AN: I'm bored with this story but at least I know how it's going to end now. I just hate Glee so much.
This Chapter is super short and super offensive because I'm in a lazy, offensive mood.
Chapter 8 - rated M, posted 15.11.12
"So can we have sex now?"
"Quinn!" Ryan exclaimed, appalled.
"Is that a no?"
"I hardly think it would be appropriate to engage in sexual relations this early into our fledgling relationship!"
"But we already did it. And then we almost did it again. And then you said you were into me and I'm pretty sure that means you want to boink me as much as I do. You, I mean. So I think we should just get rid of all of this tension and all of our clothes and see how it feels to have my -"
"Quinn!" Ryan yelped "Just stop."
"So we're not going to have sex on the stage?" Quinn asked, distraught.
"We haven't even kissed yet." Ryan pointed out.
"What? Yes we have!"
"When?"
"Um…there was that time when…no, I dreamt that. What about…no; wasn't you…Oh! How about that one kiss when we were…Wait, that was a scene from Calamity Jane…"
Ryan stared at the boy. Calamity Jane? What the Hell kind of -
"But we've had sex! We must have kissed!" Quinn argued.
"Nope," Ryan replied "I thought you were going to lean in during that first time but you kind of just hung there, breathing into my mouth. It was weird."
Quinn turned bright crimson and his mouth scrunched up.
"We could kiss now, if you'd like?" Ryan offered.
Quinn nodded after a second and leant in.
Ryan considered starting another long speech on the pros and cons of kissing before the first date but decided that it could wait. They weren't really going by the book with this anyway.
Well, maybe if the book was a clichéd teen romance novel and at least one of them had supernatural abilities…Oh, wait!
And then they were kissing and it was pretty nice.
Ryan thought it could have done with a few more fireworks and gold stars and maybe a musical number but he supposed he couldn't really expect it to be all that novel kissing Quinn. He had had his dick in his mouth, after all. A little kiss probably wouldn't be on the same scale as that.
But it was nice. Great, even. Pretty damn fine.
Quinn had never really understood the whole 'fireworks' thing. He hadn't felt it with any of the girls he'd kissed. He sort of understood it now but fireworks didn't seem like the right description.
It was more like a supernova. A gigantic star running out of nuclear fuel and exploding in a brilliant, terrifying display of light and heat and chaos and carnage. Ripping through the galaxy in a wave of destruction.
No, that wasn't it either. Not quite.
It was star birth.
It was baby suns bursting from their intergalactic nurseries with a flood of radiation blasting through the dense clouds of dust that had kept them safe and hidden, shining brightly as they destroy everything around them just to twinkle that little bit brighter; to burn that little bit hotter.
That's exactly what kissing Ryan Berry was.
Intense.
"So," Ryan started after he'd pulled his lips away from Quinn's "are you going to ask me to be your boyfriend yet?"
Quinn grimaced.
"Boyfriend? Isn't that a little…Doesn't that…It's just so…gay."
"What? Quinn!"
"No, I know, it's just…can we call it something else? I want to be with you and have all the kissing and the sex - definitely the sex - but having a boyfriend is just too gay. I just don't think I'm the type."
Ryan stared before smirking lightly.
"What would you prefer, Quinn? Life partner? Special friend? Very, very, very close companion? Comrade in arms? Drainpipe engineer? Friend of Dorothy? Gentleman of the back door? Manhole inspector? Interior designer? Shirt lifter? Log jammer? Sword swallower? Midnight cowboy? Piccolo player? Salad tosser? Rear brigadier? Ring pirate? Skin diver? Uphill gardener? Appreciator of Broadway musicals? Ass bandit? -"
"Ryan, will you be my boyfriend?" Quinn rushed out.
"Of course, Quinn. I would love to be your boyfriend." replied the arse bandit. I mean Ryan.
"…Wanna swallow my sword?" Quinn grinned.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
"Oh my God. I never imagined this could feel so good!" Quinn moaned.
"I told you, Quinn, I have a lot of experience in this area and I know how to get it just right. I know you were hesitant at first and that you didn't think that you were the kind of person to be into it but you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I rather enjoy it myself and I'm a firm believer in 'If it feels right, do it'."
Quinn slowly opened his eyes to peer at his very, very, very close companion…Boyfriend.
"Can we have sex now?" he asked, reaching a hand up to scratch at the thick goo that covered his face.
"Quinn, I told you not to touch it. You need to keep it on for at least another ten minutes in order to get the most out of its moisturising properties. Your skin will be so smooth, Quinn! There's nothing like a good facial." Ryan beamed.
"That's what I'm saying." Quinn smirked.
"You're crass, Quinn. I don't know why I'm with you."
"Because you think I'm sexy."
"You have pink hair and a green face."
"Like a sexy troll doll."
"I'm walking away now."
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
Finn burst into the choir room just as Ryan was preparing to sing an original song to Quinn.
It was about his boxers.
"Guys! Did you see it? Did you see!?" Finn shouted.
"Calm your tits, Stretch. Did we see what?" Santana huffed.
"Woah, who's that?" Sam whispered to Quinn.
"That's Finn. Haven't you ever met him? How long has he been gone!?" Quinn wondered.
"He's hot." the blonde girl whispered.
"That's disgusting." Quinn mumbled under his breath.
Finn ran off.
After a while, they realised that he had intended for them to follow.
Oh well. He'd find his way back eventually. He was like that stupid dog that didn't realise that it had been abandoned and kept coming back. He even had that same stupid dog face.
"Wanna make out?" Quinn whispered in Ryan's ear from the row behind him.
Ryan shuddered and took a deep breath before standing and addressing the club.
"Fellow glee clubbers, I believe it would be in everyone's best interest if we were to split up and hunt down Finn. He's been missing for a while and it seemed like he had something important to show us. So…yeah…"
And then he dragged Quinn out of the room by his sleeve.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
"That was inappropriate." Ryan stated between heaving breaths and deep kisses.
They'd found themselves a quiet corner of the empty lunch room and quickly made good use of it.
"I'll show you inappropriate." Quinn said as he placed Ryan's hand on his crotch.
"We're in school."
"Didn't stop us the first time." Quinn pointed out.
"Ok but this time you use your mouth on me."
Quinn wrenched himself away from the kiss to stare at the singer.
"What? But that's not how this works! You're the bottom, I'm the top. You're the gayest so you go down on me."
"Firstly, I'd like to point out that what you just said was highly offensive and shows that you clearly know nothing about homosexuality or alternative lifestyles other than what you've seen on TV or heard in the hallways. Secondly - and let me make this very clear - I'm a top. I don't mind sharing every once in a while but I am a top and you are obviously a bottom in denial. And lastly, I've had girlfriends. You've had disastrous one-off humping sessions you didn't even get off on. The only satisfying sexual experience you've had consisted of rubbing your dick against another dick. Gayness cannot be measured and compared but if it could, you'd be gayer than me. Now are you going to get on your knees or would you like me to stand up?" Ryan asked sweetly.
Quinn could only gape at him as he smiled before sinking to his knees in a daze.
About three minutes in, all of the wall mounted TVs that usually just displayed school announcements at lunch time lit up and heavy metal came blasting through the intercom.
A sequence of explosions and lasers played on the screens to the cacophonous wailing of electric guitars before the noise died down and the picture faded to reveal in fancy cursive:
A THE Sue Sylvester Production.
Ryan's eyes were closed and Quinn was otherwise occupied so neither boy saw the kick-ass advert that had played all across the school.
Later, Ryan would be told about it and shown a copy.
He would proceed to rant for ninety-seven minutes on its inappropriateness.
No-one else would think it was inappropriate. It was awesome.
It was possibly the single most awesome advert ever created for anything.
But no-one else would ever know what it was advertising.
Because it never mentioned the glee club once.
AN: Here's my bookend author's note. I do that because it looks weird if you just end it.
I think Sam and Finn would be terrible together and I don't know why I added that part.
Isn't it just the worst thing ever when you read a story with a sex scene and then the AN at the end says the writer's a thirteen year old girl?
I'm not a thirteen year old girl but this was just an implied blowjob so maybe it wouldn't be as bad.