Rachel was really glad that she already graduated high school. This means she can be away from her parents for a long time and the only time that she will come back is when there is an important occasion or if holidays roll by. She thinks that this is finally the time to get away from all the craziness of her parents. She doesn't even plan on going home on her birthday anymore. No one will go to the party anymore because most of them are all gone to college.
She, Tina, Mercedes and Kurt got in to UCLA, that's where Santana studies as well, so they can't be any happier about the idea that their clique will never break apart until they finished studies.
Summer went by really fast. They were busy looking for an apartment and settling tuition fees for the first semester. They found an apartment suitable for her, Tina, and Kurt. Mercedes decided to live with Santana since they were the real best friends after all.
After their break up on her 19th birthday, things between her and Santana became awkward, but she can't blame the girl since she knows that it was not that easy to move on, especially when you are heartbroken because of love.
The two of them will occasionally smile at each other or talk casually but that was it. She really missed being Santana's friend, and she also misses the things that they used to do together. She misses Santana's whining when she can't finish a game, or when there is a certain movie scene that she doesn't like. She just misses everything.
Finally, it was already just one week before the first semester starts. Santana is helping them tour the university that day. Suddenly, the three disappeared and now it was just her and Santana that were left and they were on their way to the cafeteria. Maybe those three freaks left them alone on purpose.
She instantly felt the awkwardness in the air and she was getting suffocated. Santana is trying really hard to avoid eye contact or body contact with her. The girl stays away with her like she has some disease or something. It makes her pissed, really. All she wants is for them to be friends again. Their other best friends are being affected with the atmosphere they share.
Santana sat across her in one of the tables and once again, avoided eye contact with her. The Latina just continued on eating looking everywhere or occasionally fumbling with the keys of her phone even if she knows that she wasn't texting anybody or someone hasn't really called her. The girl is just doing everything for them not to talk about anything.
She studied Santana for a bit and cleared her throat after a while to get the Latina's attention.
Santana looked at her questioningly after she did so. "Did you choke?" she asked.
She rolled her eyes in annoyance and continued eating as if she didn't hear the Latina's dumb question. She clearly knows what she was doing and she did not choke, for God's sake.
"Rachel, what do you want?" Santana asked, now looking at her. The pissed tone of the Latina was not hidden from the way she talks to her. It hurts, really, losing a friend like that.
She understands that Santana is hurting but what is the point of acting weird with each other. Her life feels incomplete without Santana, but not in a romantic way. It's just Santana has this special place in her heart that cannot be exchanged by other people. And she was not sure if she can even find a person like Santana ever again.
"Why are you acting this way?" she asked the Latina. She noticed that Santana dropped her spoon and fork on her plate with a little force before looking at her eyes for the first time in three months.
"What do you expect me to do, Rachel? Swoon over you until you break my heart again? Is that what you want- seeing me broken and miserable?" Santana asked her with a little anger but she can hear the pain in the Latina's words.
She was caught off guard and stopped chewing. She looked at Santana with wide eyes, not expecting the girl to react like that, especially when talking to her. She's just not used to Santana's cold and walled side that she used to everybody at school, it was not the Santana she used to like being around.
She swallowed the last strips of pasta she was chewing earlier and started to speak. "That's—that's not what I meant, Santana, and I'm really sorry about that, really, really sorry. I miss having you as my friend. I know that you still stay with us and everything but you're not really talking to me, and-and it's killing me." She answered sincerely but nervously.
"I can't be the same anymore over you, Rachel." This time Santana's voice is calmer than the first one but still with anger. "I miss you, a lot, actually, but I'd just punish myself even more."
"I'm so sorry, Santana. I just—I just don't understand." She tried to argue.
Santana looked at her with softer eyes this time and she can see the girl already getting weak in front of her. "Do you think you're already over Quinn, Rachel?" the Latina asked out of nowhere.
Her mouth opened slightly. Even though she was paying really close attention to everything that Santana is going to say, she still wasn't expecting her to mention Quinn. She was honestly caught off guard. Why is Quinn suddenly in the picture?
"Why are you asking me this?" she asked Santana after she recovered.
"Why don't you simply answer it?" Santana asked back with annoyance.
She rolled her eyes and sighed. She does not have to think about it anymore, but if she tells the truth to Santana it will just hurt the girl even more. Why is Santana being like this? Moments ago she told her that she does not want to punish herself even more, now here she was asking about her feelings for Quinn.
"Y-yeah. Yes. Of course. I'm- definitely over, Quinn." She answered and pinched her thighs under the table for stammering.
Santana chuckled lightly and she was not sure why. "You're not really a good liar, Rachel." Santana commented.
She blushed in embarrassment and composed herself again. "Fine. I was not over her, YET, but I will be. Why are you asking me this?" she answered and asked again.
Santana nodded in a way like she expected her to say that. The girl then leaned against the back of her chair and clenched her hands together before speaking. "I think that answers all of your questions."
Her forehead wrinkled in confusion as she looked at Santana disbelievingly. "What?"
Santana shot her that look she always give her before when they were still good friends three months ago. "It's been so long since you knew she was married, yet you're still not over her. The same goes for me, Rachel. It will take so long, maybe longer, for me to be able to move on.."
She bit her lip to prevent herself from bursting out in tears upon hearing that topic that she does not want to hear anymore. "Santana.. I tried."
"I know, Rachel, and I believe you. I want you to know that those moments that we were together and I could finally call you my girlfriend were the happiest days of my life."
"I was happy that time as well, Santana.."
Santana smiled and shook her head slowly. "I'm sorry for bringing that up, Rachel. I know I was wrong for not talking about us but.. it hurts me a lot. Just hearing your voice and seeing you everyday hurts me. It kills me inside knowing that I had you for two months, but I never really had you.." Santana continued, now being really emotional.
She reached to hold Santana's hands over the table and she sighed in relief when the girl did not throw her hands away. "You don't know how much I regret that decision, Santana. I pray about it every single day. I didn't mean to hurt you, you know that. I—I tried to return your feelings, believe me, but just when I thought I was already falling in love with you, Qui—she showed up and—and.."
"I understand that, Rachel. I was not mad at you at all. In fact, I was thankful that you even tried or gave me a chance. Again, those months that you and I are together, are the happiest months of my life. Thank you so much. " Santana cut her off.
She squeezed Santana's hands to show the girl how thankful she is for Santana for understanding her. "I'm really sorry, Santana. I was happy with you, too, you know. You did not make me cry or hurt me."
"But you're not as happy as you were with Quinn, right?" Santana asked and she barely nodded.
She tried to forget Quinn when she was with Santana, but whenever she returns home and alone in her bed at night, she kept on remembering all of the moments they shared. At night, she will always go through the stuff that Quinn gave her. The Flo shirt, the box of Hawaiian pizza that she still keeps, the Super Mario with her princess stuffed toy and key chain, the heart necklace, and the ring that she still wears until now.
She keeps on going back to that night that Quinn vowed to be hers forever and it still never fails to make her cry. No matter how much she wants to be with Quinn again, she just can't, and maybe it will never happen anymore. 4 years ago, she would have never thought that she will be a lesbian, will be in a very complicated situation, and will be broken like this.
"I wish for everything to be fine. I'm sad seeing you like this, but I know there's nothing I can do about it anymore. It was proven. I can never be good enough for you. I did my best but.. I can never be like Quinn, and now I'm still on the process of accepting it." Santana continued.
She nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes. She can't be like this again. This has to stop, but how? "I'm so sorry, Santana. I never thought this would happen.. I tried, believe me, I tried."
Santana smiled sadly at her and stood up from her seat. "Let's give each other the space we need for the meantime." Santana told her.
She sniffled and looked up at Santana. "I just—I don't want to lose you as my friend. You know how special you are to me, Santana. You're the only one who knew about this."
"I'm still your friend, Rachel, and I will always be here for you, I promised you that. Just—I just need more time. I don't want to give you a hard time anymore. I know you feel guilty, but I just want you to know-that- that you did the right thing.." Santana's voice broke.
Rachel nodded in understanding and got up from her seat to hug Santana. Santana gladly took her in her arms and cried silently until they pulled back. Santana looked at her eyes with pain and smiled sadly. Slowly, the Latina leaned in closer to her until their lips touched.
She closed her eyes and did not open it immediately until the Latina pulled away. She compared it with the kisses she shared with Quinn, but she does not feel the same. And she's afraid that only Quinn can do that to her.
It was already more than a year ago but she does not still know where to start getting over Quinn. She knows that Quinn is happy now living with Brittany, but how is she supposed to accept that?
The love she has for Quinn cannot be denied. It was real love. Quinn was her first love and she wants her to be the last, but there is no way it's going to happen anymore. She doesn't even know where Quinn is now. Was Quinn also feeling miserable not being with her?
"I love you, but I- I also want to take care of myself, Rachel, and I'm sorry for making you think that you lost your friend, because you did not." Santana spoke quietly after they pulled back from the kiss.
"Please don't hate me." She pleaded.
"I don't." Santana smiled and kissed her cheek and prepared to leave.
"Thank you." she answered quietly.
"Later, Berry!" Santana bid goodbye and she immediately disappeared from the cafeteria.
She can only hope for everything to be okay with both of their lives.
1 year later
After the incident on Rachel 19th birthday, Quinn literally lost her whole damn life. She was actually surprised that she can still work at Brittany's clinic and in the coffee shop, and also to go to school every day. She was like a robot everywhere. She can't feel herself anymore.
She's miserable. She lost her parents, she lost the things that she loves, and now she lost the love of her life. Can she just die already?
All of the things with Rachel were not clear to her. What was Rachel talking about? She did not give up! All those years that they had to be apart, she never even thought of giving up on Rachel. She did everything just to be enough for Rachel, but just as everything is supposed to be right already, everything went wrong.
She wanted answers, but Rachel won't give it to her, how is she supposed to understand everything and decide if she has to give up already or not?
She does not care about herself anymore. It's like she's saving money for nothing. She lost her inspiration and she wasn't sure if her life is still worth living.
She lost her appetite. If someone back home will take a look at her now, they'd be in so much shock. She got really thin. Literally, she was just skin and bones. She looks like those really skinny models that are nice but hard to look at the same time. Her face was always haggard, her eye bags are really black and visible, her lips are white, these are the results of her sleepless nights.
She continued going on like this for a year. She does not know what's in it for her in the future, but she figured she just had to go with the flow. She needed to finish her studies just to have something to show to her parents and also to pay her debts to Brittany and Melissa. She was really thankful for having them until now when she really needed them the most.
It was the weekend and she just got off from work. She lay on her couch because she felt like she can't walk another steps to the bedroom. She was really tired. She closed her eyes for a while to cool off her mind. Loads of things are to be studied and done again. Time passed by so quickly that she didn't even realize that she'll be graduating 3 years from now.
Her mind broke from its trance when she heard a knock on her door. She instantly wondered who might be her visitor. It was already midnight. Giving up on guessing who the visitor was, she went to the door and peeked from the peephole. She sighed when she saw Brittany and Melissa on the other side of the door.
She opened the door tiredly and went back to her couch.
"Hey." Brittany greeted with lack of enthusiasm.
"Hey." She answered back and looked around. "I'm sorry I don't have any food or drink to serve you." She said and immediately got embarrassed.
"It's alright, Quinn." Melissa answered with a genuine smile plastered all over her pretty face.
She eyed the two questioningly. "Not to be rude but.. why are you two here?" she asked tiredly.
Brittany and Melissa looked at each other before looking back at her. She raised her eyebrows waiting for an answer. Finally, Brittany cleared her throat and started to speak. "We wanted to check on you."
She laughed lightly. "What are you, my bodyguards?" she asked. Seriously, this whole concerned friend thing is getting frustrating already. She was getting that from the couple all the time, but still, it does not make her feel any better.
She saw the hurt flashed in Melissa's eyes and Brittany was slightly caught off guard by her reaction. They all waited for a moment until Brittany dragged Melissa to sit on the couch beside her.
"Quinn. You have to live again." Brittany told her with seriousness.
She shook her head and buried her face in her palms. She does not want to hear any of it now. She's tired. All she wants is to get some sleep already. She still has to wake up early tomorrow to study.
"Oh no. Not about this again. You two are just wasting your time. Just go home and get some sleep. I'm tired with this shit being repeated over and over and over again." She answered sarcastically.
"Because you keep on refusing to listen to us over and over again!" Brittany yelled. This time she can see the anger in the blonde's eyes. She shot a look at Melissa and realized that these two girls are also hurting as much as she was.
She dropped her head and cried silently. "I'm sorry.. Britt.. Liz.."
"Don't do this to yourself, Quinn. Everyone around you is being affected by your behavior." Brittany responded.
"I- I need answers, Brittany. I have so many 'whys' in my head but no one around me can answer them. I feel like my life does not make any sense anymore. It's like—It's like I just have to go on with what's available in here, then give up when there's nothing anymore." She answered in between sobs.
"If you need answers, you'll have to look for them, Quinn." She looked at Brittany questioningly. "Ask her why. Ask her everything. Make her explain to you what really happened."
She shook her head. "I already did. Last year, I asked her why, I told her I didn't understand, but she never answered me.." she felt herself finding it difficult to breathe.
"Then I guess you'll have to settle with trial and error." Brittany answered immediately.
She got even more confused. "What do you mean, Britt?"
"Go for it, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE." She was confused. Brittany looked at her as if she cannot believe that she did not understand what she meant. "You don't remember, Quinn?" the blonde asked trying to make her remember something.
She looked at Melissa and begged for an answer but Melissa just shrugged so she looked back at Brittany. "Just tell me, Britt. I don't want any headache right now." She replied coldly.
Brittany glanced at Melissa waiting for an assurance, when Melissa nodded, Brittany looked back at her and swallowed. "Tomorrow. It's Rachel's birthday tomorrow, Quinn. How can you even forget that?" Brittany asked her with disappointment in her voice.
She felt her heart dropped on the ground upon hearing Rachel's name. She felt her chest hurt when she heard that name out loud after a long time. No one has ever mentioned it to her. And now, hearing the name from somebody else's mouth made her feel her pains literally. She felt like she was about to vomit.
She cried again when she realized that it was in fact Rachel's 20th birthday tomorrow and she completely forgot. She has been too caught up with her pains and everything that needs to be done around her that she did not even realize the other most important things.
But how is everything going to be right on Rachel's birthday. She already made it clear to her not to come see her again on her birthday. What's the point of coming back to the place where she is not welcome anymore?
"It doesn't matter anymore, Britt." She answered as she stood up and went to the kitchen to get herself a drink.
She heard Britt excused herself from Melissa from the living room and followed her to the kitchen with hard stomping feet.
"What the hell, Quinn?! Just like that? I thought you needed answers?" Brittany asked angrily.
She took a gulp from her beer and stared back at Brittany. "It's not like she's about to give me answers this time."
"That's why I told you to do the trial and error thing." Brittany made her way in front of her and took the bottle of beer from her hand. She tried to grab it from Brittany's hands but the girl is stronger than her. "Get some rest. We're going to LA tomorrow."
"Britt.. Rachel doesn't want to see me anymore. I don't want to confuse her again. We've suffered enough already. It's done." She tried to protest.
"No. YOU have suffered enough already. Take a look at yourself, Quinn. Don't punish yourself any longer. It's about time to stop being a chicken." Brittany went to the fridge to put the beer back inside.
Melissa stood up from the couch to follow them to the kitchen. Melissa went beside her and enveloped her in a comforting hug. She sighed as she felt real and alive again. Knowing that she has friends that are always there for her is already enough to wake up and deal with what's needed to be dealt with.
"Brittany's right, Quinn. You won't get answers if you don't try." She nodded and cried in Melissa's shoulders. "Whatever happens, we will always be here for you."
Melissa let her go and Brittany reminded her again to get some sleep before leaving her in her apartment.
She sighed and made her way to her room and prayed for everything to turn out well between her and Rachel.
Quinn woke up early that Sunday morning and for the first time in two years, she prepared breakfast for herself. She needed to look good today.
After 2 hours, Brittany and Melissa arrived at her apartment and told her that she looked better than before. She was actually relieved that her eye bags were successfully covered by the concealer she applied.
The car drive to LA was awkward. She was silent the whole time just wondering what may happen between her and Rachel, or how does Rachel look this time. The last time she saw the girl she looked so beautiful and grown up, maybe she was even more beautiful now.
She was wondering about the things she wanted to ask Rachel. There are many, but as they near the girl's place, her questions were slowly disappearing until it became zero. She was nervous as hell but she was full of hopes that everything is going to be alright.
She deserves to be happy, but she knows that she can't be happy if not with Rachel. But she has to try to get answers instead of making her life even more miserable.
"Quinn, are you alright in there?" Brittany asked her while glancing at the rear view mirror to look at her. She was sitting at the backseat and Melissa's in the passenger seat. She insisted to drive earlier but Brittany wouldn't let her, says she needs to rest.
She took a deep breath and looked out the window of the car. She busied herself with the buildings they pass by. "Yeah, I'm fine."
Melissa turned to look at her from the passenger's seat. "Are you hungry? We can stop by the nearest fast food if you want." She asked worriedly.
She instantly shook her head. "No, Liz, I'm fine, really. I grabbed breakfast earlier before you two arrived."
Brittany laughed lightly with her attention fixed on the road. "Wow, Quinn. That's kind of new to my ears." The girl teased.
That made her chuckle, and she realized that it was the first real chuckled she released after a year—thanks to her friends.
"Yeah. I wish that added a little more weight to my body now." She replied with a smile.
"Eh, it's not really obvious." Brittany joked again and they all laughed.
They talked randomly until they reached the city of LA. She asked Brittany to stop by the flower shop where she always buys the bouquet of beautiful tulips. She went out of the car and entered the flower shop she had missed for a long time.
"Hey there. Didn't realize you'd be here today." The shop owner asked her.
His name is John and he was already married with three kids. They knew each other since she and Brittany are still together. He also knew about Rachel and everything that has happened between them and her annual visit during Rachel's birthday.
"Why is that?" she asked with a smile.
"Well, you did not buy tulips last year. Is everything okay?" he asked back.
Her smile faded and she did not hide her sadness from him anymore. "I'm going to try my luck. Hope it favors me."
He nodded with sympathy and smiled. "Well, you're kind of late today. It's not midnight anymore."
"I know. But technically, it's still her birthday so.."
"I still reserved you the bouquet, though." He answered with a smile and went to get the bouquet of tulips from the vase. It was beautifully arranged.
She smiled widely. "Thanks, John! This is amazing." She said as she got the bouquet from John's hands.
She handed John her payment but the man did not accept it anymore.
"No, it's fine. It's my treat already, but I wish you two the best of luck." John smiled at her.
She beamed in happiness, hugged the man, and thanked him before going back to the car with Brittany and Melissa.
"Still tulips?" Brittany asked her with a smile.
She nodded and smelled the bouquet she was holding. "It will never grow old."
Brittany just shrugged and they drove to Rachel's place in silence. Her heart instantly begging to get out of her chest already.
She feels like she was about to puke when Brittany's car pulled out in front of the Berry household. She had missed this place so much. She remembered the times she used to go there at this hour. That time she took Rachel out on a date, that innocent look on Rachel's face, just everything about her.
"Good luck, Quinn. We'll be waiting for you here." Brittany said and rubbed her arms.
She took one last deep breath and got out of Brittany's car. Once she was out, she immediately went to the front door and pressed the doorbell. She wasn't worrying anymore if Rachel's parents are there. They can't separate them anymore. For god's sake, Rachel is 20 years old! The decision will all depend to what Rachel wants now, and not her parents'.
The door opened and it revealed Hiram who hasn't changed even a single bit, except for the thicker hair growing on the sides of his face. The man's welcoming face turned into horror, and the horror face turned into an angry face, and it stayed like that for the whole time.
She took one step back not wanting to be that near to the man. She really hates him. She remembered him hitting her during her and Rachel's first date. He was also the reason why every bullshit is happening right now.
"What the hell are you doing here?!" Hiram yelled at her. His eyes instantly burning with fire and she can already see the invisible horn in his head. Seriously, she thinks that Hiram is a devil disguising as a religious person, but she was not afraid of him.
"I came here to see Rachel." She answered firmly. Hiram was definitely taken aback by her strong attitude but it did not last long because he closed the door behind him and stepped forward to face her.
"Just go away, pervert." He replied matching her earlier tone.
She shook her head and stared at him with her jaw clenching. "Not until you show me where she is."
Hiram chuckled and it annoyed her so much. It was really a bad sound. "My daughter doesn't want to see you."
"Oh, really? Are you your daughter? Because I can't recall talking to her earlier and saying those things you were saying." She noticed how Hiram's eyes darkened by what she had said. She knew that it is not right to be disrespectful to him, but he deserved it.
"Leave this house or I'll call the police." He simply answered but hatred can be heard.
She laughed at that. "Police? What did I do, exactly? What will be my charges?"
Hiram shut his mouth and was loss for words. He clenched his fist on his sides and he looks like he wanted to kill her at this moment, but she tried to stay cool. All she wants is to see Rachel and talk to her.
"My daughter doesn't deserve to be with someone as irresponsible and nonsense as you. You have to back off."
"You can't speak and decide for your daughter, Mr. Berry, she's not a kid anymore, and she knows what she wants! You have to support your daughter on the things that make her happy. You know what, personally, I think you're a terrible parent."
Hiram slapped her face really hard as veins started to become visible on his temples and his face turned crimson red. She rubbed the spot where she was hit and looked back at Hiram.
"Did you know that I can press charges against you for hitting me, a WOMAN, like that?" she challenged, and made Hiram step back a little.
"You have no right to talk to me like that." He answered back, his voice deep and scary.
"Every person has their rights, Mr. Berry." She answered and stood straight. "Now, will you tell me where Rachel is?"
Hiram smirked and folded his arms against his chest and glared at her. "Rachel is not here." He answered with certainty.
She smirked back. "And you expect me to believe you?" she tried to sound strong but she was already getting weak inside. She was starting to lose hope.
"My dear, even if you look everywhere inside this house, you will not find her. She's not here. She was off to college a year ago." He answered still with that smirk all over his face.
Her shoulders dropped as her eyes started to water with tears. This time, she knew that he was not lying anymore. "Can you—which university did she apply to?" she asked full of hopes.
Hiram stepped forward again so now they were only a few feet away from each other. "And you expect me to tell you where she is?"
"Mr. Berry, please.. I need to talk to her. For once, let us be happy. You hurt us enough already. Please tell me where she is." She begged as tears started to fall down from her eyes down to her cheeks. Her vulnerability started to get visible.
Hiram patted her shoulders and prepared to enter the house. "Just give up. You will never see each other again. She's happy with her life now."
"No.."
"Goodbye, Quinn." He said his final words before entering the house and shutting the door to her face.
She fell down on her knees and started crying really hard. Maybe they are not really meant to be together.
3 years later
Rachel happily inhaled the cool breeze of New York City. She and Tina decided to move there because job opportunities are huge and she loves the infrastructures of the city. Plus, there are many beautiful places to go to once they have the day off work. It was exciting and she feels like she was a teenager again.
They just graduated six months ago. She took an accountancy course since it was really in demand considering the technology of the present day. She just got a job offer from a well-known bank about half an hour away from their new apartment, and of course, she immediately grabbed it.
She was very happy because this time, she will not be obliged to obey her parents' stupid rules, and she will have a valid excuse whenever she does not want to visit them during occasions. She can say that she's really tired, have many works to do, or doesn't want to travel that long.
Their whole clique is actually in New York now, but Mercedes and Kurt are in different parts of the city. She and Tina decided to live together for a while until they earn the amount they need to pay for a solo apartment. She heard that Santana also lives few blocks away from their apartment.
She was not sure, though. After their confrontation in the universities' cafeteria 4 years ago, she hadn't heard anything about the Latina's personal life. They will occasionally see each other together with their other best friends but Santana will just stay for a few minutes, saying she has loads of projects to work with.
She honestly thinks that it was a valid excuse, though, since Santana was two years ahead of them, but she clearly knows that Santana was just avoiding her. They hadn't had any contact in phone or online anymore since the confrontation, no one initiates it.
She misses Santana a lot, but she also understands what she has been going through. Mercedes will sometimes update her about the things that are keeping Santana busy, but it was not enough. She needs their personal interactions, but she knows that it was impossible to return that anymore.
There are times when she and Santana would bump into each other at the university, but as usual, the Latina would say sorry and avoid eye contact with her, then she'd say she has to go or she was on a rush.
In other words, there hasn't been any sensible conversation between her and Santana and it's been too long. She wonders if Santana has already gotten what she wants, or has already forgotten her feelings for her. Because if that is so, she'd admire Santana, because in her case, she hasn't moved on from Quinn yet, and it has been five years already.
She knows she was just being such an idiot, but how can you really forget your first love? She have had people showing interest on her during her college days, but none of them made her feel the love she had for Quinn.
Even the guy who was lucky to get her virginity during her junior year in college at a friend's party did not wake the butterflies hiding in her stomach. That guy, Evan, became her boyfriend for about a month but it didn't work out because it has always been Quinn.
Evan was the only hookup she had all these years because she does not want to hurt any other people anymore until she's certain that she has completely moved on. But as she wakes up every day and go to sleep every night with the thought of Quinn flooding through her mind, she knows that she hasn't moved on yet, even a single fucking bit.
She remembered Tina getting mad at her when she gave up her virginity to a man when she doesn't even like guys, but she doesn't have any choice. She needed to continue with her life, but she can't even seem to succeed.
"Hey, Rae! Santana just texted me! I missed this girl so much." Tina exclaimed excitedly while holding out her phone.
She sent Tina a small smile, suddenly becoming jealous of the girl. She hadn't received a text message from Santana for a long time. And she was sure that Santana has already heard that they are also moving to New York, yet it was Tina who got a message from her. She sighed and formed another convincing smile. "Really? What did she say?" she asked.
Tina handed her the phone and continued unpacking their things. She opened the message from Santana and read.
"Welcome to NYC, bitches! Heard you just moved in town with Rachel. See you soon chinky eyes."
Well, at least the Latina did not forget her name yet.
"Hey, Tina. Did you send her a reply already?" she yelled at Tina who was busy arranging plates in the kitchen.
"Not yet! Why don't you do it yourself? Tell her to meet us." Tina yelled back.
She instantly froze while still holding Tina's phone. What is she supposed to say? What if Santana still doesn't want to see her? She doesn't want to assume things or make Santana's moving on progress fall down. She wants to respect the Latina's decisions.
She almost threw the phone when it vibrated in her hands. She looked at the caller ID, it was Santana. Was she supposed to answer it?
"Tina! She's calling!" she yelled again.
Tina stopped her motions for a while and looked at her. "Then answer it!"
"I can't!"
"Yes, you can! It's about damn time to fix both of your shits!" then she turned her back from her and continued on whatever she was doing.
She stared back at Tina's phone and swallowed before pressing the green button and lifting the phone to her ears.
"Hello?" she sighed when she heard Santana's undeniably sexy voice. "Asian!"
She jumped in shock when the Latina yelled from the other line. "Tina!" Santana called again.
She swallowed and started speaking. "S- Santana.. it's- it's me, Rachel." She stammered.
There was a moment of silence between them before Santana started speaking again. "Oh."
"Yeah, oh." She answered awkwardly.
She heard Santana cleared her throat from the other line. "How are you, Rachel?"
"I—I'm fine, thanks for asking." She paused for a while. "What about you?"
"I'm g- good. Yeah, good." Santana answered quickly.
"Good."
"Yeah."
There was silence again. Tina walked to where she was and eyed her questioningly. She just shrugged, but Tina rolled her eyes and motioned for her to go on with the conversation.
"So.. um, Tina was asking why did you call?" she asked.
Santana cleared her throat again. "Oh, um, I was just wondering if—if you two are free tomorrow night? There's this newly-opened pizza house nearby that I wanted to try.." Santana trailed off.
She grinned widely and tried her best to keep herself from squealing in excitement. "I'll ask her. Wait a sec."
"She wanted to meet tomorrow night." She told Tina in a hushed tone. Tina turned to her with shock written all over her face.
"Oh my god, say yes! I'll call Kurt and Mercedes, give me your phone." She excitedly handed her phone to Tina and went back in line with Santana.
"Tina said yes. She also called Kurt and Cedes." She informed Santana.
"That's perfect!" She noticed the excitement in Santana's voice. "I have someone to introduce to you guys."
She immediately wondered who that someone might be, but did not ask anymore because she does not want to spoil herself. "Well, okay. We're really excited, Santana." She answered enthusiastically.
"Yeah. I have to go." Santana informed.
She suddenly got disappointed because she really wanted to talk to Santana but she agreed anyways. "Oh, okay. Have a nice day."
"Rachel?" Santana called her.
"Yeah?"
"I think we're okay now." Santana hung up after saying that and she was left there hanging her mouth open in shock.
Even if Santana did not elaborate, she knew what the girl meant. Santana was already happy or maybe entertained- that's just how Santana is. She constantly flirts with random people. This time, she wished that Santana has finally moved on and starting her own happy life that she really deserves.
"You have to report to Mr. Hanson about your meeting last week with Mrs. Frank. Did she or did she not accept the proposal? Impress him. This is really important especially to the Sales Department." Mr. Anderson reminded Quinn as she busied herself going through the names of the people she was supposed to meet for the next couple of days.
She was working as a Sales Associate at a famous export company in New York City. Quite a small position, yes, but she figured it was better than nothing. The company pays her really well though, since they were famous and all, that's why she has no complaints. She just graduated a year ago so she does not really expect for a higher position.
One thing she loves about this job is meeting different types of clients. This way, her mind is being taken away from her problems and she was being busied with explaining and encouraging people to patronize their product.
She decided to try her luck in NYC. Brittany was left with Melissa in San Diego and they were sad about her moving out, but she promised them that she will visit when she has free time, she also chose to celebrate holidays with Brittany and Melissa since there's no place left where she is welcomed.
Her family lived up to their own words. They really did not contact her anymore after they found out about her and Rachel. It was fine, though, but there are times that she really misses them, especially during her college graduation where the only people there for her were Brittany and Melissa.
After she has learned that Rachel doesn't live in her parents' house in LA anymore, she still hadn't lost hope and kept on going back there during Rachel's birthday. But whenever she goes there she was always welcomed by silence. Just after a year that she realized that the Berry's do not live there anymore. She knew that Hiram did that in purpose.
Instead, she spent Rachel's birthday alone under the mango tree of the park they used to go to together. She will spend the whole day there just taking random pictures of birds, trees, grasses, ducks, and other things she see. She always hopes for Rachel to show up there and make up with her so they can be together again but Rachel never did.
She carved their names in the tree so that she can imagine that Rachel is always with her even if she's not. That's the least thing she could do. She cannot think of ways to find Rachel anymore. It was like she just disappeared into this world and can never be found again.
She doesn't even know what has happened to Rachel after all these years. Is she and Santana still together? Is she still thinking about their past relationship and may probably be thinking of ways to get back with her? Sometimes, she hopes for Rachel to randomly show up and surprise her that everything was just a stupid prank. She will definitely not get mad if that ever happens. But still, it did not.
It was actually a big sacrifice for her to leave California because that means she will also leave the city where she and Rachel met, where they became friends, fell in love, and ended, but she knew that she has to move on with her life and find herself. She promised to come back, though, and the memories of Rachel will be in her heart constantly, wherever she goes.
"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. You also need to meet the Advertising team. They came up with this new ad, you have to study it in case a client asks about it. Meet them once you're done." Mr. Anderson added before leaving her office.
She sighed and continued on typing on her computer. Her job can be so tough, but whatever. Sometimes, she misses her job in Brittany's clinic or in the coffee shop.
She shut down her computer to meet the arrogant assholes from the Advertising Department. This is going to be a long discussion.
"Where is that stupid bitch? We've been waiting for like an hour already. Is she still coming?" Tina asked annoyingly while glancing at her watch.
They are already in this new pizza place that Santana was talking about. All four of them, Tina, Kurt, Mercedes, and she are already there half an hour ago but the Latina hasn't arrived yet. They were already done with a box of pizza but there is still no sign of Santana, neither a call nor a text.
"Guys, we have to wait for the VIP." Kurt replied coolly while taking a bite from his pizza. He doesn't seem so annoyed about the whole waiting thing.
"Yeah, maybe she was stuck on a traffic." She nodded in agreement to what Kurt has said and also took a bite from her 4th slice of pizza. Well, no one can blame her, pizza was really her favorite.
"If she was stuck on a traffic she should've at least called us." Tina answered still not liking what's happening.
"Why do you keep on whining about it, anyway?" Mercedes asked curiously as she crosses her arms to her chest.
Tina glared at Mercedes and sighed before answering. "Punctuality is a virtue for Chinese, time is really important, so can somebody please call Santana already?"
"Well, San is not a Chinese so shut your freaking mouth. I'm losing my appetite." Mercedes answered playfully and they all laughed except Tina.
"Whatever." Tina answered and just stayed silent as they waited for Santana to arrive.
They continued to talk randomly for about half an hour more until the door from the pizza opened and it revealed Santana, and not just Santana, but also some beautiful tall brunette girl with piercing green eyes and a gorgeous body. Santana was holding hands with the brunette and she instantly realized that this is what Santana meant when the girl said they're finally okay.
Santana sat beside her and the brunette sat beside Santana with that genuine but shy smile that she finds adorable. Well, who wouldn't be that shy when everyone in that table was staring at her with their jaw dropped and eyes widely open.
"Guys, you could blink now." Santana joked to all of them and that brought everyone to reality. They all discreetly returned to drinking wines or taking another bite of pizza.
"And Tina, your eyes can never go wide, no offense." Santana added and everyone laughed while Tina rolled her eyes with a smile.
But the friendly atmosphere did not last long as they all became serious once again and eyed the brunette girl suspiciously. The girl shifted uncomfortably in her seat and whispered something to Santana that made the Latina chuckle.
"Guys, stop it, you're scaring her!" Santana said to everybody.
"It's taking you forever to introduce her to us!" Mercedes replied and everyone, including her, nodded in agreement.
"Okay, god, but don't freak her out!" Santana started and smiled at the blonde. "Guys, this is Andie, my—"
"Her girlfriend. It was so nice to finally meet you all. You are so funny." Andie cut Santana off and went to give each of them a hug, Santana just smiled with her girlfriend's adorable gestures while all of them introduced themselves to Andie.
The introduction received different reactions. Kurt's eyes are wide, Tina and her were just nodding because they were already expecting this, and Mercedes was grinning widely at Santana as if telling the girl that she's got the jackpot.
They continued chatting happily as they ate their pizzas. She learned that Santana and Andie were together for six months now and that they were colleagues. Andie was 25 years old, same age as Santana's and she was a really nice girl. They easily got along with Andie and she was really happy inside for the development in Santana's life.
She hopes for Santana and Andie to last long because they would really make a perfectly wedded couple. Judging by Andie's attitude, she guessed that the two understands each other a lot and it looks like they are really in love with each other.
"So, Rachel.. when will you start with your job? I heard you got an offer at the bank." Mercedes asked and everyone turned to look at her with amused face, Santana being the most amused of them all.
"Is that true, Rachel?" Santana asked. She nodded. "Wow! That was amazing!" Santana exclaimed and hugged her to congratulate her.
"Thank you. I'll start tomorrow. Wish me luck." She answered Mercedes' question and took a bite on her 8th pizza. May the lord of pizzas forgive her for that.
"Good luck with the robbers." Kurt replied and everyone gasped in shock. "What? It's true. We're in 21st century."
"You don't have to bring that up, bitch." Tina answered.
"Just saying." Kurt waved his hand in the air and busied himself with his phone.
They continued talking about their college experiences and Andie's family. She excused herself to the bathroom but Santana insisted to go with her. Andie did not mind, though.
"Hey, you didn't have to do that. Andie may take it the wrong way." She said gently as she retouched her make- up in front of the mirror.
Santana smiled and shrugged. "She wouldn't mind. She knows about you and I."
She stopped retouching her face and turned to Santana in amusement. "Then go back in there!" she replied in panic.
Santana laughed lightly and held her in both sides of her shoulders. "It's okay, Rachel. I told her I just need to talk to you and maybe have some.. closure?"
She stared at Santana trying to figure out if she was kidding or not, when Santana did not break eye contact, she sighed and put her make-up back to her purse and spoke. "I'm really happy for you. She seems like a good girl." She said smiling genuinely.
Santana nodded proudly. "She really is."
"I'm glad that you're happy now, Santana."
"I guess." Santana shrugged immediately hugged her tightly. "But thank you. I really miss you, Rachel. I'm sorry for not talking to you and avoiding you for that long."
She hugged the Latina back and smiled. "It's okay, Santana. I completely understand. But look at you now, you look so happy."
Santana pulled back from the embrace and wiped her own tears. "Yeah. It's just.. it was really hard for me not talking to you."
She brushed Santana's incredibly beautiful dark brown hair without breaking eye contact. "But I'm happy that you finally found yourself. Did you notice that everyone was happy for you, too?"
"Thank you so much." Santana squeezed her hands. "And yes, Andie's really perfect. I really hope that this one would work out. I'm still trying to figure out my feelings for her."
"You'll get there." She replied.
"But.." Santana hesitated for a second but when she flashed the girl a smile, she continued. "You have to know that I still want you to be happy, too." Santana finished.
She knew what Santana meant. Even if she was happy for the Latina, and for everyone, she still can never hide the fact that she herself is not happy. She's not moving forward emotionally.
She bit her lower lip slightly and forced a smile. "Well, I think it's not yet my time." She tried to joke but Santana did not even smile at that.
"Don't punish yourself, Rachel. I hate to bring this topic but, I still want what's best for you, and you know that it will never change." Santana said with concern and seriousness.
A tear left her right eye and she immediately wiped it away. She can't react this way about the topic of love. She was already 23, she's not a stupid lovesick teenager anymore. "I just—I haven't found the right person yet." She simply answered.
Santana looked at her sadly. "You mean you haven't gotten over Quinn yet?"
She wanted to slap Santana's mouth but she can't because it was the truth. No matter how much she denies it to herself and even to Santana, she can't say that she was over Quinn without breaking eye contact. She still wasn't over her first love who probably forgot about her already, and it's killing her inside.
"I don't know why it was taking me so long.." she answered with a low voice.
Santana embraced her and for once, she felt comforted again. "I know the feeling, Rachel, I've been there, remember?"
"Yeah.."
"You're going to be fine. Just always remember me because I am the living proof. I swear everything's going to be fine." Santana answered with sincerity.
She smiled and nodded. "I believe in you, Santana."
Santana grabbed her hand and guided her back to the table to continue to chat with their friends.
When Rachel woke up that morning, Tina was already awake. She found her best friend making coffee or something for two in the kitchen. Maybe Tina sensed that she was awake already.
She takes a look around their apartment. It was still a little bit messy but they'd probably arrange everything on the weekend since they were both busy with their jobs
"Good morning, accountant." Tina greeted her. What a good morning to wake up with your best friend smiling at you. "I made you some Chinese tea. You have to taste it."
She knows that when Tina uses that tone about everything Chinese she makes, she can't disagree. She simply smiled and took the cup of tea from Tina's hand and smelled its good aroma.
"Hmm, smells good. Thanks BFF." She smiled and blew the tea to lessen its hotness.
"Are things already okay with Santana?" Tina asked out of nowhere. "Andie seems nice."
She took a sip from the tea and sighed because of its good taste. It instantly alerted her whole sleepy body. "Nice tea. And yes, everything's okay now, I guess. She's really trying. I'm so happy for her."
"That's good. You guys were torture!" Tina replied. "Hey, today's your first day, huh? Are you nervous?"
She shook her head playfully. "No, not really."
"You've got to treat everyone on your first monthly pay." Tina teased.
She laughed and took a long sip from her tea. "I was actually worried about the robbers."
Both of them burst out laughing remembering what Kurt has said last night and how scared and shock everyone reacted.
"Don't mind Kurt. He was just trolling you." Tina put down her finished cup on the sink and went beside her to pat her shoulders. "You're going to be fine, bestie."
She finished her tea as well and handed Tina her cup. "I hope so. I'm going to take a shower now. Thanks for the tea!" She kissed Tina's cheek and immediately went to the shower.
Quinn has a meeting with some certain Mr. Richardson later at lunch time but since she still has 4 hours before the meeting, she decided to finally take this time to go to the bank to open a new account. She had been wanting to open a new account but she has no free time.
Her other account was that account she has a long time ago and she did not open it anymore after her parents threw her out. She still believes that she can still use it in future reference so she will let it stay idle for now.
This new account she is going to open is for the money she borrowed from Brittany and Melissa years ago. She needed to save to settle her debt so she won't feel shy anymore whenever she faces the two.
She parked her car and entered the bank. She sighed when there are only few people in the bank, probably because it was still early in the morning and everyone was busy working since it was also a week day. She went to the information counter and sat on one of its chairs while waiting for an accountant to assist her. Since it was still early in the morning, the crews are not yet complete.
It was fine, though, opening an account is not going to take long anyways. She digs in through her purse to look for her valid IDs and billing statements while waiting for someone to approach her.
After a minute, she finally felt someone sat on the table across her. She guessed that it might be the assigned accountant in that counter.
"Good morning, mam. I'm sorry to keep you waiting." The accountant greeted her.
She stopped digging through her purse and kept her face down to make sure that she had heard the girl correctly. It cannot happen. She definitely knew Rachel's voice. They hadn't seen each other for years but she hasn't forgotten how she looked like, how she talked, and how her voice sounded like.
"Would you like to open a savings account or a current?" the accountant asked again.
This time, she was sure that it was definitely Rachel's voice. She cannot be wrong. Sure, there are people who sounded similar, but she knew that it cannot be any other. It was definitely Rachel.
Her heart was already beating faster and her stomach began twisting. She feels dizzy but she can't let this moment pass. It was their fate. They were bound to meet again.
She looked up and was met by the most beautiful and gorgeous pair of brown eyes that she missed the most. She smiled genuinely and took a moment to stare at Rachel's face. God, how she missed Rachel's face. She wanted to kiss Rachel right there and then but she can't.
Of all the cities, they met there, they met in New York which is one of the biggest cities of the world. She honestly believed that it was already impossible for them to meet again, but here they were, completely dumbfounded while gawking at each other.
Rachel's mouth and eyes were both widely open and all of her motions stopped. She knew what Rachel was feeling because she was feeling the same, neither of them wanted to speak first.
Finally, Rachel started to blink multiple times at her and soon after she cleared her throat before speaking. "Q-Quinn.."
She sighed and spoke. "R-Rachel.."