The Abiogenesis Spell (Part 4)
Summary: Working through some of the issues.
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CHAPTER IV
Cara stays away for almost a week.
Kahlan tries to respect her need for distance. For a few days, anyway.
On the fifth day since the birth of Sonia, Cara wakes up in the barracks. It is the last time she is allowed to stay away.
She has a headache from all the ale she drank the previous day and a busted lip. She is not entirely sure how she ended up sleeping here, in the narrow cot she keeps in her quarters at the barracks, but this is hardly an uncommon event. She has spent many a night on this cot over the years. On nights when forcing herself to go back to her room and sleep on Darken Rahl's bed was not an option, even for her.
Now it feels like even less of an option.
She has been unable to lie down on that bed since the night she spent awake, holding the baby and being held by Kahlan. It is the kind of reticent behaviour she would not tolerate from anyone else, much less herself, but Sonia and Kahlan, their close proximity... They left an invisible imprint on her body, a shadow touch that keeps squeezing at her chest, her stomach. She always knew of Kahlan's steely core. Indeed, she thought of her as an iron fist in a velvet glove. But this; this hold. This hook. No, she had not expected it.
She stands up from the cot, stretching sore muscles. It is a wretchedly uncomfortable cot. She runs her hands through her hair and rearranges her agiels so they sit properly on her thigh. Maybe she holds on to them for longer than necessary. But the soreness in her body, the pain working its way up from her hands and into her being, it centres her, clears her mind from unwanted thoughts.
Her body still feels tender from childbirth. She lost some blood yesterday, but nothing worse than her monthly bleedings, so she is not concerned. It was the same the other time and she is quite a bit older this time.
For a second, she wonders if she has grown soft.
She scowls at the notion, but the thought does not annoy her as much as she thinks it should. And when she thinks that it is Richard's, Kahlan's and Zedd's fault that she is feeling so out of her element, it is more in resignation than anything else. She does not hold it against them.
She allowed them to do it to her, after all. She could have killed them all and avoid herself all this trouble.
She leaves the barracks through a narrow corridor leading to a door at the corner of the courtyard, intending to go to her chambers to wash and eat something.
That is when she sees Gretchen. She is waiting in the middle of the courtyard, wringing her hands. Cara lifts an eyebrow at her, slightly surprised that Gretchen always seems to know how to find her. As she approaches, she notices her nervousness.
Cara can feel her stomach dropping. It is unlike Gretchen to act anything but cool.
They had better not touched a single hair of the baby's head.
Gretchen looks at the floor for a moment and then points at a balcony high over their heads.
"The Mother Confessor asked to be taken to your rooms." It is said in a voice merely a notch above a whisper, but Cara catches the words anyway.
After the night Kahlan visited her, Cara had ordered that everyone in the Palace should follow Kahlan's orders as if they were hers. She trusts Kahlan completely and she had not been happy with the Dragon Corp guards that had kept Kahlan waiting outside her chambers.
Cara looks up, Darken Rahl's rooms are diagonally across from where they are standing.
There is a dense, dark cloud of smoke rising out of the balcony. Cara blinks for a second, uncomprehending. Then it hits her. The rooms are on fire!
She is running before she can process the thought completely. If Kahlan is in her rooms and they are on fire, she could be in danger.
The thought upsets her. Everyone is replaceable, but somehow, that has never been true for the Mother Confessor. Her life has always seemed much more valuable than anyone else's.
She makes it to her chambers as fast as she can, which she is annoyed to recognize, is not very fast at all; her heart nearly beating out of her chest.
"Kahlan!" she shouts as soon as she is close. She would be embarrassed about the urgency she hears in her own voice, but she cannot process anything pass the lump in her throat at the thought of harm coming to Kahlan.
She needn't have worried. Kahlan is not in danger.
She is standing calmly in the outer room, a number of steps away from the doors that lead to her personal chambers, which are currently open wide. Kahlan is dressed in her white dress, hands clasped in front of her, shoulders relaxed, chin high. She looks very much like the Mother Confessor.
A number of people from the Palace staff, as well as soldiers, are working to put out the fire, going through the doors, carrying buckets of water.
Vaguely, Cara notices that a bell has started ringing somewhere in the courtyard, rising the fire alarm across the Palace. She does not know what to do, so she just stands there, breathing hard, frowning. She has to quell the impulse to touch Kahlan, to make sure she is really there and all right.
Kahlan takes the time to study Cara, too.
They make a strange pair. Standing there looking at each other in quiet regard, whilst chaos breaks out around them, with people shouting and moving in and out of the room.
They have not seen each other since that night, in the balcony. When Kahlan had kissed Cara, and Cara, stupidly, had just stood there, trembling as if that was the first time she had been kissed like that.
And just maybe, it had been.
Cara is the first one to break out of their mutual trance. Her eyes fix on Kahlan's face as she notices a dark smudge on her left cheekbone, probably soot from the fire. She struggles with herself for a moment, but then, before she can over think this, she bites off her glove and reaches up, moving her fingers over Kahlan's face, removing the grit with her thumb. Kahlan blinks in surprise, but then, she smiles and leans into the touch.
Cara removes her hand quickly, pulling it into a fist and only just stopping herself from hiding it behind her back, like a child holding a sweet.
"You had some dirt on your cheek," Cara almost bites off the words as she looks down and fumbles with the glove, trying to put it back on.
Kahlan regards her. She looks past everything this woman means to her and sees her. She frowns slightly. Cara looks thinner than she should and she is still breathing hard from the run up the stairs. She looks like she has dropped weight she could hardly spare in the last few days. She definitely looks better than she did when Kahlan last saw her, though.
She reaches for Cara's hand before she can put the glove back on and presses her naked fingers for a second.
Cara has soft hands.
It makes Kahlan blush slightly. She has been thinking about Cara's hands a lot more than she probably should recently.
"You look a bit better." Kahlan murmurs as she lets her eyes move up and down Cara's body, her gaze halting somewhat to stare at places south of Cara's eyes. Cara is already back to her red leathers. They fit her.
Then, Kahlan turns her face to the door for a second, looking at the flames licking at the far wall, which is panelled in dark timber decorated with intricate carvings. Cara also turns her body slightly towards the door.
"I took care of it, Cara," Kahlan says softly.
Cara can only stand there, brow scrunched up.
She took care of it?
It is a good thing she has never tried to understand Kahlan, because she figures it would take her a whole life and then, most of her time in the underworld to get a basic understanding of how her mind works.
Cara rises her eyebrows in confusion, but Kahlan just gives her one of those compassionate looks that make Cara's head hurt. Then, she reaches across, putting her hand on Cara's forearm, and looks straight into her eyes.
She knows that touching Cara like this, like she did the other night, is getting to the Mord'Sith. Cara is not any good at hiding her reactions to the Mother Confessor's touch. Maybe she is playing with fire, but Kahlan is not above using any and all strategies if they help make things right between them.
"I have missed you," Kahlan says. A breath, then, "we should talk." Cara does nothing for a second, but finally, she nods slightly and drops her eyes to the floor, letting some of her blonde hair cover her face. Kahlan lowers her own face a bit to catch Cara's eye again and gives her a small smile. "I will be with Sonia. Come by when you are done here?" Kahlan asks.
Cara smiles, torn between resignation and amusement. She shrugs her shoulders minutely. "It is not like I have elsewhere to go, now," she says as she nods towards the fire destroying her room, rolling her eyes gently at the darker woman.
Kahlan nods, somewhat amused herself. She regards Cara in silence for a long moment, trying to open herself, to let Cara see everything that she feels for her. It is obvious for anyone who cares to look at all, but she knows Cara can be stubbornly oblivious sometimes. So, she shows her. She leans forward and presses a lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth, catching quite a bit of her plump bottom lip.
Cara closes her eyes and lets out a tiny whimper. It is a ridiculous sound and she would be mortified if this was not Kahlan.
She opens her eyes slowly, blinking quickly and staring at Kahlan, a self-deprecating smile covering her face. Kahlan gives her one last look, and then, walks in the direction Cara came from, letting her fingers run down Cara's arm as she moves past and away from her.
Cara watches her go, enjoying the tiny sting from the soft touch of Kahlan's lips on her own busted lip.
Then, she turns to the door, joining those trying to put out the fire.
xxx
When Cara can finally go into the room, hours later, she surveys the extent of the damage. It looks like the fire started in the bed; that is where most of the damage is, but the whole room is affected, blackened out by the fire, with almost an inch of water covering the floor.
She shakes her head in amazement.
Darken Rahl's rooms are destroyed entirely.
She cannot stop the feral smile that takes over her whole face for a moment.
xxx
Gretchen pulls some more warm water into her bath.
There is no way Cara is going to see Kahlan or the baby without having a bath and changing her leathers first.
There is a room on the opposite side of the sitting room that connects to Kahlan's rooms, and that is where she has chosen to stay. There are a number of other places in the Palace she could have moved to, of course. She is not fooling herself on this point, but if she is no longer staying at Darken Rahl's rooms, this is where she knows she should be, as close to Kahlan and her daughter as she can, in case they need protecting.
She has avoided thinking about him, but she knows it is also what Richard would want of her. She does not bother with what she herself wants, because that is, and has always been, mostly irrelevant when it comes to her duty.
This room is completely different from Darken's. It has a narrow window on the east side, a bed and a rather large fireplace opposite it. A colourful chest, two chairs and a skin rug of some kind spread out in front of the fireplace complete the room's furniture. It is maybe one fifth of the size of Darken's room. Cara thinks the air in this part of the Palace must be cleaner, because she feels more relaxed and clearer headed than she has in a while. Perhaps, she is just taking deeper breaths now that she is out of his room.
The basin where she is bathing normally sits in the corner of the room, but now, Gretchen has moved it closer to the fire, to help keep Cara warm. It has been a cold day and now that the sun has set, the temperature is going down quickly. Gretchen is worried for the blonde woman. She has not been eating properly and, to be truthful, she looks at the end of her rope.
Not that Gretchen would mention such a notion to the Mord'Sith, of course.
"Care to explain, Gretchen?," Cara drawls.
For a moment, Gretchen pales. In the span of a week, she feels like she has reverted back to the woman she was five winters ago, when she was afraid of Cara and stuttered through her sentences.
"Forgive me, please. I- I talked too much." She shifts on her feet. "I explained to-, to the Mother Confessor, that your rooms used to be Darken Rahl's and she asked me to bring to her presence someone that had been at the Palace during his rule."
She dares a quick look at Cara, who is still scrubbing herself firmly, trying to get rid of all the grime from the fire. "You told me to do everything she asked." It sounds like an attempt at an excuse for whatever is coming next, but Cara just nods. It is true that she told Gretchen as much. She stands by that decision. Whatever Kahlan wants, she shall have.
"I brought Kenneth, the old man from the stables? He was born here in the Palace," Gretchen explains.
Cara nods, she knows Kenneth.
"The Mother Confessor… she interrogated him." Gretchen swallows, concern written all over her face. "It is impossible to keep the truth from her."
Cara knows this. Even for her, it is nearly impossible to keep things from Kahlan, and she knows Confessors cannot read Mord'Siths.
Gretchen finally gets around to telling Cara what she wants to know.
"And he… He told her that you had another child in that room, many seasons ago." The last bit is said in a rush. "That you-, that you and Darken-," she stops. She doesn't think she needs to explain that part.
"And then, the Mother Confessor, she-,"
She took care of it. Cara thinks.
Gretchen is not looking at Cara as she speaks. She takes a bucket full of warm water that she has been heating on the fireplace and moves towards the basin. "She was not pleased to learn that. Her eyes-. I swear they went black for a second. I- I was afraid and I-," she risks another glance at Cara, but the Mord'Sith is no longer paying attention.
Cara is looking behind her shoulder; at the door.
Gretchen turns around slowly. There is only one person that could be standing there and not had been ordered out of the room by Cara already.
The Mother Confessor stands just inside the door. She is looking at Cara.
"Gretchen, you must be tired. If you don't mind, I will help Cara with her bath." It is clearly a dismissal. Kahlan smiles slightly at the older woman as she finishes speaking. She has caught the end of the conversation and does not want to scare her any further.
She might have been in a tiny bit of a fury earlier when she went to Darken's rooms.
Gretchen nods curtly and puts the bucket full of warm water back on the floor, "as you wish, my lady."
She closes the door behind her and heads straight for the kitchen.
She needs to drink something strong.
Right this minute.
xxx
Kahlan approaches the basin somewhat haltingly. She takes a moment to regard Cara; she is mostly submerged in not-really-see-through soapy water.
Kahlan lets out a breath she did not know she had been holding. Truthfully, completely clear water may have been too much for her. What is already visible: Cara's arms, her knees, her slim neck, her chest and the top of her full breasts is more than enough to cause Kahlan's blood to boil. She is sure she is sporting a full body blush, but her hands are steady as she reaches down for the bucket.
"More water?" Kahlan asks in a slightly hoarse voice.
Cara looks at her as she nods and then, submerges her head in the water, emerging just a moment later, tilting her head slightly back. It is as seductive a move as can be. Kahlan thinks she may have done it on purpose; to throw Kahlan off, to regain the upper hand. Cara blinks her eyes open and regards the confessor silently. A smile starts to spread over her lips as she notices Kahlan's obvious discomfort and her appreciation over Cara's state of undress.
This, Cara knows. This part, she is good at.
There is a choice here, and it is Kahlan's.
She can let Cara turn this into a seduction, she can let herself be seduced. She knows she would be welcome if she tried to get her hands on the Mord'Sith. Cara would let her touch her. It is written all over her face. In a way, she has always known. Sex is not something Cara is afraid of. It is intimacy that may be an issue. Kahlan can feel a pulse start to beat insistently between her legs, liquid fire gathering in her centre as a sweet, languid warmth spreads over her limbs at the thought of finally, finally getting to feel Cara's naked skin under her, on her lips, over her.
But, miraculously, she reigns herself in.
She pours the whole bucket of water on top of Cara's head in one quick move.
Cara sputters water and blinks her eyes furiously, rubbing at them and pushing hair out of her face; when she can finally open them, green eyes fix on Kahlan's face as she looks at her like she has gone mad. "Kahlan!" she cries in indignation.
"Cara!" Kahlan says in a similar voice, and suddenly, they are both laughing.
Well, Kahlan is, Cara just rolls her eyes and tries to hide a smile.
Somehow, it is the right thing to do. It brings both of them back from the edge of a precipice they are not ready to tumble into just yet. It makes them remember everything they already are to each other, against all odds: allies, friends, companions.
Whatever lies ahead cannot change that.
When Kahlan reaches for a towel and holds it up for Cara, there is nothing sexual about it. And when Cara stands, Kahlan almost manages to not even look down. Not for so long that Cara may think she is staring at her breasts and below, anyway. But long enough that Cara has to hold on to the sides of the basin for a moment to steady herself.
Kahlan turns around when Cara starts to dry herself, giving her some privacy. Cara just rolls her eyes at the other woman's foolishness. Cara does not mind Kahlan's eyes on her body. Quite the contrary. It is the times Kahlan reaches through skin and bones that Cara has a problem with.
"Kahlan," she murmurs the name when she is dressed in the long shirt Gretchen left out for her. She cannot put her leathers back on; they stink of smoke and sweat from before.
Kahlan turns around and smiles at her for a moment. There is a bit of a draft in the room and Cara shivers visibly. Standing like that, in just a nightshirt, barefoot, Cara is half a head shorter than Kahlan. She looks younger, softer. The poor lightning, coming from some candles behind them, casts Cara in half-shadows and lets Kahlan see far more of her than Cara may be aware of showing.
She looks beautiful.
But the relaxation from the bath, the warmth coming from the fire, from the woman standing in front of her, combined with the exhaustion of all the events of this past week takes its toll. Cara starts to feel the weariness she has been fighting. Her eyelids grow heavy, and for a moment, she thinks she may fall sleep standing up.
"Come to bed, Cara." Kahlan says. "We can talk tomorrow," with that, she grabs Cara's hand, intertwining their fingers and pulling the Mord'Sith gently behind her by the arm. That Cara does not drop her hand speaks volumes to Kahlan.
They walk through the sitting room and into Kahlan's room. Kahlan lets go of Cara and pushes her lightly by the shoulder, towards the bed.
Cara does not protest.
This is where she wants to be.
Where she has always wanted to be.
She just crawls into the large bed, and sleeps.
xxx