The Abiogenesis Spell (Part 3)
Summary: Cara is difficult in this chapter, but Kahlan is relentless.
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CHAPTER III
Pride ends up being Cara's downfall; her weakest feeling.
Kahlan could have told her that all along.
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It is late the next day when Kahlan finally wakes up. She immediately looks around for Cara and the baby, but she is alone in the room.
The sun is already high in the sky. Despite having slept for many hours, she feels tired. Her body is not used to oversleeping. She moves up on the large bed to rest against the pillows, trying to finger-brush her long dark tresses into some sort of order.
The room is still a bit messy, but it is obvious that someone has been straightening things up whilst she was sleeping. Her own travel dress and corset are neatly folded on top of the chair where she sat just yesterday night, watching Cara and the baby.
She smiles at the memory.
She must have slept really deeply not to notice Cara leaving the bed, but it had been a stressful trip from Aydindril to the People's Palace. A stressful few months, really, since they cast the spell. And yesterday night, after the emotional roller-coaster she went through, she had felt herself relax completely into the pillows as she held Cara and the baby.
She hopes Cara has thought of a name for the baby. She wants to call her Sonia, but she will go with whatever name Cara has chosen.
She is disappointed to wake up alone, but she is not surprised that Cara is gone.
She shakes her head, a small smile breaking through. Truthfully, she would not have been surprised to learn that the blonde was already back to her red leathers and daily duties. She knows that what happened between her and Cara yesterday was an oddity, that it was only allowed because of how physically and emotionally drained Cara had been.
She would have never let Kahlan hold her like that otherwise.
It is not the first time Kahlan has caught Cara off guard, so she knows the day after is always a completely different story.
She looks around the room as she dresses, really seeing it for the first time. Something about it feels… off. She is not sure how she imagined Cara's room, but this is certainly not it. The thick bear skin rugs, the dark panels and grand, pretentious, furniture. It somehow does not fit Cara, who is practical and military-like in her tastes.
Kahlan is not sure where her things are, but she hopes they are not lost forever. She brought some things for the baby; family heirlooms, that she would very much like her daughter to have. She recalls the short, blonde woman that looked in charge when they arrived. Hopefully, she has kept them safe. They had been in too much of a rush to care one way or the other, and then, when the baby came, her luggage was the furthest thing from her mind.
Now, she has every intention of finding Cara, and the baby. So she finishes dressing quickly and moves to the big panelled doors. When she opens them, there is someone sitting in the outer room. Obviously, waiting for her. Kahlan breathes a small sight of relief when she notices it is the woman from yesterday. She smiles briefly at her. She will know where the others are and also, where her things are.
"Mother Confessor," the woman curtseys slightly, and Kahlan notices she does it in the traditional way of the Midlands. It makes one of Kahlan's eyebrows rise in question.
She does not need to wait long to find out who this woman is.
"My name is Gretchen. I can take you to your rooms, my lady, if you would like?" she asks as she turns slightly towards the back door, her body pointing the way. Gretchen looks about forty. Short, but strong and capable. Confident. She must be if she addresses the Mother Confessor so directly.
"Yes. Thank you, Gretchen " Kahlan nods and follows her as Gretchen walks through the door and out of the room. As she walks, Kahlan makes conversation. "How is it that you know how to address a confessor?"
"I was born in the Midlands, my lady, but I have been working here in the Palace for some winters now." She walks ahead, leading the way.
The People's Palace is much larger than Kahlan's own palace at Aydindril. They walk through many corridors and up a number of narrow stairs. She tries to pay attention, but she is not sure if she will be able to make it back to Cara's chambers on her own, once Gretchen leaves.
"Are all guest rooms located as far away from Cara's?" Kahlan asks peevishly. It is starting to look like Cara has put her in the room farther away from hers.
"Oh, yes, my lady. You will be next door to the baby's nursery. She did not want the baby staying so close to Lord Rahl's rooms." She opens a door and they enter an ample and well-lit sitting room. The room is warm and luminous and feels well-lived. Comfortable.
"Lord Rahl's rooms? Is that where Richard stays when he is here, then?" Kahlan asks almost sharply. She can feel a pang of something like jealousy in her stomach. She has been so miserable recently, she never really stopped to think about what Richard and Cara may have been doing all these months. Maybe this is Richard's baby and not her own?
But, no. She knows that is not true. She is just being ridiculous because it hurt to wake up alone in the large bed.
"No, my lady. Those are the old Lord Rahl's rooms; Darken Rahl's." Gretchen's voice catches slightly as she says the last bit.
For the first time since they met, Gretchen looks away, as if she has said something she should not have. She walks Kahlan through a door at the end of the sitting room and then, moves to leave. "Excuse me, my lady, I was asked to wait for you and bring you to your rooms as soon as you woke up, but now, I must take my leave." With that, she bows and beats a somewhat hasty retreat before Kahlan can question her further.
Once alone, Kahlan looks around. It is a nice, large room, in an irregular, hexagonal shape. It is decorated sparsely, and obviously for the comfort of those living here and not for show. There is a large desk with parchments and writing utensils pushed against one of the walls and two fire places on either side of the room. In front of one of them, there are two chairs. One of the walls is almost entirely taken up by a large bed that looks like it could sleep a small army. She can see that her bags have been left next to the chest that is at the foot of the bed. Right next to it, there is another door, which is open.
Through it, she can hear a baby crying.
The smile that breaks on her face upon hearing it is wide enough to make her cheeks ache.
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"Explain it again, wizard," Cara asks.
Zedd is sitting at a large table and helping himself to a healthy late breakfast. Or maybe it is an early lunch. Cara is standing, looming really, over him. Not because she wants to intimidate the old wizard; the time for that came and went already, but because, although she will not admit it, there is simply no way she can sit down right now.
In fact, sitting down may be out of the question for at least a week.
She is pale and sweating slightly. Also, annoyed at herself for feeling this weak.
The last time she had a child, she marched with her sisters the very next day.
The memory makes her stand straighter. She tries not to think about the past, but sometimes, memories sneak up on her unexpectedly. For a moment, she reaches to touch one of her agiels to help clear her mind.
Zedd regards Cara thoughtfully. He does not pull any punches when it comes to the Mord'Sith. It is what she wants, really. He appreciates that about her. Her desire for honesty, regardless.
"You know Kahlan and Richard have been unable to have children." Cara does not even bother to acknowledge that. It is obvious she knows. "It is why Kahlan decided not to marry Richard. She felt very strongly that the Mother Confessor should be with child before marrying. After all, her duty is to start a new generation of confessors for Aydindril. If her current mate cannot help, she must choose someone else."
This is also not news to Cara.
"Get to the point, old man." She says impatiently.
"Kahlan asked me to help. I knew of an old spell, hardly ever used, the abiogenesis spell, that could help." He pauses a moment. "As you know, in the past, I have helped others when they could not bear children, but it didn't turn out that well." He takes a long breath. He is never keen on discussing his magic mishaps. He regards Cara seriously as he continues speaking. "It is why I chose this spell, to be sure that the child would be pure-hearted, a true love child. And most importantly: a girl."
He emphasizes the next words.
"It is very powerful magic, Cara."
Cara just rolls her eyes. "Of course it is, wizard." She mutters back.
Zedd just nods to himself as he puts a large bite of something disgusting-looking into his mouth and starts chewing noisily. It makes Cara's stomach clench. Her pregnancy has not been easy; she has been throwing up regularly throughout. She thinks she may be thinner now than she was before the pregnancy.
"So you cast this- this abibogentis spell on Kahlan and Richard… and I got pregnant?" She frowns at the wizard. "Your magic is singularly inefficient, Zedd. As usual."
"It is called the abiogenesis spell. And I think it worked beautifully." He looks mighty pleased with himself as he gives her a large smile and a wink. His normal good humour making an appearance. "The magic will not manifest itself for years to come, but the baby is a confessor," he explains.
In response, Cara makes a sound that may best be described as a growl.
The last thing she wants to think about right now is how she, once the highest ranked Mord'Sith of D'Hara, has ended up given birth to a confessor.
"And now, Kahlan…" she does not finish the sentence. She is not sure what she wanted to say exactly.
"Now, you will have to marry Kahlan, obviously," Zedd says. She hates the glint that has appeared in the wizard's eye.
He continues unperturbed.
"Come to think of it, I may have to cast another abiogenesis spell in the near future. Maybe get Kahlan pregnant this time." He looks her up and down, as he raises one of his large hands to his chin, making a show of considering something.
"Or maybe, you again." A slow smile spreads over his thin lips. "Yes. Perhaps twin girls this time."
Cara eyebrows first lift almost all the way into her hairline, and then, scrunch up back together; making two deep lines appear between her very green eyes. Her hand goes to one of her agiels and she considers hitting the old wizard with it. But after a moment of staring daggers at him, she just turns around and leaves the room.
It makes Zedd laugh.
He really is in an excellent mood this morning.
And duck with oranges may just be his new favorite dish.
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Cara had not slept all night. She had just sat, in Kahlan's arms, holding the baby.
At dawn, she had risen from the bed trying not to wake Kahlan. Then, she had taken the baby to the nursery. Since then, she has not gone back to see her. She knows everything is well organized and that the baby is well taken care of.
Some would say she is avoiding Kahlan and the baby, but that would be ridiculous, because she is Mord'Sith and she does not avoid anything.
She decided a long time ago that she would not breast feed the baby. The least time she spends with her, the better for everyone concerned. Plus, now that Kahlan is here, she can be a mother for the baby, given what she has learned about the biobigingis spell… the obiogintis spell… whatever the name of that annoying spell is.
Kahlan will be a much better mother than Cara could ever be.
Cara momentarily wonders if Kahlan will ask to take the baby back to Aydindril with her when she goes back; and what she herself will do when that happens. But she immediately shakes that thought off her mind. She will not let a tiny human being that weights less than a turkey interfere with her duties here in the Palace.
When she finally gets back to the nursery, after talking to the wizard, the two women that will be helping and breastfeeding the baby are there. Cara selected them before the baby was born. This is the one task where a common woman may actually be better than a Mord'Sith.
The baby is asleep. Kahlan must also still be asleep because she is not around.
Cara regards the newborn girl for a moment. There is something about her nose and bone structure that reminds her of Kahlan. With her eyes closed in sleep, the baby looks nothing like Cara and quite a bit like the Mother Confessor.
For some reason, that observation brings both happiness and disappointment to Cara.
She touches the baby lightly, caressing her tiny arm. Cara is wearing her leather gloves, but she can feel an unnatural heat climbing up her arm, initiating where she is touching the baby, and ending up in her chest, hitting it with the force of a kick from a battle horse.
For a moment, it is hard to breathe.
She snaps her hand back and leaves the room.
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Kahlan learns of Cara's visit to the nursery from one of the girls Cara has chosen to care for the baby.
She wishes Cara would breast feed the baby herself, but if she cannot or will not, she admits that, after spending the day with them, she wholeheartedly approves of the young women Cara has chosen for the task.
Cara does not go back to Kahlan's room or to see the baby in the afternoon. So when the sun is almost completely hidden over the horizon, Kahlan sets out to find her.
She decides to go to her chambers. She struggles around the unknown Palace, walking down corridors that are almost deserted at this time of night. Finally, she gets a passing Dragon Corp guard to take her to Cara's chambers, but once there, the guards protecting the door refuse to let her in while Cara is not in her rooms.
Kahlan just sits on the floor and stubbornly awaits for Cara to come back, glaring at the guards, who are obviously more afraid of Cara than they are of the Mother Confessor of all the Midlands.
Perhaps, rightly so.
When Cara finally appears, she looks exhausted. She is pale as a ghost, and has deep lines of fatigue on her otherwise unblemished skin, and dark circles under her eyes... she looks like a woman who has just given birth.
Cara does not say anything when she sees Kahlan, but at the door, she waits for Kahlan to stand up and join her before closing it behind them both. Standing so close, Kahlan can smell ale on Cara, but the Mord'Sith walk is steady, and when she finally speaks, she sounds tired, but sober.
"Why are you here, Kahlan." Cara asks. And, without waiting for a response, she walks across the room and through the open balcony, leaning over the railing.
Kahlan follows behind.
She knew Cara would not allow the closeness of the previous day to continue. But she does not let that deter her.
It is a moonless night and it is chilly outside. It is dark in the balcony and Kahlan wishes they were inside, where she could see Cara's face more clearly. Cara's face almost always betrays what she is thinking.
She moves to stand by Cara's side, so close that one of her breasts brushes against Cara's arm. It is not entirely accidental. Kahlan knows her well enough to understand she must attack Cara physically, if she wants to have a chance. It is a dangerous strategy, but one that may pay out in the end. She has to be ruthless.
Cara turns on her side at the touch, facing Kahlan and putting some distance between them.
"Shouldn't you be with your daughter?" Cara almost snarls.
"Our daughter," Kahlan corrects her, moving closer. Daring the Mord'Sith to step back. "I would like to call her Sonia, but if you prefer-"
"Sonia is fine." Cara interrupts, shrugging her shoulders as if she does not care. She does not have a list of things she would rather not talk about, but if she did, discussing baby names with the Mother Confessor would probably be near the top.
They stay in silence for long moments after that, breathing in the night air.
Kahlan regards Cara thoughtfully. It has been a long time since their travels through D'Hara and the Midlands, and she cannot read her, but she knows this woman. She has thought about Cara more than she has thought about anyone else in her whole life. She observed her closely through the year they travelled together, watching all her movements; first, out of distrust, and then, out of something she only now truly understands. She knows that when Cara is exhausted, like she must be now, she holds even more onto her Mord'Sith persona.
She also knows they have created a child out of thin air together and what that means: how Cara must feel for her.
It gives her the edge.
Kahlan reaches a hand to touch Cara's cheek lightly, her fingers caressing soft skin. "You look tired, Cara."
Cara takes a step back from Kahlan. She cannot take any more touching right now, not from her, nor the baby. It is like their touch burns through her skin, reaching with invisible fingers to squeeze her entrails.
"Don't touch me." Cara says roughly, turning her face and her whole body slightly away from Kahlan, moving further away from the light coming in from the door to her chambers, backing herself into the corner. She is almost completely hidden in shadows now.
Kahlan takes a deep breath and follows right behind, refusing to give Cara the space she craves.
"Cara, we have a daughter together. We are a family now and-"
"We are not." Cara interrupts again. "Don't fool yourself into thinking there is something between us, because there isn't. You! You, Richard and the wizard. You forced this on me," her voice is deep and rough, like a knife slicing through the night.
The words cut deeply, leaving them both breathless.
Kahlan is silent for a long time after that, regarding the Mord'Sith carefully. Her eyes slowly adjusting to the lack of light in the balcony.
Her voice is sharp when she finally talks. She uses her Mother Confessor voice.
"You listen to me, Cara Mason."
"I see you." A breath. "I always have." She takes a tiny step closer, so that they are almost touching.
"The time I stayed away, it was hard on me too. But it was my duty. I had to give Aydindril a new confessor." She nods as she speaks, perhaps trying to convince them both that all the pain was worth it. "I know I hurt us both, and I am sorry."
She lowers her eyes for a second, blinking back tears. Then, she looks up again, making eye contact. "I am sorry, Cara. That it took me so long to know myself. To understand this- this thing between us."
Kahlan stops again until she is sure Cara is listening. "I am sorry I hurt you."
Cara huffs a protest, a muscle on her cheek twitching. "Don't be absurd. You did not hurt me."
Kahlan smiles tightly, but doesn't stop. She will say what she has to say.
"Now, you need time and space, so you can think about what this means and how it changes whatever plans you held for your future before Sonia came, I understand." Her voice softens somewhat. "I will give you the time you need to work through this in that thick, mule-headed, brain of yours."
Cara frowns at being so described.
Kahlan takes a deep breath and, again, reaches for Cara, this time grabbing her biceps with strong fingers. Cara does not try to pull away. She is already against the railing and has nowhere to go.
"But do not think that you can push me away or that I am going to go away, because I am not." Kahlan's voice is still firm, but it holds something else now. "I am not going anywhere." A breath, then, "we are not going anywhere."
As she says the last bit, she pulls on Cara's arms and, at the same time, presses forward, pushing their hips together, until Cara is flush against her own body. Then, Kahlan leans forward and kisses the smaller woman.
She applies hardly any pressure. It is little more than lip over lip, so soft a kiss that Cara would have never allowed anyone but Kahlan to kiss her like this.
It makes Cara's whole body tremble and she gasps into Kahlan's mouth.
Kahlan steps back almost immediately, backing out of the balcony. She stops at the entrance of the room, her silhouette in stark contrast against the light coming from Cara's chambers.
"Come find us soon, Cara." She whispers.
And with that, she is gone.
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