Chapter Twenty Four- "Stay"
It had been a lot day, but it was finally over. After her talk with Vance, she headed off to bee Dr. Bronco again. Vance had said if she wanted to come back, she needed to go through everything again. Ziva knew even though she passed the last one, things have happened since so it made sense. Once that was done it seemed as if time went by slower and slower. She was waiting by Tony's apartment for him to get home from work. She knew it would be better to talk to him after he was done with work then during. Never knew if they'd caught a case and once they did there never been time. She heard the elevator doors opened and there stood Tony. He walked out and headed to his door, she knew he saw her. Wither or not he wanted to see she wasn't sure off. He stopped at his door and turned to her.
"You been waiting for here long" Tony asked her.
"No" Ziva lied. She didn't want him to know she had been waiting here just about all day.
"Would you like to come in?" Tony asked her, before he turned back to the door to open it.
"Yes" Ziva said. Tony opened it and then two walked in. Tony then closed the door and returned back into the room with Ziva.
"Would you like something to drink?" Tony asked. She knew he was just trying to be nice.
"We can cut this" Ziva said to him. She just wanted to get down to it. She owed it to him, after everything.
"Okay then why are you here?" Tony asked her.
"To say thank you" Ziva said to him. "After everything you still came to save me. I did not deserve it, but you saved me. Thank you"
"No you didn't deserve to deal with Matt again. After everything he put you through, last thing you needed was to be hurt again by him" Tony said to her. "I would do it again."
"If only…" Ziva said under her breath. She took a deep breath and then looked at Tony. "I owe you so much. You have saved my life twice now and I have done nothing by hurt you" She started to say to him. "So I am here. Ask me anything and I will tell you the truth."
"You don't need to do this Ziva. I was doing my job, but even if I wasn't I still wouldn't let you go that easy" Tony said to her. "This is not needed."
"You told me once you thought I could trust you, so why did I lie straight to your face" Ziva said to him. "It was because I was afraid. Afraid you would view me different, afraid it would make it real, afraid to feel, afraid to be weak. I was afraid."
"I told you, you don't need to explain anything. It's all been said and done" Tony said to her.
"But I do Tony" Ziva said to him. "You were right I was letting him control me, making me run scared. I did not want to face it. I wanted to be the person I was before, the person who believed emotions were a sign of weakness. Forget it happened and get on with things. With that I put myself and everyone around me in danger."
"Malachi said the last time you were this reckless was when Tali was killed. Of course he didn't know I was the only one who really knew about Tali" Tony said to her.
"He is right, I was right back where I was when Tali was killed. Only I didn't want revenge, I just wanted to do what I needed to do and kill anyone who got in my way" Ziva said to him.
"Was there anything that could have changed your mind?" Tony asked her.
"Once I was in the state I was, no" Ziva said to him. "Gibbs was right to lock me up in the conference room. I should have stayed."
"You are human, you wanted to see him and know he was going to get locked up. It's something any of us would have done" Tony said to her.
"It does not excuse what I did or what I did after" Ziva said to him.
"I do have a question for you" Tony said to her. "Gibbs said the last words you said before you left were about me, is that true?"
"Yes" Ziva said to him.
"What did you say to Gibbs" Tony asked.
"I asked Gibbs to look after you" Ziva said to him. "I knew you were hurt and I did not want you to do something you might regret. You don't always get a do over."
"That would explain it" Tony said.
"Explains what?" Ziva asked.
"Gibbs, or should I say Vance made us all see the company shrink after you left" Tony asked to her. "Never really understood why, but make sense now."
"I cannot say it enough I am sorry Tony" Ziva said to him.
"If there is one thing I learned after the last month, nothing last forever. Things change, you lose people you care about and you either keep them close or let them go" Tony said to her. "I care about you so much Ziva, I even loved you and I want to forgive you. I watched you nearly die and all I could think about was not being able to tell you I really loved you, but right now having you here all I can think is the past. I don't know how to trust you right now Ziva, I'm not sure I will be able to trust you like I used too."
"I understand" Ziva said to him.
"I don't know what to do really" Tony said to her. "It's just so much has happened and I don't know how to deal with it all."
"Then how about we start over?" Ziva suggested.
"Started over?" Tony said with a little laugh.
"Not a good idea?" Ziva said.
"It's not that, I just seems like something we shouldn't be doing at all" Tony said to her.
"Then maybe it is best I go" Ziva said to him.
"Who is that going to be good for?" Tony said to her.
"Then I do not know what to say or what to do" Ziva said to him. "Do you want me to just tell you things about me no one else knows? Try and see if we could work this out in one night? Tell me and I will do it?"
"That is just it, I want everything and nothing all at the same time" Tony said to her.
"I guess we are at a stand still" Ziva said to him.
"I guess so" Tony said to her. "I wish I could erase the past and things could be different, but that can't be done. Either way things are different now anyways."
"They do not have to be?" Ziva said to him. She knew what he meant and that he was right either way in the end.
"Can you honestly stand here and tell me you haven't change?" Tony questioned her.
"I cannot" Ziva said to him. With everything that happened things had changed, she had changed.
"Even if you haven't there was still this issue you… this elephant in the room" Tony said to her.
"I do not see this elephant" Ziva said to him.
"It's a saying" Tony said to her. "There is just still so much to over come and I want to over come it. I just don't know how. I feel like I am contradicting myself now. Saying one thing, then saying another."
"I am willing to do or say anything to try and help" Ziva said to him. "You just need to tell me."
"How did Gibbs forgive you? How did he forgive you do easy?" Tony asked her.
"I do not think he has?" Ziva said to him.
"I over heard him talking to Vance about you possibly coming back to the team. So clearly he has forgiven you" Tony said to her.
"Maybe you should ask him" Ziva said. She knew one of the reasons, but wasn't sure that is what he really meant.
"I am asking you" Tony said. "You come to the team and he okayed it even though Jenny never told him. Then you leave, and when you came back things were a little different, but Gibbs let you back and now Gibbs has forgiven you once again" Tony continued to say to her. "Clearly something is going on because you trusted him more them me. I want to know why."
"Because he is like a father to me" Ziva said to him.
"You want me to trust you again, what is it you and Gibbs are keeping for each other." Tony questioned her.
"I earned his trust" Ziva said to him.
"How? It's not that easy" Tony said. She knew he'd know after all he worked with Gibbs the longest, next to Abby.
"Gibbs did not kill Ari…" Ziva said to him. "I did."
"You killed…. You killed your own brother?" Tony questioned. She could tell he was shocked, just like the team was shocked to find out he was her half brother. Luckily they didn't hold it against her, and knew she was different.
"I did not lie, I was there to protect Ari. I believed he was innocent" Ziva started to explain to him. "Then my father gave me the order to take out the problem, Ari. I only took the mission because I wanted to protect him, then Gibbs asked me to have his back. Again I went to protect my brother. When I was at the top of the stairs listening I couldn't believe it. When I fired the gun I didn't do it for my father or for Gibbs, I did it because Gibbs did not deserve to die." Ziva explained to him. "He was my brother and I didn't even know who he was in that moment. I did what I needed to do and Gibbs took the blame. Everyone knew he wanted Ari died, so he said he did."
"I don't know what to say" Tony said to her.
"That is what Gibbs and I have been keeping from everyone" Ziva said to him.
"No one else knows?" Tony asked him.
"Vance, but I do not know how he knows. I am not even sure my father knows" Ziva said to him. "Gibbs and I made the deal and I have no gone back on it. There are just so many things I do not understand, so many I thought I did."
"The politics of the job" Tony said to her.
"Yeah" Ziva said agreeing. "I meant what I said this team is my family and I messed up. I can't take back what I did and I wouldn't change it either, but I do regret hurting everyone. Hurting Gibbs and mostly hurting you."
"It got us here" Tony said to her. She wasn't really sure what he meant, but figured it be better not to ask.
"I should get going" Ziva said to him. She then turned and started to walk to the door.
"Ziva" Tony said. She stopped and turned to look at him. "Don't go."
"What?" Ziva questioned.
"Stay" Tony said to her. Ziva couldn't help but smile at him.
"But..." was all Ziva could get out.
"I lost you more times then one person should lose someone" Tony said with a little laugh. "And I know if I let you walk out that door, I'm never going to see you again and I can't handle that. I know I said I don't trust you and I don't think I could trust you the same again, but I'm not ready to live without you. Nor do I want too." Tony said to her. All Ziva could do was stand there and listen to him. "I love you Ziva, I have loved you for a long time. If this was a movie I'd have all the right things to say, but right now I don't even know what the right thing is. All I know is that I want you to stay."
"I am not going anywhere" Ziva said as a tears fell from her eyes. She then walked back over to Tony. "This is where I want to be. I love you Tony."
"Good" Tony said to her. He moved closer to her and then leaned in and placed his forehead on hers. "Because I wouldn't want you to be anywhere else."
"There is nowhere else I'd rather be" Ziva said to him. "I have to deal with something first."
"I don't want to let you go" Tony said to her. "But you better come back."
"As long as you are waiting for me" Ziva said to him.
An: aww happy ending for them. But that's not all. One more chapter to go.