The Abiogenesis Spell (Part 5)
Summary: Cara manages to gain some ground. More fluff, guys. One more to go.
xxx
CHAPTER V
Kahlan lets Cara sleep undisturbed for most of the night.
She sits on one of the chairs by the fireplace, turning it around so that she faces the bed. In sleep, Cara looks younger, more relaxed, free from the intensity that seems to permeate her every word and move when she is awake.
Kahlan thinks about what just happened in the other room. About Cara in the bath, rising from the basin, water sliding down her body. It had made her heart lurch in her chest and start beating faster than she can ever recall. Faster than in battle.
She has always considered the Mord'Sith extremely beautiful, but she never allowed herself to truly appreciate it. Not in the way that she is doing now, when she allows herself to enjoy the memory of Cara's naked skin, sending chills up and down her spine. Possibly, at first, it was because of some misplaced jealousy. But, certainly, later, she had refrained from consciously noticing because the coveting, the pining for what she could never had would have been entirely too painful.
Cara mumbles something in her sleep and turns around in the bed.
It makes Kahlan smile.
It is perhaps silly, but in a way, she feels like she is keeping guard over something precious. There was a certain fragility in how Cara let herself be led by the hand just a candle mark ago; in how she allowed Kahlan to push her towards the bed. In how she let Kahlan touch her, kiss her, earlier that day, that week.
Cara's whole behaviour since Zedd and herself arrived to the People's Palace has thrown her off slightly. She is not sure what she had expected, but she realises that, for all she knows about Cara, there is a lot she does not know. There are gaps she has filled over the years with her own imaginings. It has been many winters since they travelled together, and it is conceivable that the time apart has changed them both in small ways, although she is glad to notice that on a large scale, it has not changed them that much.
Cara remains the fiercest, most obstinate person Kahlan has ever met.
Kahlan thinks she should be irritated with Cara for her reckless behaviour, for her stubbornness.
For her silence.
She shakes her head.
If anyone is guilty of silence, it is Kahlan herself.
She is the one that should have talked. She knows this. The weight of conversation was, and will always be, on her shoulders. It is not Cara's way: to talk about things.
About feelings.
But even so, Cara had very eloquently said that Richard, Zedd and herself were the ones that forced this on her. And she had been right too, Kahlan acknowledges. Perhaps they did it inadvertently, but just the same: Sonia had certainly not been in Cara's plans.
Kahlan smiles when she thinks about the tiny brunette. Her daughter. Their daughter. She knows it is entirely possible that she is too thrilled to be here with Cara, to have a daughter with this beautiful, complicated woman to think rationally about any downsides just yet. But the truth of this spell speaks too loudly, too clearly of things yet unsaid between them. And Kahlan can feel it beating under her skin, like a pulse, this feeling, this knowledge of what they have created together. It has opened the doors to a life she never dared imagine.
And now, Kahlan finds it impossible to envision her existence without Cara in it.
Not when there is Sonia.
So she sits, guarding Cara's sleep, and considers the future, the past. These last few weeks, since finding out about Cara's pregnancy, and then, seeing Sonia for the first time, she has thought about many things. But mostly, about choices past. She has come to regret some of her decisions, to see some things in an entirely different light.
She wants to talk to her younger self. To prevent herself from losing all this time, from stretching both their hopes this thin.
But it is a futile exercise. There is no past, no future. Only this moment. An endless instant that she now gets to share with Cara.
It is enough.
Just before dawn, she finally slips into the large bed, careful not to disturb Cara. Being so close to the other woman invites an immediate flush of heat to travel up, and yes, mostly down her body. The vision of Cara, wet and naked, from just a few hours ago, comes back to her... although maybe, in all truthfulness, it never left her: she thinks it might be burned in her mind.
As she regards the other woman wishfully, she wishes she insisted she help Cara dry herself.
She feels like the horny teenager she never allowed herself to be.
If Cara loves her, surely, surely... but she stops herself. She grasps onto that fantasy before she can breathe life into it, before it can soar.
It is too much to even consider theoretically. She fears that if she invokes the words, if she forms them in her head even just once, they will gain power over her, enslave her with the wanting that must surely follow. This is her gift, her burden. And carrying it with her, in her, for so long, it has endowed her with the ability to rule over her desires, her thoughts, to the point of stopping them from even forming.
Even so, for a moment, she is tempted to reach out and touch Cara, but she refrains.
Perhaps later.
xxx
Cara does not even stir for a few candle marks.
When she finally wakes, she feels disoriented for a second. This is not Darken's bed, nor her cot in the barracks, so it takes her a moment to remember the where and why of this morning.
She turns around stealthily, trying not to make the bed shift.
She is sharing it with Kahlan.
Just the thought sends needles piercing through her chest. It also starts a dull ache in her nether regions. She rolls her eyes at herself. But being wet and aching around Kahlan is something that Cara can dismiss from her mind with ease. It is very much like having blonde hair: it just is.
The Confessor sleeps with her back to Cara, almost an arm's width of white linen between them.
It makes Cara frown for a second. She should not have put Kahlan in this room. The bed is much, much too large.
A knock on the door startles her out of her musings. Three maids enter swiftly, their hands busy with trays filled with food, beverages and a small table that they place between the chairs in front of the fire. They set the table without making a sound, whilst one of them stokes the fire and adds some more wood to it. Cara silently nods her approval. This time of the year, the mornings are cold in the Palace and she would hate for Kahlan to be uncomfortable. She is a guest of Lord Rahl after all.
Cara notices the young girls' shock at finding her in bed with the Mother Confessor. It is obvious from their body language, but they are well trained, their eyes do not stray towards the bed, and just as quietly as they arrived, they leave the room, closing the door behind them.
But something has changed about the room. They have brought with them the new day.
It is time to get moving.
Cara looks towards Kahlan and realises the other woman is now awake, raising herself up slightly against the pillows and trying to tame her wild locks somewhat. Not that she would admit it, but Cara loves Kahlan's hair. It is thick and lustrous and not something she should really think about. Not when there are important matters of state to consider, she has emissaries from the North coming to visit today and she will need to be sharp and patient with them. She is not concerned about her sharpness, her patience though, is a different matter altogether.
Cara does not excel at patience.
"Good morning," Kahlan yawns around the words. She has not slept for that long, but she feels rested and happy to wake up next to the Mord'Sith. It feels righter than all the previous mornings of this new life she has embarked on, but also, of the life she has left behind.
Cara nods curtly. It is a good morning. She raises from the bed and moves towards the table. Seeing the food has made her realise how hungry she is. She is pleased to note that her appetite is back. In fact, she feels ravenous and more like herself than she has felt in months. She grabs some cold meat and warm bread and starts eating.
Kahlan just looks at her for moment and then, she also raises from the bed.
"I am going to check on Sonia for a moment." Kahlan says as she moves towards the door that connects with the nursery.
Kahlan stays away only for a few minutes, but when she comes back, the room is empty: Cara is gone. But she is only wearing her shift so Kahlan knows she cannot have made it far. She checks the outer room and notices that the door from the room across is ajar. When she enters that room, she finds the blonde Mord'Sith, just as she expected. She is already wearing her leathers and is in the process of putting on her boots.
"Cara, why did you leave?" Kahlan asks softly as soon as she crosses the threshold. She would rather not play this game of cat and mouse, but she is nowhere near the point where she would declare herself tired of it. She can feel it in herself: where Cara runs, she will follow.
"I had to get dressed," Cara explains with a shrug, pointing at her meagre belongings by the bed. "This is my room."
"You have no room right now." Kahlan says with authority, and perhaps, something like mischief enters her eyes for a second. She certainly made sure of that yesterday. "You have a place in the Palace, Cara," she waits until the Mord'Sith looks at her, "with us," she motions vaguely with her hand towards the door and her own room.
They stare at each other for a long time after that.
It is a battle of wills of some kind.
Surprisingly, Cara is the first one to blink. She turns her eyes towards the floor. She looks upset at herself for this small defeat.
Kahlan just takes the opportunity to turn around, grab Cara's things in one hand and Cara's arm in the other and virtually drag Cara behind her, back to her room.
Cara is not sure when she became this woman. Someone that lets the Mother Confessor manhandle her like this. She is also not entirely certain, but she thinks she hears Kahlan mutter something about Cara "better not making her burn down any more rooms in the Palace."
And so, it is settled.
She is to stay at Kahlan's.
She has slept at far worse places.
xxx
Kahlan deposits the small bag with Cara's belongings on one of the chairs by the fire. From the brief peak she sneaked into it, it seems that it only contains a spare set of leathers and some toiletries.
She shakes her head in amazement that this is all Cara has accumulated in her years in the Palace. Then, another thought comes to her.
"Cara, did you lose your possessions in the fire?" she asks with some remorse. She is not sorry for what she did, but she hopes nothing valuable was lost in the fire.
Cara tilts her head slightly to the side as she asks, "possessions?"
"Well, yes. I mean, is this all you have?" Kahlan asks, pointing at the bag.
"Yes," Cara manages to enunciate the word in a way that conveys her confusion at the question.
Kahlan looks at her for a long moment, and then, just smiles. "Good," she says.
Just as she thought. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Beth, one of the girls that help with the care of Sonia chooses that moment to come into the room with the little girl, handing the baby to Kahlan, who hugs her to her chest and kisses her, humming softly to the baby. After a moment, Kahlan turns her eyes to find Cara watching them intently.
"Cara, since you are going to stay with us," Kahlan pauses a second, giving Cara her best Mother Confessor stare. Cara only raises one of her eyebrows slightly. "I have conditions."
"You have conditions," Cara repeats.
"I do." A slight pause. "Two, in fact."
Cara crosses her arms over her chest and cants her hips slightly forward. She purses her lips and waits to hear these... conditions.
"One," Kahlan points with her chin towards Cara's chest, where her arms are resting. "No gloves in this room."
Cara raises her eyebrows in mild surprise, but says nothing for a moment. Then, she uncrosses her arms and regards her own hands thoughtfully. After a small pause, she shrugs, rolls her eyes at Kahlan, and removes the gloves, placing them on her belt.
"Fine." Cara says. The gloves are part of her armour, but it is a small concession she can make, particularly, if it means she may get to touch the confessor's skin at some point.
Kahlan gives her a bright smile and moves slightly closer. She is almost invading Cara's personal space now, the baby cradled carefully against her shoulder and chest. Cara holds her ground although she is tempted to step back. She is not fond of standing this close to people, unless it is for good reason. Namely, for battle or sex. In both circumstances, closeness is a decided advantage.
"Two," Kahlan smiles in a way that lets Cara know she is not going to like this condition at all. "You have to kiss us hello and goodbye."
Cara's mouth opens to form a silent 'oh.' Then, she purses her lips and turns around, her back to Kahlan and Sonia. She takes a long step away from them, but then, she stops, shoulders tense, hands balling into fists. She is not sure what she planned to do when she turned around, but she is not leaving the room.
She is Mord'Sith. She is not afraid of anything.
If Kahlan is challenging her, she will not run from this.
She turns around and stares at Kahlan, eyebrows scrunched up together, lips tight.
"If that is too much for you, maybe we can do the kissing." Kahlan says and winks at her.
Winks at her.
It makes Cara frown even harder.
Kahlan is teasing. She has been enjoying her interactions with Cara immensely. It is unfair of her, she knows, but the little baby in her arms is proof beyond doubt that she is not taking any liberties. That she is not making any unwanted advances. She is certain of what she feels, of what Cara feels. And although she would not mind if Cara kissed her, she actually means just to tease gently.
But, it is a mistake: Kahlan should have known better. As it is always the case with the Mord'Sith, anyone daring to challenge her had better walk the walk, as well as talk the talk.
Cara advances on Kahlan with a determined look on her face. She kisses Sonia first: just a brush of her generous lips against the soft head of the baby. It makes Kahlan smile tenderly at Cara.
But the tenderness does not last long, because just as she moves her lips away from Sonia, Cara grabs Kahlan around the waist and pulls the darker woman against her own body, careful to angle her so that there is space and the baby is not squeezed between them.
Her grip is sure and strong, and Cara's touch burns Kahlan's skin through their clothing. Kahlan can feel where her arm is pressed against Cara's soft breast, where Cara's hand is grabbing her firmly around the waist, her thumb slightly caressing. Kahlan is only wearing her night shift and for a second, she feels almost naked, captured by Cara's hungry stare.
It makes Kahlan's whole body tremble. Her knees wobble and she is suddenly glad to be leaning against Cara's strong body.
She gasps in surprise at her body's reaction.
The gasp is her second mistake though, because suddenly, Cara's lips are on her, caressing, touching, prodding. Her tongue reaches between Kahlan's lips, kissing her firmly. If there is something Cara is proficient at, it is this. Kahlan cannot remember ever being kissed like this. With such passion, such purpose. Before she has time to think, she is moaning into the kiss, opening her lips even more to the Mord'Sith, returning Cara's kisses sloppily, eagerly, trying to get her own tongue into Cara's mouth.
It is passionate and wonderful and it nearly makes Kahlan forget herself. It last for what feels like minutes, and even so, Kahlan thinks it is entirely too short. After a while, Cara softens her kisses and finally, bites lightly on her bottom lip before she draws back.
She regards Kahlan with a satisfied smirk on her face, feeling the trembling that has taken over Kahlan's body, the panting. She is supporting quite a bit of Kahlan's weight. She raises her other arm to encircle Kahlan and the baby more securely.
"Don't let go." Kahlan asks in a breathless whisper.
She is worried she may topple over. But somehow, after the words leave her lips, she realises that they convey her heart most truthful plea.
She lets her head rest on Cara's shoulder for a moment, her nose nuzzling against Cara's neck, her soft hair, lips brushing softly against Cara's warm skin. For once, with Cara on her ridiculously impractical high-heeled boots, and Kahlan still barefoot, the Mord'Sith is slightly taller than she is. She blushes as she realises how much she really likes Cara's dominant, powerful side, the feel of her strong arms around her. She inhales deeply, trying to catch her breath, but it is difficult: Cara's scent makes its way into her brain and she laughs for a moment, filled to overflow with the joy of this moment.
She pulls back before she starts crying and Cara decides she is never kissing her again if that is the reaction she is getting.
Cara takes a small step back but does not let go until she feels Kahlan is sufficiently steady on her feet.
"Goodbye," Cara says and regards her quietly.
Kahlan just blushes. "Come back tonight," she asks.
Cara nods. Then, she turns around and leaves.
Kahlan stands in the middle of the room for a long time after the Mord'Sith leaves, touching her swollen lips and smiling like an idiot.
xxx
Later that night, Kahlan convinces Cara to lay down in the big bed in her chambers while she helps with Sonia's bath.
Kahlan knows that Cara is reluctant to involve herself with Sonia's care so she does not insist that Cara joins her. In this, she is willing to give Cara as much time and space as she needs. After all, they are in this for life. There is no rush and she has already noticed the power Sonia has over herself. She is in no doubt that Sonia holds a similar power over the Mord'Sith. It is but a question of time that Cara goes to Sonia.
If she needs proof of it, she only has to remember what happened a candle mark ago: when she came back from her duties that evening, Cara had abided by Kahlan's conditions. She was not wearing her gloves and she kissed them both hello.
To Kahlan's slight chagrin, they both got twin, chaste, kisses on the cheek.
Kahlan would have wanted more for herself, of course, but she refrains from saying anything. She can tell from the look on Cara's eye that the Mord'Sith is perfectly aware of it. Their exchange that morning has shifted their dynamic into more equal footing, she is glad to notice.
Kahlan does not think she should do anything that will make Cara even more aware of the power she has over her. It is yet another thing she is willing to let Cara discover for herself.
When she comes back to the room after putting Sonia to sleep for a few hours, she gets into bed with Cara, but this time, she does not stay on the other side of the bed. In fact, she gets into bed from Cara's side, pushing at the Mord'Sith until she makes enough room for her. Cara sighs and makes some huffing noises to show Kahlan her displeasure at what she is doing, but lets her get away with it just the same.
When she finally settles, Kahlan puts her arm around the blonde woman, kissing her soft cheek and pressing herself fully against Cara's side. Their legs sliding and tangling together under the covers.
Cara is warm and soft and rounded in all the right places.
They fit together.
She feels Cara tensing up at the full body hug she is giving her. "Kahlan," it comes out in a raspy voice.
"Shhh. Let's just sleep."
xxx