Disclaimer: Iyay ownyay othingnyay. otgyay atthyay? That's translated to: I own nothing. Got that?
A/N: The disclaimer is pig latin, by the way. Revised: 8/1/06
Song Lyrics: "She Drives Me Crazy" by the Fine Young Cannibals
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Chapter Three
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"Remus! Get your mouth off of Evans'!" James shouted, pointing his wand at Remus.
Remus shot back from Lily like she was fire and fell off the couch again.
Lily got off the couch and knelt down next to Remus,"Remus?" She asked in concern.
Remus scrambled up, wide eyed,"Oh. My. God."
Lily smiled at him before standing up. She was about to walk to Remus when Emma and Alice grabbed her arms,"Lily? Are you alright?" Alice asked putting a hand to her forehead.
"What in the bloody name of Merlin was that about, Lily?" Emma exclaimed.
Lily ignored them and sighed again at Remus,"Do you want to go for a walk, Remus?"
"Er, no thanks Lily-"
" i What /i ?" James exclaimed,"All I got was a slap in the face when we kissed! He gets a kiss without the slap and a walk?"
Lily either ignored him or was too entranced by Remus to hear him. Meanwhile, Sirius was kneeling over Peter, who had fainted from shock,"Oh, come on, Peter. It wasn't that shocking!" Peter didn't move,"Oh, Peter! Is it my imagination or do I see lollipops doing the tango?"
Peter shot up and looked around frantically,"Lollipops. . .tangoing. . .want. . .lollipops. . .what? Where are they?"
Sirius chuckled and stood up,"Always works." He muttered to himself. He walked to James' side,"Hey, at least she hasn't confessed her undying love for him yet." He said with a strained chuckle.
James glared at him beforing turning back to Remus and Lily. Apparently, this wasn't the time to joke with James.
"I love you, Remus! I confess my undying love for you!" Lily yelled, trying to grab Remus once again. Alice and Emma were having trouble holding her back.
James glared at Sirius. Sirius shrugged,"Uh, well I did say yet."
"Sirius, James come help us!" Emma yelled trying to hold Lily back.
"Oh, that's all right. You girls are doing a splendid job." Sirius said as he and James began backing away from the girls. They didn't want to get kicked by a crazy red-head.
Emma and Alice sighed in frustration,"Remus, run for it! We're not going to be able to hold her off by ourselves and apparently James and Sirius are just a bunch of pansies. . .Peter doesn't look like he'll help much either." Alice said looking at Peter, who was standing around mumbling about lollipops or something.
Remus nodded vigerously, gave one last look at crazy Lily, before running up the boys staircase to their dorm. Promptly locking the door and pushing James' bed in front of the door, barricading him in.
He slide down the wall to the floor, panting,"It's only the second day back and I've already been attacked by a bunch of grindylows and by Lily. I don't think I'll make it this year." He said faintly to himself.
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Meanwhile, back in the common room, Lily was yelling for Remus. "Where is he? Remus? Remus! I'm coming! Don't worry, I just have to get these lunatics off me!" She called, meaning Emma and Alice.
Emma scoffed,"She calls us lunatics. We're not the ones kissing and confessing our undying love out of the blue."
Sirius laughed and back up even further right into Peter,"Oh, hello, Peter." He said cheerfully.
Peter looked at him,"Where's the lollipops? You said there were tangoing lollipops. I don't see any tangoing lollipops, Sirius!"
Sirius looked at him strangely,"Er, I think I saw them tango their way up the stairs to our dorm."
Peter gave a squeal of joy before running up the stairs.
"James, Sirius! Get over here right now!" Alice yelled, after being hit in the nose by Lily.
James eyed Lily warily before grabbing Sirius' sleeve and dragging him up to the girls.
"What? James don't make me go! Why can't we just bring Remus down and let her have at him?" Sirius whined.
James gave him a death glare. Sirius chuckled,"Or not. We wouldn't want that to happen," James continued to glare at him. Sirius gulp,"Let's get over to the girl, eh?"
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Remus was hyperventilating upstairs on the floor. What was that about? Why was Lily acting so strange? Oh no, what about James? He was so going to hex him!
He was broke from his thoughts as pounding was heard from the door. Remus groaned and pulled out his wand,"Er, who is it?"
"It's Peter! Let me in! I know the lollipops are in there, Remus! They're probably doing a wonderful tango act. Let me in!"
Remus look at the door strangely,"What are you talking about, Peter? Lollipops? Tango? Did Lily put you up to this?"
"No, Crazy Lady down stairs didnt put me up to anything! I want the lollipops, Remus! You have to share!" Peter yelled, pounding harder on the door.
"I- I don't know what your talking about Peter!" Remus scrambled off the floor and began to push his bed towards the door, barricading himself even more.
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"Evans, calm down!" Sirius shouted grabbing one of her feet, while James grabbed the other, both trying to stop her from kicking. Emma and Alice were holding her arms.
"No, I have to get to Remus!" Lily shouted.
"You little twit, calm down!" Sirius yelled back frustrated.
"Don't call her a twit!" James shouted to Sirius,"This isn't her fault! She hasn't down anything wrong- Ow!" James cried out painfully as Lily kicked him in the face,"Evans, you little. . .I think you broke my nose!" James said trying to hold onto Lily's foot while craddling his nose.
Sirius scoffed,"Yeah, she didn't do anything."
James glared and gave a hard tug on Lily's foot, bringing her down on top of himself and Sirius.
"Tackle her!" Emma shouted, jumping down to the floor.
Alice followed her, helping the other three hold a struggling Lily down.
"Remus! Help me!" Lily yelled.
"Will you shut up about Remus? What does he have that I don't?" James asked. Sirius snickered but stopped soon after because Lily scratched him on the cheek. "Argh! Woman!"
Alice rolled her eyes, practically sitting on Lily's right arm,"Isn't it obvious? She swallowed some of Remus' overturned potion earlier."
James sighed with relieve,"That''s good, for a while there, I actually thought she liked him. . .how do we get her to Professor Slughorn or the hospital wing without her killing one of us or performing suicide for Remus, then?"
Alice and Emma shared a look,"Remus, eh?"
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"Peter, what are you doing?" Alice asked as she watched him bang on the boys dorm door.
Peter stopped for a moment, panting hard,"Lollipop. . .dancing. . .lollipops. . .tango. . .in there. . .dorm. . .variety of. . .flavors. . .so many flavors. . .lollipops. . ." Peter continued muttering about lollipops.
"Uh, right." Alice said walking up to the door as well and knocking politely,"Remus? It's Alice."
There was silence for a moment before Remus spoke,"Alice? What do you want?"
"We need your help. We think Lily swallowed some of your love potion. Thats why she acting a little strange and-"
"A little?"
"No need to comment, Remus." Alice said bitterly,"Anyways, we need to get her to Professor Slughorn."
"So?"
"So, there's lollipops doing the tango and I want them." Peter said cutting off Alice from talking. Alice smacked his arm and continued.
"So, we need you to walk her there. Don't worry, we'll hold her back. As long as she sees you, she'll follow."
"Alice, Lily is one of my best friends, really she is, but I really don't fancy having my face snogged off or having her claim to want to marry me or whatever. I think I'll stay in the comfort and safety of the dorm."
Alice sighed,"She'll only get worse. We can hardly hold her down right now. I think she broke James' nose and bit Emma's toe. Please?"
"Yes, please, Remus. Remember the lollipops. We must remember them, Remus." Peter pleaded. A quiet, "Shut up!" was hissed by Alice.
". . .No, that's alright. I think I'll just stay here."
"Fine, have it your way." Alice said.
Silence.
Remus sighed with relief and sat down on a bed. He was just about ready to crack open a book to study, when the door burst open and off its hinges.
Alice walked in, wand at her side, along with a jumpy Peter,"Hello, Remus."
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Lily growled,"What does Alice think she's doing up there with my Remus?"
Emma answered back lightly,"I have no idea, probably just snogging senselessly."
Lily tensed for a moment before struggling even harder,"I'll save you, Remus! I won't let that ----- touch you!"
Emma gaped at Lily,"Lily!"
Sirius and James grinned at her,"We didn't know you had such a colorful language, Evans."
"You don't know a lot about me, Black!" Lily replied, trying to bit at his fingers.
"Oy! James your girlfriend's not only insane, but also violent!" Sirius said, pulling his fingers back.
James and Lily spoke at the same time,"I'm not his girlfriend! Besides what would Remus say?" Lily shouted.
"Rub it in, why don't you." James muttered bitterly.
Lily all of a sudden stopped struggling and looked at James.
"Lily?" Emma asked concerned.
Lily smiled at James and sighed dreamily,"Hi."
James looked confused for a moment then smirked flirtatously,"Hey, Lily."
"What? How? When? Hold on, I thought she was in love with Remus, not James." Emma said in confusion.
Sirius chuckled knowingly,"I think Evans has something up her sleeve."
Lily leaned closer to James, still smiling at him,"Your hairs really messy."
James messed up his hair quickly,"I know. Like it?"
Lily touched his hair lightly and sighed,"Yeah."
James looked shocked from her touching his hair,"I'm never washing my hair again."
Sirius put on a pained express,"Are you thinking of joining Snivellus' never wash your hair club? Please don't. I have to live with you for another three years."
James apparently wasn't aware of Sirius. Actually, he didn't seem to be aware of anything but Lily right now.
Sirius eyed Lily suspiously as she leaned even closer to James,"James, watch out. Evans isn't stupid."
Lily's smile widened for a moment before jumping up and sprinting up the boys stairs,"Remus has nicer hair, though!" She shouted to James.
James cursed and kicked the coffee tables leg. It broke off, making the coffee table fall down.
"Way to go, James. What did the coffee table ever do to you?" Sirius said amused.
"It's not my fault the table was poorly made!" James exclaimed then ran up the boys staircase.
Emma ran with him. Sirius stared at the broken table,"Sorry old table. Don't mind James. The redhead makes him go a little crazy." He said solemnly before magically repairing it and running after a lunatic Lily, a jealous James, and a dazed and somewhat confused Emma.
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"Come on Remus we just-" Alice started but stopped as she was pushed by Peter who ran past her looking frantically around the room.
"Where are they?" He exclaimed then stopped, momentarily glaring at Remus,"You. You took them, didn't you? You wanted them all to yourself. Didn't you? Didn't you? Admit it!"
Remus held up his hands in bewilderment,"Hey, I didn't eat any lollipops."
Peter opened his mouth but stopped as the Lily ran into the room,"Remus!" She cried, then looked at Alice in disgust,"You! Get away from Remus!"
Alice's eyes widened,"What?"
"I know you just want Remus for yourself!" Lily shouted.
"What? No I don't." She said backing away as Lily advanced towards her.
"Er. . ." Remus said not knowing what to do.
"Lily!" Emma yelled as she walked in.
"Emma?" Lily asked looking at Emma.
"Remus!" Peter said advancing on Remus. Remus pulled out his wand.
"Peter?" Sirius asked as he and James entered the dorm.
"Sirius!" Peter said, beckoning him over to help him get Remus for stealing his lollipops.
"James!" Alice warned as she watched him pull out his wand and point it at Remus.
"Alice." James said in a voice that plainly said, Don't-Bother-Me.
Silence.
Everyone looked back and forth at each other.
"Remus, I love-" Lily started to say, but Alice covered her mouth.
Lily was going to reply, but Peter spoke instead,"Frog! How could you?"
Everyone turned to Peter. He was walking to his bed where his pet toad, Frog, was sitting. Right on top of a bag of lollipops.
"I trusted you! You betrayed me!" Peter wailed, rushing to the bag of lollipops, grabbing them, making Frog fall off the bag.
"Ribbit." Frog said.
"Oh, I'll "ribbit" you!" Peter said angerily.
"Ribbit, ribbit." Frog said.
"How dare you say that!" Peter yelled.
"Is he talking to Frog? Is he even aware that Frog is a toad?" Emma asked.
"Ribbit. . .ribbit."
"I thought we were friends, Frog! I thought we had a good thing going! I guess I was wrong." Peter sobbed, picking up Frog and walking him to the open window.
"Peter, what are you doing?" James asked.
Peter sniffed,"This is the best way." He said holding Frog an arms link out the window.
Remus scoffed,"You're not going to commit murder on your toad, are you, Peter?"
"I have to! He just said we couldn't be friends anymore and that I was the size of a walrus! Do you know how it feels when a toad says "Ribbit. . .ribbit" to you? Do you, Remus?" Peter asked.
"Er, no. I don't think I do. . ." Remus trailed off.
"I do! I know exactly how it feels- ew! He peed on me!" Peter yelped, dropping Frog. Frog gave one last ribbit as he plummeted downwards. Peter gasped and looked over the edge,"Frog! I didn't mean too! I really didn't! It was an accident! I'm sorry! Now you're dead and splattered all over the ground." Peter sobbed,"Mum's going to kill me. She said just this summer if something happened to you I'd be in so much trouble. . .Frog!" Peter exclaimed with glee,". . .Wow. That was lucky. Thanks, Filch! . . .er, oops." Peter said.
Apparently, just when Peter dropped Frog, Filch was walking by doing patrols. Frog fell on Filch's head. Filch shouted out some curses, looking up at Peter in the window.
"Uh, sorry! . . .oh, no. He's coming!" Peter cried out. He turned to find everyone else gone.
"Where are we going hide. . .hey, where are you guys?" He asked, confused.
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"Remus, where are we going?" Lily asked as they walked down the boys staircase.
The group decided Peter could deal with his toad problem on his own, also Lily was trying to pounce on Remus.
"Er, to the. . .kitchens, Lily." Remus said nervously, pushing Lily away some as she leaned against him.
"Doing okay up there, Remus?" James asked cooly.
Remus sighed and rolled his eyes,"Fine. Just fine. . .Lily don't do that!" Remus exclaimed alarmed, pulling Lily's hand from his hand.
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"Do you like my hair, Remus?" Lily asked 5 minutes later.
The others sighed exasperated.
"Are we almost there?" Sirius moaned.
"Yes, Sirius for the eighth time in the past two minutes, we're almost there!" James said irritated.
"Oh, you're just grouchy because Lily isn't fawning over you. Do you like my hair, James?" Sirius asked.
James looked at him,"What?"
"Do you like my hair? I'm trying to make you feel better, by asking you if you like my hair. Like Lily just asked Remus." Sirius replied.
"How is that suppose to help?" James asked.
"Well, since Lily didn't ask you, I thought I'd ask you." Sirius said simply.
"What's the point?"
Sirius sighed in exasperation.
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"Well, do you?" Lily asked thirty seconds later.
"Do I what?" Remus asked.
Lily giggled,"You answered a question with a question. That's so funny. Do you like my hair?"
"Er. . .it's nice, Lily." Remus said.
"I think your hair is bloody awesome, Lily." James said after Remus.
"Oh, yes, Lily. Your hair is just lovely. Why don't you two join in on commenting on Lily's hair?" Sirius said sarcastically to Emma and Alice. They rolled their eyes and ignored him.
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"Your eyes are pretty, Remus." Lily said five minutes later.
The rest sighed, frustrated.
"Will you make her shut up?" Sirius asked.
"Why don't you shut up, Black?" Lily asked.
"Well, it's nice to know you still have that attitude of yours, Evans." Sirius said sarcastically.
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"Professor Slughorn, sir!" Remus shouted happily, practically running from Lily, who kept following him.
Professor turned to face them at his desk. They had just entered his classroom.
"Hello, Mr. Lupin. What can I do for you?" He asked curiously, looking at Lily, who was examining Remus closely.
"Lily swallowed some of my love potion earlier and now you see, sir. . ." Remus said looking at Lily.
"Why couldn't she have swallowed my potion?" James groaned.
Slughorn chuckled,"I see. Well, I will brew a antidote for you. It wouldn't take long." He said standing up and walking over to his supply.
Everyone sighed with relief, except for Lily, who sighed adoringly at Remus.
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"Here we go, Miss Evans." Professor Slughorn said handing Lily a goblet of the antidote.
"What is it?" She asked uncertainly.
"Er. . .it's my favorite drink. Try it." Remus answered quickly, pushing the goblet towards her.
Lily nodded vigoriously and gulped it all down quickly.
Everyone looked at her for a moment.
"Lily?" Emma asked uncertainly.
"Emma." Lily replied back, looking around uncertainly. She spotted Remus and turned red,"Er. . .Remus." She said clearing her throat awkwardly.
"You aren't still in love with Remus, are you?" James asked anxiously.
"No." Lily answered.
They sighed,"Great. That's wonderful."
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"Thanks, Professor Slughorn, for the antidote." Remus called as they walked out of the potions classroom.
Lily glanced embarrassed at Remus, before speeding away. Emma and Alice laughed and sped up with her.
"Well. . .this has been an. . .interesting day." Remus said as they watched the girls walk off.
James groaned,"Why couldn't she have swallowed some of my potion?"
Sirius laughed,"Even if she had, Evans probably would have been poisoned and died or sprouted boils all over. Your potion wasn't looking so great, you know."
James shoved him.
"Er. . .sorry, James. About, you know. . .the whole Lily thing." Remus said awkwardly.
"It's alright. . .I guess. . .she kisses good, doesn't she?" James asked slyly.
Remus rolled his eyes,"How do you even know she kisses good when you said she didn't kiss you back that night?"
James shrugged,"So? I'll be able to kiss her again soon and when I do, she'll kiss me back. . .She fall for the ol' Potter Charm." James added more to himself then to Sirius and Remus.
Remus just sighed and walked on.
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The three Marauders had just walked up the a flight of stairs on the fourth floor when Peter came running past them, holding Frog.
"What-"
"COME BACK HERE, BOY! You are in so much trouble! Dropping a toad on my head from ten stories up is attempted murder!" Filch yelled, also running past James, Sirius, and Remus.
"It was an accident! Believe me!" Peter pleaded.
"You just accidently dropped a toad from your window just when I was walking by? Yes, I'm sure it was an accident!"
"Precisely!" Peter yelled back.
Peter and Filch continued down a flight of stairs, leaving the other Marauders in silence.
"Should we go help him?" Remus asked.
"Nah, he can take care of himself. Besides, he's got Frog there to pee on Filch if he tries to murder him." Sirius said carelessly, continueing to the Gryffindor Common Room.
James and Remus laughed and continued as well.
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A/N: Revised: 8/1/06
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