if I decided to leave for good. But I knew something had to be done. I couldn't let things go on the way they had been. As much as I loved him, I had my baby to think about now.

As I thought about the baby, I began to wonder what kind of life I'd be able to provide for him or her. Would I be a good mother? My own mother hadn't exactly set the best example for me, but I knew I'd try my hardest to be the best mom I could. I wondered if my baby would have to go through what I went through as a child. Shuffling between one parent and the other, having two houses in different cities, two different rooms, living two different realities. Despite the divorce, my parents' relationship remained cordial, almost friendly. Though they didn't have much contact with each other, I never had to suffer through custody battles or constant arguments that would put me in the middle of their disputes. They had always put me before their own needs. Was that what life would be like for this baby too? Would he have to split his time between Edward and me? Would he have two houses? Would his father even be in his life?

I wasn't sure which scenario scared me more. Was I risking a potential custody battle with Edward if we separated? Or would Edward disappear from this child's life once I was gone?

I woke up the following day with a terrible headache. I tried my best to go about my days as usual, but that seemed to be even more painful than acknowledging all the things that had changed in the last twenty-four hours. I went to work as usual, had my meetings with clients as usual, had lunch as usual, and then went home at the same time as usual. I'd done everything as usual, except I felt like I was walking around with a huge hole in my chest. I felt empty, shallow, like a vital part of me was missing. Focusing on work had pretty much required all my efforts. It was all I could do not to think about Edward. I could feel myself itching to grab my phone and call him. It seemed like I was staring at my phone every five seconds, debating whether to call him or not. I half-expected him to call me even though I'd told him I'd call in a few days. It had been less than twenty-four hours since I'd left, and I was just about ready to call him and beg to go back. But I was able to remain strong, reminding myself that I was doing this for my benefit and for the baby. The baby had to come first.

A few days went by in the same way. I was almost ready to drop dead from exhaustion. I was sleeping very little at night and was naturally tired because of the pregnancy. I looked like an absolute mess. Alice had been on my case to call Edward. She was beginning to get worried about me, based on my appearance. I couldn't say that I blamed her; I did look like I was hanging by a thread. I decided to call Edward once I got home from work.

Once I got to Alice's, I made myself a hot bath to try to relax my muscles. Once I was thoroughly relaxed, I changed into some sweats and dialed Edward's number.

"Hey!" he answered on the second ring.

"Hi." There was an awkward pause before I continued. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No, not at all. I was just wondering when you'd call." I could hear him smile and it made me want to smile as well.

"Sorry I took so long. Work has been hectic."

"That's okay. How are you?"

"I'm okay, just a little tired. It's been a long couple of days," I said. He was quiet for a bit.

"I'm tired too. I'm having a bit of trouble sleeping without you," he whispered. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too," I whispered. I let out a long breath, trying to keep my emotions in check.

"Do you think you'll come back soon?"

"Not yet," I said. "I just need a little bit of time to myself," I continued.

"Could I see you? Tomorrow maybe?" he asked. I debated with myself before answering.

"Sure, you could come over after work if you want," I suggested.

"Sure, that'd be great. I have some news to share," he said with a smile.

"Good news, I hope."

"Yeah, definitely good news."

"Okay, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then," I said.

"Absolutely. Goodnight, Bella."

"Night, Edward," I whispered before hanging up. I felt a little bit better after our call. I knew things were still the same and I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I couldn't help but wonder if maybe a few days away from each other was what it would take for things to get better between us.

The next day went by in a blur; at least it seemed like it to me. I was determined to stay focused during work, but my mind kept drifting to Edward. He sounded genuinely happy to talk last night, and I had to admit I was terribly curious about his news. I'd told Alice about our conversation the day before, which was why when I got home I found a note on the dining room table saying that Alice and Jasper had gone grocery shopping. Clearly, Alice thought it would be a good idea to give Edward and me some privacy.

I had just finished getting dressed after taking a shower when the doorbell rang. I tried to contain my excitement over seeing Edward again, but I didn't think I was doing a very good job.

I opened the door to find Edward, looking as beautiful as ever, smiling at me and holding a beautiful bouquet of white roses.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi."

"These are for you," he replied, extending the flowers to me. I grabbed them and brought them to my face to smell them.

"Thank you. They're beautiful. Come on in," I said while moving aside to let him in.

"Are you by yourself?"

"Yeah, Alice and Jasper had to go grocery shopping," I answered while I went to the kitchen to put the flowers in water. We headed towards the living room and sat facing each other on the couch.

"How are you doing? You look a bit tired," he said, concerned.

"I'm okay. I'm just not sleeping all that well. How about you?"

"Okay, I guess. It's just really weird being at the apartment without you. It's too quiet."

We both stayed silent for a bit after that. Neither of us really knew what to say. There were plenty of things that needed to be discussed, but it seemed neither of us was ready for that.

"So, what's this good news you mentioned?" I asked. Edward chuckled.

"You're so impatient. I knew that'd be the first thing you asked."

"Well, you left me intrigued."

"You know that case that I've been working on the last few months?" I nodded my head. "Well, we won. It was a very complicated case, and my bosses were really counting on a favorable outcome for us, so they were definitely pleased with how it turned out."

"That's great," I said hoping my enthusiasm for him shone through my tired eyes.

"That's not really my good news." He laughed. "My bosses were so pleased, with my performance particularly, that they want to make me partner at the firm."

"Oh my God! That's amazing!" I exclaimed right before I launched myself at him and hugged him. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you. I still can't believe it. I never expected them to do this." his smile was so big it could hardly fit his face.

"Well, you deserve it. You've worked so hard on that case."

"Anyways, they're throwing a party next week, to celebrate winning the case and me making partner," he said, pulling out a white envelope from his jacket pocket. He gave me the envelope and looked at me expectantly. "I know things have been difficult between us lately, but it would mean the world to me if you were there."

I didn't really know what to say. I wanted to be there, to celebrate this amazing accomplishment. It had been his dream for the longest time, and I knew I'd never forgive myself if I wasn't there to share it with him. On the other hand, I was still incredibly hurt about the way he'd treated me and his indifference towards the baby. Was I ready to put all that aside?

"Just think about it, okay?" he asked softly.

"No, I'll be there," I whispered, avoiding his eyes.

"Are you sure? Because I'd understand if you didn't want to go."

"This is your biggest accomplishment, your dream." I paused. "I can't not be there."

"Okay. Thank you," he said, looking into my eyes. I could see it really meant a lot that I'd agreed to go. I pulled my eyes away to read the invitation.

"Aww, geez," I complained.

"What?" he asked perplexed.

"I'm gonna have to go shopping for a dress."

Edward laughed.

"You're the only woman I know who would complain about shopping."

"If Alice dragged you through thousands of stores every time you went shopping, you'd complain too."

"Then don't take Alice with you," he said, looking at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Have you met your sister? She'd never speak to me again if I didn't take her," I pointed out. "Plus, she'll go too, which means she'll want a new dress as well."

"I'm sure it won't be that bad." I gave him a look which made him laugh. "Okay, that was a lie."

The door opened to reveal Alice and Jasper each carrying grocery bags. We exchanged hellos and chatted for a few minutes.

"You staying for dinner, Edward?" Jasper asked. We looked at each other before he answered.

"No, that's okay. I should go." We both stood up and walked to the door.

"We'll talk again?" he asked. I nodded my head.

"I'll call you."

"Okay, take care," he said placing a kiss on my forehead.

"You too," I whispered. I watched as he got into his car and drove away.

After dinner, I sat with Alice, telling her about my conversation with Edward, his promotion and the party we were invited to. Just as I'd thought, she squealed at the prospect of shopping and promptly called Rosalie to share the news and arrange for a shopping trip for the three of us. Despite the fact that I was dreading going shopping, I was looking forward to a spa day as Rose had suggested.

Two days later, my feet and back were expressing their deep dislike of shopping as we went from store to store looking for the perfect dresses, as Alice had said. As if shopping hadn't been difficult enough before, I now had to find a dress that would fit my new "curves," as Rose had put it. Basically, I needed a dress that would fit my big belly.

It certainly didn't help matters for my ego when Alice bought a dress that I was pretty sure Jasper would need scissors to get off her, and Rosalie wound up with a little red number that showed off all her assets. It was only natural that I'd be the last to find a dress. After trying on what seemed like a million dresses, mostly at Rosalie and Alice's insistence, I found a dress that I actually liked. It was a simple, knee length, black dress with a ruched empire waist that tied at the back. The most surprising thing about the dress was that it actually looked good on me. All in all, despite my aching feet and back, I arrived at Alice's quite pleased with the whole experience.

A few days before the party, Rose, Alice and I went to a spa to relax and enjoy ourselves. We had a relaxing massage, and then got a facial and also a manicure and pedicure. It was the best way to relieve all the tension and stress I'd been feeling since I'd been staying at Alice's. Soon enough, it was the day of the party. Since I wasn't officially going as Edward's date, I decided to drive in my own car. Regardless of the fact that Edward and I had agreed we weren't going together, all the people from the firm knew me as Edward's girlfriend.

I arrived right along Alice and Jasper. We got out of our cars and went inside the ballroom where the party was being held. I spotted Edward almost as soon as I walked in. He didn't notice me because he was talking to one of his bosses, so I decided I'd wait to go over and say hello. While we waited, Alice, Jasper and I chatted while they enjoyed a glass of champagne and I drank water. I kept darting my eyes over to where Edward was still talking to his boss. Suddenly, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned around to see Carol Lambert, the wife of one of Edward's colleagues.

"Bella, it's so wonderful to see you!" she exclaimed. I turned around to hug her.

"Carol, it's so great to see you!" I said as we pulled away. "This is Alice, Edward's sister, and her husband Jasper," I introduced them.

"Carol Lambert, nice to meet you," she said. She turned to me and looked at me with a surprised look on her face. "Look at you! You look amazing. I had no idea you were pregnant."

"Oh," I said, surprised. "Jason didn't tell you?"

"I don't think he knew either. I'm sure he would have told me. You know my husband loves to gossip," she quipped. I gave an uneasy laugh.

"I'm sure Edward was just being careful not telling people. You know how paranoid men can be," she said in a reassuring manner.

"So, no one here knew?" I asked, looking around the room. That was when I noticed most of the people I'd met at these parties looking at me.

"Oh no, it was quite a surprise. I guess you and Edward have a lot to celebrate tonight," she said lightly touching my belly.

"Yeah," I said, a bit dazed. My eyes kept looking for Edward.

"Well, it was wonderful to see you. I hope we can catch up sometime," Carol said before saying goodbye.

"Bella, are you okay?" I turned to see Jasper looking at me concerned. I nodded my head.

"I just need to go to the ladies room. Excuse me," I whispered before darting to the bathroom. But things only got worse once I got there. Three more women came up to me to express their surprise about the baby. My head was just about ready to explode. I don't know how long I stayed there before Alice and Rose came to check on me.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked. They both rushed over to me once they saw me.

"Come here, sit down," Rose led me to one of the chairs that was there. "You look really pale. Do you feel sick?"

"You've been here so long that Edward asked us to check on you," Alice said.

At the mention of Edward's name, I simply broke down. I couldn't stop the sobs that came out. My body was shaking with the intensity. Alice and Rose tried their best to get me to calm down.

"Bella, what's going on? Why are you crying like this?" Rose asked.

"I am such an idiot," I cried. "I though things were going to be different. I thought things were getting better."

"What are you talking about?" Alice asked.

"Edward," I gasped. "He doesn't want anything to do with the baby."

"What?" they both asked at the same time.

"He completely avoids everything that has to do with this baby. He was never happy about this pregnancy. He doesn't talk about the baby, he hasn't gone to one of my doctor's appointments, and now I came here only to find out that he hadn't told anyone that I'm pregnant," I sobbed.

"Maybe he's just nervous," Alice said. Rose scoffed at that.

"I can't keep making excuses for him." Once I calmed down I went over to the sink and splashed some water on my face.

"What are you going to do?" Rose asked.

"I'm leaving," I whispered. I rummaged around in my purse and fished out my car keys.

"You're too upset to drive," Alice said.

"I'm taking a cab. Could you drive my car home?" I asked Alice, giving her my keys.

"Maybe you should stay, find Edward and try to talk things through," Alice pleaded.

"There's nothing to talk about ,Al. It's over."

*AN

Hello! I'm back, finally! I hope you haven't given up on me, I know I'm a horrible, terrible person but my computer was down for the longest time and writer's block just wouldn't leave me alone! I'm not making excuses, I swear! I apologize for the long wait and I really hope to hear your thoughts on this one! I hope you'll enjoy it!

Many thanks to my wonderful, ever patient beta, the lovely miss tiffanyanne3.

Love, Rory*