I was feeling a bit cold today, so this is what came out. Not quite what I had in mind, but I ended up saving the initial idea for another story about how the boys perceive each other through the five senses.
Enjoy it!
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For some reason, they always waited until the fire is reduced to embers, leaving their room in dimness.
It had begun a few years ago, during winter. It had been on that moment of the night when the room already has reached the perfect temperature but the flames are fading and you know you'll be cold in the morning if you're awaken enough to ponder about such things.
Fili had been lying on his side, only half asleep, when he felt a new weight on the bed. He chuckled softly, but shifting to give more space. That familiar earthy scent invading his senses.
"It has been a while since you've wanted to share a bed, little brother."
Kili had snorted behind him. "I'm not little anymore, but I'm cold all the same." Then the younger's arm had made its way around his waist.
No, he wasn't little anymore, Fili had been all too aware of that for the past year. He gave no comment, however, simply changing his position so they could be more comfortable on the narrow space. He had been now lying on his back, Kili using his shoulder as pillow in the same manner he used to when they were younger, when the question was thrown to the growing dimness of the room.
"Would you mind if we lie down like this every night?"
"No." Quite the contrary, I'd much enjoy it had been left unsaid, but perhaps not even Fili had been aware of that back then.
No one in their house had been made informed of their arrangement, as if they both knew already that this sharing of the bed was not quite two brothers simply in need of warmth in the winter. Especially when spring had come and they were still holding each other in sleep. Sometimes it was Fili's bed and sometimes it was Kili's, it made no difference.
So, it had been the night after they had killed their first warg and Kili had been this close to losing his arm, had not Fili jumped in front of him. They had not waited for the fire to burn down; they had undressed for the night and fallen onto the bed at the same time, holding each other's hand for dear life. Nonetheless, it had been only when embers were alight in the place of crackling flames that Fili allowed himself to breathe relieved, pulling his brother closer to his chest.
"You scared me there."
"I'm sorry… Thank you for saving my life."
There had been no more words exchanged that night, but at some point they had changed positions until they were facing each other, looking into each other's wide eyes under the weak light. Their first kiss had been very subtle, nothing more than a brushing of unsure rough lips. But then, Fili pulled his brother with more certainty to him. He nuzzled Kili's face, breathed his scent, and their lips met again, danced together in the dark.
The shivers that had run their bodies were not of cold – they were never cold anymore, ever since they had returned to sharing a bed – yet they moved closer, hands roaming and gripping, making sure the other was really there. At some point Kili had tentatively licked the older's lips, feeling it was the right thing to do even though he had no experience with that. Fili hadn't either, but when he parted his mouth to allow their tongues to join the dance, he knew they were on the right track. He tangled his fingers in dark hair and pulled his brother even closer, feeling a strange need to join their bodies, secretly vowing to never let go again.
The fading embers in their room had seen this scene and the developing of it. Only kisses had been exchanged on that specific night, having already been said that they had no experience on that matter. But with each night a new move was added to their dance, until the night Fili pressed his brother onto the mattress and they understood the real meaning of need. The next night it was Kili who did all the pressing as the hearth in their room kept silent witness.
On the many nights that followed they nearly hammered each other down onto the bed, sometimes furiously like the forger that wants to merge gold and mithril and sometimes delicately like the craftsmen that wants to engrave words of love in his work. Love. That was something that they only whispered under the ember's non-judging gaze, even though they were brave enough to trade kisses and bold touches out in the open when they were hurting with want and need.
When they joined their uncle's company to reclaim Erebor there were no beds to be shared. Not to mention too many pairs of eyes that could catch them in acts that did not befit brothers, let alone brothers that were next in line for the throne they were going to get back.
That did not stop them, however. They settled their bedrolls and blankets so close to each other's that it might be one single makeshift bed. The years of having a room that was right beside their mother's have taught them to be quiet, so they continue to share kisses and touches after the flames have turned to embers.
More than once during their journey there is not even a fire to become ember, they feel slightly uncomfortable then. But these nights happen to be the same nights when things had been really dangerous and both of them had had more than one close call, so they share their warmth anyway and the darkness becomes their new friend.
"We have the embers even when we light no fire." Kili tells him the night after the eagles rescue them. They have no campfire that night, after the burning forest they had faced.
"Oh?" Fili simply looks at him, gracing him with an amused smile at whatever conclusion his brother is about to say.
"In here."
Kili touches his chest, right where the heart is. It makes some sense, Fili agrees, but he feels that his brother reasoning is somewhat incomplete.
"But embers never last more than one night if one doesn't feed them. These embers only last because of this. Right here." Then he touches the place above his brother's heart. The kiss that ensues is one of the most remarkable they share, exactly what Fili was talking about.
A long time after that, when their time comes because it must come sooner or later for everyone, it happens exactly like that. As he sees the light fading from Kili's eyes, Fili's embers turn to cinder, having lost what kept them going.
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I've read the book long ago, and their death has been haunting me ever since I saw the movie. I wish Tolkien had rewritten that!
Thank you for reading, anyway! XD