Dedicated to the four people I have lost in the past two months: my Grandad, after a long and courageous battle with lung cancer; my Granny, after a heartbreaking battle with Alzheimers; and my two cousins, one who left this world intentionally, and the other who never got the chance to live in it. I love you!
Also dedicated to Sherlock Holmes- BAU Profiler, who has no idea how sweet and inspiring she has been. If you are in the mood for an amazing HP fic that gets updated more often than this story, check out In A Bullet-Proof Vest. You won't regret it, I promise.
Last Time on She's Back:
"You are a damn coward, Emily Prentiss. Why did you just leave? Why didn't you stay?" She murmurs outloud, sighing. "Damn it. Why did you have to be so... stupid. Falling in love with your boss..." she continues, her voice watery as more and more tears run down her face. "Your career would be ruined if you ever get into a relationship with... Hotch. You'll forever be the girl who slept with your boss... Oh, who are you kidding? You would sleep with Hotch even if you could never do anything in law enforcement ever again..."
Alcohol. I need alcohol, Emilythinks to herself as she lays on her bed, her mind on past memories of working with the most elite team of the FBI.
She thinks about the good things that came out of working at the BAU. She met Hotch, JJ, Penelope, Reid, Morgan, and Rossi. She had the pleasure of meeting and getting close to Jack. She was there when JJ started dating Will, even though she tried to hide it, and later when she was pregnant with Henry. Emily was there, catching dozens of serial killers and saving the potential of hundreds of lives.
But she also lost some, too. Flashes of Gideon and Haley fly through her head, along with pictures of victims of all ages that they didn't save. Women, children, men, families. She thinks about Foyet and the aftermath. Or Doyle, who was responsible for the reason Emily didn't feel at home in DC anymore. The reason she had to fake her own death and move to Paris. The reason Reid and JJ had their first- and hopefully only- falling-out.
She's shaken out of her depressing thoughts when her phone vibrates with a text message.
"Stop being cynical and just tell Hotch how you feel."
Emily rolls her eyes. "Thank you, dearest daughter, for your advice. If I tell Hotch how I feel, you have to tell Jason, the guy in your art class, how you feel." Emily responds to Jocelyn's message.
"How do you even know about that?"
"Sorry to burst your bubble, Jocey, but I'm a PROFILER. That means I read human behavior and yours was easy to detect."
"Well it doesn't take a profiler to see you're in love with your boss!"
"Is there anything you wanted? Or did you just text me to inform me about my feelings for Hotch? Because, FYI, I already know I'm in love with him."
"Here's a suggestion: just start singing 'A thousand years' by Christina Perri. He's a profiler, I'm sure he'll understand *wink, wink*"
"GOODNIGHT JOCELYN."
"Fine! I see my help is not wanted. 'Night Mom." A few seconds later, Emily's phone beeps again. "I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more!"
Emily rolls her eyes and calls her daughter, who answers in midlaugh. "He-llo?"
"Really, Jocelyn? A thousand years?"
"Hey, you've practically loved him for a thousand years!"
"And how, daughter, would you know that? Don't answer that! Let me guess: JJ is giving you the scoop on what Hotch and I were like working together?"
"Um... No?"
"That sounded very convincing, darling. Why don't we try that again," Emily suggests, smirking. "Hand the phone to JJ, Jocey."
Emily hears Jocelyn sigh but then hears rustling as the phone is exchanged between people before hearing JJ's voice. "Hey, Em."
"Would you please stop encouraging my daughter about this? You telling her stories is just feeding her hopes that Hotch and I will get together."
"She wouldn't need to hope if you would just put your big girl pants on and tell the man how you feel. If you weren't such a chicken, you would probably be pregnant with Hotch's baby right now."
"NO SEX TALK!" Jocelyn screams from her side of the conversation, obviously still listening.
JJ apologizes to Jocelyn for putting thoughts of Hotch impregnanting her mom in her head. Emily sighs. "I'm serious, Jayje. Jocelyn doesn't need to get her hopes up for something that most likely won't happen."
"Fine. No more Hotly talk in front of the younger oldest Prentiss," JJ agrees.
"Thank you- wait. Hotly talk?"
"Yeah. We made a name for you. Hotch + Emily = Hotly. Or, if you don't like that, you could go Hotchniss."
Emily throws her head back in laughter. "Are... you... serious?" She asks in between laughs.
"One hundred percent."
"Oh my god, JJ, you are like a child!" Once Emily stops laughing, she asks, "how did you know that 'A thousand years' is one of my favorite songs anyway? And how'd you know I..."
"Imagine that song is about you and Hotch?" JJ finishes when she trails off.
Emily nods. "Yeah."
"Well, Jocelyn said you play it all the time. Plus, it's a love song, Em, and who do you love?"
"You may be a profiler, but that's kind of thin. What else?"
JJ groans, "fine, but, just don't kill me, okay? It was one of our girls night outs. Garcia went to go get drinks, so you and I were talking when the song started playing. You told me you think of Hotch when you hear this song. That's when I first knew, for a fact, that you had major feelings for Hotch."
"You said you didn't know about my feelings until I admitted them!"
"I just said that so you wouldn't think it was obvious."
"JJ," Emily whines.
"I don't really think it was that obvious. I mean, most of the team doesn't know about your feelings for the boss."
"Most? Who else knows? Because I only told you!"
"Rossi. He's been around for a long time and he's a damn good profiler, Emily."
Emily jumps off her bed and begins to pace nervously. "He didn't tell Hotch, did he?"
JJ rolls her eyes even though her friend can't see her. "Are you serious, Em? You really think Dave would tell Hotch that his subordinate is in love with him?" She asks in a patronizing tone.
"I sure hope not."
"Emily," JJ groans in frustration, much like she did when Emily told her she wasn't going to call Mick Rawson. Her friend is in love with one guy but won't tell him her feelings, yet she won't try to move on either. And now she doesn't trust Dave Rossi, one of the most trustworthy guys either of them knows, to keep a secret.
Though, if JJ is honest with herself, she's been tempted to tell Hotch how Emily feels, because unlike her friend who is probably currently having a mental breakdown, JJ thinks he returns her feelings. When Emily was stiil at the BAU, she saw all the glances Hotch threw at Emily when he was worried about her or thought nobody was watching. All the times he had Emily consult with him on a case he could easily figure out himself. All the strings he pulled to get Emily back into the BAU in the first place.
JJ saw how affected Hotch was when Emily left. She saw him pull away from Beth and eventually break up with her after Emily left, like Beth was a poor substitute for the federal agent that means so much to everyone on the team.
Now that she thinks about it, maybe she should just tell Hotch how Emily feels. She would be pissed at JJ for awhile, but hey, she's about ninety-five percent sure that, if they ever talked about it, the brunette couple would finally get together.
Hmm... Or JJ could just lock them in an interrogation room, refusing to let them out until they talk about it. At least then she wouldn't have to tell Hotch Emily's secret.
I think that actually might work, JJ thinks to herself. She shakes the lingering thoughts of her 'Hotly' mission out of her head and focuses on her and Emily's conversation.
"Emily, Rossi didn't tell Hotch how you feel, nor is he going to. But you need to," she adds, trying to stress what Emily needs to do.
"I like Hotch, okay? He's my friend. I don't want to lose his friendship because I tell him that I've been madly in love with him for years."
Okay, babying Emily's feelings is getting nowhere. So, now it's time to throw Understanding out of the door and go instead with Harsh Reality. Because Emily really needs to understand.
"You don't get it, Emily. If you don't tell him how you feel, you can't expect him to do anything about the feelings I know he has about you. And if you don't admit it to him, expect to lose him to another woman. You got lucky with him breaking up with Beth, but eventually he's going to move on with another woman."
"JJ-"
"No, Emily, you need to face reality. You may think I'm being harsh, and maybe I am, but you need to understand. You either need to tell Hotch how you feel, or let your feelings go."
"It's not like I'm choosing something for dinner, JJ!" Emily shoots back, angrily pacing around her room. "I can't just say to myself, 'hm, I think it's incoveniant to fall in love with Hotch... I think I'll fall for the guy that delivers my mail instead!' I can't do anything about my feelings!"
"You need to do something, Emily Prentiss, because you are absolutely miserable."
Emily sighs. "And you are my friend and just have my best interests at heart, I know."
"You were my wake-up call when I almost gave up everything I had with Will because I didn't want to tell everyone about us. Now, it's my turn for me to be your wake-up call."
Hotch knocks on the door, balancing the bags of food. Emily opens the door wearing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. Her eyes red and swollen from tears and she just stares at him for a few seconds. "What are you doing here, Hotch?"
"Have you eaten?"
"What?"
"Have you eaten?" Hotch repeats softly.
Emily sighs. "No. But what does that have to do with anything?"
Hotch raises the bags to her eye level. "I brought the best Italian food in the city."
"Hotch, I-"
"Emily, please."
She sighs again but holds the door open. "Jayje and Will took all the spaghetti when they took the kids and cleared out," Emily tells him going to the kitchen. "I didn't feel like cooking something else or ordering in, so I just wasn't going to eat."
Hotch shakes his head in disapproval as he lightly scolds her, "you don't need to skip meals, Emily. You have four kids and a very demanding and stressful job. You need your strength." He begins to pull italian food out of the bags, his back to her.
"I want the job," Emily blurts out, almost randomly.
Hotch slowly turns to her, trying not to look too hopeful. "You want to come back to the BAU? You're sure?"
She nods, her eyes serious with more than a hint of longing. "There's only one thing that I want more than to be back at the BAU."
"What do you want more?"
Emily flushes, avoiding his curious and questioning gaze. "I..."
"I can see you don't want to tell me. So, answer this: what were you trying to tell me on the street? Why were you saying all those things?"
She lets out a cynical laugh, rolling her eyes. "You still don't get it? God, Hotch, just use your god damn profiling skills and profile my behavior. You don't need my permission, that no profiling team members unspoken rule is over-rated and simply not true. We all profile each other, you do it more than anyone else. So come on, you tell me what I was trying to say."
Hotch takes a step closer to her, but only one. He doesn't want to spook her into hiding because he knows just one wrong word coming from him and she won't come back to the BAU. She probably won't ever talk to him again. "You tell me, Em," he says softly, which just seems to make her even more angry and frustrated and suddenly, just like when they were in the street a few hours ago, she explodes, this time not holding anything back.
"You really want to know? You're the damn reason I'm still single! I can't go out on a date because every guy I compare to you but they can never hold a candle to you, Hotch! I'm in love with my friggin' ex-boss! I love you, Hotch, have for years. Now, you wanna take back the BAU job offer? Can't stand to work with me after this? Can't be my friend anymore? Do whatever you want, Hotch. I can't take any more of this," she starts to walk up the stairs, almost believing that she doesn't care what he does. Almost convincing herself that she will be okay when he leaves her life forever.
Strong arms pull her back and pin her against the wall, Hotch's body covering hers, preventing her from moving. "You love me?" He asks, his voice sounding rough and intense and oh so sexy.
"Yes," she answers without hesitation. Her eyes are closed to avoid looking into Hotch's and her voice sounds steady, but her rapidly beating heart is an obvious sign that she's being affected by being chest to chest to the man she's in love with.
And since her eyes are closed, nothing could prepare her for what happens next.
One second she is preparing herself for the pain of losing Hotch has a friend, a coworker, a love who never got an 'r' at the end of that, and the next his lips are on hers.
Her eyes automatically shoot open, as if to see if this is really happen, before closing again. Hotch's lips are moving slowly against hers, but as she pulls him closer and kisses him back, the kiss moves from hesitant to passionate.
Emily manages a bite to Hotch's bottom lip, a shiver eliciting through her when he groans into her mouth. Her hands can't seem to stay in one place, going from his hair to his shoulder and then his cheek. She gasps when he takes her bottom lip between hers, lightly sucking and tracing with his tongue. He releases her lip only to dart his tongue into her mouth. Hotch growls and Emily moans when their tongue met, swirling around each other, fighting for dominance.
Emily pushes her lower body into his when her knees threaten to give out. He lifts her legs up, hooking them around his waist and carrying them over to the couch, their lips finally separating when he gently lays her down.
She opens her eyes to meet his, both pairs filled with lust and desire mixed with love. She gasps softly when she sees the love in his eyes. "How could you not know, Em?" Hotch asks as he slowly slides on top of her, their legs intwining. "How can you not see how much I love you?"
Hotch kisses each of her eyelids slowly, moving to plant a kiss on the top of her nose. His lips make a trail from her cheek to the corner of her mouth, placing a lingering kiss there. He hovers just over her lips, millimeters away from each other, Emily squirming in anticipation.
They just stare at each other, finally letting the other see the love that's been there all along. Emily gets impatient and makes the final move to close the distance between them.
This kiss is so unlike the first. Their lips move in sync with each other, slowly. This kiss isn't so much about passion as it is about love. Their lips open up to each other at the same time and when their tongues meet again, instead of fighting for dominance, they lazily dance together, twirling and overlapping.
They break away, breathing heavy, their heartbeats matching. "I love you, Aaron," she pants.
Hotch presses light kisses on her jaw, trailing down to her neck. "Say it again," he murmurs against her neck.
She sighs when his hot tongue darts out of his mouth to lick away the pain his nibbling kisses left. "I love you." She brings his head back to hers and captures his lips in a breathless kiss.
Emily groans when Hotch starts to pull away, trying to put some space in between them but she just pulls him back to her. Hotch chuckles. "Are you this demanding in all your relationships?" He asks, his voice waivering when Emily's hands wonders under his shirt, her skillful fingers tracing his abs.
She giggles when he flips them. "Did the tough Agent Prentiss just giggle?" Hotch asks, astonished.
Emily kisses him slowly, letting her tongue linger in his mouth, leaving no doubt for her intentions. "Why don't we finish," she bites the shell of his ear, sucking on it as he groans, "in the bedroom?"
Her phone rings before he can even answer her and he groans when she begins to reach for it. "Emily, no."
She sighs when he begins to kiss her. She blindly searches for her phone but is stopped when Hotch captures her hand with his, lacing their fingers together. Emily pulls their lips apart away with a loud smack. "You are in the FBI, Aaron. You know I need to always keep my phone on. And answer it. It could be important."
"I get it, you are being responsible. Well," he flips them again, stands up and picks her up, bridal style, "I'll show you just how responsible I can be in your bedroom."
"Seriously, Hotch." She says in a firm voice.
He groans in frustration, putting her down. "You really know how to ruin a mood, don't you, Em?"
She gives him an apologetic look that soon turns saucy. "I'll make it up to you," she promises, saunting off to grab her phone, smirking when he groans again. I knew he was staring at my ass.
"Prentiss."
"Emily! Thank god you answered!"
"JJ, what's wrong?" Emily asks, instantly on alert.
"It's Johanna."
Her heart sinks. "What's wrong with Johanna?"
"She wasn't feeling good at dinner and then she started to throw up. Now she's got a fever and has thrown up four times in the past twenty minutes. I'm on my way to your house with her, Em. The rest of your kids and Jack are with Will."
Emily swallows the lump in her throat, knowing she has to hear her daughter's voice for herself before having a meltdown. Now is not the time to freak out, Emily Prentiss. "Can I talk to her?"
"Yeah, hold on." Emily holds her breath as JJ passes the phone to her daughter.
"Momma?" A little voice says.
Emily's eyes fill with tears as she hears how miserable her little girl is. "Hey, baby girl. I'm sorry you don't feel good, Joey."
"My tummy hurts, Momma."
"I know it does, baby, I know."
"I want you, Mommy," she whimpers.
"JJ is bringing you home, sweetie. And when you get here, we can have a Disney princess marathon."
"Okay, Mommy," Johanna yawns. "I love you, Mommy."
"I love you too, Johanna. I'll see you soon, okay?"
"Okay." She hands the phone back to JJ.
"Thank you, JJ. For taking care of her and bringing her to me." Emily says before JJ can let out another apology.
"No problem, Emily. We'll be there in about ten minutes."
"See you then." After Emily hangs up the phone, she just stands there, staring off into space, tears glistening in her eyes.
"Emily, what's wrong with Johanna?" Hotch asks softly, not wanting her to get even more upset then she is. He gently wraps his arms around her, pulling her to his chest.
She leans her head back into his chest, sighing. "She's sick. Thrown up four times, fever. JJ is bringing her over."
"She'll be just fine, Em. Especially with you taking care of her."
Emily attempts a smile. "I know it's a lot to ask, but can-"
"I'll stay with you, Emily."
"Thank you," she sighs in relief.
"So..." Hotch breaks the silence they were in. "Do you want JJ to know I'm here or should I go hide in your closet?"
"She'll find out sometime. Besides, I don't want to let you go just yet," she tightens her hold on him.
"I'm not letting you go ever, Em. You don't have to worry about that."
Emily lets out a small, grateful smile. "I'm scared, Aaron. This is the first time Jo has ever really been sick."
Hotch's arms tighten around her, not enough to hurt, just enough to reassure her he understands. "I gave everything Jack wanted to him for weeks after he got the flu for the first time. It sucks seeing the people you are supposed to protect going through something that you can't just take away. But they get better and the feeling of panic and feeling like you failed them fades away."
"This is why I keep you around, you give good advice."
She feels his chest vibrate as he chuckles. He kisses the top of her head. "I love you, Emily Prentiss."
Emily presses a soft kiss to his lips, her fears immediately fading away as he kisses her back. "I love you too, Aaron," she whispers when they separate.
I didn't mean for this chapter to get all fluffy and at least a little OOC. Oh well, I guess you guys are just going to have to live with it. I'm really sorry it took this long to update, but up until recently, I haven't been in the mood to write. But now I am and I've got to tell you, it feels amazing to write again.
I've got a question for you guys: are you still even reading this? Or enjoying it? Because when I look over this chapter, I feel like it's crap. And if nobody's reading this story anymore, I won't worry about writing any more of it. But if you are, could you please tell me in a Review or PM, please? I'm planning on continuing next chapter with Emily and Hotch team-tagging to help Johanna, JJ's reaction to HP getting together, and of course the team's reaction to all of Emily's kids. So tell me if you want more or even if you don't!
And I know Thanksgiving (if you are in America) was last week and this is kind of late, but be thankful for who you have in your life, okay? This year has been rough. You have no idea how fast you can lose someone you love until they are gone. Sorry for the lecture, but just take a minute to thank God for everyone you have.
Hannahbanana Jane :)