Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too.

Milton Daford was lying on the ground, passed out, drooling and snoring. His hands were sprawled out beside him, making cuffing him all the more easy. Lula was yammering in my ear about how it was my clothes, how this never would have happened if I'd been in my ugly jeans and shirt.

"There is nothing wrong with my clothes. And they aren't ugly, they are plain, and that's how I like them."

"Plain is just nice for ugly."

"Besides, it had nothing to do with what I was wearing, he didn't even look at me. It had to do with the fact that he probably started drinking at seven last night and has yet to stop."

We each grabbed hold of him and dragged him to the car, jamming him in the back seat. There were only two more skips we needed to pick up. Personally I didn't feel like pushing my luck but Lula was all for it. We headed south and made our way towards the next guy's house. Milton was passed out cold in the back seat, so I buckled him in and we left the car locked. As we walked up the sidewalk I swore if this went well I'd never question Lula again.

"Let me do all the talking." Lula was adjusting her tie, which was neon green today.

"Fine by me."

The door opened and Lula started talking, only to have it slammed in her face.

"Huhn. Guess he didn't get the memo."

"And what memo is that?"

"The one that says you don't slam doors in faces of people wearing suits."

"Even I didn't get that memo."

There was a familiar clicking sound that reverberated off the walls inside and Lula and I both looked at each other and jumped away from the door just before it had a large hole shot through it. Lula ran left and I ran right, pumping my legs as fast as I could. Obviously I picked the wrong direction because the mailbox I passed got blown into smithereens.

My shoes were slowing me down but I couldn't leave them behind, I'd just bought them. I tried to take them off while I ran but it was no use. After a few blocks I was running out of breath and I didn't hear any more gunshots so I stopped. Big mistake. When I turned around to look behind me a guy tackled me to the ground. He was screaming and yelling about how I'd never take him alive.

Instead of yelling for help I was laughing. The sonovabitch was tickling me. His fingers were on my stomach as he sat on top of me and I thought any minute I'd pee my pants.

"Stop! Please! No!" The words barely came out as I fought for breath and my stomach ached with the pain of laughing.

When I thought I couldn't take it anymore he stopped and fell over. Looking up I saw Lula through the tears that had filled my eyes. She had her purse in her hand and a sour look on her face. Our skip was on the ground, out cold and Lula cuffed him and pulled him the rest of the way off me.

"Still think it's the clothes?"

"Shit. I think it was pure luck. This one is crazier than the rest. What was he doing to you? It sounded like you were laughing."

"He was tickling me."

"Say what?"

"Yeah." I sat up then, brushing the dirt off myself and looking for rips. Only a few this time. Not bad. "Hit him with your purse?"

"You bet. All this running made me hungry. Let's drop these jerks off and hit up Costco."

"Sounds good to me."

When we dropped our FTAs off all the guys at the station were in a much better mood after seeing me slightly torn up. I smiled and bit my lip as I suffered through the name-calling and picture taking. This felt like third grade. Just as I was about to leave someone came up behind me and grabbed me by my hair. At first I thought the tug was playful and was most likely Morelli, but after they didn't let go I realized it was meant as an act of hate. Turning around I saw it was Joyce and when I was facing her she pushed me.

"What the hell?" I yelled as I caught my balance.

"Can't you take a hint?" She pushed me again but this time I shoved back, sending her falling onto her big, most likely fake ass.

"A hint about what?"

"He's mine! So back off." She was up again, grabbing at my hair. Joyce fought like a girl, but it was better than what I fought like. I didn't fight at all.

"I don't even know what you're talking about." I tried to walk away but she put her hand on my shoulder and threw me to the ground. She jumped on me then, slapping at my face and pulling my hair. I reached up and grabbed a chunk of hair in my fist, pulling until she screamed like a cat. My defensive nature took over and I starting pushing at her, trying to get her off me and suddenly she was gone. She was hovering in the air and Eddie Gazarra was helping me up.

Joyce stopped fighting when she realized Joe had hold of her. Now she turned around to face him, ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him on the check. After that she took off, strutting down the hall, making her hips swing abnormally.

"What was that all about?" Joe was looking me over now.

"I don't know, why don't you tell me?"

"Jesus, you aren't on this again are you?"

"Yes, I am!" My hands were on my hips now. I was in attack mode.

"I can't deal with you when you get like this." He threw his hands in the air and turned to walk away.

"You can't deal with me? You can't deal with me? What is that even supposed to mean?"

He was halfway down the hall and he turned and stomped back towards me. "It means you are acting ridiculous and I'm not going to get in a fight with you here. This is my job, and for once I'm not mixing my personal life into it."

"Huhn. Seems like it's okay for you to mix Joyce up in your job though."

"You don't even know what you're talking about!"

"Then enlighten me!"

"Not here. We'll talk when I get home."

"Well you can talk to yourself because I won't be there!"

"Fine!" And he stormed off. There were a few people in the hall and they all stared at me. "What are you all looking at? Don't you have work to do?" They hurried off then, and I crashed through the door and got in the car.

"See, I told you I wouldn't leave."

"Just drive!"

"Huhn. Don't know what got your panties in a bunch but don't need to be taking it out on me." She pulled out of the lot then and muttered under her breath "Someone must not be getting any."

"This has nothing to do with getting any!"

We headed back to the bonds office so Connie could write our checks. I was stewing. Every second that ticked by had me more and more angry. My face felt like it was on fire and my hands were shaking.

"Looks to me like you're thinking of doing something bad."

"Murder really isn't that bad."

"Dayum. I needs to hear this!" Lula wanted all the details, but she said we had to wait until she wasn't driving. Okay, that was my idea, because the look on her face made me nervous. If she didn't pay attention she'd run us into a wall and then I wouldn't be able to kill anyone.

Connie was getting ready to lock up when we got there, but she said she could hold off a few minutes when she caught the look in Lula's eye. I told them everything. Most of it was said in one breath as I rushed to get it out.

"So that's why you wanted to know whose number it was." Connie was putting two and two together and I was gnawing on my bottom lip. "You know, I've got some family connections I could give you. Maybe Joyce wants to take a dirt nap."

"Tempting, but I'd rather do it myself. Much more gratifying that way." Yeah that was a total lie. I wasn't about to kill anyone. I'd only killed one person before and that was in self-defense and a total accident. The truth was what I really wanted to do was beat the crap out of Joe, but I knew I would go over there, he would convince me otherwise and I'd end up naked. At least if I were naked I'd be satisfied, so there wasn't too much of a down side to it.

"Look I need to go get my car now. "

"I'll take you as soon as I get my check."

We got our checks and all piled out the door. Lula was practically beaming with joy. She'd taken her jacket and vest off and was undoing her tie as she drove.

"Why are you wearing a tie? I thought only guys wore them."

"It came with the suit. Honestly I'm not sure this whole suit look is really me. I miss my spandex, this here makes me look fat."

I didn't say anything but I wanted to tell Lula it wasn't the suit but her fat that made her look fat. Maybe I was just feeling extra bitchy because of the whole Joyce thing, I really didn't need to take it out on Lula. I got in my car and pulled out my cell phone. Two new messages.

"Stephanie it's your mother." I wasn't sure why she felt the need to say that every time she called. The woman acted like I wouldn't recognize her voice. "I'm not sure what is going on with your grandmother but she is acting very strange. She went to three views in the last few days and didn't even try to peak in the closed coffins." To my surprise Grandma hadn't told anyone about her deal with the new funeral directors. I deleted the message and played number two. It was from Morelli.

"I just got home and you better be here in ten minutes or I'm going to come looking for you, and it won't be pretty when I find you."

I looked down at the clock. He had called five minutes ago, and if I hit all the lights right I could be at his house in another five. Pulling out of the lot I took the long way home. The idea of making him wait was just too good to pass up.

Fifteen minutes later I pulled up in front of the house. It was getting dark out and there was a light on downstairs. When I opened the door Bob came running but stopped short when Morelli yelled "Get in here." I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or the dog, so I took Bob out for a nice long walk first.

When we got back it was dark out and Joe's face was hard as stone. I pushed past him without saying anything and went back to the kitchen to get a drink. There was a small table in the kitchen and I pulled out a chair and sat down. When Joe finally came in he looked down at his feet, I knew from experience that he was counting in his head, trying to keep himself calm.

"Let's start from the beginning. How did the fight start."

"It started when your girlfriend grabbed my hair and shoved me. Telling me to stay away from her man."

"And then what happened?" He was still looking at his shoes, and I took a swing of my beer.

"Then I tried to talk away and she pulled me to the ground and started smacking me."

"She's pressing charges on you."

"For what? She started the whole thing!"

"That's not what she says."

"And I guess you believe her. You two looked pretty cozy before she left." I drained the rest of my beer and stood up. Bad idea. I'm a cheap drunk, and one beer is sometimes more than I can handle. Once I got myself steady I went to the fridge grabbed another and sat back down.

"You're not a very good drunk."

"You're not a very good boyfriend."

"I'm only going to say this one more time. There is nothing going on between Joyce and me."

"Huhn." A few seconds later my beer was gone and the room was spinning.

Morelli picked me up and carried me upstairs, which made the spinning even worse.

"Stop spinning the room around! You're going to make me sick." He dropped me on the bed, pulled the covers over me and closed the door. "Jerk!" Most likely he wouldn't hear that, so I screamed it again. "Jerk!" I kept screaming until the door opened, and then I hid under the covers.

I didn't even hear the footsteps but the covers were pulled away and I was left unprotected by them. Covers are strange things. Even though they are just thin stripes of fabric they seem to have some magic power that makes people feel safe if they are hidden under them. Reaching up I grabbed the front of Joe's shirt and pulled him roughly too me, forcing my mouth on his. His kisses were rough and strong, and it made my back arch slightly.

He climbed into bed then, running his hands all over me. I leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "Jerk" before biting playfully on it and pulling his hair. All hell broke loose after that and my clothes were ripped off, my neck was ravaged and I was worn out three times in a row.

After the last time I passed out, noticing the clock read ten. I had missed dinner and my stomach was growling, but the pull of sleep was much too strong to fight. I knew in the morning I'd be hung over and hungry, but at least I could look forward to fries and a coke. The age-old recipe for hangover relief.

I woke up alone at five in the morning. The sun wasn't out yet and my head was throbbing. Stumbling in the bathroom I found some Advil and took about three of them. Making my way downstairs I noticed the house was once again a mess. There were at least seven empty beer bottles on the table, and Joe was passed out on the couch. He didn't have a shirt on, and his boxers were on backwards. This seemed odd to me, but I brushed it off and walked to the kitchen.

My keys weren't where I left them so I grabbed the keys to the SUV off the hook and headed out the front door. Bob followed, taking his morning break and then hustled to the car. I opened the door to the back but he wouldn't get in. His nose was sniffing like crazy and there was a whining sound coming from his throat. I didn't know what it was all about so I opened the front door and he jumped in.

The line at McDonalds was surprisingly long for this hour and we had to wait a few minutes to order. I got a coke and some hashbrowns, a breakfast sandwich for Morelli, and platter for Bob and two coffees. Bob and I both ate on the way home and I threw Morelli's bag in the backseat. The smell of food is much more tempting than anything for Bob and he jumped in the back and ate the bag whole.

As we pulled up in front of the house Bob was whining again. After I parked I turned around and noticed he was pawing at something on the seat. It was bright pink and small. Climbing in the back I picked it up and once I realized what it was I shrieked and threw it. Morelli always kept a first aid kit in his car so I opened it and pulled out the disposable gloves. Pulling them on I picked up the fabric again. Yep. It was a pair of underwear.

This wasn't just any underwear. This was freak underwear. Not only were they missing the back like most of mine, but they were missing part of the front. My mind started to process. These weren't a gift for me because first off I would never wear crotchless underwear, and most importantly these were worn. They weren't just worn, they were worn and washed and worn and washed, repeatedly.

There really was no rational explanation as to why a man would have another woman's panties in the back of his car. And why he would have his boxers on backwards and be passed out on the couch. My temper level had gone from upset to angry to livid in one second and I was seeing red. I grabbed the coke and busted through the front door.

Morelli was just waking up and he rubbed his eyes and smiled when he saw me. I was trying my best not to cry, but the tears brimmed over. I pulled the lid off my coke and dumped it on top of him. He jumped up as he screamed and I walked up to him. I put the panties in his hand, reached back and slapped him as hard as I could in the face.

"We're done."

I ran after that. I didn't care that all my things were at his house, and that I'd left without my purse or my keys. All that I cared about was getting out of there and getting away from him. Cutting through backyards and side streets I ran to my parents' house. The front door was locked and I pounded as hard as I could, hoping someone would wake up and let me in before Morelli came driving up.

"What's wrong?" My mother asked as she let me in the house. I was coughing and panting, and sweat was dripping off me.

"Just. Need. Water." I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass, steadying myself on the counter. Once I could breath normal I sat at the table. My mother pulled up a chair across from me and I tried to talk to her. "I," my voice caught in my throat. "It's," the words wouldn't form right.

There was a knock on the door and I knew it was him. My mother looked at me, and the tears started to spill over again. She pulled her robe tightly around her and walked to the front door.

"I need to talk to her." Joe's voice was loud and pleading.

"She's not here." My mother was firm and strong, and I knew she wasn't going to let him in.

"Please. Please just tell her I'm here. I have to talk to her."

"I'm sorry. If she wants to talk to you, she'll call. I think you should go now." And the front door closed. My mother walked back into the kitchen, kissed the top of my head and started a pot of coffee. "You don't have to do it today, but I think I should know what is going on."

"Maybe later."

She poured me a cup of coffee and I thought about going to bed, but I knew I'd never fall asleep. In a few hours I'd have someone take me over to Joe's so I could gather up all my stuff, then I'd head home. Maybe I could find someone to drive by and make sure he wasn't home before I went there. I was pretty sure Lula would do it, but that would mean explaining things to her, and I wasn't even sure I could speak the words.

After my father left for work my Grandma Mazur and my mother went to buy some food and I was left alone. There really was only one person I wanted to call so I picked up the phone and dialed his number.

"Yo."

"Yo, yourse-" I couldn't' even speak without crying. Crap. This wasn't going to go well. Ranger wasn't good with crying. "Sorry."

"Babe?"

"It's a long story. Can you do me a favor?"

"Depends on the favor."

"I need someone to go get my stuff. My clothes, purse, car, Rex."

"Where's it at?"

"Morelli's."

"And you can't get it yourself?"

"No." I was bawling again, snot running out of my nose, making a total fool of myself.

"I'll get it, then be at your parent's in an hour."

"Thanks."

I wanted to shower, but I didn't have anything to put on. There was an old robe in my room from when I lived here so I jumped in the shower and worked at washing everything away. Funny how you keep thinking that one day it will actually work but it never does. I wrapped the robe tightly around myself and headed downstairs for another cup of coffee.

Ranger was sitting on the couch reading my father's newspaper. Even though he looked comfortable he seemed out of place in my parents' living room. He was dressed in black pants with a black button down shirt and a black tie. This was his business outfit, and I had a feeling I'd interrupted something important.

"I'm sorry, you were busy weren't you?"

"Nothing important. You want to tell me what this is all about?"

"Not right now. But I will."

"Are you staying here or your place?"

"I'm not sure yet. I may get a hotel room, somewhere I won't have to worry about him showing up."

"That bad huh?"

"That bad." The words that came out of my mouth then were reflex and I couldn't stop them. "Could I stay at Rangeman? Just for a few days that is."

"You think that's a good idea?"

"I think it's the worst idea ever. But it's all I've got."

A/N

To all my readers: SO sorry for the long break between updates. My beta-ing Mother was doing some traveling and in a play, so her editing time was taken away from me (In all honesty I can't be TOO mad as one of those trips was to be an extra in One For The Money. Instead, I'll just be jealous). BUT lucky for all of us she has already finished all the chapters, so they will be put up on a schedule of sorts.

To the Babe ladies: Told you to hold out just a little bit longer. And don't worry, it will be worth the wait.

Thanks to all who have read and reviewed. It makes me as happy as Bob when he sees anything edible. Okay, well it IS Bob we are talking about, so it doesn't really have to be edible. =]