When I wake up I feel determined. It's new, but not so new. I was determined before, even before I…remembered myself. Now I know what I'm doing, I've got a plan. My personal life will with no doubt be brought into the conversation. I'll just have to bring myself to give up personal information. I've never been easy at giving up information because if I gave away to much some one might try and hurt me or my family. It has always taken me years to trust someone, but to tell every single person across the Districts something so personal…I didn't know how I was going to do it.
But I needed to. I needed to win this challenge, so that I can go back to Haymitch and explain to him…maybe I might manage to get him to love me to. I just hope that he won't tell me that he hates me before I go into the arena. If he says it before I'll have no reason to go on through it. No that isn't true. I have my family waiting for me, wanting me to come back to them, to take care of them. I'm so tired of taking care of everyone but myself but it's in my nature. I'm not sure if I can stop it.
I'm not sure if that's true either. I'm a selfish person, I've always known I am and I fight against every part of me that tells me to do something selfish. I have so many peoples lives resting on me. Actually…it's really just mine isn't it? Everyone else might get depressed, or is that me thinking too much of myself? Maybe they'll just miss me every now and again. It doesn't matter. Peeta will be fine. He has other friends, that aren't in the forest all day who he can talk to, if he wins. If he wins then he would take care of my family, I know he would. Even if he doesn't, the consultation to the family of the fallen tributes should be enough for a little while.
But what about Haymitch? I'm not going to lie to myself. A lot of people don't like Haymitch, and Haymitch doesn't like a lot of people. Most of the time they can't stand him drinking away his problems. They think just because Haymitch doesn't live in a wooden house in the Seam that he should be prancing around singing Hallelujah but I know that seeing and being apart of the killing of his other tributes was hard enough on him. I still remember the mornings I came to his house to find him sitting up and staring straight ahead just because he couldn't forget the memories.
"Katfir! Hurry up and wake up! Your stylists are ready to go and you haven't eaten yet! It's going to be a big, big, big day!" Effie Trinket's voice knocked me out of my pity party and for once I was grateful for her high pitched voice. I shouldn't doubt myself so much. Of course they would all miss me, I know they would. At least, I knew that I would miss them if it came down to it.
I climbed out of bed and took a shower, adjusting the shower to be hot and smell like the forest. I didn't want to have to bother with it. No doubt that I would be stuck in a shower of some gunk all day.
And that is exactly what happened. I barely had time to get a roll before my three, overexcited stylists jerked me away to the room of wonders. I was in the bath most of the time, soaking in products that I had no idea what they were. I freaked a little bit when they tried to put me in some deep blood red liquid but they soothed me by telling me it was only water with rose scents in it to make me smell delicious for the interviewer.
They combed my hair out, cutting off a few split ends and even massaged different chemicals into to make it shiny and beautiful. I admit that if I'd taken better care with my hair, I could have probably done the same thing with a few herbs from the forest. It would have taken to much time to do it though, when I'm grabbing food to both sell and eat.
It barely even fazes me when I'm told that Peeta no longer wants to be trained for the interview together. I can understand. Peeta doesn't want me to know his tactics, and honestly I don't want him to know mine. After the visit from his father where he told me that Peeta had a thing for me, I didn't want to see his heart break. Hopefully, if I'm down right lucky, his father was wrong, or just maybe Peeta had found someone else. But lets face, the odds have never been in my favor so what's the likely hood that they'll be in my favor now?
So for multiple, long hours I let the stylists primp me. They've already seen every part of me so I'm extremely less embarrassed when they trim the hair from places it shouldn't be. I even talk to them about everything I can think of, telling them a little bit about life in District 12 but mostly the good parts. I tell them about how I helped Haymitch and telling the story to someone else makes my heart bubble and it puts that smitten smile on my face that I've only just realized is probably always on my face when I think about him.
Soon, but not really, I'm being huddled in a room by myself. The room is black and red themed. The Avox's have placed refreshments on a dining table that is framed by two couches and two chairs. I disregard the food and drink though when I see a bag hanging from a metal pool off to the side of the room. I walk to it carefully. I guess I think that it's going to explode but knowing that Cinna is the one who designed it I can't really rule that out yet.
My fingers drag the zipper down the brown bag and I gasp as my eyes catch a lovely black material made not of fabric but of some kind of liquid midnight black dress. It flowed down to the ground in the back but in the front my legs were going to show. The back was tied together with strings of a dark purple with silver twinged, not unlike the silver that was mined in District 12. I gently took it out of the covering because I couldn't even remember the last time I loved a material thing like this dress. I dropped the bright orange robe I had been wearing so that I could slip the dress on.
I had to pull my hair out from the dress but it had grown so long that I almost dropped the dress. I walked to the mirror hanging behind the couch and tried to tie the dress.
"Here, let me." I heard. I turned around, fast in surprise. Haymitch stood there by the door. I scowled at him.
"How long have you been there?" I asked him, but none the less let him close. He tugged the strings in the back of the dress tight. I sucked in so that he could get it as tight as I'm guessing it was supposed to be. My breath hitched when his fingers brushed the small of my back from where the back of the dress just barely covered. I looked in the mirror and I could see that when I moved some silver sparkled on the dress but when I moved sharply or faster than a walk, the dress flamed at the tips. It made me smile at Haymitch. I'd completely forgotten the question that I had asked him.
"It's beautiful, isn't it? Cinna knows what he's doing." I told him, looking the foot up I had to. I couldn't decide if I was to short or if Haymitch was to tall. He grinned down at me anyways, answering this question.
"Yes, you are beautiful." Haymitch muttered and his hand brushed my cheek. I could feel the heat rising in them as his fingers lingered. I had to remember the plan though; I was going to put my love to good use. I didn't think Haymitch would agree but if I kept it vague, then he may not know until afterwards.
I looked to the door as someone knocked and entered. It was Cinna and he had a nervous smile on his face. It reminded me that he was a new designer and that my clothes were the first of his to see the light of the camera. So I moved away from Haymitch and twirled in front of the mirror for Cinna. I watched in the mirror as flames of all different colors licked at the ends of the dress.
"You look beautiful." Cinna said, walking in and I couldn't tell if he was talking to me or the dress. Haymitch moved to sit down at the couch and he began to eat some of the food in leisure. I giggled nervously as Cinna moved around me to clip some of my hair up for me in little black clips that had small silver pieces that when they caught the light seemed to flame up as well.
"The dress is beautiful Cinna, I don't know how you do it." I told him glancing in the mirror now, twirling so that I could see it all put together. I admit that I did look very beautiful in these clothes, probably the best in all of my years at the Districts since I was born in this body. The silver and black even set off my bright green eyes in a beautiful way and for once I felt the right to call myself the most beautiful one here.
"It's nothing." Cinna muttered and I grinned as he tucked another clip in my hair, pushing it into place for me. Then he grinned at me and lightly took my hands for a moment to squeeze them. "You're going to do great, everyone will love you. Just remember, chin up and proud." He told me before escaping out of the door. I sighed and glanced in the mirror again before sitting on the opposite couch from Haymitch. I took a few bites of some of the less messy food, so as not to get the lipstick on my mouth wiped off.
"All right. I've all ready talked to Peeta and he's chosen his way to win over the crowd. What angle are you going to use?" Haymitch asked me, chewing on a piece of roast beef. My nose scrunched up at the sight of his food but really I was thinking of how well that suit fit him. It clung to the right parts of him and I also noticed how his eyes were no longer swollen or bloodshot from the liquor. It made me smile at him.
"I'm not quite sure yet." I lied quietly. I don't lie a lot and I hope he doesn't notice. If he does then he doesn't say anything. Instead he frowns and runs his fingers through his hair.
"Well, you've got an hour with Effie about presentation and then an hour with me before you have to go on stage. Effie is talking with Peeta right now and then it'll be your turn. Peeta was finished first so I went ahead and spoke with him." Haymitch explained to me. I nodded, understanding. "So that gives us an hour to come up with something." He told me, swallowing down a large piece of barely chewed purple fruit. I worried for a moment that he was going to choke but put that aside for now. There was more the worry about.
"I don't know how to start." I told him. Maybe he can help me with something else, besides what will be my ace in the hole. He sat back and stared at me for a moment and I couldn't help but fidget under his intense gaze. "What?" I finally blurt after a few minutes of him doing nothing but staring at me. He grimaced and leant forward again.
"I'm trying to figure out how to tell you to act." Haymitch muttered. "Shy? No you're to outspoken for that. Fierce? Calm? Aloof? I'm tongue tied. You've got all of the qualities but focusing on one of them will make them think you don't have any of them." Haymitch continued. "The dress makes you look dark and commanding, you can use that to your advantage." He suddenly frowned. "Or you can play on all of them. Every question, answer it like you would before, I think that will work…just try not to anger any of them. Remember, these people don't have to search or work for their food. They don't have to do anything. So try to appeal to them." He told me strongily.
"They already like you from your outfit during the opening ceremony. They're all probably desprately trying to think of how you got a twelve. They will ask about that, without fail." He told me. "Play on it." He told me scooting forward. "But make sure to give them answers, you aren't going to like it but you will have to tell them about yourselves. They may be air heads but they'll notice if you don't talk about the important part of you." He instructed before seeming to skim his brain for something else to say. "Talk about how nice everyone is, and tell them about how much you love the dress. All kinds of things try it. He told me before some one knocked on the door. I couldn't believe that it had already been an hour; it didn't seem that he'd even been talking ten minutes.
I rose from my seat to be almost attacked by Effie. Haymitch squeezed my shoulder before he left out the door to go do whatever it is mentor's needed to do before now. Maybe he was going to go sit with the rest of the mentor's in their reserved box, courtesy of the Capital of course. I took in a breath as I slipped on the high heels that Effie had brought with her, a stunning silver and black compination that curled around my ankles like snakes. I had never walked in high heels and I was shocked at how wobbly they were. The way Effie had walked in them had made it seem so easy to do. It took me thirty minutes of my time with Effie to get walking down. Then she taught me how to walk with my chin up, my back straight.
As she taught it to me it all flooded back from my past times. I actually had to thank myself for waking up because I was sure that an hour would not have been long enough for me to relearn all of this knowledge. As it was, I would have to remember to be graceful, and to walk with light footsteps, and confidence as well. When a bell dinged in the room, right when I was being embarrassed by my lack of sitting expertise. Apparently with the way I had been sitting I had been flashing the black sheer fabric that covered my intimate parts at Haymitch earlier. I can't believe he missed out on that chance to mock me.
Now though Effie was taking the last moments of prep to try and teach me what Capital people did and didn't talk about. I had no idea what an Electric Funleas was but apparently the prep team had used it to shave of every unseen hair on my body.
A loud and ear ringing ding sounded through out the ring and Effie took that moment to make sure that everything about me was on place. She then began ushering me out of the room and towards what I'm only assuming was the way to the interview stage. I was gathered at the back of the line, right in front of Peeta. He was in a black suit that I admit made him look rather wonderful but it had flames sewn into the sleeves and pants legs. I grinned at him, nervously and he shot me one that looked like he was about to fall over from nerves.
I wait for us to go on, because we will all line up along the back of the stage and sit in chairs, to wait until our turn to be called. After we are done with the interview we are sent backstage, and we are done. I want to be first, so I don't have to wait through all of the others. I know it'll only make me more nervous to see them all doing so well and then see myself flopping through the interview like a fish out of water.
But it's nothing that I can negotiate with them about so when I walk out on the stage, my lungs almost shut down. There are so many people. I've only ever seen near this amount of people before once every year, when everyone is forced into the center to be chosen for the Hunger Games.
I remember, even though I can't breath to sit up straight and to cross my legs like Effie taught me. I let a small smile stay on my face. I breathed in a little at a time, making sure I looked calm and collected. Not that it really mattered too much. The chairs were pushed back away from the center of the stage, where the interviewer sat now and a chair beside him where the interviewing Tribute would sit.
I have to blink twice when the first one went up, the girl from District 1.
Caesar Flickerman. He's been the host of the interviews for forty years now. He has a way with words, and he always makes the tributes approachable. He also has a color for every Games he has interviewed with. I find it creepy that in all the years that he's been doing this his appearance, besides the hair, has not changed once. I know it's the plastic surgery of the Capital but that doesn't make it any easier for me to accept. Last year, his color was a bleeding crimson. It was awful, and his hair had looked to be dipped directly into the stuff.
This year it's blue and I'm grateful for the familiar color and approachable look. It's better than the people I can see in the Capital with weird dresses, and long stems of things growing from their hair. I can't begin to know how they stand it. He tells a few jokes, but he's down to business soon, because this is very important, it'll attract the attention of sponsors for us, and seals the interest of the ones who were already interested in us. I'm hoping that my twelve will have already solidified some for me.
District 1's girl is looking sexy in a golden see through gown. I thought it made her look like a slut, being able to see that much of a girl is too much. I can see her buttocks from where I am, so I can only assume that the audience can see her other bits. I'm guessing that it's a last ditch way to grab the attention of the males in the audience.
Ten minutes is how long that we stay in that chair. After that a buzzer goes off that tells us that our time is up and that we have to go. I watch the interviews, keeping the lady like sense about me. I sit right, just enough to give them a peak at my fully developed women's curves. I'd thought nothing of them when I'd been in District 12 but Effie had exclaimed when she'd found out that they were all natural. Apparently they were perfect. I can only hope that she is right because I've never shown this much. True it's not anything like the see through gown, but most shirts and pants at District 12 are button up cotton, to fend off the cold of the mines there.
Soon the Districts are going by. 2, 3, 4 they go by like wild fire and I can't help the nerves that start to crack in my brain but I calm them down as soon as possible. I have to seem calm, cool and collected if this is going to work. I can only feel more and more nervous though, as I think about what I'm doing. I always promised myself that I wouldn't tell Haymitch my feelings, fearing rejection, and now I'm going to do it on stage, where every district is going to see it, my family will see it. Everybody will point and laugh at the girl who got her heart broken.
I force my attention back to the stage. They all play up some kind of attruibute. District 12's muscled monstrosity is a ruthless killer. The red head from District 5 is sly and allusive. I make note of these, because I'm sure that this reflects back on them so maybe I'll use these qualities later, in the arena. 8, 9, 10 they all go by. I can see everyone, Haymitch has taken his seat, Cinna and the stylists are sitting with the other stylists in there places. I can see Peeta next to me and I give him what I hope is a good smile and he returns it, though it's less composed then what I hope mine is.
I watch Rue, the little girl, as she plays up her age. I'm almost convinced myself that she's just a cute little girl. If I hadn't seen her wonderful skills with wildlife before during training then I would have believed it. She really is too cute for words. It reminds me again of my sisters back home, one disabled, the other to young to take care of the family.
I can barely even focus as they go through Thresh, the tall, buff boy from District 11. Then they call my name, for me to come up and I take in a deep breath. I feel like I'm trying to soak up the courage and the luck to get through this without fainting or worse, crying when I tell them about Haymitch. I rise from my seat and the breath has calmed me, as if I really had soaked in calm now. I pull all of the stops out, the ones that aren't from this life, but the ones I've already been through. I cock my hips right to get the attention of every man in the room, to tell them I've got the thing they look for the most.
Sensuality, that's one of my attributes, and I want to use that with every chance I can manage without coming off as a whore. All they need to know is I'm not so inexperienced that I'm a blushing virgin. What they don't know, won't kill them per say. I sit down in my seat, crossing my legs that are lightly taned and the dress rises again to give them just a little peek. I sit back on the back of the chair, to smile at the crowd, and Caesar. I can see I've hit my match because there are whistles in the crowd, some are bold out staring, like Caesar Flickerman. He leans forward, and I'm guessing my hypnotics skills have stopped now that I'm sitting.
"So, Katfir Everdeen, The Capital must be a change from District 12. What has impressed you most since you've arrived?" Caesar starts out with the questions. I know he'll ask what I want him to, because he's asked everyone so far. I just hope I don't back out by then.
"Mr. Flickerman-" I start, licking my lips to moisten them.
"Please, Caesar." He invites, something he hasn't done for the others, and I'm pleased by this. It means I'm doing good.
"Well, Caesar, I have to say the best thing about the Capital is the people." I told him then paused to smile out at them. "Of course, I also have to say I realy enjoy the mashed potatoes." I confessed to him. The audience laughed, including Caesar. I put a hand over my mouth, giggling with them.
"Oh, the one with the sauce on top?" He smiles at me, leaning in between the chairs. "I eat it by the bucketful." He jokes then grabs his fake, probably nipped and tucked, belly. "It doesn't show does it?" He asks the crowd and he laughs. Yes, he tries to get us in the best light, all of the tributes and I'm glad that I'm not all alone with trying to make myself look good.
"Now, Katfir, I have to say the Opening ceremony was stunning. My heart almost stopped when I saw you ride out in that chariot." He told me and I smiled wider at him, glancing at Cinna who was nodding. Be Honest. "What did you think of that costume?" He asked me.
"On first sight?" I asked him. He nodded. I rolled my eyes back as if I was remembering. "Well," I scooted farther, and it showed a little of my thigh to the audience. "I have to say, I didn't know if I was going to be burnt a live or not." I confessed. The crowd laughed, along with Caesar and I'm hoping it's a good laugh. "But, I really loved it. After I got over my fear of the fire, it truly was one of the most amazing things I'd ever seen." I told him. "I can't believe the brilliance of Cinna, I can't even believe this dress!" I stood up and twirled, so they could see the daring plunge of the corseted back, but also the rainbow fire of the dresses fringe. I grinned at the crowd as they exploded with applause over the return of the fire.
Then I sit down, because it'll ruin my new image if I fall off the stage, just like Haymitch had. The crowd dies down with the motion of Caesar's hand. I smile as he starts again with the questioning.
"The training? I say, it's been at least thirty five games since someone pulled off a twelve. Can I ask your secret?" Caesar asked. I smiled again before my eyes flitted to the gamekeepers.
"I would love to tell you." I told him, placing my hand on his shoulder and leaning closer conspiratably. "But I don't think the Gamekeepers would like that very much." I told him, whispering but my voice is caught by the advanced technology and it's multiplied.
"Oh, you're killing us with this mystery." He jokes. I put a hand over my mouth when I smile, though I can see on one of the screens my pearly white teeth are peeking out from behind my hand. My eyes are shifting slyly. "Details. Details." He begs from me.
"Oh, no I can't possibly. I can't tell right?" I ask, just to be sure. One of the gamekeepers, the one that fell back into the punch answered.
"Right!"
"Sorry, I'm afraid my lips are sealed." I told him, placing a finger over my lips. My finger nails have been painted black with flames coming from the tips of them.
"Let's go back then." He told me, solemn. "To the reaping. You volunteered for your twin sister, and she was disabled. Can you tell us the story behind it?" He asked softly. I stop. I don't want to tell them that. It was painful and personal to the family. I can't stop though, I have to tell them.
"When we were younger." I said softly. "My father had died and my mother was incapabable of taking care of us, so it was up to me. I wouldn't let my sister work at all, I kept her at home or working on the cleaning around the neighborhood." I smile softly now, my eyes tearing at the memory as I told it. "But she was stubborn, just like me. She waited until I had gone out to find us a way to work and then she went to the mines, exactly where I told her to never step foot. A-And there was an accident." I told Caesar, looking up at him. He was listening intently, along with the rest of the crowd. "A rock fell from the ceiling and crushed her against a rock. Her pick axe was stuck between her and the wall. It ended up piercing the bottom of her spine and making it impossible for her to move. The rock itself caused her to breath painfully from weak lungs." I told them.
"Oh," Caesar said. He looked as if he shouldn't have brought it up. I look out to the crowd and smile though.
"It's okay though, because she's happy, and at home. She helps take care of what she can and my family and I love her every day of our lifes." I told them. They cheer, clapping loudly. I can't help the giggle that I let loose. "Thank you." I told them, and Caesar who handed me a hankercheif to dap away the tears.
"So," Caesar says, clearing his throat. I smile at him. "We know family means a lot to you, do you have any speacil plans for your own family? Maybe a boyfriend whose waiting at home?" He hinted. This is it, the make it or break it.
"Well," I start and my hands are fidgeting in my lap and I can feel the blush rising on my cheeks. "I don't have any special plans, because I don't have a boyfriend." I told him, shyly. It gets his attention because I haven't been shy the whole time that I've been here.
"Oh, but something tells me you have a boy in mind." He sang the first part and the crowd laughed again. I squeezed my fingers together and glanced one last time at haymitch before smiling softly at the crowd.
"Yes, but I don't think he'd ever consider me." I told Caesar. He pouted for me and held my hand on my lap.
"Oh, I'm sure he can't resist you, I know we can't." Caesar says, the crowd cheering and whistling again but they calm down soon. "Why don't you tell us who it is, I promise we won't tell." He jokes. I shift in my chair.
"You promise?" I ask him, widening my eyes innocently. I hear awes in the crowd and then shouts for us to know.
"I pinky promise." He says, holding up his pinky. I took it with my own pinky before gathering up my breath.
"It's Haymitch Abernathy, my mentor." I told him.