Quinn literally wants to kill two people right now: First, her professor for giving her loads of projects and also for moving the final exam into an earlier schedule, which is in line with Rachel's birthday, and second, her project partner who thinks that she has done enough work already when all she does is whine about how hard the project is. Quinn's partner has already done some research that's not even half of what they need. Some of the girl's researches are not even relevant to the project.
Quinn, not wanting to get into another confrontation, thinks that it would take a lot of time to argue.
But she can't make it to Rachel's birthday. Of course, she had already planned something. She will move somewhere near Rachel's place and they can see each other again every weekends without any worries or even if Rachel's parents opposed. She's pretty sure that there is nothing that Hiram can threaten Rachel with anymore.
Unfortunately, she lost her USB which contains all of the information and researches she has done for two weeks. She tried looking for it everywhere but there's no sign of it anymore, and it was pretty small. She cried in frustration. Now she has to cram so they can pass it on time.
This time she has been extra grade conscious because she can't repeat a subject for she only has limited amount of money. This coming midnight is going to be Rachel's birthday but she can't leave her project unfinished, now that she has to start all over again as well, and she also has to study for final exams, even if she did not sleep for the whole day it still won't make that much difference.
She stared at the music box she bought for Rachel. It was supposed to be her 18th birthday present for her girlfriend but now just thinking that she won't be able to hand it to her on time makes her heart shatter to pieces.
But she does not have any choice, does she? This is important for her too. She's doing everything to have a better future, so that she can be enough for Rachel, so that she can prove to her parents, especially Rachel's parents, that she deserves to be with Rachel, that she is not just a disappointment and a black sheep of the family.
She can't think of any other ways to make it on the girl's birthday, so she chose to stay and finish all of her requirements, and that was the most difficult decision she has ever done in her entire life. She knew that it will hurt Rachel. But she knew she'd understand. It's not her being a jerk, it's her being responsible.
It pains her just imagining how Rachel would react when she realized that she will not be coming, but she's sure that she will soon, as soon as she's done with everything that she has to deal with.
She kissed the music box and hid it on her closet and started dealing with one hell of a research.
"I'm so sorry. But I promise I will come back, Rach. I promise." She whispered in air and turned on her computer.
"Rachel.. talk to me, please." Santana begged her once more. Her parents are already gone to work that day of her birthday and she was really amazed by the Latina's efforts to support her especially with her state right now.
But she can't really talk about it yet. How is she supposed to make herself feel better? Quinn just broke her promise and now all of her hopes had fallen down, all of her confidence disappeared in just one snap. She gained that confidence for three years but it all fell down in just one night. How is that even possible?
She wants to believe what her heart was saying that Quinn is just busy, or hell, it's even alright with her if Quinn forgot her birthday. But what she wants to avoid is to listen to what her mind was saying. It says that Quinn did not come on purpose, and that she will never even think of coming back again. She wants to believe that Quinn is dealing with something important. Please, just let it be.
She loves Quinn so much and the night before was supposed to mean a lot to both of them. It was supposed to be meaningful, supposed to be the start of something new yet something familiar, supposed to be the beginning of another journey of their relationship, and most importantly, supposed to be the start of their happiness, but Quinn has not shown up.
But at the end, her heart will always win. She listens to her heart always and it was the reason that she and Quinn got it this far. So there's one idea that popped up to her head.
Something must have happened. Quinn will never leave her like that. Quinn will at least talk to her about it, so something has definitely happened. She immediately got nervous. What if Quinn got into accident on the way to her house? But that's quite impossible because she must be hearing news about it already.
She will never find out unless she finds out.
"Rachel, please.. just let me know you're- you're alright." Santana repeated and her voice was already tired for the lack of sleep.
She brought her attention back to life and looked at Santana who has a very tired and red eyes already. She suddenly feels guilty about being responsible for it.
She held Santana's hands and squeezed it before speaking. "I'm alright, Santana."
Santana sighed loudly in relief and immediately hugged her tightly. "Oh my god, you talked, finally!"
Was she really quiet for that long?
"I'm so sorry for—for worrying you. If you want, you can sleep now." She answered with tired voice but she really can't bring herself to sleep right now. She needs to plan something about the idea that popped into her head. It needs to be done.
Santana immediately shook her head and stood up from bed. "I'm not leaving you like this. Do you—do you want something to eat? I can cook a little bit." Santana informed her in a not so proud way.
She smiled and wiped her already dried tears and stood up. "That's alright, Santana. I'm not really hungry. You can just rest." She suggested.
Santana opposed once again and stared deeply into her eyes. "No. No I'm not going to. Just tell me what you want. Do you want to, like, go somewhere? I'm sorry I'm not really good at this."
She rolled her eyes playfully. "Santana, no, what you did is probably the most thoughtful thing a person could do." She answered sincerely.
Santana hugged her and rubbed her back and she can also feel the girl smelling her hair. "I love you, Rachel, and I don't like seeing you like this."
She closed her eyes to relax herself. "I'm going to be fine. Last night was just.. unexpected." She answered hesitantly but she knew that Santana clearly knows what she is talking about.
Santana pulled out from the hug and looked at her with concern. "I'm sorry to say this, Rach, but I really hate Quinn for hurting you again.."
She was taken aback and shot Santana a glare. "She hasn't hurt me before, Santana." She answered defensively. Her mood immediately changing.
Santana held up her hand and spoke. "I'm sorry, Rachel, but I saw how you are during the first year of this—"
"Stop it." She demanded.
"But she's hurting you right NOW, Rach, and I don't think—"
"What did you just call me?" She asked angrily. Santana immediately stopped and looked down on the ground when she realized what she had just said.
"I'm sorry.."
"I only want that nickname coming from Quinn's mouth." She answered with firmness.
Santana nodded and looked up again with tears already forming in her beautiful eyes but that doesn't make the situation any better.
"You also have no right to say those things about Quinn. You don't know her." She said not recognizing her own voice.
Santana nodded in defeat again and stared deeply into her chocolate brown orbs. "I'm so sorry. I'm just really.. worried about you. I'm sorry about saying those things and calling you.. well—calling you that."
She sighed and instantly felt guilty for reacting that way with Santana. She was supposed be thankful that the girl is trying so hard to help her and the fact that someone's there always ready to support her is too much. She looked away from Santana and directed her attention outside the window.
"I'm sorry for over reacting.." she said quietly.
"It's okay." Santana went behind her and turned her around so now they are face to face. "What are you going to do now?" Santana asked her with seriousness and concern.
"I was thinking of.. going somewhere." She answered hesitantly.
Santana's lips formed a small smile and spoke. "Do you want to go to the mall? Just to—wind up, you know?"
She shook her head but she made sure not to make Santana feel awful about her suggestion. "That's not what I meant." She answered.
Santana's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Then what do you mean?"
She paused for a moment and studied Santana's expressions. She's trying to figure out if the girl is willing to help her, and she saw that Santana really is.
"I want to go to Kentucky." She answered in a fast manner.
Santana hang her mouth open in shock and confusion. "Kentucky? But why? That's like, six or seven hours drive from here."
She knew that. But she really wants to do this. She can't wait any longer to see Quinn already and be with her. Waiting is not in the picture anymore, it will never make sense this time. If she had to look anywhere that Quinn might be in, she'd do it.
Of course, Quinn's hometown, her parents' place, will be her first option. When she was 15 and she and Quinn started hanging out, she learned everything about the girl's family. About how pressured she was and how she was the almost neglected child. She pitied the girl but at the same time she believes in her. Quinn is a very intelligent and the kindest and most beautiful girl she has ever seen. There is no one like her. How can someone neglect her?
"Quinn's parents live there." She answered the confused Santana, hoping she'd get the hint.
"But how is that relevant to—Oh." Santana quickly stopped upon realizing the topic. "Oh."
"Yeah, oh." She answered.
"So.. so you want to find Quinn?" Santana asked with hesitance.
She nodded and smiled sadly. "I just need to get some answers, and I need to see her, Santana."
Santana thought about it for a moment while biting her lip. After a moment she finally talked. "I'll go with you." The girl informed her.
She widened her eyes in surprise and hugged Santana excitedly. "Really? Are you sure?" she asked.
"Yes, I am. Do you know the exact address?"
She nodded immediately. "Thank you so much, Santana, I owe you one again."
Santana laid her body on the bed and yawned before speaking. "You never owed me one, Rachel. Not even once."
"No! There are a lot of things you did for me, and I'm really thankful for all of that." She disagreed.
"But I did it out of my own will, not because I was obliged or forced to do so, so you don't owe me one." Santana countered.
She just sighed in defeat and did not argue. "Fine. But I still want to thank you about everything. You really don't have to come with me, you know. I can—"
"I doubt you can." Santana cut her off, definitely teasing her.
She smiled and lay beside Santana on the bed. "I feel like I have to say 'thank you' a million times."
"Just knowing that you're feeling better is enough for me." Santana answered sincerely.
She smiled and yawned and she heard Santana chuckled.
"I think we need to sleep first." Santana suggested.
She yawned again. "I think so, too." She answered and started to close her eyes. She really was exhausted.
"Good morning, Rachel, and happy birthday to you." She heard Santana mumble before they drifted off to sleep together.
"Rachel, I really don't know what's the point of going here, now that you're not even sure." Santana said while they are nearing their destination.
After they awoke from a very long sleep earlier that morning, she lied to her parents that she was going to have a sleepover at Santana's house with Tina, Kurt, and Mercedes. Her parents did not doubt her actions because it was actually a valid reason, so they agreed. It was a Saturday, anyway. High schools don't always require Saturday classes. She immediately took a shower and wrote the address that Quinn told her a long time ago—her family's address in Kentucky, then she gave it to Santana.
Santana did most of the driving and just told her to sleep. She opposed, of course, but Santana wouldn't let her, so she just obliged to what the Latina wants and closed her eyes. But that actually did not help because she never felt sleepy again. Her heart was beating really fast and she can't quite figure out if it's because of nervousness or excitement.
If she sees Quinn there doing just fine and busy on something, she will understand and maybe ask the girl when will she return. She knows that Quinn will never, ever disappoint her or just leave her like that. There has to be a reason.
But now that they are a few kilometers apart from Quinn's hometown, she was suddenly unsure of everything she was doing. Hell, she was not even sure of the address in the first place. What if they are not living there anymore? She's just wasting Santana's time and it's embarrassing.
"No. No. I think I'm sure about it. Keep driving." She answered and looked outside the window trying to make herself familiar to these new sight.
"Are you sure you're sure?" Santana asked with worry but never tore her gaze away from the road.
"Yes. I'm just—just a little bit nervous." She answered unsure.
Santana glanced at her with worried eyes, but when she did not talk anymore, Santana just shrugged and continued driving. 30 minutes later, they were already parked outside a classic-looking but elegant house. This must be it. The house's ambiance perfectly resembles Quinn's personality and her parents'. She couldn't be wrong about it.
Five minutes has passed and neither of them was moving out of the car. Santana let out a frustrated sigh and spoke. "Are we going out of here, or what?"
She knows that Santana was already growing annoyed and she can't blame her. Driving that long must be really tiring, but moving out of the car and pressing the doorbell of the house is very difficult for her.
"I'm sorry. Can you give me a minute? I'm really nervous." She asked and Santana just smack her own forehead and waited for her to make a decision.
After a whole two minutes of composing herself, she finally let out a loud breath and formed her hands into fists to prevent herself from freaking out. "Okay, let's go." She informed.
Santana clapped in a mocking way and went out of the car to open her door for her since she does not move despite saying she's ready. Santana guided her out of the car and squeezed her hands to let her know that she's safe and that she will be there for her if something happens.
She smiled at Santana as they both walked to the front door of Fabray household. She let out a huge breath and uncertainly pressed the doorbell.
She looked at Santana worriedly but the girl gave her a reassuring smile. She knows that whatever happens or whoever opens the door, Santana will be there for her.
Her heart beats even faster when she saw the knob twisting and eventually it revealed a middle-aged woman with blonde hair that was formed in a bun. She has some wrinkles already. She widens her eyes when she realized that this woman was in fact Quinn's mother. She looked at Santana again to see if she's the only one thinking about it, but judging by Santana's slightly opened mouth, she knows that this is actually Quinn's mother. She looks like Quinn's clone- but older.
"May I help you, ladies?" the woman greeted them with a warm smile and presence. That made her relax a little bit.
She cleared her throat and steadied her breathing before speaking. "I—we.. are you.. is this the Fabray.." she stammered.
The woman held both sides of her shoulder and smiled at her. "Miss, you should relax."
She blinked many times and sighed once again before speaking. "I'm so sorry. I was just nervous."
"Why would you be?" the woman asked nicely but worriedly.
She let out a nervous laugh. "I- I really don't know."
The woman was about to speak when a man's voice from inside the house suddenly interrupted her. "Honey, who's there?" it asked.
He did not give time for the woman to answer because the man walked to the front door as well to take a look at the visitor himself. She was immediately insecure and terrified by the man standing in front of them. He was really tall and with a very serious face. It's like he does not know how to smile or laugh. It was his face that's makes him really scary and also the voice. His voice was even than her father's.
She assumes that he is Quinn's father because they have a slight resemblance as well, however, Quinn got most of her beauty and the warm attitude from her mother.
The woman gestured her hand pointing to them. "Them." She answered her husband.
She gulped again and Santana squeezed her hand once more to encourage her to be brave and start to talk. "We—we were wondering if this is the.. if you are Mr. and Mrs. Fabray?" she asked with shaky voice even if she was already sure that they are in the house and they found the right person.
Both Mr. and Mrs. Fabray knit their eyebrows in confusion.
"Yes, this is the Fabray household. How may I help you?" Mr. Fabray asked in a deep tone. She knows that the man is studying them. She looked at Judy and noticed the woman thinking deeply, probably thinking if they had already met or not.
"We—we are actually looking for your daughter Quinn.." she trailed off and noticed the change in the couple's reaction. Mrs. Fabray was taken aback and suddenly became sad while Mr. Fabray looks like he was mad. "Does she—does she live here?" she asked.
"May I know your names?" Mr. Fabray asked.
She stood straight and cleared her throat, suddenly ashamed of herself for not introducing themselves properly. How rude.
"Oh. My name's Rachel and this is my friend Santana. Quinn met us back at—"
"You're name's Rachel?" Mr. Fabray cut her off and asked with what seems like an angry tone. She looked at Mrs. Fabray and realized that the woman bit the insides of her cheek, and to Santana who was looking at her worriedly.
She gulped the lump in her throat and nodded. "Y- yes, sir."
Mr. Fabray clenched his fists on his sides and it made her whole body tremble. He is really scary, and why is he suddenly reacting like this? "You mean, you're Rachel Berry?" he asked with his deep tone again that's like coming from the ground.
She nodded again and became curious about the fact that the couple know who she is.
"Yes, sir, but how did you know me?" she asked him politely, her heart still beating fast. All she wants is for this to be done and to know where Quinn is and to finally see her again.
Mr. Fabray looks at her like he was wishing her dead. "Quinn has talked a lot about you." He said.
She smiled instantly. Suddenly her smile turned into a proud grin. Her eyes twinkled in delight and her heart is beating faster than ever before, but now because of excitement. Quinn must be here. They will see each other again.
"Really, sir? How is she? Is she inside?" she asked excitedly but her smile instantly faded when she realized that Mr. and Mrs. Fabray did not even smile or changed their reactions. Instead, they got even more serious and pissed.
She glanced at Santana and noticed that the girl was getting red probably out of anger to the couple for being rude and unwelcoming. She held Santana's hand tighter for support and Santana ran down her fingers to her palm to relax her.
"I'm sorry but Quinn does not live here anymore." Mr. Fabray suddenly said. Mrs. Fabray looked at his husband knowingly.
Her body got even weaker upon hearing Mr. Fabray's response. Her shoulders dropped in defeat and her lips trembled. "Oh.. but, do you—do you know where she lives now?" she asked full of hopes.
"Yes. She, uh, she lives with her wife now." Mr. Fabray informed still with that very serious tone. He did not even smile at them even a little.
"Russel?!" Mrs. Fabray warned his husband and was also shocked by what he said.
The words she just heard seem to transform and became a sword that stabbed her whole heart to pieces. What does that mean? Quinn.. Quinn having a wife? Why would Quinn do that to her? Didn't they promise to wait for each other? Didn't Quinn promise to be a faithful 'wife' to her? Where did those promises go?
She felt her eyes start to water immediately as she held Santana's hands tighter to keep herself from falling. Her knees suddenly became weak and her whole body is falling into pieces. She feels like the ground is about to eat her whole. She feels like dying.
"W—wife, sir? What do you—what do you mean?" she asked with very red eyes and already wet face. Maybe she didn't hear him right. Maybe he was just kidding. She looked at Santana and whispered. "Please- please tell me this is a joke." She pleaded. Santana instantly hugged her in front of the couple.
"It's okay, Rachel. Please stop crying." Santana said with a very low voice.
"Why is your friend crying? Is she okay?" Mr. Fabray asked Santana with a confused tone rather than a worried one.
"No, sir. I- I was just so happy for Quinn.." she answered for Santana while wiping her wet face. "When- when did she get married? We haven't talked for a while so I didn't—I didn't know anything about it." She asked with trembling voice.
Mr. Fabray sighed. "I figured. She hasn't really talked to a lot of her friends after the wedding. Anyway, she got married just last year." He informed her proudly and it made her heart broke even more.
Last year was her 17th birthday, right after Quinn vowed to be with her forever, to be there for her even for better or for worse. Hell, they did have a wedding vow. Quinn even promised to be hers always and forever, but what happened? Were promises really made to be broken?
She nodded and forced a smile even if it kills her to do so. "I'm—I'm really happy for her, Mr. Fabray." She told him.
"Rachel.." Santana whispered but she did not acknowledge her.
"Thank you. We are, too." Mr. Fabray finally smiled this time, but it was not a genuine smile, it was like a content smile, content that something was finally done. She just can't quite figure that out.
"Can I—can I at least know who she was married with?" she asked hesitantly. She does not really need to know, and she knows that it will just hurt her even more, but she feels like she needed a complete information.
"Rachel, don't. Let's go home." Santana pleaded.
She looked at Santana with swollen eyes. "I'm fine."
"Oh. She married her high school sweetheart. Her name's Brittany. Brittany Pierce. Maybe you know her? They must be together when you met each other.." Mr. Fabray said in a very calm tone.
Her world finally collapsed and breathing became really hard to do. She cried harder and this time she did not even try to wipe it off. She has no strength left and she was thankful that Santana's still holding her.
"We're going to go. Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Fabray for the information. We're glad to know that Quinn is safe and happy." Santana bid goodbye for her because she feels like if she ever speak a word right now, she'd lose all her breath.
"I really don't understand but.. take care of your friend." Mr. Fabray reminded them before closing the door. That's when she also realized that they did not even get a chance to enter the house. They are really not welcome. This day was supposed to be the date of her death. Just give it to her.
Santana guided her back to the car and drove away. The only sound that can be heard inside the car was the sound of her loud sobs. She needs to let out all of it because if she doesn't, she'll die inside Santana's car immediately. Santana keeps on glancing at her with too much concern and she can see in the Latina's eyes that she was also hurting for her.
Santana checked them in a motel nearby because it will be dangerous to drive all the way back again, and they were both so tired. They will just go back in the morning.
Santana called her parents and said that their clique traveled and had an overnight in a resort and that they will be back tomorrow. Her parents were furious at first but they eventually agreed and made her promise to be back as soon as possible.
Inside the room, Santana made her lie down on the bed to rest and the girl put a blanket on the floor to sit there and read a book for a while. She knows that Santana was not really reading because she keeps on glancing at her worriedly. She still can't help but cry. There are times that she will occasionally stop when it was getting hard to breathe literally but she will cry again afterwards. It definitely hurt.
"Santana.. why'd she do this to me.. to us?" she asked with a very pained voice.
Santana put her book down and went to the bed beside her. The girl patted her back and embraced her. It made her sigh but not feel better exactly.
"I don't know, Rachel.. I really don't know." Santana answered with apologetic tone while continuously running her hands through her back to soothe her.
That's when she cried even harder because she just can't accept the fact that her question cannot be answered by someone who is not Quinn. No one really has an idea. It was all a big surprise.
Why did Quinn even marry Brittany? Quinn said that she's over Brittany and she saw it in her very own eyes, so why Brittany? Quinn was in love with her. Quinn promised to never abandon her, but she just did. She did a year ago. Quinn got tired of waiting. And it was just so hard to accept everything.
"We were meant to be together.. forever. Please tell me this is just a ridiculous nightmare." She responded unconsciously.
"Rachel, get some sleep, okay?" Santana whispered. She only nodded in response. She knows that no words can make her feel happy as before right now. Or maybe forever.
Santana kissed her cheek and wished her goodnight before going back to the floor to give her some privacy on the bed.
Before going to sleep, she wished to wake up realizing that everything is just in fact a nightmare.
It was a month later and Quinn was glad that she can finally breathe after one hell of a semester. All the things she has done came out really well. Her projects received high grades and her final exam grades are higher than she expected. The results of her giving up Rachel's birthday paid off really well and she was so happy about these achievements.
She knows that even if it's summer, she still has to work for Brittany and in the coffee shop but she was fine with it because now that school is not temporarily in the picture, she can have time to visit Rachel and give her the gift. Ask for forgiveness and explain everything to her. She knew Rachel would understand. She actually did it for them.
Quinn bought another bouquet of her and Rachel's favorite tulips and the music box she had kept inside her closet. After making sure that she did not forget something, she drove off and her heart was literally jumping in joy just imagining how happy they will be after 3 years of sufferings.
After just about two hours of driving, Quinn finally reached the town where she and Rachel met. She decided to stop and stay to the park for a while and think about the love of her life.
She had missed this place so much. She has not been here since she moved to Kentucky and to San Diego. Whenever she visits Rachel on her birthday she hasn't gotten the chance to go to this park because she had to return home right after. But now it was her day off so it was the perfect time for her to visit and spend the whole day. All her life she has been waiting for this moment to arrive.
She was nearing their favorite mango tree when she heard noises nearby. The voices belong to both girls, one of them is shrieking playfully, while the other is laughing teasingly. Her heart immediately began to pump hardly against her chest once again when she recognized that voice. She knew it was Rachel's and Santana's voice. She knew Rachel's voice very well. Her whole being knew it and she will never forget it.
She walked the remaining distance and there she saw, just under the mango tree, parked two bikes that obviously belong to Rachel and Santana. Beside it was a basket probably containing foods and plates, and just nearby, she saw the two girls racing happily with Rachel running ahead of Santana, and Santana running as fast as she could to reach the girl.
She put down the bouquet of flowers she was holding beside the tree and made sure that it won't get destroyed.
Suddenly, she felt numb and unable to move. She wanted to enjoy this sight, seeing Rachel so happy and carefree and so childish, but the fact that Santana was the one making her that happy made her heart tore apart. She knows she must not put meaning to what she was seeing and the two were just being a kid, but the sight is making her sick.
She was still not moving and stayed standing just beside the bike of two girls. Suddenly, Rachel turned around to run back into the tree's direction, and the girl froze. She noticed that Rachel took a sharp intake of breath because she did the same when their eyes met. Santana also stopped in her tracks and stared at her in disbelief.
She noticed that something is wrong by the way Rachel was looking at her but she thinks that she must be mistaken because Rachel's a few meters away from her. She walked to Rachel's direction, the girl's beautiful face becoming clear to her sight as she walked every step. She smiled genuinely and lovingly until she reached Rachel.
Rachel is still not moving but she thought that maybe the girl was just shocked. Well, Rachel acts like that most of the times especially when she's surprised. She instantly brought her arms around Rachel and enveloped her in a very warm and tight embrace. She closed her eyes as the scent of Rachel welcomed her nose. She kissed the girl's soft, silky, and fragrant brunette hair while running her hands down the girl's sides. It does not matter if Santana was watching them, what's important is that the love of her life is now here, inside her arms, hugging her.. no. And that's when she realized that Rachel was not hugging her back. The girl's hands stay glued to her sides.
Hurt run through her whole body as she pulled out of the embrace and stared at Rachel's beautiful brown eyes. She wanted to cry when she saw that there is no happiness and excitement in there. All she was seeing were sadness, anger, regret, and disappointment.
She tried to shake the thought off and closed her eyes. She leaned in closer and kissed Rachel's lips. Once their lips touched, she immediately felt Rachel's lips trembled, unlike before that Rachel will instantly kiss her back until they can't breathe anymore. After just about 5 seconds, she felt her face becoming wet with tears so she pulled out from the kiss and realized that they were both crying.
Rachel was crying but she knows that it's not the same reason as before. There's something hidden in it, and she badly needs to know. She needs to know.
"Rach.. what's—what's wrong? Didn't you miss me?" she asked feeling afraid of what Rachel's going to say.
Rachel just shook her head and let a gallon of tears fall from her eyes. The girl avoided eye contact with her and bit the inside of her cheeks.
She held the girl's chin gently and twisted her face in her direction. Rachel finally looked at her but hatred is really visible in the girl's eyes. "Rach.. what's going on?" she asked again.
Rachel did not answer, instead she walked away and grabbed Santana's wrist to go back under the tree to get their things. She immediately followed and got the bouquet of flowers she put there beside the tree. As Santana fixes their things, she grabbed the opportunity to get Rachel's attention again.
"Rach.. I don't know what's going on but.. I wanted to give this to you. Belated happy birthday to you. I'm- I'm sorry if I'm really late." She said while giving Rachel the flowers. She sighed in relief when Rachel took the bouquet of tulips from her hand, but her relief did not last long because Rachel angrily threw the bouquet away as far as she can. Her heart broke at the sight of tulips' petals flying and shattering everywhere.
What did just Rachel do? Why is she acting like this? This was seriously far from what she had imagined when she reached the town about 20 minutes ago. Just that action from Rachel make her whole world disappear.
She watched the pathetic flowers for a while before looking back at Rachel who's now crying really hard but is trying to retain and show her how angry she was. Santana just stood there waiting for Rachel, or maybe for what's about to happen.
"Rach, I—I don't understand. I'm so sorry for what I've done, I really am. Was that the reason?" Rachel still did not speak, she just stared at her. "Are you mad because I did not make it on your birthday? Believe me, I wanted to, more than anything. You don't know how much I tried to be there, but school prevented me from doing so. It was our final exams and also the project submissions so I had to settle it all."
Rachel just laughed bitterly in response and it stabbed her heart to pieces. "Really?"
"Rach, you have to believe me. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." she said as her vision becomes blurry because of tears. "I- I had to do that because I want to give you a good future someday. But here I am now. Believe me, please. I immediately grab this opportunity to see you and tell you how sorry I am." She took a breath after she was done on her rant.
"Are you done, Quinn?" Rachel asked her silently.
"Rach, please, don't be like this.. I'm really sorry.. please, please forgive me." She begged and she knows that she might be dehydrated from crying too hard right now.
Rachel shook her head furiously and left her there to go beside Santana. Santana just nodded and they walked with their bikes beside them leaving Quinn there.
But Quinn can't just give up like that. She has to know what's wrong. There must be a reason. She knows that Rachel's not mad at her for not being there on the girl's birthday. There are other reasons.
She ran and followed the two and she was thankful that they were not riding the bike. She immediately grabbed Rachel's wrists and Rachel turned around angrily.
"What else do you want, Quinn?!" Rachel yelled at her and she can see the fire burning in Rachel's eyes.
"What's the problem, Rach?" She said still not letting go of Rachel's wrist.
"Let me go!"
"No.." She got down on her knees and looked up on Rachel with pleading eyes. "Please, Rach.. don't do this."
"What are you doing?"
"Tell me what's wrong. Please.. don't be like this." She begged once more.
Some of Rachel's tears was falling down on her and she knows that Rachel is hurting as much as she is. "Rach, please.. we made it for three years.. don't go- don't leave me just like that.."
Rachel chuckled hatefully. "You're the one who wasted those three years, Quinn." She finally said.
She looked at Rachel questioningly and asked the girl. "W- what? What do you mean?"
Rachel chuckled again and cried even harder, the girl's voice breaking. "Don't pretend that you don't know, Quinn. You weren't.. so clever, you thought- you thought I would never find out?"
Quinn got even more confused and she feels like her head is going to explode thinking about what Rachel is talking about. "Rach.. what are you talking about?"
Rachel brushed off her hands that are holding her feet and stayed distant from her. "Don't bring up those years that we've been through, Quinn, because clearly, it's you who got tired of waiting." She said angrily.
She shook her head. "I- I don't understand." She was getting a little dizzy now.
"Of course you don't." Rachel prepared herself to walk away as the girl wipes her tears. "And I think- I think I'm starting to get tired of waiting, too. I should have gotten tired a year ago, anyways. You're just lucky I was a little late.."
She shook her head. "Rachel.. no. I don't understand. I never got tired of waiting for you. I think about you everyday. I think about this day every single day. There's no way I'll ever get tired of waiting for you.. I love you so much, I can never abandon you like that." She said still not standing up from the ground.
Rachel shrugged. "Sweet words, Quinn. You're too good at that." She turned to walk away. "I love you too, you know, but I honestly think I shouldn't have, especially with someone like you. Goodbye, Quinn."
She was already drowning with tears. She felt weak and unmoving. She wanted to follow Rachel and beg her to not leave her, but she can't. It's like she's dying alive, her soul slowly leaving her body. She wanted to kiss Rachel and tell her that she's the only one she loves during the past three years, but she can't. She's dead.
"Rachel! No! I did not do anything! Don't leave me!" she yelled at Rachel but Rachel did not stop on her tracks.
"RACHELl!" she yelled again, and this time she knew that Rachel did not hear her anymore. She cried and cried until Rachel's figure was not visible in her eyes anymore.
Rachel feels like she does not have a life anymore. Her life was gone right after she knew that Quinn got married to Brittany a year ago. It hurts. And she feels like the hurt she's feeling is not just on the inside but also on the outside. It was like she was being burned, also like she was undergoing a surgery without anesthesia—that was just how painful this break up was.
She seriously does not regret her decision to break it off with Quinn. She even feels a lot angrier when Quinn denied it to her. Why didn't Quinn just admit the fact? Maybe it will hurt less than what she was feeling now. Quinn did not even ask to explain herself. She just stayed there and kept on saying she does not understand when clearly, she does. And now she wants to continue like nothing had happened between them? Rachel must be seriously head over heels in love with Quinn but she will never bring herself down and let herself hurt even more by being Quinn's mistress.
Both she and Brittany were the victims. She never thought Quinn can do such a horrible thing. Maybe the distance between them prevented her from getting to know the only woman she loves.
"Can you talk now? You've been awfully quiet for, like, an hour already." Santana asked as they sat on the Latina's bed playing 3DS and PS3 respectively.
"I hate her, Santana. After what she has done, she has the guts to show up like nothing happened?!" she asked, tears instantly forming again in her eyes. And for the first time in three years, she was losing the game she masters.
"I think you should've at least let her explain herself." Santana answered calmly.
"How could I?! She wouldn't do that. She doesn't even want to admit it." She argued.
Santana paused her game and turned to look at her. "Rachel.. it's okay. There's nothing that we can do. Quinn left already and she doesn't want to talk about it."
She nodded although Santana's words hurt her. It hurts because she was right. There is nothing they can do anymore.
"It just hurts too much, you know.." she replied.
Santana shot her a pained and sympathetic look before reaching out her arms to here. "Come here and hug me." Santana commanded.
She did as she was told hoping that it will lessen the pain that she was feeling. She buried her face on Santana's neck and cried there. She knew that it was gross, but she wanted to cry it all out. It was the only thing she could do right now.
She had never thought she will see Quinn again anyway, after the incident in Kentucky. Quinn showing up today makes her feel worse. Is Quinn seriously doing that on purpose? Playing with her emotions until she knew what's going on?
The first few weeks after Kentucky, she was miserable waiting for Quinn. She even got hospitalized again because of depression and stress, just like what happened before when she was 15 when Quinn unconsciously yelled at her and she ran herself home despite of the rain. She was not really good with handling stress and depression, she should not feel that way.
Her parents got mad at Santana that week and blamed the Latina for making her sick, but Santana proved to her parents that she was really sorry. The Latina stayed by her side until she was already feeling better and was discharged from the hospital.
They watched movies together with the clique to make her happy, at first it was not effective but as time goes by, it lessened her sadness, until she thought that it was completely gone. But then, Quinn showed up at the park and brought all her sadness back to her being.
"Rachel.. you know that I will take care of you, right?" Santana whispered to her ear when the Latina realized that she was not crying anymore, but she still kept her face buried on her neck.
She nodded and mumbled. "That's what you've been doing already."
"No. I mean- I will take care of you as long as I can.. until the day I die." Santana answered with seriousness and sincerity and it made her froze.
They are having this conversation again after the night of her 18th birthday. But this time, she doesn't know how to answer the girl anymore. She still loves Quinn, but she knows that she has to get over her and move on with her own life. All she wants is to be happily in love with somebody who loves her back with all her heart.
"Rachel, sometimes the right person is already in front of you. Destiny keeps on playing with us, you're a fool if you ever fall for its games, but at the end it will give you hints that will make you realize who really is the right one for you."
Where are her hints? Is Santana destiny's hint for her? Santana's words made a lot of sense to her. Maybe she fell in love with Quinn, but what if Quinn is not the right one for her? Santana is the one who stayed beside her all throughout these years. Santana did not leave her even if she's madly in love with Quinn and she keeps on talking about it. Santana fought with destiny. She was never fooled.
"Has destiny given you hints already?" she asked curiously as she pulled out from Santana's embrace.
"Yes." Santana stared at her lovingly as she connects with her emotions. "When I saw how miserable you were three years ago, I took that as a hint. I thought that maybe, I am really the one for you, and you just haven't realized it yet. I'm really sure that I will never hurt you or make you cry even a single tear, Rachel. I promise that, if you will just give me a chance."
Nothing will ever happen to her life if she continues being affected by Quinn. What if the one in front of her was really the one for her? She can never know for now, but she will, someday. And maybe it was the start to fight back with destiny. And this time, she's sure that she will never, ever be defeated by it.
"Thank you, Santana, for the mean time." She smiled at the girl.
Santana grinned widely and she was glad how happy she just made the girl. Maybe, just maybe, she will never cry a single tear starting today.
It was her 19th birthday and nothing so special is happening right now, except for the fact that just three weeks from now, she will never be stuck this time with her now slightly strict parents. And of course, her birthday is only special because all of her special friends are there celebrating it with her.
She does not expect Quinn to come back anymore. In fact, she thinks that she's over her now. It has been a year. If she will keep on thinking about the stupidity she has done when she was 15, she will be devastated. Why not pay attention to someone who really cares for her and was willing to spend her life time with her and not with some arrogant blonde psychologist who doesn't even deserve to become one in the first place.
She and Santana were finally together for about two months now. Rumors about them started circulating around her school and eventually her best friends knew about it, and they were really glad. Actually, the whole school was happy for them. The incident about her turning down Santana's prom proposal when the Latina was a junior started spreading around the whole school again, but this time, people are not talking about it on a bad way anymore. Everyone was a witness about Santana's undying love for her. Everyone at school can relate, except for the freshmen and sophomores who did not get a chance to know who Santana was.
She can say that those days she had spent with Santana were one of the happiest days of her life. Even if the Latina was busy with college, she still finds a way to come home on weekends just so they can spend their day off together. Her father is still not really cool about her having a girlfriend but she can see that he's trying his best. And besides, Santana's really not difficult to like and be around.
However, she can't deny it to herself that the happiness she felt with Santana were nothing compared to the happiness she found with Quinn. But usually, she will just shrug it off thinking that everything involving Quinn was just a part of her young infatuation.
She's not yet sure at the moment if she loves Santana, but she's trying hard to return the girl's feelings. Santana holds on to her promise that she will never make her cry. She knows that it is not really hard to be in love with Santana. The Latina will sometimes say she loves her, but she will just simply smile and thank the Latina, and she knows that Santana understood. How special of a person Santana can be?
"You're wearing the necklace.." Santana acknowledged the necklace she was wearing that night. It was the necklace that Santana gave her during her 16th birthday. It was also the first time she wore it and she was amazed by how beautiful the planet Venus looks against her neck. It was also the first time she removed all of Quinn's memories and kept it hidden under her bed.
"I can't ignore its beauty." She answered simply and kissed Santana. She felt Santana smiled against her lips.
"You're much more beautiful." Santana replied.
She blushed and started opening some of her presents given to her that night. As usual, she had a party again and she swears that it will be the last birthday party she will spend with her parents. They are just killing the most important parts of the party.
"No! Don't open it yet. I want you to open my gift first." Santana stopped her when she was about to open the pink box near her.
She held up her hand to surrender with a grin on her face and waited for Santana to get her gift from the back of her door.
She was shocked when Santana came back with a large square box that looks like a box of a wedding dress. She instantly wondered what's inside and why has she never seen it before.
"Why didn't I see that before?" she asked with amusement.
"It was a a ninja."
"That's quite big, don't you think?" she teased with a grin.
"Hmm. Not as big as my love for you." She blushed again and went to help Santana carry the box to the bed.
Once they successfully put down the large box above her bed, she immediately and excitedly asked Santana if she can open it now.
"Okay. But don't break it." Santana answered.
She slowly ripped the gift wrapper apart and slowly opened the box. She instantly gasped in surprise and happiness when she saw what was inside. It was the pink dress she always admired whenever she and Santana go to the mall. She was really hoping for it to have a discount but it never happens.
She told Santana that she wanted to wear that dress during her graduation just three weeks from now. She has never thought that Santana will buy it for her. She was really happy that she started tearing up. This was too much.
"I saved faster than you, huh." Santana spoke with a genuine smile.
She clapped her hands unconsciously because of excitement and kissed Santana again before holding up the dress and trying it on even if she still has a dress underneath.
"Thank you so much for this, Santana! I was really surprised! Oh my god. I can't wait for graduation!" she exclaimed while looking at herself in the mirror.
Santana just stared at her adorably and laughed with her actions. She's sure that she looks like a kid right now, but this time she was not happy because of a toy, she was happy because of a dress!
"I'm glad you liked it. But can you be careful? You seem like you're going to break it." Santana laughed lightly.
She grunted and pulled the dress out of her body and hang it carefully on her closet. She went back to bed afterwards and hugged Santana.
"Thank you." She whispered.
"You're welcome, Rachel. I love you." Santana responded.
And just like the usual, she will only smile and never respond to that anymore.
After an hour of laughing and talking about random stuff and about the gifts she had received, they were interrupted by a car horn outside her house.
Her heart began to pump loudly and scream to get out of her chest. She knew that horn. She was familiar with that, her heart, soul, and whole being was familiar with that. She thinks that no matter how much she tries to forget it, she can never succeed.
She chanced a look at Santana and she saw the horror in her girlfriend's eyes. Santana looks really worried for her, and the girl is looking at her as if expecting her to say or do something.
"It's—it's her.." she finally managed to speak.
Santana quickly went to open the window while she stood there in the middle of the room, not wanting to see what Santana was seeing.
"Rachel.. she's here." Santana informed her quietly.
She instantly felt suffocated upon hearing the confirmation that Quinn is there waiting for her. What is she even doing? Just as she thought she was already happy, there Quinn was, coming back and ruining her established happy life.
And now she will try once more to be the perfect, beautiful, adorable, loving, intelligent, funny, responsible, and thoughtful girlfriend that she was? Quinn can't do that. She already has a family, for God's sake! Why is she doing this to her?
"Rachel.. I think—I think you should go down there and talk to her." Santana said while heading to her direction and closing the window.
She stared at the Latina disbelievingly. Shouldn't she be the one discouraging her not to face Quinn? "You—you really think so?" she asked.
Santana nodded. "I will wait here for you."
"I really have nothing to say to her." She said fighting the urge to look out the window to check on the blonde that she had missed most of her life.
Santana shot her a pained look but still managed to smile. "I know you miss her, Rachel. But if you don't want to talk to her, at least let her say something." The Latina suggested.
She sighed in defeat and agreed. "Okay."
She then turned to walk outside her room, but before leaving, she looked back at Santana. "You'll be waiting, right?" she asked.
"Right." Santana responded quickly with a smile. She smiled as well and closed the door to face Quinn.
She does not really know what to say anymore. She's done with this already. That day at the park was the end of it all. What was Quinn doing here now?
She saw Quinn's huge intake of breath once she walked outside to face the blonde. Right there and then, she realized how much she missed her. She sighed as the goddess in front of her illuminated the light coming from the moon. Quinn is undoubtedly and undeniably beautiful, everyone will agree with her on that.
The want to run to the blonde's arms and to kiss and hug her returned to her being and she hated feeling that way towards the blonde again.
"Wow. You look so beautiful, Rach.. So grown up and.." the girl paused for a while and blushed. "and sexy.."
She wanted to smile and remind Quinn about the butterflies she was feeling in her stomach but she can't. Whenever she looks at Quinn she can't stop imagining how happy she must be with Brittany now, as a married couple.
"What are you doing here?" she asked angrily and noticed the bouquet of flowers that Quinn was holding.
Quinn suddenly became uneasy and defeated but still continued on talking. "I.. I forgot to give you your 18th birthday present from me.." Quinn informed her.
"I don't need it." She quickly answered.
Her heart instantly dropped when she saw the pain that flashed through Quinn's eyes and how her eyes instantly watered with tears.
"Rach, I still don't understand where did I go wrong.. but I still want you to know that I'm fulfilling all of my promises.." Quinn held her hands and forced her to receive the flowers, she gave up and grabbed it from Quinn's hands. "That's why I'm here now. Happy birthday, Rach." Quinn said sadly.
"Thank you." She answered without any emotions.
Quinn suddenly busied herself with something inside her bag and she stood there awkwardly waiting for Quinn. After a while, Quinn pulled out a box that is not wrapped anymore. It's a music box. A lovely music box.
She restrained herself from reacting to Quinn's gift so she just waited for Quinn to speak.
"I bought it last year. This was supposed to be my 18th birthday gift to you. And I removed the wrap already because I accidentally ripped it." Quinn handed the gift to her and she grabbed it as well, hiding the excitement.
"Thanks." She simply said.
They stood awkwardly facing each other after a minute until Quinn clears her throat to break the silence.
"Rach.." Quinn started and she never failed to realize that it was almost a choke. "I love you. I love you so much."
i love you too, Quinn. Her mind screamed. She closed her eyes to think of something else to say. She does not want to hear something from Quinn anymore. Quinn may probably say that this is the last time she was going to visit her because Brittany is having suspicions already or whatever. She has to stop Quinn.
She stopped Quinn from stepping near her. "Quinn, stop, please."
Quinn's tears finally fell from her eyes as she tried to speak again. "I just—I can't move on, Rach. I love you. I love you so much and it's killing me every single day.."
She broke eye contact with Quinn and just busied her eyes elsewhere as Quinn continues to speak.
"All I want is for us to finally be happy together.. I've been waiting for that moment forever, Rach, but why was it over now?"
"It was all your fault." She composed herself and bit her lips to stop it from trembling. "Quinn, I'm already with Santana.."
Quinn's hands dropped down to her sides as well as her shoulders. Her mouth slightly open and she was continuously shaking her head. "No.. Rach, no.. why?"
She swallowed before speaking again. She just wants everything to be done now. She can't control her tears any longer and she doesn't want Quinn to see that. "Santana waited for me for too long, Quinn. She fucking waited for me! Which is what you're supposed to do not just for me, but for us.."
"But I DID wait for you, Rach.." Quinn argued.
She chuckled bitterly. "No, you didn't."
"Do you love her?" Quinn challenged her.
She was immediately caught off guard and was suddenly loss for words. "Leave me alone, Quinn."
When Quinn did not move, she turned around and stepped back to the front door.
"You don't love her, Rach! Don't do this!" Quinn yelled.
She turned around and ran immediately to Quinn and kissed her hard, she was finally crying now and she does not care anymore. She wanted to show Quinn how she had hurt her, how she killed her, how she ruined her life, and how much she still loves her despite everything. Quinn kissed her back, pushing her tongue inside her mouth with too much emotions. She gladly accepted it. She was aware of how this kiss is a lot different from their previous kisses, but she was angry.
She pulled out of the kiss and looked into Quinn's hazel eyes while panting.
"Goodbye, Quinn. And please, don't ever come back." She proclaimed and went back inside her house leaving Quinn broken as ever.
Once she closed the door, she let another set of tears fall from her eyes as she realized one thing: It IS Quinn. It will ALWAYS be Quinn.
She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to look confident before entering her room where Santana is waiting for her.
But she immediately froze when she realized that Santana was still standing beside the window and looking outside to where she and Quinn was earlier. Pool of tears are flowing down Santana's cheeks. The girl was crying really hard and it made her feel terrible. Santana heard and saw everything.
She slowly made her way towards the Latina. "Santana.."
Santana turned around to face her and stopped her from going near her. "Don't- don't try to explain anymore, Rachel. I saw everything, I heard everything."
She knows she need not to explain anymore. There is no need to explain what Santana just saw. It was clear. It was Quinn.
"I'm so sorry, Santana.. I tried. Believe me, I tried so hard.." she pleaded.
Santana looked at her with pained eyes and prepared to walk away. "I know. And it was enough for me knowing that you did.."
"I'm sorry. It's just-"
"No. Stop it. It will not hurt any less." Santana finally reached the door of her room. "Goodbye, Rachel."
And she was left there thinking of ways on how to live again.