I may have to remind you all that next week is our midterm exams which means I'll have less time to update. But please continue to review this story and maybe promote it as well.
PS: Brittana will not happen in this story. I'm sorry.
Rachel was really soaking wet. She looked like a mess. Not just physically but also emotionally. She had been crying all the way home. And she just ran. She almost got hit by a car because she wasn't really looking to her surrounding. Luckily, the car that almost hit her wasn't speeding so fast so she managed to go home safe.. but broken.
She had never been hurt that way before. It feels like her heart wants to go out of her chest already. It feels like her eyes do not run out of tears. She can't even control herself anymore. She tried to stop herself from crying, but it felt worse. She figured it's better if she just let her emotions flow out of her eyes.. and her heart.
No one had ever hurt her before. Well, atleast not emotionally. She got hurt physically by her father whenever he punishes her, but that feeling she felt that time was nothing compared to what she's feeling that night. Tonight, she got the worst feeling in the world.
At first, she loves the feeling she gets when she was around Quinn. Because for once, she felt so special, she felt wanted, she felt happy, she felt contented. Was that the feeling a person gets when he/she loves someone? Because if it is, she must be in love with Quinn.
If she does, she does not regret it. Because Quinn is a really special person. No one in this world is as pretty, funny, and special as her. It feels so good being happy with Quinn. But she never thought that the worst feeling she ever felt will be from Quinn, too. How did she not even think of that? Maybe because she didn't realize that she was already falling for Quinn. But Quinn did not mean to hurt her. She has to believe in her.
Holly's wish did not come true about her experiencing the complexity of love, because she was not lucky enough to have the good side of it. If possible, she got the worst. She fell in love with someone 8 years older than her. Quinn might go to jail. Also, Quinn is with someone, someone who is way better than her, someone the same as Quinn's age. And the worst thing? Quinn does not love her. Quinn is in love with someone.
She's an idiot. How can she not see what was coming? Now she learned her lesson. Never assume. Never expect something good, if the situation is complicated. She thought Quinn was already falling out of love with Brittany. At least, that's what she thought. Quinn never talked about Brittany the whole time they were hanging out. And she seemed happy around her. Quinn does not have that hurt in her eyes anymore like that first day she saw her.
Again, she's an idiot. Not talking about Brittany does not mean that Quinn doesn't love her anymore. Who was Rachel to her anyway? Maybe a younger sister, maybe just a friend. And she realized that a person does not talk about her personal life to people she just met. That is why Quinn never talked about Brittany to her again.
She was really innocent. She hasn't even prepared herself for the worst. Now, it's too late because she was already hurting and Quinn is mad at her. Brittany was already there. Quinn doesn't need her anymore. Quinn will never hang out with her anymore. Just by the thought of it, she cried another gallon of tears.
She regrets saying those words about Brittany to Quinn. What if she had never said those words? Will Quinn still hang out with her? Probably. She put herself on Quinn's shoes. And she realized that if she was Quinn, she will also get mad at herself if someone says something like that about her girlfriend. That just proves how Quinn loves Brittany. Quinn loves Brittany. And once again, gallon of tears fell from her eyes. She cannot even feel her face anymore. Her face felt numb. Her whole body felt dead. She does not want to die yet, but she wants to just disappear because images of Quinn kissing Brittany earlier is filling her mind.
She just wished that she'll be fine when Monday comes.
She had not realized that she already reached her home because she has been crying and crying all the way there. She really feels exhausted in every aspect. But one thing she learned when she was hanging out with Quinn, was that she finally knew and familiarized herself with the streets. So it was no doubt that she got home this time without losing her way.
Her parents' initial reactions were worried and shocked when she showed up to their living room that night looking so broken. Holly was there already and she almost dropped the coffee she was sipping when she saw how Rachel looked. All of them were worried but Rachel just stood there, and with a span of three seconds, she passed out on the ground. Luckily, her head did not hit the floor, but she went unconscious.
Holly and her parents immediately brought her to the hospital that night. They were really worried about Rachel. She has never been sick because being healthy is very important to her. She eats the right foods, she exercises a lot. But today, she was a different Rachel. A more mature, but broken, Rachel.
"Did- Did you know anything about this? Where has she been? And who was she with?" Shelby asked Holly crying but her tone was firm.
Rachel never told Holly about anything that day. Holly was not there the whole day because she went to her university to fix some papers for her OJT abroad. But she already has an idea about Shelby's question. Her mind wanders to what Quinn and Rachel has been doing that made Rachel runaway in that state.
"Holly?" Hiram snapped her out of her thoughts. Both Hiram and Shelby were looking at her expectantly. They were in the waiting room waiting for any announcements about Rachel's condition.
Holly cannot tell them about Quinn. Not yet. And she had to respect Rachel's privacy. She knows why Rachel kept Quinn a secret. It was for the good. On the other note, she was glad about Rachel's decisions. Quinn has really helped the kid think maturely. But what happened between the two? She doesn't want the words to come out from her mouth. They had to wait for Rachel, that is, if she will ever confess anything.
"I—I.. no. I don't know anything. I was at the university, remember?" Shelby just nodded, realizing that what she asked was stupid. How can Holly know? She was not there.
"I was just worried about her. I'm sorry." Shelby states.
"You guys must know where she went. You two were there when she went out, right? You know she doesn't just go out without asking your permission." Holly answered.
Hiram's face changed and realized that Rachel has in fact reminded them about her activities for the day. He nodded to no one in particular while thinking deeply.
"She did. She told me she was going with a friend to the park. That they will go biking and tree climbing. But I don't know who that friend was. She never gave a name." Hiram said defeated.
"You're so stupid! You must ask who she was going with before you agree! Look what happened, you idiot! If this happens again, expect for a divorce!" Shelby said furiously. She can't believe her husband has gotten this far.
"I'm sorry. But I had never seen our daughter that happy. Don't you notice her sudden change these past two weeks? She looks so carefree and just.. happy. I figured she needed to be allowed to do what teenagers do sometimes, so I let her. I never thought this would happen." Hiram said apologetically.
Shelby just cried harder in his arms. "Still, you're an idiot."
"Okay, stop. It was no one's fault. Let's just wait for Rachel to explain, okay? It might not be that bad. Can you guys just relax for a while? Be calm, for Rachel?" Holly helped the two sit in the nearest chair because Shelby was already being hysterical. Now she knew where Rachel got her exaggerated reactions, it was from Shelby. But that reaction is not helping in situations like this. Shelby has to stop.
The two obliged and waited several minutes until the doctor came out.
"Doctor, what happened? Is our daughter okay?" Shelby stood fast. Holding the doctor in his both shoulders and shaking him furiously. Holly and Hiram also stood beside the doctor waiting for his announcement.
The doctor just smiled at them and said "Rachel is fine, Mr. and Mrs. Berry. She just suffered from an extreme fatigue. It may be of physical or emotional reasons. By the looks of her, she may be emotionally stressed because she had been crying when you brought her here. For now, I'll have her stay here for 24 hours because she's dehydrated. You can bring her home tomorrow. The nurse will give you the prescriptions later. But you can visit her now." With that, the doctor disappeared down the hallway and the three immediately went to Rachel's room.
Rachel was sleeping peacefully over the hospital bed, but her appearance was just so pathetic. She looks really broken and pale. She looks very dehydrated just like what the doctor said. But what could have possibly happened to bring Rachel to this state? Only Rachel can tell.
Holly went home that night to get some clothes for Rachel to wear in case she wakes up. She also took care of Rachel that Sunday morning because Hiram and Shelby had to attend mass. But they promised to also pray for Rachel. Holly just nodded.
When lunch came by, Holly was already done bathing. She was about to exit the hospital room to buy lunch when she heard Rachel speak.
"Mom, Dad.." Rachel spoke in a very exhausted tone. Holly immediately went back beside the bed and pressed her hand to Rachel's.
"Little Rae, this is Aunt Holly, can you hear me, huh? How are you feeling?" Holly asked nervously when she saw that Rachel's tired eyes just stared straight to the ceiling.
After about half a minute, Rachel spoke in dry throat. "I.. I am really thirsty."
"Holly immediately filled a glass of water for Rachel to drink. She guided Rachel to sit up and then helped her gulp the glass of water. Rachel slowly drank. Her lips really dry and pale. Her eyes really deep.
"Better?" Holly asked when Rachel gave her back the glass of water.
Rachel nodded and stared straight to the wall. Feeling really anxious to say anything.
"Your Mom and Dad attended mass for a while. They were really worried about you. But they'll be back soon. Okay?" Holly rubbed Rachel's back trying to make the girl feel better.
"I- I just want to go home and sleep." Rachel said bringing her body back to the hospital bed and laid there.
"Don't worry. They'll be back in about an hour, okay? And then we can go home. Do you want something to eat?"
"Yes.. I'm really hungry." Rachel said realizing that her last meal was the ripe mangoes she and Quinn ate at the park. Her chest hurt again at the thought of Quinn.
"Okay. Just lay back there for a while, okay? I'll just buy food downstairs. And be good, please." Holly kissed Rachel's forehead then exited the room
Once Holly was gone, Rachel let her tears fell from her eyes again. She can't help it anymore. But she was relieved that her body doesn't feel like sobbing today. She's really tired and her body still feels like dead. She was feeling the same as last night, except she's not soaking wet because of the rain. But still, her chest still hurt that way. Her mind still thinks about Quinn.
"Please, God, I've had enough.. Let me feel better." She shut her eyes and prayed to God. Another drop of tear left her eyes but she wiped them away. She looked for anything around just to keep herself busy until Holly comes back.
She noticed the TV, but she doesn't really feel like watching right now even if she knows that it was Tom and Jerry time. She looked for her PSP or 3DS somewhere but she cannot find it. She felt worse. Why were her gadgets not here to save her this time? She really needs their help right now.
When she was about to shut her eyes, she noticed her phone screaming silently to be noticed by her. She tried to fight the urge to reach for it on her bedside table because she doesn't want to entertain any text messages from Quinn right now.
As if Quinn was going to text her after what happened.
She immediately shook the thought and just lay there silently and waited for Holly. After a few more minutes, Holly came with lunch in her hand. They ate peacefully. Holly managed to make her laugh and they also had small talks. She's thankful that Holly did not ask her about anything that had happened. But still, she has to prepare herself because she knew that Holly will ask her eventually, and she can't lie to her. She's just not ready to deal with it right now.
After about an hour, her parents came in and was glad that she was already feeling better. At least, that what she said. Soon, she was discharged from the hospital and they went home. Once they were home, she immediately went to her room and slept her anxiousness away. She was also thankful that her parents did not ask anything about last night. For once, she was really proud of her parents.
Quinn woke up that Sunday morning feeling so empty and alone. Something was missing in her. Or should she say someone? Even if Brittany is beside her that morning sleeping peacefully, she can't help but feel incomplete. The events last night ran to her mind once again and she felt that tears were already streaming her cheeks. She immediately wiped it away, got up, and went to the bathroom to gargle. She left Brittany in the bed and she went to kitchen afterwards.
She grabbed some wine and sat on the balcony just watching the chirping birds on trees or the dim clouds in the sky. Even the sky looks so sad today, not as bright as those days when she was with Rachel.
What is wrong with her? She has every right to be mad at Rachel because of what Rachel said about her girlfriend. But she suddenly realized that she was acting immaturely. Of course, Rachel is just concerned about her. But Rachel was right, after all. She was right about everything she said last night, she just doesn't want to admit it yet.
She doesn't want to admit that Brittany is not the same Brittany she met in high school. Brittany is not that bubbly girl anymore, Brittany is not the humble girl she used to love.
Brittany is now full of herself. After she graduated, Quinn thought it was just because Brittany was really proud of herself. She understood that at first. But Brittany has gotten really mean to everyone. She thinks high of herself now. She was now really sophisticated, but not in a good way. Brittany used to be a joker, but now she finds joking a dumb idea.
Brittany is gone. And she realized it last night after Rachel told her that Brittany was not happy to be there with her. Another tear fell from her eyes and this time, she was not sure if it was because of Rachel or Brittany.
Rachel is sweet, adorable, childish, cute, beautiful, funny, lovable, and fun to be around. And did she mention beautiful? Rachel is special to her. And she knows that her life will never be the same again without Rachel. She can feel it that she was special to Rachel, too. But there are many risks if she will entertain the idea. And she can't disappoint her parents again. And no, Rachel is not the right girl for her.
Maybe Brittany is just tired. She's already making money, after all. But no, she was just fooling herself. Everything has already changed, but she can't let that go yet. She needs to give it one last shot.
She remembered how Brittany kissed her last night. They made love that night. Love. At least she still believes that they made love and not just sex. But she can feel that it was already one- sided. Her Brittany was gone and she's certain that she's never coming back.
Brittany's kisses used to be so soft and gentle, but that night, she was rough and sloppy. Of course, they had role plays in sex before, but that night, she knows that Brittany wasn't role playing. It was real. It was the new Brittany, and she doesn't like it. But still, she gave everything to Brittany again that night. She really missed her. But maybe not. Rachel kept her occupied.
Okay, no. She missed Brittany. She has to, because Brittany is her girlfriend.
She wiped her tears away and after a few minutes of sipping wine, she felt a hand coiled her waist from behind and kissed her neck. She immediately recognized the scent, and of course, it was Brittany. She used to have a sweet scent, but right now, her scent is really strong. It was suffocating, but she managed to resist it, just for the sake of love.
She giggled when Brittany got to her sensitive spot, she can't help it, it tickles. "Okay, stop." She said between chuckles. Brittany obliged and just rested her chin to Quinn's shoulders.
"Morning babe, you're up early." Brittany stated sweetly.
"Yeah, the day called me early." She answered smiling, but still looking straight at the sky.
There was an awkward silence between them, then Brittany pulled a chair beside her and watched the sky with her. Brittany poured herself some wine, too before speaking.
"What are you thinking?" Brittany asked all of a sudden. It was not a question with concern. It was simply a question, and it made Quinn sick. Brittany sounded like she was talking to a stranger.
"I'm thinking about you.." Quinn said not looking at Brittany, but she can see in her peripheral vision that Brittany smiled. "..and us." She continued. This time, she looked at Brittany with seriousness in her eyes. Brittany stared at her, confused.
"Oh, what do you mean?" Brittany asked nonchalantly, clearly ignoring the sense of the topic. Then went back on looking at the sky and sipping her wine.
Quinn didn't answer right away. She fought with herself is she should really bring the topic now. And she realized that she has to. That Brittany owes her that much. So she speaks.
"You clearly know what I'm talking about. You feel it, too. I know you feel it too." Quinn said, resisting the urge to break down in front of Brittany.
"I'm sorry. But I don't." Brittany said with a really authoritative tone. That new side of Brittany makes her tremble inside always. Most of Brittany's new attitudes scare her and make her sick. She doesn't know how to bring back her Brittany anymore. She wanted to. But maybe, just maybe, this isn't working anymore.
She tried so hard to match the tone of Brittany. She can't be fragile right now. She has to confront Brittany about everything that changed between them these past few months.
"Something has changed. I can feel it. I just don't like to deal with it yet." She stated plainly.
"Then don't deal with it. That's really simple. Why do you like making things really complicated, Quinn? I'm here, what else are you looking for? Can you not be selfish?" Brittany asked irritated. And she doesn't even bother to hide her irritation. With this, Quinn finally let go of the tears from her eyes. But she wiped it quickly, this thing needs to be talked about.. and done.
"Are you cheating on me, Britt?" She asked with a very weak tone. That was her one of her suspicions. Because what else, right? Her chest was really hurting right now. But something inside her is fighting the pain. She just can't figure it out, yet.
Brittany chuckled. But in a very mocking way. It makes Quinn hurt even more. She just waited until Brittany stopped. She felt like punching Brittany right now. "What? Are you insane, Quinn?" Brittany chuckles harder.
"Britt.."
"And please, I told you not to call me 'Britt' anymore. For God's sake, we're not 15. We're adults now, Quinn. Act like one." Brittany continues to laugh and Quinn had enough.
She threw her wine glass until it hit the concrete wall. She was really angry and frustrated right now and she can't think of a better way to let it all out. It made Brittany stop and stand up from her seat to face Quinn. Anger now evident in her face. Her veins are visible now and her face is really red. But Quinn feels her own self welling up with anger, either.
"What the fuck is your problem, Quinn?!" Brittany yelled at her.
"You. Are. My. Fucking. Problem. It's you, BRITTANY! You have been my problem for months now! What are you doing to me, to us? Where is the old Brittany I used to be happy with? The Brittany who used to be happy with me? Where is she?!" Quinn yelled back at Brittany, but this time, with tears, and she does not bother wiping them away.
"I am still here, Quinn! I'm not cheating on you or anything! It's just that I'm really busy. Why don't you understand and just be thankful that I'm still here? That I found a way to have time for us?" Brittany said, but now with less anger.
"But you're not the old Brittany anymore. And I don't like the new you." Quinn said angrily.
Brittany flinched, anger coming back to her. "And I don't like that you're still the same! That you're still there and not moving forward. That you're stuck there and now you blame me for changing? You know what, don't! And don't make me feel sorry about it. Because it's you who has the problem. You need to change, Quinn. I don't want to be stuck with you forever!" Brittany said with tears now but she's still mad. But then her face softens when she realized what she had just said.
That's it. Quinn fell on her knees. She felt weak. Quinn was taken aback. Brittany has hit a nerve. She was right about her other suspicions. Brittany thinks she's not good enough for her. Brittany's right. She's stuck. And Brittany's settled. But she's still there. And how many years before she becomes successful? 6 more years? And was it what's really going to happen? Clearly Brittany can't wait that long. Once again, she can't argue with that anymore.
"Quinn, I'm sorry.. I- I just.." Brittany held her shoulders and tried to help her to stand up but she pushed her away. She cried really hard. Her face is so wet and red. The wine is also having an effect on her now. She can see that Brittany's also crying. But nothing will compare to what she's feeling right now. Her world just crashed. No one will fix it anymore.
"I'm fine, Brittany. You- You're right.. But, you could- you could have told me. I knew that was what it's all about..I just don't want to believe it, you know?" she stated in between sobs. This time, Brittany held her and she didn't push her away.
"Quinn, I did not mean it. You know me when I'm mad. But I did not mean anything I said. You know how much I love you, right? Please let's drop this. Stop crying." Brittany whispered to her.
"I used to know how much you love me, Britt. But now, it's not revolving anymore." She whispered silently.
"Quinn, I care about you."
"But not the way like Rachel cared about me when you weren't there. You are so far, I don't even—" Quinn stopped short when she realized that she just compared Brittany to Rachel. Wow, where did it come from?
"Okay. Stop." Brittany chuckled again, but bitterly this time. "Rachel? That kid from last night? Seriously, Quinn? You said all those things to me as an excuse but clearly you're the one who fell out of love! And have me replaced by a freaking kid?!" Brittany mocked her.
"I didn't! She's just my friend." Quinn answered defensively.
"Oh, stop, Quinn. I knew it. I saw the way she looked at you. You can't deny it, Quinn. So please, stop putting the blame on me. It's all your fault."
"You left me, Britt. You left me emotionally. Of course it was your fault."
"I didn't! I was trying so hard to save for our future. For us! Because I love you, Quinn. But you don't understand." Brittany explained.
Quinn stayed silent for a while. Absorbing the words that were coming out from Brittany's mouth.
"You're right, I don't. And I'm tired of trying to understand." Quinn said firmly.
"What—what do you mean?" Brittany asked suddenly feeling her heart beating fast.
"I'm breaking up with you, Britt. You know it's not working anymore.. We don't deserve each other."
"You can't break up with me, Quinn. I'm all you have. Your parents are close from disowning you." Brittany threatened.
Quinn got angrier at Brittany when she brings up her parents.
"Oh, is that right? I may have to disagree with your first statement. Because clearly, I have Rachel."
Brittany laughed. Quinn swears that laugh is the worst sound she has ever heard from Brittany. Brittany continued laughing like an evil before standing straight in front of her and pointing to her face. "You. Will. Regret. This. You will come back to me." Brittany snapped before turning her back from her and throwing the bottle of wine somewhere.
"I won't!" She shouted just before Brittany got out of her door, of her life.
She took a shower and cleaned her whole place that day and thought of what to do next with her feelings, with her life. Does she love Rachel? She wasn't sure. She just broke up with her girlfriend. But one thing is for sure. She cares about Rachel so much and she's certain that she won't be happy anymore if Rachel was not a part of her life.
Holly answered the door that afternoon because Shelby is busy cooking dinner in the kitchen and Hiram was in the garage fixing something in his car, while Rachel is still fast asleep in her room.
She was shocked when she opened the door but also immediately became mad upon seeing Quinn. She knew Quinn was the one with Rachel last night and she blames the girl for making Rachel sick.
"What are you doing here?" Holly asked coldly.
"Can I talk to Rachel? I have many things to say to her. And I needed to apologize for last night—"
"So that was really you who got her sick."
"I—what? What do you mean sick?" Quinn asked confused and worriedly.
Holly looked at her intently trying to cut Quinn with her eyes before speaking. "She went home last night, looking as broken as ever. Her whole body was a mess. She was soaking wet. She was crying really hard, and then she passed out on that are, right where you are standing right now. We brought her to the hospital immediately. She's fatigued and dehydrated. We just got back here."
Quinn's heart broke because of what she heard. She was the reason of all those horrible things that happened to Rachel last night. She was an idiot. She did not even spare Rachel an umbrella or offered her a ride home. Rachel even got hospitalized. Her heart broke even more when she pictured Rachel crying really hard and passing out.
She was really a terrible person.
"Holly, I'm so sorry, I really am. I need to explain to her. Please-please just let me in. Let me see her." Quinn said unable to resist her tears.
Holly saw the sincerity in Quinn's eyes. She was wrong about judging her. She doesn't know what happened. But as much as she wants to let Quinn in, she has to let Rachel rest first.
"I'm sorry, Quinn. But she's resting right now. But don't worry, I'll tell her that you came to see her. Just please, let her rest. She's too young to be experiencing these things. You know that, right?" Holly said apologetically.
Quinn nodded, understanding what Holly said. "I understand, but please tell her I'm sorry, because I really am. And I still need to explain to her." Quinn turned around to leave but Holly stopped her. Holly reached for her hand and held it tight before hugging Quinn.
"It will be okay, Quinn."
Quinn left the Berry household and went back to her place. She noticed that she left her phone on the bed, so she got it and typed a message for Rachel.
"Rach, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry about everything. I feel so guilty. Please let me explain everything when you are already feeling better? Or atleast let me take care of you? I miss you.. –Quinn"