BDP: Lying for Dummies

"What is this?" Lee dangled a dirty sock in Nottingham's face.

"It's a sock." Nottingham looked surprised to be asked.

"No it isn't." Lee frowned at the wrong answer. Honestly, what was wrong with the man?

"It's not?" Nottingham asked, clearly bewildered.

"No. It was a liar pop-quiz, and you just failed. Try again, and remember our previous lessons." Lee waved the sock for emphasis. "What is this?"

Nottingham hated to lie, even on something as small as this, and it showed in the painful hesitation before he answered, "A carrot?"

"Have you listened to a word I've said?" Lee looked heavenward for patience. It felt like he was beating his head against a wall. Most people lied with varying levels of aptitude, and those skills could be improved upon rather easily, but it was as if Nottingham had never even acquired the basics.

"Of course I have. I just lied didn't I? That is NOT a carrot." Nottingham said indignantly.

"No, it isn't. But telling an obvious falsehood is not the problem here. You need to tell a believable lie. Try again, and remember to be assertive. Tell me it's a carrot, don't ask me if I think it's a carrot."

Ian looked down, unable to meet Lee's eyes as he spoke. "It's a carrot."

"Honestly Nottingham, the rules for successful lying are simple. Look them in the eye, never hesitate, and keep your lie as close to the truth as possible." Lee reiterated, for what felt like the thousandth time.

"If that isn't an option, make your lie so outrageous that they think it has to be the truth." Rook added helpfully.

Most of the Dragons had taken turns working on Nottingham's non-existent dissembling abilities since Burke had pulled a Houdini, to no good effect. As the days ran before and behind them with unending sameness, it seemed like they had forever to teach the strangely innocent man. They didn't, but it would be an easy mistake to make.

Each day put them closer to their destination and discovery. If Nottingham couldn't lie, and it was starting to look that way, then Burke's survival was going to come out. When that happened, the shit was going to hit the fan, and not just for the fugitive physician.

The Brass would want that particular black eye planted on someone else, and the Black Dragons would be the perfect patsies. After all, the Powers That Be had already written them off. What was dishonorable discharge or prison time after the decision to have them neutralized?

"I think you guys are going about this the wrong way." Nicoli interdicted during a verbal lull.

"You've got a better idea? Cause right now I'd even take a bad one." Lee rolled his eyes.

"Possibly. Look, it's become painfully clear that Nottingham can't lie to save his life." Nicoli paused for all the muttered agreement on that point.

"So?" Lee arched a brow.

"So don't ask him to." Nicoli shrugged.

"What?" It was so counter to the last few days' focus that it took Lee a minute to process the comment. Just what was Nicoli thinking?

"He can't lie, but I'll bet he can self-edit like a motherfucker." Nicoli's grin could only be described as shit-eating.

"And that helps us how?" Beck chimed in with the question on everyone's mind.

"Because of what would happen if anyone ever found out Burke survived, he can't ever seek her out, it is as if she is dead to him." Nicoli pointed out.

"Were you sleepwalking through the first two days of this? Nottingham couldn't say she was dead. Well, not believably anyway," Rook shook his head.

"That's why we're working on the basics here." Lee sighed. "Hate to disappoint you."

"It's not that. Not exactly," Nicoli leaned forward with the air of a guru imparting the secret of the universe. "If he can't bring himself to say she is dead, perhaps he could tell them she is lost to him. It is true, so he wouldn't have any trouble saying it, and most would assume he meant dead."

"Ok, I can see that. Semantics are wonderful things. But I don't think that's going to be enough." Rook shrugged, and then had to resettle his rifle strap as it shifted with the movement.

"Ah, but if he is pressed, he can continue to tell other painful truths. He will never see his children grow up; he will never hold them, that kind of thing. Spread some guilt, a dash of blame, and add a heaping helping of the silent treatment, and you've got yourself out of answering anything you don't want to. All without lying."

Mobius looked at Nicoli with respect. "It might work. It just might work."

"Of course it will. You just gotta play to your strengths," Nicoli nodded sagely.