Chapter 18: Heart and Soul

They told me – someone without a heart or a soul is no longer human.

Someone without both is a complete monster.

He remembered the first time they met.

It seemed so bleak back then – his eyes could see nothing but black; nothing but the darkness. Yet, he remembered that it was a rather sunny winter day out that he met her. He remembered, even the sweetness of the hot chocolate that they had. He remembered the way the girl looked at him and the way he looked back.

It was unpleasant.

Two children sat underneath the shadows of the adults as they discussed whatever adults discussed. It was not their problem anyway – childhood was a time of frivolity. What did the world mean to them?

That day, the afternoon was spent idling away, maybe offering an exchange of a word or two with the other party. The boy thought that she was rather dumb – did she not know how to speak? Surely not! His eyes narrowed further. She simply stared back, maybe in fear, maybe in confusion. No one could tell.

He turned back to his parents for a second. They were animatedly talking with a man – a huge, burly man with golden hair. The man looked like a thug, but yet seemed like an important man. The boy could tell from the way his parents looked at him. Just as he was about to get up to nudge his parents, his mother turned down and shuffled his hair.

"Do you mind taking her to play?"

His frown deepened. Did they expect him to remain with such a creep for so long, and alone? Well, he had a plan! A brilliant plan it was – or at least it was, in his opinion. Just take her, sit her down somewhere and then he could run off to play by himself. Perfect! That way, he would never need to be bothered by her.

He took her wrist roughly and began to trudge off. He lied to the girl, saying that he needed a washroom, when in fact he was running off to a secret spot where he could be alone, just by himself. He did not like people anyway. Just as he thought that he could get off with it, he found a shadow covering his precious sunlight.

"The toilet's that way."

A soft, gentle voice. He opened an eye to shoot her another glare, but he noticed that all she really had was a blank look on her face.

"The toilet's that way."

"Well! I'm done using the toilet!" he said, folding his arms and turning the other way. Was she like the rest? Did she only want to get close to him just because his family was wealthy? Years of experiences (or as much as a young child – not yet a teen – could have) had nurtured his cold and cynical demeanor. He was so sure that was the case – maybe his parents had been discussing payment to her father just so that she would play with him. Yes – just like his last best friend. He could not forgive them for that, most definitely not.

That would never happen again. He refused to be betrayed. The girl, however, was rather persistent, much to his dismay.

"Then…would you like to hear a song?"

"No. Go away. I don't need loser friends at all. I don't need people. I can play by myself."

"Would you like to hear a song?"

The boy, irritated by then, stood up and fiercely told the girl:

"No! Why don't you just leave me alone? What are you, dumb? Don't you know what I'm saying?"

He paused when he looked at the girl's face. There was no emotion – she only stared back blankly.

"Would you like to hear a song?"

"W-What's wrong with you? Don't you know what I'm saying?"

He was scared now. He had never met a child so… so eerie. Normal children sneered or shied away when they were shouted at, but this child… this child simply did not know what it meant to have emotions.

"Would you…"

"Fine! I'll hear your dumb song, but in exchange, you'll leave me alone!"

Then to his surprise, he thought he saw a faint shadow of a smile on her face. Thus began a lilting melody that played in his mind till the days he grew older. Till the days he could no longer see her.

He remembered the last lines she whispered, maybe still in a pretty tune. She had asked for his name. And he, unwittingly drawn into the magic of her song, replied.

"Hibari Kyouya."

"That man! If he weren't… I would have just murdered him long ago!" Iemitsu said, his teeth clenched tightly together. Reborn looked amusedly at the man as he sipped his warm tea. It had been a particularly intense meeting with the band members that they just had, and Mukuro had made several snide remarks that Iemitsu did not fail to catch on.

"It's been two weeks since that mini celebration you held for Yamamoto and Gokudera. Are you sure it's wise for me to just observe his movements? He hasn't done anything suspicious – not yet – but I propose that we pull Tsuna out of there at once."

Iemitsu grimaced.

"That's the hard part. I'm torn between forcing her into something that she doesn't want and…"

"Protecting her? Anyone with a brain would figure that one's safety more important than one's own desires! The answer's been given to you. Self preservation, ever heard of it?"

The blonde man sighed, cupping his forehead in his large, calloused hands.

"Tsuna probably hasn't," he said.

"Well, probably got that from you. "

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Iemitsu let out a huge sigh for the umpteenth time in the past hour. Even though work was piling up by the second, he decided that that could wait as he pondered over the safety of his daughter.

"Taking her out of the mansion may not help either. Look, even if we distance her from Mukuro, there's still Byakuran to handle. If he gets his hands on her, then our world is at stake. There isn't a solution!"

Reborn's eyes narrowed, and they glinted darkly. He no longer held that amused expression on his face.

"Then you should have killed her all those years back."

A loud bang on the table followed.

"How dare you suggest that!"

Reborn did not bat an eyelid. Instead, he stood up, preparing to take his leave.

"Probably only you and I know why Byakuran wants Tsuna. Allow me to take her away – I'll provide you with a solution."

"What is it?"

"Anti-technology. It'll stop all of Byakuran's devices, and she can't be easily tracked down if anti-technology is put on her. If done right, it may not harm her…"

"It'll take months to make."

"Better that than nothing," Reborn turned to exit, leaving a few last words.

"While we wait for it to be developed, we'll… employ some help in keeping watch over her. But I'll tell you this beforehand – should anything go wrong…"

Iemitsu's pupils widened. He knew where the conversation was going, and he knew that Reborn's suggestion was really one of the only ways out of the hole he had slowly dug for himself so many years back.

"I will not hesitate to kill her."

With that, Reborn left.

It had been a dull morning at work again, but Tsuna was slowly getting used to the pace of the regular work. Instead of feeling frightened and lost when I-Pin was not around, she started to grow more aware of the mansion's surroundings.

On occasions, she would bump in to Yamamoto or Sasagawa, the two of them hanging around there the most. The rest of the band apparently had their own things to do. No one knew for sure what Mukuro or Hibari did, but Tsuna did know that Lambo was in school quite often, or otherwise with his family; meanwhile, Gokudera was pursuing further studies, his passion lying mostly in science.

When Tsuna sat down to think about it, the Vongola band hardly did anything remotely band-like. They did not get along together, and the only times she did see them like that was when they actually performed. They barely performed outside Namimori either, in spite of being popular within it.

"Hrmmm…"

"Yo, Sawada! Having lunch?"

Tsuna snapped out of her idle thoughts, her utensils flying out of her hands when she heard a familiar voice. She got up quickly, scrambling to pick them back up.

"Hello, Yamamoto-san. What brings you here?" she offered a shaky smile as she went over to the sink to wash her utensils again.

"Well, I was just passing to order lunch, but I saw your shadow on the way out – oh, hey! Since you're eating here alone, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to join you here, huh?"

"Um, feel free to?" It was a question more than a reply, but Tsuna was getting used to speaking with the upbeat and bubbly Yamamoto, seeing as he was the easiest to approach of all the people within the mansion. Sometimes, Sasagawa could be really weird.

She finished cleaning her utensils, and went back to her seat while Yamamoto helped himself into another chair opposite hers.

"Doesn't it get lonely, eating lunch alone all the time?" he asked, his fingers tapping a rhythm on the table as he waited to be served.

"It does, sometimes. It's been bothering me for quite awhile but, why don't I see any of the other maids… eating lunch either?"

Yamamoto shrugged.

"Beats me. Maybe you just eat at a different time."

A loud shout marked the entrance of another party.

"EXTREME! Yo, Yamamoto! What are you doing here at the back?" Tsuna immediately recognized the head of spiky white-gray hair. Sasagawa was pumping his fists up into the air excitedly.

"Hello, Sasagawa! Saw Sawada here eating alone, so I thought I should join her. Besides, I don't fancy eating alone either."

Sasagawa let out a hearty chuckle.

"Come to the main living room! Today's rather free anyway, and Kyoko is here on a visit!"

"Oh! She is? She came all the way here to visit?"

Sasagawa nodded his head.

"Eh, Sawada! Why don't you join us too!"

He looked her over with a critical eye until it seemed as though he had made a decision.

"You'd benefit from it to the extreme! My sis could really teach you a thing or two about presentation!"

Ah, the countless times that Tsuna was insulted. She was not sure how to tell if people subconsciously or purposely did it any more.

"I think I'd rather stay - "

"Nonsense!"

Tsuna felt herself being lifted up, and then flung over Sasagawa's broad shoulder.

"Alright! Let's move to let you meet my cuter little sis!"

"Nooooooo!" Tsuna's screams of protest came unheard. As she saw her lunchbox fading into the distance, she could hear Yamamoto shout back.

"I'll grab your lunch box for you!"

Sasagawa Kyoko was the most effeminate woman that Tsuna had ever seen in her life. If anyone saw the look on Tsuna's face when she saw her, they would have sworn that they were sparkling. She was poise and immaculate, having worlds of difference from her rough brother, both in looks and personality.

"Welcome back, big brother! Who is that you've brought?"

Tsuna felt her body shift as she was put on the ground. She made a mental note to try put on a bit more weight, but she knew deep down that it was of no use anyway. She would still end up being flung about like a ragdoll.

"Oh, Kyoko! This is Sawada Tsuna! She works as a maid in the mansion, but I guess it doesn't matter! She'll be joining us for lunch today."

Kyoko looked towards Tsuna, who was still wobbling on her feet, having been roughly manhandled by Sasagawa.

"Pleased to meet you, Sawada! Or can I call you Tsuna-san?"

"A-A-Anytime…"

Then, Kyoko gave a bright smile. She looked over Sasagawa's shoulders and gave a light wave.

"Hello, Yamamoto!"

"Long time no see, Sasagawa-san! How's it been?"

"It's been running smoothly."

Yamamoto placed Tsuna's unopened lunchbox in front of her, while she continued staring at Kyoko, as though she was an idol that could never be stained by her dirty hands. She was an unattainable model, a living piece of perfection…

Tsuna had to keep herself from drooling. Why were some people on earth so blessed? Before Tsuna could launch herself into another long train of thoughts, she turned to Yamamoto.

"I'll go get the food right now," and then, she hurriedly walked off. She felt quite out of place back there, and she wondered why Sasagawa was so insistent on having her have lunch with them. As if she was not already having self esteem problems, she just had to meet someone like Sasagawa Kyoko, possibly the perfect girl in (almost) every way. Or at least it seemed like that at first glance.

She was too absorbed in feeling inferior to hear Yamamoto say that she was walking the wrong way.

When Tsuna was done brooding over her inferiority, she realized that she had made several wrong turns and was headed deeper into the maze of the mansion. Where was she? Even though she had worked there for a period of time, she still did not know how to fully navigate her way around the mansion, for it was such a huge complex; some areas she barely visited, simply because there was no need to. No one stayed there, and no one knew what the rest of the areas were for. Unfortunately, she found herself stuck in one of those unknown areas.

She walked around, afraid that a ghost or a monster would pop out behind her, devouring her… Those thoughts made her feel worse, and she made her best attempts to shake them off. Maybe even seeing Mukuro would have given her a little hope in returning to where Yamamoto and the rest were. Maybe Sasagawa or Yamamoto would notice she was missing…

Speaking of the devil, she heard the same cunning voice that she had grown accustomed to over the weeks. After all, she was consistently harassed by it, and the unpleasant experiences remained etched deeply in her mind. It came from the darker end of the corridor, just right around the corner.

"…I know, Kyo-chan," the same voice darkly muttered. Tsuna paused. Who in the world was "Kyo-chan"?

Drip.

Tsuna looked to the ground. She saw several drops of blood on the floor.

"Shut up."

This time, the voice was slightly deeper, and much more emotionless. She recognized it all too well. It belonged to Hibari.

"Kufufu, wallowing in your angst?"

Thump.

"Oya, violence isn't going to solve anything. I have the trump card here."

Tsuna could imagine a sinister smirk on Mukuro's face. She tiptoed as quietly as she could, leaning against the wall. She was now within the vicinity of the two most dangerous men in the mansion, in a remote part of the mansion; it did not take a genius to note that weapons were involved, either. Tsuna suddenly found herself in a very dangerous position. She turned quickly to leave, before Mukuro's voice broke the silence again.

"All I have to mention is how you had the most perfect family, the most loving parents anyone could ever ask for, and even a best friend whom you probably loved and who never reciprocated your feelings…"

"Shut - !" Another thump, and then the sound of clashing metals.

"And how you lost everything in a day. How you -…"

Another thump. Tsuna could see more blood splatter onto the floor. Her eyes widened.

"… – killed your best friend."

Tsuna was about to gasp when she felt a hand cusp her mouth and move her silently into a nearby room.

"Ah -…" she gasped softly.

She turned around to see Yamamoto signaling for her to stay silent.

"It'll get ugly real fast if they caught you," he whispered, "we'll stay here till they're done."

He had a pained look on his face. The both of them sat down together on the floor, leaning against the wall. Yamamoto turned to press his ear against it, checking for signs of their departure.

"Yamamoto-san, do you…"

"Ssh, we can talk later. It's too dangerous now."

He reached out to cover Tsuna's mouth, preventing her from saying any more. Tsuna's heart was thumping wildly – she had just eavesdropped upon information that she did not need to know. If Hibari ever found out, she knew that her corpse would probably be found lying somewhere the next day.

As the pair sat there in silence, Tsuna prayed for her safety.