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Chapter 11

I'm sitting in the park at about eleven Sunday morning, jiggling my leg nervously as I'm waiting for Hugh. I'd called him and told him that we had to talk.

He automatically tries to kiss me when he arrives, but I turn my head in the last minute so that he brushes my cheek instead, which seems to confuse him a bit. He sits on the bench next to me. "What's wrong, Jez?"

However it went, this was probably going to be one of the worst moments of my life. I take a deep breath and start how probably every break-up went. "You're a great guy, Hugh..." he gives a slight huff. "But... I really don't feel like I'm ready to have a relationship right now. It's just too much on my plate at the moment." Not because I was secretly making out with my English teacher at any given opportunity. Of course not.

He's watching me warily, in a way that kind of freaks me out. "You know, we are meant for each other. You can't hide from that, Jez. Everyone wants to have what we have."

"But I don't feel like we have anything, Hugh. I just want things the way they were before."

"You will come back to me at one point."

"No, I won't. Because you're not what I need, okay? I feel like I have to act a part when I'm with you. There's someone out there for both of us, but we aren't right."

"Yes we are!"

I felt my annoyance mounting. "But that's your lone opinion. There are two people in this relationship, Hugh, and if one doesn't like it, then they shouldn't be forced to go with it. I don't want this." I stop talking as he gets up and stalks off. And now, I felt a lot lighter and better (albeit rather annoyed), completely ready to go see Morgead, and really figure out what is going on.

What's strange is that it isn't strange to call him by his first name. It just feels natural. I find myself mulling that over as I make my way slowly to his house. Maybe because he was who I was meant to be with. I couldn't help but smile at that thought as I went into his driveway. He opens the door so quickly that I'm tempted to ask whether he was standing behind it. And just his smile as he sees me proves everything. We are meant together, and we would work past whatever stood in our way. How can something like petty rules stand in between us?

As soon as he closes the door he's kissing me (I let him this time). "I've missed that," he whispers against my lips.

"I thought we were supposed to talk," I say, which makes him sigh and step back, glaring at me.

"And again, you're the mature one. Okay. We'll talk. What time do you need to be back?"

"Before dark. My parents don't really mind."

"They don't want to know where you are all the time?" he asks, going into the library. I follow him.

"What is seriously going to happen in Ipswich? Well, apart from that crazy guy who killed all those prostitutes a few years ago." He gives me a strange look and I look away. "So, talking," I say to distract him.

He smiles and takes hold of my hand. "I don't want to lose you," he says. Taking a deep breath, he continues: "But you have to understand, it's been my dream since I was a child to be a teacher. I don't want to risk that." He touches my cheek. "And it has to be in my first year that I get you."

"What, you would have rather taught me when you were forty or something?"

He smirks and leans closer to me, smiling wider when my breathing speeds up. "You would have been able to resist me if I were forty; you're not doing a good job of it at the moment." He kisses me once quickly and laughs when I try to continue. "No. I said we were going to talk; so we'll talk. I think I'll be the responsible one now."

I let my hands drop. "I won't jeopardize your career. It'll be a complete secret. I'm good with secrets."

He gives a half-smile. "And now that's sorted, we can relax." He kisses me again.

It goes on for a couple of minutes (not too long; what do you take us for, animals?) before I push him back. "Wait... you realise I actually don't know anything about you? And yet you know what my dreams are, what I'm good and bad at–"

"English..."

"Oh, seriously? Come on. Tell me everything."

"Everything? That'll take longer than one day..."

"Then start with... when did you know you wanted to be a teacher?"

He looks out of the window. "When I was really young I wanted to be a jockey, but it wasn't as if we could afford the riding lessons. And anyway, I hated school. I wanted to make it more interesting." His eyes are coy as he turns back to me. "And now it's my turn. When did you know you wanted to be a singer?"

"Oh... I can't remember when I didn't want to be one. Before we started the band, I kind of wanted to be one of those Disney princess singers."

He laughs. "Really? Disney princesses?"

"Hey, don't diss Disney. And anyway, they're always amazing singers. My turn now." I bite my lip and watch him for a moment. "Well, just tell me something interesting."

"Give up easily, don't you? How about I can speak six languages fluently?"

That definitely catches my attention. "Seriously? How?"

"My mother was crazy. So she made me have all these lessons."

"What languages?"

"French, Italian, Spanish, Traditional Chinese, Finnish, and of course English."

"That's amazing," I say. I grin at him. "Care to demonstrate?"

And he looks so deeply into my eyes at this point that I think I'm going to melt. After all, he's just so beautiful. Have I said that too much yet? His hand reaches up to cup my cheek and I feel my breath coming quicker again. And when he speaks, it's just like music. "El amor es azul y qual cascada, de insortijadas aguas, vuelca sulinfa en el, abismo oscuro, invade el corazon, refresca el alma." His thumb brushes my lower lip. And I'm completely trapped by his eyes. I don't ever want to leave. What would it be like, to always stay with him? I feel like the only way I can be happy is to never leave this place, where we're just together.

"What does it mean?" I murmur.

His eyes unfocussed as he spoke."Love is blue and which cascades, rings of water, dark abyss, invades my heart, refreshes my soul." His hand drifts to my neck. "I don't think I ever really understood that poem until I met you."

I can feel my eyes widening. Did he really say that? Was that his way of saying he loved me?

I hoped so.

"You never felt it with Ella?" I whisper. It somehow seems wrong to speak louder, when the world is so calm.

His eyes are intense now. "No. I thought I loved her, but it's not the same."

Neither of us wants to pull away when he finally kisses me again. And we spend the entire day just… together. Because it seems like that's all we need to be perfectly happy.

It's way too soon when it starts getting darker, and I say that I have to go. And it makes me the happiest I've ever been to see that he really doesn't want me to go. And I'm in a happy bubble all the way home.

It bursts when I get home, though. I open the door to shouting and screaming. I freeze and try not to listen, until dad comes round, face-to-face with me.

He stops short and stares at me as if he can hardly believe I'm here, before barging past me and going out the door. "Dad?" I call after him.

"Jez!" I hear from behind me, and jump when mum suddenly appears from round the corner.

"What's happened?" I ask. Her eyes are wide, and she's crying. "Is dad alright?"

"Jez, come sit down. I think I should probably tell you something."