When Sonic woke up, he found himself in a hospital. Four doctors were present, all wearing scrubs, caps & surgical masks.
"He's waking up now," said one of the doctors.
"Huh…where am I now?" wondered Sonic. "Where's Sally…and Tails?"
"You're going to be OK," said another doctor. "You should consider yourself lucky, young man!"
"Yeah…groovy," said Sonic. "So, how long's it gonna before I can split?"
"I'm afraid I have bad news for you, Sonic," said the doctor, "YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE!" The doctor ripped off his surgical mask to reveal that he was, in fact, Nightmare Sonic. Sonic attempted to run away, but he found himself restrained to the operating table.
Nightmare Sonic took a look at the monitors that were hooked up to the real Sonic and said, in a sarcastic tone, "OH NO! Prognosis negative! We're going to have to operate!" He then picked up a chainsaw from a nearby table and yanked the starter cord, activating it. Once the chainsaw was fired up, he proceeded to slice Sonic in half.
"GYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH HHHH!" screamed Sonic as he witnessed the spinning chain of doom graze his comparatively soft torso…
Meanwhile, in the real world, the world's most famous hedgehog was still asleep, trapped in his eternal nightmare. His friends were gathering around.
"Sonic, please wake up!" begged Tails.
"NICOLE, how long is it supposed to take for the antidote to work?" asked Sally.
"Exact times may vary for each individual," replied NICOLE. "There are various factors involved, including the dosage administered, the amount of time the patient has been without care, the patient's will to survive, and the overall health of the patient."
"Well, the exact time had better not be too long," said Sally. "If we lose too many seconds, then our whole planet could be wiped out!"
"Hey, look on the bright side," said Rotor. "At least you recognized that there was a problem with Sonic!"
"You're right, Rotor," said Sally. "Still, I can't help but wonder if I recognized it in time."
"Aw, I feel so stupid now," lamented Tails.
"Don't say that, Tails!" said Sally. "You're one of the brightest people I know. Without your help, Sonic would never have had a chance!"
"Thanks, Aunt Sally. You know what? Now that you mention it, I think Sonic's gonna wake up pretty soon! I mean, all this time I've known him, I don't remember much that could keep him down for long…"
Hopefully, Tails would be right, because back in Eggopolis, Snively had a message for Robotnik:
"Sir, the Atomic Decoupler has been completed!"
"Excellent, Snively! Now, I just need a suitable target to test it on. Oh, the glory! Heheheheheh…"
Sonic found himself on an interstate highway on the outskirts of a big city. He was driving a gold 1978 Ford LTD, but there was a huge traffic jam, so he wasn't going anywhere. In fact, the whole highway might as well have been a parking lot. Sonic honked the horn a bunch of times.
"Hey, get outta my way!" shouted Sonic. Unfortunately for him, not a single car moved, so he kept honking the horn.
"What's wrong with you people!?" shouted Sonic. "Are you a bunch of heads or somethin'!?" Despite his yelling & honking, traffic remained still, as if it were all just a photograph.
"Wait a minute…" said Sonic, "why do I have this set of wheels, anyways!? Last time I had one in these crazy dreams, I got wrecked! Gotta zoom, Blume!" Sonic attempted to unbuckle his seatbelt, but the release button didn't work. Furthermore, the doors were automatically locked, preventing him from escaping at all.
"YOU CAN NEVEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA AAVE!" Nightmare Sonic was at it again. "Welcome to the HIGHWAY TO HELL! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Sonic struggled to break free of his seatbelt, but it was no use.
"Come on…come on!" said Sonic. Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of something in his rearview mirror: A monster truck was coming straight for him, crushing all the cars in its path. Sonic tried struggling even harder, which was also futile.
"No…can't let this happen…urrgh…" said Sonic. "Must…fight…grrr…let me go! Gotta…juice…before…I…get…"
Suddenly, Sonic was able to break free of his restraints and break through the windshield of his car with a Spin Dash. His timing was excellent, too; the monster truck crushed his car about a second or so later. Now, it was the same story: Sonic vs. a mad piece of machinery. The Blue Blur ran like the wind over the cars, while his depraved doppelganger pursued him, leaving hulks of twisted metal & shattered glass in his wake. That monster truck drove over the cars as if they were nonexistent, and of course, no matter how hard the True Blue Hedgehog tried, the malevolent machine was gaining on him. Worse, there seemed to be no end to this highway as Sonic scurried over the cars, which at his speed appeared to be shapeless mounds of manufactured metal, plastic, glass and rubber.
"There's no way out!" taunted Nightmare Sonic. "You can run, but it will only end in a crushing defeat! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
The monster truck was just about on Sonic's tail by now.
"Man, what am I gonna do?" wondered Sonic. "There's gotta be a way outta…of course! Smell ya later, phony!"
In a surprising move, Sonic jumped off the side of the highway and fell towards a body of water.
"Wait a minute!" exclaimed Sonic. "Bad idea! BAD IDEA! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH H!" He started flailing his arms & legs around while screaming. However, just as he was about to hit the water, he fell into a black void instead.
"Huh…? It's not even wet!" said Sonic, who stopped flailing around. A few moments later, he landed on a black-and-white checkerboard tile floor. A few feet away from him, a Tails Doll landed.
"YOU CAN NEVEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!" said Nightmare Sonic, only…his voice seemed to be coming from the Tails Doll. He then sang a little song:
"Can you feel the sunshine?
Does it burn you in the day?
Don't you feel that sometimes,
Your death's not too far away?"
"All right, can it!" ordered Sonic.
"NEVER!" retorted Nightmare Sonic/Tails Doll. "BURN, SONIC, BUUUUURRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNN!"
For some reason, Sonic could feel rage building up inside him. Seconds later, he let loose with his rage, charged at the Tails Doll, grabbed it by the neck and started punching it in the head.
However, after a few punches, the Tails Doll spoke to him:
"Hi Sonic!" The Tails Doll's head & voice had changed to that of the real Tails. Sonic was absolutely astonished, so much that in fact, he nearly let go of the doll.
"No…this can't be!" said Sonic. "This…can't…BE!" Having realized that this was a dirty trick, he punched the doll again.
"Where were you when the brains were handed out?" This time, the doll's head & voice changed to Sally's. Sonic got another shock, almost as great as the first. Still, he held on to the doll and punched it again.
"Bonne nuit, Sonic!" Antoine's head replaced Sally's now.
"No…why are you doin' this to me?" said Sonic. The horror was becoming too much for him now. He could feel his grip on the doll loosening again. "Stop…no more…NO…MORE!" Sonic gripped tightly again and punched the doll's head as hard as he could.
"Mercy is for the weak!" Shadow's head appeared on the doll now. Rather than loosening his grip or experiencing near-unbearable horror, Sonic immediately let loose with another punch, and another, and another, and another. Even as the doll's head cycled through the heads of all his friends: Knuckles, Bunnie, Rouge, Rotor, and so on, Big Blue would not stop hitting the doll. His rage was really running wild at this moment, so he kept on punching the doll with all his might, until…
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sonic bolted awake for real now, screaming. When his screaming subsided, he just sat upright, panting, sweating heavily. Slowly, he turned to face all his friends.
"S-sal…?" said Sonic. "…Tails…? Rote…?" He then stopped speaking for a couple of seconds, when suddenly… "YOU'RE ALIVE!" Sonic jumped out of bed and gave Sally a big hug, crying. "I'm so glad to see ya! Oh, it was so horrible! Please, don't ever let that happen to me again!"
"Oh Sonic, I was so worried about you," said Sally, who returned his loving embrace.
Suddenly, Amy rushed in, pushed Sally aside and hugged Sonic.
"Ohmigosh, I'm so glad you're alive Sonic!1!" exclaimed Amy. "Tails told me everything! I was so worried but now you're here and you're not dead or sick or anything YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!"
"Hey, get out of the way!" scolded Sally, who pushed Amy back.
"Sal…let it go," pleaded Sonic, tears still coming down his cheeks. "I ain't interested in feudin' right now. I…I'm just so happy to be alive right now…with all of you here. You're all way past cool…all of you…a-and…" Sonic continued crying.
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" said all of Sonic's friends, who – in a most heartwarming moment – gave the Blue Blur a group hug. Behold how they loved him!
"It's great to have you back, Sonic!" said Tails.
"We thought we lost you forever!" said Rotor.
"Are ya kiddin'!?" exclaimed Sonic, who was calming down by now. "*Sniff*…Nothin's gonna break my stride, especially not after…*sniff*…what I went through! Say…*sniff*…how did I book from that, anyhow?"
"Well…" began Rotor…
"Why, it was all Thanksgiving to my blunderful magique!" interrupted Antoine. "Non, non, there is no needs for thanking me! I am only too glass to help!" Sonic rolled his eyes upon hearing this.
"Now, if you'll excuse me," said Sonic, whose spirit was refreshed, "I got a few cobwebs to shake! Catch ya later, guys!" He removed the IV needle from his arm, too.
"Wait, where are you going!?" asked Sally.
"Wherever the heck I want!" replied Sonic.
"But Sonic, we got word that Robotnik's building a new weapon!"
"Robuttnik!? How convenient for me! I was gonna blow this place anyway! Let's juice!"
"Sonic, take it easy! I don't want you to hurt your foot before it's healed!"
"Take it easy!? Sal, Robuttnik ain't gonna take it easy! Besides, I'm sure that thing's patched up thanks to my super-Sonic healing abilities! Now, if you'll excuse me, I am up, over and gone, baby!" Sonic left the infirmary, when suddenly…
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" Sonic stopped and saw a man in his 60's wearing a dark gray suit & tie, pointing a .45 at him. It was Richard Nixon!
"Wait…who the heck are you!?" demanded Sonic.
"I AM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA," replied Nixon, "AND I'M GONNA MAKE YOU PAY FOR ALL OF THE MISERY YOU'VE CAUSED ME!"
"United States…America? All right…what's shakin' here, man!?"
"NOW YOU LISTEN HERE, YOU LOWLIFE, I spent my ENTIRE LIFE BUILDING THIS COUNTRY ON ROCK 'N ROLL, AND I'M NOT GONNA SEE IT RUINED BY YOU PINKO TREE-HUGGING BASTARDS!" Because of his anger, Nixon couldn't keep the gun held straight.
"Whoa whoa whoa! Take a chill pill, man! I'm sure we can work somethin' out here!"
"Shut up…SHUT UP! I will NOT be tricked by ANY OF YOUR EVIL LIES!" At this point, Nixon was really agitated, flailing his arms around wildly rather than attempting to point the gun at Sonic. "I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR ME DOWN AND CRUSH THE DREAM THAT I WORKED SO HARD TO BUILD, BUT I'M NOT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN! I'M GONNA MAKE YOU CHOKE! ALL OF YOU! I'M GONNA MAKE SURE YOU'LL NEVER GET ANOTHER DAMN JOB IN THIS TOWN! EVER!"
By now, the rest of Sonic's friends had come out to see what all the commotion was about. They were frightened by the sight of this gun-wielding ex-president. Nevertheless, Tails felt brave enough to speak to him:
"Pardon me, sir…but we have to leave now. We've got something important to do."
"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, KID!" yelled Nixon, who pointed the gun at Tails. "NOBODY IS GONNA GET AWAY FOR TRYING TO RUIN MY GRAND VISION!"
"But sir," said Tails, "if you don't let us go, then you won't have any dreams to come true!"
"Shut up, SHUT UP, SHUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUP! I KNOW THOSE PINKO TREE-HUGGERS HAVE BEEN FILLING YOUR HEAD WITH THOSE EVIL LIES, KID! I KNOW YOU'VE ALL BEEN PLOTTING TO TEAR MY INSIDES OUT RIGHT FROM THE START! LOOK AT YOU! AMERICA IS ALMOST GONE BECAUSE OF YOU PEOPLE! IT'S ALL JUST WATERGATES AND NINTENDOS AND HIPPIES NOW! DON'T YOU SEE!? YOU PEOPLE TALK ABOUT CREATING A WORLD OF PEACE AND LOVE, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO…"
"Oh-kay…" said Sonic, "I think this dude's made it clear that he ain't serious, so if you'll excuse me…"
"YOU THINK I'M NOT SERIOUS!?" yelled Nixon, who pointed the gun back at Sonic. "DO I LOOK LIKE I'M NOT SERIOUS!? I'LL SHOW YOU 'NOT SERIOUS'!" Nixon pulled the trigger, but nothing happened.
"Huh?" said everybody. Nixon slowly pointed the gun sideways and went to check it. However, before he put his hand on the slide, the gun went off. Luckily, nobody was injured. Sonic & his friends did flinch a little, though.
"There he is! Get him!" exclaimed a voice from the forest. Two men in white jumpsuits & hats emerged and went after Nixon. Nixon, pulled back the slide on his weapon and cocked it.
"FREEZE!" shouted Nixon, who swung towards the two men and tried to fire again. *CLICK*. The gun was all out of ammo, and the two men easily apprehended him.
"No…LET GO!" demanded Nixon, who was squirming in vain, attempting to break free of the two men. "LET ME GO RIGHT NOW! I'M NOT A CROOK!"
"No, but you're a complete loony," retorted one of the men.
"Wait…what's goin' on here now?" asked Sonic.
"We're with the local mental institution," said the second man, "and he's one of our patients."
"Yeah, he's a real tricky one!" said the first man. "Good thing we were able to recognize him without seeing his true face!" He then took off Richard Nixon's mask to reveal that it wasn't really Richard Nixon, but a young blonde man in his late 20's. Strangely, he still spoke with Nixon's voice:
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, YOU BASTARDS!" Breaking free from his captors, he then pulled out a bottle of Johnnie Walker from his suit and proceeded to consume the whole thing. Afterwards, he held the empty bottle up to his face as if it were a CB microphone and spoke to it with a higher-pitched, Scottish-accented voice:
"Hello computer!" He then went cross-eyed and passed out. The two orderlies dragged the man over to a white Ford van, loaded him in the back and drove off. Sonic & friends just stood there, perplexed by the whole thing, until the blue hedgehog broke the silence:
"Well, what are we waitin' for!? Let's kick Robuttnik's hiney again!" With that, they proceeded to Eggopolis.
When our heroes arrived at Eggopolis, things seemed oddly quiet. Except for some roboticized civilians walking the street, the coast was largely clear. Nevertheless, our heroes proceeded cautiously, especially considering that they heard intermittent laser fire & explosions. Oddly enough, Robotnik's HQ seemed largely unguarded.
"Well now what?" asked Amy. "There's nobody here!"
"Take it easy!" said Sonic. "It could be a trap! Let's play it cool for now, eh?" Sonic & friends were about to proceed further, when…
"Hello…Sonic!" Everyone turned around and saw Shadow standing behind them.
"Shadow, what are you doing here?" asked Sally.
"Ha!" replied Shadow, whose perpetual frown had been replaced by a smirk. "While you people were sitting on your thumbs helping your pathetic little friend, I was busy with a few diversions!"
"What's that supposed to mean!?" asked Sonic.
"You tell me," retorted Shadow. "You're the big damn hero, so you should only know what I'm talking about! Heh heh!"
Sonic simply shrugged, so he and his friends turned away and started to head towards Robotnik's HQ.
"By the way…" said Shadow, whose smirk disappeared. Everyone turned around and asked, "Yes?"
"Do any of you have any apple strudel with you?" asked Shadow.
Sonic & co. replied negatively.
"Well…do you at least have any Swiss rolls?" asked Shadow.
Again, he got negative replies.
"Fine," said Shadow. "See if I care! You were all pathetic…"
Suddenly, a squad of SWATbots interrupted the conversation, assisted by a couple of hoverbots.
"Intruder sighted!" said one of the SWATbots."Firing!" Sonic and the others dispersed, except for Shadow.
"CHAOS BLAST!" exclaimed Shadow, who took out the SWATbots & hoverbots with the resulting blast.
Inside Dr. Robotnik's lair, the Atomic Decoupler was online. The mad Doctor was prepared to unleash its fearsome power on any target.
"YES!" exclaimed Robotnik. "Glory is at hand!" He was just about to fire the weapon, when…
"Hey Robuttnik, is this a private jam or can anybody join in!?" joked Sonic.
"WHAT!? NO, this can't be true! You're not even supposed to be awake!"
"Well, it's true and blue, Baldy McNosehair! Let's jam, guys!"
"You're too late, Sonic!" Robotnik was just about to press a large red button on the control panel of the Atomic Decoupler when Amy showed up. Having propelled herself up there using her Piko Piko Hammer, she went up to the control panel and started pressing buttons and messing around with sliders.
"NO! Get your filthy little hands away from that!" ordered Robotnik, who made a grab for Amy. However, she jumped over him using another hammer jump, and then she used the oversized yellow hammer to smash the control panel.
"YOU IMBECILE!" yelled Robotnik. "You're going to pay for that! SEIZE HER!"
Meanwhile, Sonic & the rest of the gang were either planting bombs on the Atomic Decoupler – which was starting to go haywire – or trying to defend against Robotnik's badniks. When everyone had done their jobs, they escaped from Robotnik's HQ with his forces in pursuit. Luckily, they managed to escape, as did Robotnik, before the Atomic Decoupler was destroyed in a massive explosion.
"IIIII HAAAAAATE THAAAAAAAAT HEDGEHOOOOOOG!" shouted Robotnik.
Back in Knothole, the team was having another victory celebration. The atmosphere was so thick with joy that it could be cut with the proverbial knife.
"Ya know," began Sonic, "I knew you cats were real winners from the very first time I met ya! You're all rad! I can't say that enough! There's one dude I'd especially like to thank, too, because without him, I wouldn't be able to keep on truckin' today! Tails, here's a special token of my appreciation!" Sonic handed him a bowl of mint candies.
"OH YEAH!" exclaimed Tails. "Thank you, Sonic!" He gave Sonic a big hug.
"Aw, shucks," said Bunnie. "It just warms my heart seein' that everytime!"
"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Rotor.
Most people are so ungrateful to be alive, but not him.
No, not any more…