Chapter 5

She gave him a small smile as she looked into both of his eyes with a soft, calm expression. She took a deep breath and looked down at his chest, breaking the gradually building charge that was forming between them. Horatio still had his hand on the back of her neck and her waist as she held her hands in the same position.

"Sweetheart–" he began to say and she quickly looked up at him, he wasn't sure what he was going to say, but he got her attention. They both felt the charge building once more. She looked in to both of his eyes. She moved her hand from his arm to the back of his neck and then up to his head as his heart began to beat wildly. She moved in closer to him as his grip on her waist tightened slightly and his hand slid from the back of her neck to the side. She kissed him delicately and then opened her eyes to look into his and he did the same, he then closed his and kissed her back. She closed her eyes as she felt the passion take over. She pulled his body in closer to hers and they fit perfectly together as they parted their lips and began to passionately kiss, deeper. She slid her other hand around from his back and up to his chest as she felt his strong muscles beneath her small hand. She felt the soft fabric under her hand as his hand began to wander up and round to her shoulder blade, feeling the soft fabric from her shirt under his hand. His heart raced wildly as he lost himself in her, surrendering to her. 'He smells so good, he has to be the sexiest smelling man in Miami. I wonder what cologne and shower gel he uses?' She thought to herself.

Her heart rate had increased dramatically as she passionately kissed him and her emotions stirred inside as more memories began to awaken. She immediately pulled back from him and looked at his calm, happy expression.

"Who are you to me Horatio?" She questioned, looking up at him, confused. He didn't hear her, he was still thinking about the kiss and replaying it in his mind. She quickly pulled back, pushing him away gently as she began to remember their first kiss. She pulled her hands away from him as she ran them through her hair.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry" he said thinking he'd done something wrong as he was pulled from his dream-world. He removed his hands from her and looked down feeling exceptionally guilty, feeling like he pushed her to kiss him. He wanted it so much and he finally got it, but the feeling of guilt wouldn't go away.

"It wasn't you" she said in a slight daze looking up at him.

"Horatio, we… we were together, weren't we?" She asked him, looking up at him slightly breathless.

He looked at her and didn't say anything, but his eyes answered for him.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She asked firmly, taking another step back. He saw her eyes hardening and narrowing in on him and he shuffled on his feet nervously, knowing he was in the wrong.

"Because, because… when you woke up, you had no idea and you were so unwell and vulnerable that something like that could have caused more stress and hindered your recovery, I didn't want to upset you. The longer I left it and you recovered, the harder it got to tell you." Horatio said truthfully. "I didn't want to hurt you in anyway at all or stop your recovery." Horatio said with a head full of guilt. Zoë dropped her head and shook it, trying to understand his reasons.

"We had our first kiss at mine" she said looking up at him for confirmation, he gave her a nod, looking at her tenderly. Her eyes softened once they connected with his.

"So… that's why you look at me like that?" She asked, finally seeing the loving and very caring facial expression on his face. He gave her a shy nod.

"I couldn't put my finger on your expression." She said, having seen him look at her like that 100 times before, but never understanding the expression.

She looked over to the living room and remembered him placing a necklace around her neck.

"You gave me a necklace?" She asked looking in the living room and he nodded.

"How long were we together?" She asked him.

He looked at her softly "just under 3 months" he said to her as she exhaled, knowing that it must have hurt him to go from being in a relationship with her to having to pretend there was nothing the matter or that they were just friends.

"Horatio, how… how–" She stopped herself and took a deep breath.

"How far did we go?" She asked, knowing that if it was serious they would have gone all the way.

She looked at him and saw him swallow; she didn't know what he was going to say.

"We… we had–" He was trying to think about the best way to put it.

"We had relations in the bedroom, we went all the way, Zoë." He said lightly. She took a deep breath and nodded at him as she had a flash back of straddling him on the sofa when she took her cast off.

She then had a flashback of when he made her dinner and hugged her from behind while he kissed at her neck. She then saw them kissing on her sofa again, she then felt his hand run up her leg the first time they did something more than kiss. 'I love you' resonated throughout her head many times and she then saw him lying in bed with her.

"Can I?" She asked as she pointed towards the stairs and he nodded at her silently, afraid of what this could do to her.

She walked over to the stairs and up them. Horatio followed, not too closely though.

He wanted to give her some space. She opened his bedroom door and looked in and a whole load of images and memories flooded her mind.

"The duvet cover" she whispered. She saw them in bed together, she saw the love they had, the pleasure they gave each other. She stepped back as Horatio stood at the top of the stairs, looking at her affectionately.

'I love you' resonated throughout her mind again.

He was afraid that it might push her away from him altogether.

"Horatio, I'm really sorry but I have to go." She said as she walked away from his door and quickly made her way past him and down the stairs with her hand in her hair.

He quickly went after her, not sure what to do, whether to comfort her or give her space.

"Sweetheart–" he said as she picked her jacket up.

"I'm so sorry Horatio, I need some time, I can't think." She said as tears began to form in her eyes.

"Thank you for the tea" she said before making her way to the door.

Horatio let her leave without making a fuss as he stood in the middle of the hall looking at the door.

'What just happened?' He questioned himself. He didn't know what to do, he hurt and he hurt a lot. He wanted to know what she was thinking, how she felt about it and how she felt about him. The last thing he wanted was for this to drive a wedge through the middle of them or hurt her.

She quickly let herself in and ran her hands through her hair, thinking about it all. She had a shower and got straight into bed, flicking the TV on in the process, still unable to get her mind off the memories. She hated the fact that Horatio had to go along with the whole thing, she saw the look in his eyes and she didn't understand why she didn't pick up on the love and affection previously, or the fact that he knew where exactly her underwear draw was and the rest of her clothes. 'I'm an idiot! Why didn't I pick up on this sooner? It was so easy to talk to him, I never find it that easy to talk to someone about the things we talked about! Urgh! You moron Zoë! It was staring you right in the face! You hurt his feelings! He had to stand back because you were too blind to see what he was to you, to see his undying affection.' She thought as she shook her head.

She felt guilty about hurting him and just walking out like that, but she didn't know what else to do.

She didn't know what to do, she didn't know if she wanted to completely forget everything and be friends or go back to how they left off. She didn't want to hurt him, but she had already hurt him so much without even realising it. She could remember every memory they ever shared together, even though they were good, happy memories she was still upset by it all. She fell asleep with tears still rolling down her cheeks, completely distraught about the whole situation.

Horatio couldn't sleep, he knew he wouldn't sleep so he went out at 3am for a walk to try and clear his head. He walked up the beach and past Zoë's house when he saw her flood lights on. 'What are they doing on?' Horatio thought to himself as he walked over to her gate and then opened it. He saw Zoë lying in the middle of the patio, flat on her back.

"Zoë?!" Horatio called loudly and ran over to her, pushing the gate shut.

"Zoë sweetheart?" Horatio called as he knelt down and took her pulse. 'It's steady, she's okay, she's probably just blacked out? No, she looks like she's sleeping. I don't know… what do I do?' Horatio thought to himself, looking down at her.

"Zoë? I need you to wake up." Horatio said as he placed his left hand on her head and right on her stomach. "Zoë?" He called louder and looked for a response. He moved his hand to her leg to feel her temperature and then looked back up at her face. He quickly lifted her up, he couldn't leave her out there any longer. He walked over to the back door and put the code in awkwardly as well as placing his thumb on the print scanner. He finally got in after struggling to keep her in his arms. He kicked the door shut and then rushed upstairs. He placed her on the bed and sat on the edge. Taking her pulse again and then rubbed her arms as they felt a little cold. He gently rubbed her arms, moving to her stomach and legs in an effort to warm her. A few minutes passed and she felt warmer but still wasn't waking up. 'What is this?' Horatio questioned himself. She moaned a little and stirred as she moved in the bed which had Horatio's heart racing.

'This is all my fault, if I had told her from the beginning she wouldn't have gotten stressed and this wouldn't have happened.' He pulled the duvet up over her and then ran a hand through her hair, deeming it safe to leave her. He knew if she woke and he was sitting there she wouldn't be happy. 'It's definitely not a blackout, she's sleeping. Perhaps she just sleep-walked down there?' Horatio questioned. 'But surely she would have woken if she had just sleep-walked?' He asked himself. He then got up and left. He didn't want to walk along the beach anymore, he wanted to go back home and got into bed, attempting to sleep, still worrying about Zoë.

Horatio didn't sleep a wink that night and was up early Saturday morning, drinking a cup of coffee while he sat on the sofa, thinking about everything himself. He wasn't sure what was going to happen. He desperately wanted to call her or go round but didn't know whether it was the right thing to do. He just hoped that she'd call him or come round; he knew she needed time and that it was a big deal for her, and for him. He couldn't imagine life if this drove her away from him. It was driving him insane, he needed to know that she was okay, he needed to know that this wasn't going to push her away and he needed to let her know that he'll always be there for her whether she still loved him or not. He wanted to call her so much, and pulled his phone out ready to press the dial button. 'Does she still love me? Does she even like me now? I should have told her, she's going to hate me for lying to her.' Horatio thought.

He then put his phone away and got up, putting his cup in the sink. 'She'll call when she's ready.' He thought. 'She is okay, isn't she?' He thought to himself.

It was still quite dark outside, but he decided that he needed to finish his walk to clear his head. He went out the back and walked up the beach, taking in the views and the people out jogging.

He thought that he should be out jogging himself, but he wasn't in the mood for exercise. He reached one of the lifeguard towers and saw a young woman leaning against the base of it, looking out to sea. She looked a lot like Zoë, but Horatio couldn't tell from the distance and the dim light. She hadn't seen him and he was trying to decide if he should carry on or turn back. He decided he'd turn back as she'd call him when she felt like it, or so he hoped.

He placed his hand on his hip as he ran his other hand through his hair and then began to walk back home.

He looked down at the sand as his feet moved the grains.

The sun had begun to peep over the horizon, but not even that could calm him that morning.

His eyes wandered over to another woman, sitting down by the sea, cross legged and looking out at the horizon, watching the sun come up as she picked up handfuls of sand and let it run through her fingers. He watched her play with the sand in her small delicate hands and realised that this woman was actually Zoë. He had no clue what to do. He watched her cardigan blow softly in the breeze along with her hair and continued to walk, looking forwards, but looking at her through the corner of his eye. She saw a man passing behind her and looked round as her eyes connected with Horatio's.

She took a deep breath and gave him a quick, small smile. She didn't know what else to do, she didn't want him to come over as she still wasn't sure of what she wanted to do. She looked back round to the water as Horatio looked up at her and stopped in his tracks trying to decide what she wanted, whether she wanted him there or not. 'At least she's okay.' He thought to himself, happy to see her up.

He couldn't help himself, before he knew it he found himself walking over to her. He stood to the side of her and looked down.

"Do you want some company, or some space?" He asked delicately.

"I'm sorry Horatio, but I need some time and space, please." She said looking up at him softly, trying her hardest to keep her emotions tied up.

"Of course, I'm here if you need me." Horatio said giving her a very caring look. She gave him and nod and then looked back out to sea, swallowing and then wiped a tear away. He quickly walked away, with a lump in his throat also.

He hurt so much, but understood and knew she needed time and space if anything was going to work out at all.

She calmed herself down and realised that she was almost punishing him for something that was out of his control. But she didn't know what else to do about it, to suddenly realise that she was in a serious relationship with Horatio was a shock and a serious relationship to her was a big deal. She then thought about forgetting it all and for him to go through the pain of everything that has happened to him was killing her.

She sat on the beach, watching the sun come up, thinking about everything. She sat there for another 2 hours until the beach became noisy and she could no longer sit in peace. She walked back to her house and sat down on the sofa.

Horatio went to the supermarket to pick up a few things when he saw a woman, looking like Zoë from behind, he watched a man come up behind her and wrap his arms around her as he kissed her cheek with a smile and realised that it wasn't her when she turned around with a smile.

He thought he saw her a few more times before heading home. He needed to clear his head and had a mid-day shower before attempting to take his mind off everything with a few case notes that needed looking over again.

Zoë relaxed in her back garden, wanting everything to be okay and wanting to forget about the whole situation but there was no chance of that.

'How could my whole world be turned upside down by something so simple? How can I be responsible for turning Horatio's world upside down? How could the day get any worse? How could the day get any better?' She thought to herself. 'Well, I guess it's gotten better because I'm not a raging hormonal bitch now that my period has stopped.' She thought to herself

She sat down on the sofa and lounged in the most un-lady like way, but it was comfortable.

She got a call from one of her friends back in New York, they could tell something was up but she refused to talk about it. Her friend changed the subject knowing what Zoë was like and began to share the latest gossip from New York which had Zoë hooked and happy almost instantly. They were on the phone for over an hour, having a good catch up like they did quite often. Once they finally hung up after an hour and 40 minutes, Zoë was in a better mood. She got up off the sofa and went upstairs to tidy up a little and then cleaned all 4 bathrooms while music played. 'Why do I have so many bathrooms? I swear I ask myself this every time I clean them…' Zoë thought to herself.

She put some dinner on and ate before clearing it all away and deciding that it would be best to call Horatio, after thinking long and hard about the situation.

She pulled her phone out and scrolled down to Horatio's name and hovered her finger over the call button. She threw her phone down on the sofa as she got up and paced a little, thinking it all through again. She cooled herself down and picked up the phone again and just pressed the dial button before she had a chance to back out of it.

"Horatio?" She asked as he answered his phone almost immediately, she knew he'd been waiting for her call.

"Zoë? Is… is everything okay?" He asked softly as his heart beat uncontrollably.

"Horatio could we–" She begun but stopped to take a deep breath. "Could we please talk?" She asked shaking her head as her hand trembled with the phone against her ear.

"Of course, do you want me to come round?" Horatio asked lightly.

"Ye-yes please" she said trying to think about everything again.

"Okay sweetheart, I'll be right over." Horatio said softly.

"See you soon" she said taking another deep breath.

"See you soon" he replied and the both of them hung up.

He couldn't judge from her voice what she was going to talk to him about; she didn't even know herself for a moment.

Horatio quickly walked round to her house and knocked on her door as his heart beat rashly. 'She hates me, I know she does. I shouldn't have lied to her! It's the one thing I know she hates.' Horatio thought to himself as he waited for her to answer.