Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too.

After dinner I took Ranger upstairs to clean his cuts. There weren't very many and I hoped that Joe's face looked worse. I had the peroxide out and was swabbing them clean as he sat on the rim of the tub. His hand reached up and his fingers wrapped around my wrist. Slowly his eyes met mine and he pulled me in close, my fingers winding through his hair.

"Are you okay?"

"Not really."

"You really love him don't you?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Babe, you still do. I can see it in your eyes."

I pulled away from him then, turning to face the sink. Tilting my head down I looked at the drain, avoiding catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. He was behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders and turning me around. Pulling my chin up he looked at me, really looked at me.

"You love him. You always will."

"I don't want to. It hurts too much."

"It's love. It's supposed to hurt."

He kissed my forehead then. Forehead kisses are one of those intimate gestures that you only share with certain people. They aren't the kind of thing you'd do with anyone and the thought made the issues in my life even more complicated.

"We don't have to talk about all this right now." He said as he sensed my hesitation.

"But we have to talk about it sometime."

"Probably. I'm not looking for a definition here."

"But what if I am?"

"I can't give you that." He let me go then, turning for the door. "Let's just go home, go to bed, and we can talk about all this tomorrow if you really feel like you need to."

"Okay."

I would feel that I needed to. Somewhere in my life I had to make sense of something, and this whole Ranger situation seemed like a good place to start. Part of me was glad we were waiting until tomorrow because then it would give me time to find a new place to stay once things ended. Honestly I didn't want to end things with Ranger, I loved him in my own way, but this relationship wasn't a relationship. I didn't know what it was, but it wasn't fair and it wasn't going anywhere. There was no point wasting time on nothing.

Well it wasn't really nothing. There was the sex, but that was about all there was. Maybe I could validate sticking around for a little while longer just based on those grounds. The thought floated around my head and I realized that tomorrow was still too soon. I would never be able to work all this out in such a short period of time.

"Actually, maybe we should wait and talk in a few days. I don't think I'm really ready yet."

"Whatever you want."

We headed back to his place then, and the instant I got inside I pulled off my shirt that had a few bloodstains hidden in the dark fabric. I forgot that I had my super bra on and realized that Ranger was frozen in place, looking like a deer in headlights.

"Earth to Ranger."

I started waving my hands in front of his face but it was like waving a red flag in front of a bull. He was on me then, reaching his hands around me and pulling me up to him. His tongue was forceful, urgent, and we couldn't get the rest of our clothes off quick enough. We never quite made it to the bedroom, but the couch turned out to be much larger than I originally thought it was.

The next morning I was exhausted. Ranger knew exactly how to wear a girl out. We'd had sex, breakfast, sex, a shower which involved sex and it wasn't even ten yet. Part of me was thinking maybe I'd have to talk things out tonight or I wouldn't live to see tomorrow. This was Sunday after all, wasn't it supposed to be the day of rest? Obviously Ranger hadn't heard of that before.

"Did you want to work today?" He was in black slacks and nothing else. My body was sore all over but I thought maybe I could handle another round.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Tim Stringer. It's my shift to watch his place."

"Sure. I'll tag along." I could feel the sparkling in my eyes at the thought of Ranger and I alone in a car. The day could turn out pretty interesting.

"Babe,"

"What?"

"I know that look. We're doing surveillance. We have to sit and watch, no distractions."

"Maybe I should drive separate then."

"Good idea."

Tim Stringer lived on a normal street in a normal house. Nothing about any of it screamed serial killer. Ranger was parked at the curb across from Stringer's house and I pulled the bike up behind him. No one stirred inside when I parked, or when I opened and closed the door of the Cayenne.

"Loosing your touch?"

"Not hardly. We're keeping an eye on him for the police, we don't need to hide."

"Oh."

After that we sat in silence for an hour. Nothing was going on and my ass was starting to fall asleep. I leaned the seat back and before I knew it I was out. When I woke up I thought it was just a few minutes later, turns out it was two hours.

"Sure is exciting stuff." I stretched my arms then, feeling the stiffness in all my joints. Sleeping in a car isn't very comfortable. "Maybe I should move to the back seat." I leaned over and kissed Ranger's neck softly, trailing my lips up to his ear. "In fact, maybe we should both move to the back."

"Babe."

"Fine. I'm going for a ride then. Want anything while I'm out?"

He didn't answer and I took that as a no. When I got out I slammed the door and there was movement behind the front curtains of Tim Stringer's house. A head peaked out and locked eyes with me. Even from across the street I could see the evil in them. The rest of Tim Stringer looked pretty normal. Full head of brown hair, red t-shirt, clean shaven, no peg leg or tattooed face.

The burg wasn't far away so I took a few cross streets and parked in front of my parents' house. Looking around I made sure the coast was clear before I darted up the sidewalk and opened the front door. The cab was gone which meant my father was at the lodge, or he could have been in Hawaii, anything was possible. My mother was in the kitchen, head shoved in the fridge mumbling to herself.

"What's going on?" I found a piece of leftover cake and helped myself.

"We're living in the Twilight Zone."

"What?"

"Somehow I'm missing a whole carton of eggs, and the toilet paper is all gone."

"Did you use it all?"

"I just went to the store yesterday morning." She had a pad of paper in hand, scribbling on it frantically. "And to make matters worse last night I caught your grandmother sneaking in the house at three a.m.. I don't know what this world is coming to."

"What was she doing?"

"She wouldn't say. She said I'd have to beat it out of her." She was eyeing the liquor cabinet again. "I'm going to run to the market. Will you be around for dinner?"

"I'm having dinner with Ranger tonight."

"Good lord." She made the sign of the cross then, and I knew I was in for it. "Why can't I have a normal daughter?"

"What's so abnormal about having dinner with a guy?"

"This isn't a guy, this is Ranger. The man dresses like a mobster and an army sergeant mixed together. He is bad news."

"Well at least he'd never cheat on me." That was most likely true, only because Ranger would never enter into a relationship, therefore could never actually cheat on anyone.

"I told you Joseph Morelli was trouble from the very start. But you would never listen. You had to be the one to go off in his garage and show him everything you had to offer."

"I was six! And besides, if I remember you were the one just a few months back pushing me to get married to him."

"Oh that was only because you were living together. People were talking, we had to fix the situation."

"The situation?"

Just then Grandma Mazur stuck her head in the door. "What's all this yelling about? Can't you let a woman sleep?"

"It's after noon, you shouldn't be trying to sleep at this hour."

"Well some of us had a late night."

"Don't remind me." My mother grabbed her pocketbook then. "I'm going to the market, I'll be back in an hour. Don't do anything while I'm gone." Her eyes glared at Grandma and I had a vision of Grandma Bella putting the eye on someone. Shivers ran up and down my spine.

Once she was gone Grandma Mazur poured herself some coffee and settled into the table. "I sure ain't as young as I once was. Staying up all night isn't easy."

"Tell me about it." I yawned then, and added more coffee to my cup. "So you wanna tell me whose house you hit?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"The toilet paper and the eggs. I was a teenager once, I know how to put the clues together."

"Harriet Gotler, Betty Greenblat, Ruth Szuch, and I all got together last night and had a few drinks. Well one thing led to another and I may have let your situation slip."

"You told those three? Great. That means the whole town knows by now."

"Relax, I told them not to tell anyone." Grandma was trying, but she and I both knew that none of those ladies could keep a secret any longer than an ice cube could last in an oven. "So we decided something needed to be done. Of course I wanted to take more serious action, but I'm out of bullets." Thank God. "Instead we decided to go old school, hit em where it hurts."

"Since when is hitting someone's house where it hurts?"

"We didn't just get the houses, we got their cars too. Betty brought along some bologna cause she heard it rips the paint right off."

As much as I was enjoying the picture I couldn't help but feel slightly bad. Alright so Morelli was scum and probably deserved it, but his car was brand new.

"So you put bologna on their cars, and egged and toiletpapered their houses?"

"That's not all. Harriet tried to pee in their gas tanks, but I guess that only works if you're a guy."

"Makes sense."

"Then we put flour in their gas tanks. Ruth was sure it was supposed to be sugar, but I'd always herd flour and that's what your mother had just bought at the store so we had plenty." Her eyes were filled with excitement now as she thought back on the night. "We were gonna put one of those flaming bags on their porches but we couldn't figure out what you were supposed to put inside."

I knew just what she meant. A few months back I'd used a flaming bag as a distraction in order to sneak out of the bonds office. Worked like a charm. The problem was getting the contents in the bag. Not the nicest thing to do.

"No one saw you right?"

"Of course not. We all wore black. We were real sneaky."

That probably wasn't true. My grandma couldn't be sneaky if her life depended on it and I was worried soon I'd be sent after the four of them when they missed their court date for destruction of private property and putting Vaseline on a cop's door handles.

I left after that. Mostly I didn't want to be around when my mother came back. Either I'd have to listen to her grill my Grandma, or get grilled myself. Neither was a pleasant option. I drove to Morelli's then. Really I didn't want to see him, but I was curious to see if Grandma really was right about the bologna thing.

When I pulled up the house was trashed. It looked like they used a whole twelve pack on his house, and a few cartons of eggs as well. The car had slices of bologna all over it, but I couldn't tell if there was actually any paint missing underneath. Slowing down I stopped in front of the house. My body wasn't listening to my brain, it was working all on it's own. Inside I was screaming at myself to leave, to move on and go back to Ranger's car, but I couldn't do it.

The front door of the house opened as I climbed off the bike and removed my helmet. Joe looked horrible. I mean even worse than he did before. He had a full beard and mustache, and I was sure that somewhere out there, some company would love to test his genes for hair growth cures. His face had multiple cuts on it, all of which still had dried blood in them, and one of his eyes was bruised. The sight of the house and the car didn't seem to bother him, and I figured it was because he had watched the whole thing happen.

"I'm sorry about my Grandma." Why was I talking to him? What the hell was this all about? And why was I apologizing to him for this? He got what was coming to him.

"It's okay. I deserved it." True.

"I should go."

"Wait, please. Can we just talk about this?"

"I'm not ready to talk yet."

"I love you." He was looking at the ground, hands in pockets, shoulders hunched forward.

"I know."

Wow. I felt like a badass just then. I was so Han Solo in that moment. Taking off on the bike sealed my awesomeness. Then I ruined it all by having to pull over on the side of the road to cry and throw up. At least I put on a good show.

Instead of going back to Tim Stringer's I headed for Rangeman, desperately seeking my toothbrush. After I'd brushed and rinsed my mouth out five times I called Ranger to see how much longer he would be gone.

"Hal will be here to take over in an hour. Normally we run eight hour shifts, but this work is so boring we've cut them down to reduce suicidal desires."

"I was thinking maybe we could go out for dinner."

"Pizza?"

"Yeah, but my place, not yours."

"What's wrong with mine?"

"It's scary."

"True."

After we hung up I changed clothes. Funny how the less I have to wear the more often I switch outfits. What I had on was fine, but it smelled slightly of vomit and despair, and I was going on a half date, so I needed to look good. Pino's wasn't a fancy place at all, but I found a black strapless dress in my clothes bag and slipped it on. The new red pumps I bought were calling my name, so I added those, some matching lipstick and another layer of mascara. The best part of the outfit was that my super bra had removable straps so I could wear it with my dress.

Checking myself out in the mirror I fluffed my hair, added half a can of hairspray and did a few turns so I could look at my back side. Eat your heart out boys. Ranger came in as I was making sure my butt didn't look too big or too small for that matter. He stopped dead in his tracks and a smiled formed on his face. That was a very good sign.

"Babe,"

"What?"

"I thought you wanted to go out tonight?"

"We are going out tonight."

"If you're wearing that we aren't going anywhere."

He came over to me then, pushing me back into the wall and tugging the bottom of the dress up. "We are not doing it before we go to dinner."

"Why not?"

"Because I just did my hair and you'll mess it up."

Pino's was packed, but we found a table right in the middle of the room. There were families with kids, a few drunks at the bar, and a lot of off duty cops. Pretty much everyone in the room knew everything about everyone else. Everyone that is except Ranger. All eyes were on us as we walked to our table and ordered our drinks. Mostly I liked to think they were admiring my dress, but I was pretty sure that was the last thing on their minds. Well maybe not the last thing, considering my chest seemed to be of interest to most of the males in the room.

I'd seen Ranger eat pizza before, but it still intrigued me. It was like watching a dog walk on it's hind legs. Something about it just didn't seem normal. Just as we were getting ready to leave Carl Constanza and his partner Big Dog came over to our table. I told Ranger I'd meet him at the car and they sat down once he left.

"What's going on?" Carl asked as he helped himself to the last slice of pizza.

"Just having some pizza."

"With Ranger?"

"That would be who I was with."

"Dressed like that?" He was eyeing me up and down and I tried to stay calm.

"Yes, dressed like this. Is there a point to this questioning?"

"Does Joe know about this?"

"It's none of Joe's business."

"If I had a girlfriend and she went out with another guy dressed like that you can be damn sure it would be my business."

"Wait. You mean you don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Huh." I got up and left then, leaving both of them looking confused.

Ranger had pulled the car out front and double parked. When I got in we headed off in the wrong direction.

"Hal has some kind of food poisoning so I have to go take his shift."

"Must be all those veggies he eats. That can't be good for you."

A hint of a smile formed in the corner of Ranger's mouth. "You can catch a ride back to Rangeman with him if you want."

"No thanks. I'd rather not ride along with a sick guy, wouldn't want to catch anything."

"Need me to call anyone?"

"I'll call Lula." His eyebrows raised slightly at this. "Don't worry, I'll have her drop me at my parent's house. Besides, do you honestly think I want to have to deal with Tank if he finds out I told Lula where Rangeman is?"

A small laugh escaped his lips. That was a big deal for Ranger. The sound of it put me at ease and I dialed Lula, giving her directions to Tim Stringer's place. She hesitated, but when I told her I would buy her a box of donuts she said she could be there in ten minutes. Lula would do just about anything for sugar.

When Lula pulled up behind us I leaned over, kissed Ranger on the cheek and got out of the car. As soon as the door closed the curtains of Stringer's house opened again and he watched me walk back and get in the firebird. To say I was creeped out would be an understatement.

"You know what, let's skip the donuts and get a drink."

"I could be down for that. What were you thinking?"

"Margaritas."

"Done."

We drove downtown, found a parking spot on the street and went to a little bar. There weren't a whole lot of people there on a Sunday night, but the regulars were perched on their stools as though it were their home. We ordered a round, and when it came it was followed by a shot. The waiter said it was compliments of the bar and I figured it had something to do with the fact that Lula and I were barely clothed.

The thing is, even though I'm a horrible drunk I can't refuse a free drink. Who can? I think it is some kind of rule that you have to accept these sorts of things. So I took the free shot, which was followed by another one, and one more after that. Add that to the beer I had at dinner and the margarita I was half way done with and I was spent. I was pretty sure this was more than I'd ever drank in one sitting before, but since I couldn't even tell if I was sitting, I couldn't say for sure.

My whole body was tingling, and my clothes felt like they were suffocating me. I had to leave. Lula wasn't done just yet and I yammered on until she finally gave up and took me to the car. After running into a few poles I finally climbed in the backseat.

"You shouldn't show off the goods like that?"

"Wha?"

"Girl, you just flashed everyone in that restaurant when you climbed in the car."

"Oops. You think they mind?" Forming full sentences was hard work, and I was starting to break out in a sweat.

"Huhn. I think we best go before they come out and demand a show." She pulled away from the curb then. Somehow Lula seemed to be totally sober. Maybe it had to do with her size, or the fact that she was a seasoned drinker. "Where we going?"

"Morelli's."

"Say what? I ain't taking you there."

"You take me there or else!"

"Or else what?"

"I'll, I'll, uhh." I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. "You make this car stop spinning or else!"

"You throw up in my car and you'll be walkin home."

"No home! Morelli's!"

"Fine. Sheesh. Ain't gotta get your panties in a bunch. Lousy drunk."

"Am not! 'Sides I'm not wearin panties."

Lula parked in front of Morelli's house and turned the lights off. She left the car running, saying it was so she could make a quick getaway if needed. If I had been sober I would have seen this as the first warning sign. Lula was going to bolt on me. Being drunk allowed me to miss all these tiny indications that things were about to go horribly wrong.

Climbing out of the car I looked around in my pocketbook for something that would give me a hint as to what to do next. Jackpot. Ranger had put a gun in there. I never felt comfortable carrying one, but it was Ranger's belief that I should always be armed, and sometimes that meant hiding a gun on me. Normally I'd be slightly annoyed, tonight I was glad. I heard Lula mutter 'Oh shit' as I pulled the gun out and took aim.

I couldn't tell you what kind of gun it was, how many shots I fired, or what I was thinking. What I can tell you is that most of them hit the desired mark. Morelli's front window. A light was flipped on upstairs and I could hear tires burning rubber as Lula sped off behind me. Morelli came outside, our eyes met and I bolted. Running down the street I tried to catch up with her but it was no use. Just then arms reached around me, picking me up and carrying me off down a side street. That was the moment when all hell broke loose.

A/N

Thanks to my Beta mother who buys me socks for Christmas, like I'm some kind of adult or something.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday.

I can't think of a better way to start the year off then with an update with a little cliffy at the end.

Thanks to all who read/reviewed/alerted and the like. You all make me as happy as Lula at a shoe sale.