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Chapter 3 – No More To Give
"In conclusion…"
Noah only halfway pays attention as his Director of Marketing and Mokuba's boss, Takeshi Sato, concludes his presentation to the board. All he can think about is finishing his part and getting home to Mokuba.
It's been a month since their initial conversation about Wolfram and Mokuba still hasn't said anything more about it. That in itself isn't the issue, though.
Since that first day when his boyfriend had not offered any tongue kisses while they made love, Mokuba's odd behavior has started to bleed into other areas of their life. The younger man has practically stopped kissing him altogether, only allowing light pecks to unusually stiff lips or against hastily turned cheeks. Noah has kept his comments to himself, expecting that his normally forthright boyfriend would eventually explain the odd behavior.
With that thought, he suddenly realizes that he's been deluding himself all along; Mokuba and forthright have always been mutually exclusive when it comes to emotional matters.
'That's why this whole thing has completely consumed him,' he muses. 'I'll probably have to bring this up for a resolution myself, otherwise…'
He swallows thickly at the avoided thought; he can't imagine his life without Mokuba in it.
"Mr. Kaiba," Takeshi coughs discretely beside him.
"Yes, well, thank you for that in-depth presentation, Mr. Sato," he smiles coolly, sliding easily into 'CEO mode.' The quicker he gets this done, the quicker he can get home.
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"Finally!" Mokuba practically tackles Noah as he comes in the door. "You were supposed to be home two hours ago!" he scolds.
Dragging the stunned older man to their bedroom, Mokuba proceeds to practically rip off Noah's clothes and shove him into the shower.
"You've got 15 minutes to be ready or I'm leaving you here!" Mokuba yells. "I can't believe I'm gonna be late to the party I set up! Don't think I won't tell them that it's all your fault either!"
It takes Noah a moment to figure out what Mokuba is talking about, and then it hits him…
"Yami and Seto's housewarming," he mumbles to himself. He'd completely forgotten about it.
He's ready to go in 14 minutes. He doesn't want to add anything else to their problems with everything that's going on between him and Mokuba right now.
Noah's mood at the housewarming doesn't improve as Mokuba seems to be avoiding him. Still, after he throws on his CEO smile and business man schmooze; he fools most of the attendees, and maybe even himself a little. By the second hour and the fourth strong cocktail, Noah's certain that he's having a grand old time.
"Don't mind if I do," Yuuri grins, slipping Noah's sixth drink of the night from his hand.
"Hey, slumlord!" Wolfram teases. "Have you seen what Yami's done to the studio? C'mon! Lemme show you!"
He drags his unresisting friend up the stairs, before turning concerned eyes to Noah's preoccupied and rather tipsy ones.
"Calm down, Noe," he soothes.
"Calm down?" the aqua-haired man scoffs in a loud whisper. "How can I calm down? He's barely touched me at all in weeks and now he's completely avoiding me in public! How the hell can I calm down?"
"Well you can't lose it here! Do you think it's going to improve things if you ruin the party by getting blind, stinking drunk?" Wolfram admonishes.
"Could it get any worse? He obviously hates me," the distraught CEO slurs, haphazardly sitting on the stairs.
"This is why you shouldn't be drinking," Wolfram frowns at him. "It's obviously killed some brain cells."
"Fuck you," Noah slumps against the wall, slowly realizing that his decision to drink much more than he ate may not have been a good one.
"C'mon, slumlord," Wolfram sighs. "Let's get you home."
He helps Noah stumble up to the freight elevator and takes him out the side entrance to the CEO's limo. Once inside, he calls Yuuri's cell to let him know that he's taking their friend home.
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Mokuba enters the mansion in an apprehensive mood.
"Hey, Mo! Wolf took Noe home 'cause he wasn't feeling well," Yuuri had informed him a few hours earlier.
When Yuuri told him about the blonde and Noah leaving together, his first thought wasn't that they'd left because Noah was sick. He'd seen how many drinks the CEO had consumed. He knew that it was well below Noah's normal ability to handle. So when he found out about their early departure…
Shaking his head as if to clear the jumble inside, he tries to reassure himself. After all anyone with half a brain knows that Wolfram belongs completely to Yuuri.
"And Noah belongs to me," he whispers, hoping to banish the images and thoughts to the contrary plaguing his mind.
Heading toward the bedroom, he notices a single light on in the room, which calms him somewhat. His lover always insists on leaving one of the bedside lamps on during the night; says it helps him sleep better. It took Mokuba a few weeks to adjust to it when he moved in, but now he needs the light to sleep as well.
'I wonder if Wolfram knows about that particular habit,' he muses, his mind once again providing him with images of what he could find in the next few steps.
Stepping into the doorway, Mokuba swallows a startled yelp.
Shock and rage, followed by a forced calm, sweep through the raven-haired man in a matter of moments. There, leaning against the headboard asleep, is the one person he'd assured himself that he wouldn't see; Wolfram. Beside him, Noah is half buried beneath the covers of their bed, also asleep.
Taking in the sight of Noah's bare torso and Wofram's close proximity to his boyfriend, Mokuba is tempted to throw the blonde out of their bedroom on his head. The only thing that stops him is the fact that the lightly snoring blonde is still fully clothed.
Storming over to the unwanted visitor, Mokuba roughly shakes Wolfram awake, banking his anger as the man yawns and stretches.
"What are you doing here?" Mokuba demands in a low tone, so as not to wake his lover.
Caught off guard by the raven-haired teen's manner, Wolfram blinks at him in surprise before stammering a bewildered, "What?"
"I asked what you were doing here," Mokuba quietly snarls.
Wolfram frowns at the other's demeanor, his sleep-fogged mind not fully grasping why Mokuba would be so angry with him. He opts not to get upset until he knows what's going on.
"Didn't Yuuri tell you that I brought Noe home?" he poses quietly as he stands up and stretches once more.
"That doesn't explain why you're still here or why you were sleeping in our bed," Mokuba responds coolly.
Opening his mouth to rebut Mokuba's accusatory words, Wolfram decides that it's probably best not to prolong this antagonistic encounter. Glancing at his friend sleeping peacefully, he remembers their talk from earlier that night.
"Fuck, Wolf," Noah had slurred as he chucked his clothes off hastily. "I'm gonna lose him. I know I am. I don't even know what's wrong! I'd fix it if I knew what was wrong. Fuck! If he's like this about just the tongue ring…"
His friend had trailed off and crawled under the covers.
"You're not going to lose him, Noe," Wolfram had assured. When he'd received no response after a few minutes, he'd figured that Noah had passed out. After picking up his best friend's clothes off the floor, the blonde had tossed them into the hamper near the bathroom. He'd then started to leave when the other called out to him.
"Wolf…" the quiet voice had entreated. "Can you stay 'til I fall asleep? I-I'm not used to sleeping alone."
"Sure," he'd smiled and settled on the bed, leaning on the headboard. Despite his best efforts, he'd fallen asleep a few minutes after Noah.
"Maybe I'd better go." The taller man murmurs, turning away from the sprawled CEO.
"Maybe you should," Mokuba retorts.
Trying to ignore the feelings of hurt and betrayal from someone he considers a friend, Wolfrom leaves.
Mokuba stares after the retreating blonde, his eyes fixed on the bedroom doorway many minutes later.
What is he doing? Is he trying to chase Wolfram away? Noah would never stand for that. And it's not like he'd ever ask Noah to choose between himself and Wolfram.
'Not that he'd choose Wolfram over me anyway,' he seeks to assure himself as he sheds his clothes for a well-needed shower.
As the hot water pulses all over him, he's unable to chase the images from his brain of why Noah would be half dressed and lying next to Wolfram. What were they doing before they fell asleep?
By the time he's dried off and slid his pajama-clad form under the covers, next to his completely nude lover's still slumbering form, he's even more concerned about Wolfram and Noah's relationship.
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The following afternoon finds Mokuba approaching Noah in his home office.
"I guess I've put this off long enough," he admits to his boyfriend. "So, can we talk?"
Noah nods in affirmation and moves to sit on the plush leather couch.
Mokuba takes his usual place at Noah's side, head in the CEO's lap.
"So you used Wolf for fun and to make your father mad?" Mokuba prods.
"I thought he'd have a heart attack the day he found us on the couch in my office. Served him right though. After all, a locked door usually means 'Do not enter'."
"Slumlord here did on a dare," Yuuri offers helpfully from the doorway, causing both Noah and Mokuba to jump in fright.
"Damn it, Yuuri! Can't we get a moment's privacy?" Noah yells at the grinning brunet. "And what did I tell you about just waltzing in here without knocking? Just because Aya-chan has a standing order to let you into the house doesn't mean you can wander about as you please!"
"Don't stress so much, junior," Yuuri grins. "I'd have left if you were getting busy."
"That's not the point," Noah grumbles.
"Hey, it's your fault! Not only was the door not locked, but it was sitting wide open! Who am I to pass up an invitation like that? Besides, all of your drawing things out and hesitating is just upsetting him more. We just moved the guy in so we can't allow you to chase him out," the brunet explains, hopping up onto the edge of Noah's desk.
"I'm not upset," Mokuba challenges.
Noah snaps at Yuuri for being an insensitive jerk before grumbling that he wasn't the one drawing things out.
"Yes you are," Yuuri frowns at Mokuba matter-of-factly, completely ignoring Noah's outburst. "But you won't be once you hear the whole story."
Hopping off the desk, he grabs Mokuba's and Noah's hands, pulling them into the entertainment room where a pensive Wolfram waits on the spacious couch.
"Okay, sit!" he commands to the two bewildered lovers. "And I'll explain everything."
Flopping down beside Wolfram, Noah seats Mokuba beside him, grasping his lover's hand firmly.
"A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away," Yuuri begins as he slides into his favorite recliner across from his friends.
"Not funny, Yuu," Wolfram frowns.
Yuuri offers him an apologetic smile before turning back to Noah and Mokuba.
"Wolf finally told me last week what's been going on with you two," Yuuri sighs deeply. "Mokuba, he was worried that he'd given you the wrong idea about his relationship with Noe. I was trying give you guys time to work it out, but…"
"Noah explained it to me," Mokuba interrupts.
"I'm sure he didn't," Yuuri scoffs, glancing at Noah for approval before continuing.
"What does that mean?" Mokuba glowers. Just out of Mokuba's line of sight, Noah nods to Yuuri in approval.
"Noe was a bit…wild before his dad kicked the bucket," Yuuri informs Mokuba. "Wolf was one of several arms where he sought refuge from dealing with the constant emotional, psychological and sometimes physical battering by Gozaboro Kaiba."
Mokuba turns his shocked face to Noah's emotionless one for confirmation. At the other's slight nod, he finds himself fighting back an angry string of curses. Sure, he'd known that Noah's life hadn't been a bed of roses, but he'd never imagined…
"My father was determined that I not become a sniveling weakling," Noah explains. "To that end, he trained me, tested me, pushed me to excel."
He shudders in remembrance of some of his father's more stringent methods of training. Mokuba squeezes his hand tightly and Noah smiles weakly at him, knowing that what he's about to reveal will probably hasten the decline of their relationship.
"My relationship with Wolf was always very casual; we both knew that. And honestly, the tongue ring was done on a dare. But I did like having it, and found it very pleasurable, so…" Noah trails off, a far away look on his face.
Yuuri and Wolfram's eyes widen in alarm as they suddenly realize that their friend is about to reveal much more than just the history of his tongue ring.
"Um, Noe…Maybe we should go," Yuuri suggests.
"No. I want you to stay," Noah exhales shakily. "You both already know most of it so…" he trails off again, swallowing a lump of apprehension.
Yes, Wolfram and Yuuri knew the bulk of his history, but he'd been more than a few sheets to the wind when he'd told them. Could he sit here completely sober and tell his story to the person he loves most in the world?
A tender kiss across the knuckles of his clutched right hand and an encouraging smile from Mokuba give him the strength to continue.
"My mother died just before I turned five," he begins. "And while my father had been painfully less than affectionate afterward, he didn't become the brutal bastard I remember most until much later.
"I was 10 the first time he used the collar and chain," Noah imparts in a detached monotone. "I'd failed to get 100 percent on a physics exam given by my tutor. My father put the chain and collar on me and chained me to the desk where I took my lessons. For hours he drilled me relentlessly and if I got anything wrong, he'd hit me with a riding crop; not enough to scar, but just enough to inflict pain.
"At the time, I counted that to be the worst day of my life. It didn't take long for me to realize that I'd been very, very wrong. The riding crop, collar and chain were only three of the instruments at his disposal."
"Noah…" Mokuba intones as he tries to pull Noah into his lap.
Instead of accepting the offered comfort, the despondent CEO releases Mokuba's hand and pulls further away. When his raven-haired lover reaches for him again, Noah gets up from the couch and moves to stand at the window on the right side of the room. He understands Mokuba's intention, but he's not sure that he'll be able to tell his story while in Mokuba's embrace.
"I think I almost preferred them and his other physical forms of motivation to his words," he continues in a detached tone as he stares, unseeing, out the window. "The wounds to my flesh healed fairly quickly since he never wanted to leave evidence of their existence. Those other wounds…"
He trails off, closing his eyes at the still present pain of remembered insults and character destroying comments from Gozaboro. It's been almost three years since he allowed himself to relive those traumas. And he's never done so sober. But he wants Mokuba to understand why he sought physical comfort from strangers; why he tried so hard to escape his awful reality anyway he could.
Clenching his fists and closing his eyes, Noah steels himself for what he's about to reveal; the secret he's held even from Yuuri and Wolfram.
Mokuba frowns in worry as he watches his beloved re-live whatever horrors occurred in his childhood. His and Seto's parents had been loving and generous. He couldn't conceive of a father treating his son so badly. All he'd wanted was the rest of the story about Wolfram's tongue ring and his boyfriend's involvement with the tall blonde. He never intended for Noah to suffer through such painful memories.
On the couch near Mokuba, Wolfram locks his eyes on Noah's rigid form. He's never seen Noah like this before and expects that there's more to come from his former lover and long-time friend. For his part, Yuuri finds himself attempting to quell his sense of dread as Noah unclenches his fists and glances warily in their direction. Looking to garner some comfort of his own, Yuuri moves to sit next to the blonde, grasping the other's hand tightly.
"I was almost 14 the first time I did it," the CEO confesses quietly, drawing the others from their own contemplations. "I just picked up some guy off the street and we went to a love hotel. We were together, off and on, for a few weeks until I found someone else. None of them ever really meant anything to me; they were just a way for me to escape. A way for me to feel like I was worth more than a higher score on a test or better understanding of business rules and regulations.
"By the time I was 15, I'd figured a way to rent an apartment under an assumed name and I'd take the men there. My father had no idea what I was doing since I kept improving in my studies and never gave him a reason to doubt me when I'd say that I was going for extra tutoring. Most of my tutors were just as brutal as my father, if not more so, though I know they only acted on my father's orders. He'd only ever be the one to use the collar, chain and riding crop on me, but there were other things…" he trails off with a shudder.
Part of Mokuba is glad that Noah trusts him with such knowledge, but mostly he's sickened by what Noah continues to reveal about the treatment he received at the hands of his own father and his father's agents.
And he'd known that Noah was more experienced, but…wow! Could he handle knowing that Noah probably had even more lovers than he'd imagined? That he'd basically resorted to prostituting himself just to get some form of positive human contact? And to have started doing that at 13…Mokuba looks away from his lover, shaking his head in disbelief. At 13 he'd still been following Seto around as though the sun rose and set in his brother's smile.
Abruptly, he realizes why Noah hadn't understood his and Seto's closeness at first; his boyfriend's view of "family" had been destroyed at a very early age.
"You don't have to talk about this, Noah," Mokuba interrupts, hoping that he sounds more supportive than overwhelmed by everything he's hearing.
"To make sure that no scars remained," Noah continues in a monotone, as if Mokuba hadn't spoken, "Amasaki, my tutor, would hit me with a rod just thin enough that the welt would heal in a few days. My father was not always so careful; probably because he tended to use his fists more than anything else. When that happened, I wouldn't be able to venture out to my apartment, so I just endured their non-physical berating until I healed."
"That's enough, Noe!" Wolfram interjects, forcefully. "Stop reliving those horrors! It's not doing you any good and it's freaking Mokuba out!"
"Not just Mokuba," Yuuri whispers from the safety of the blonde's arms.
Yuuri had known about the canings by the tutor. And he'd known about the abuse from Noah's father, but he'd thought it had all occurred when Noah was a teenager. But to know that his friend had suffered so much even as a child; that he'd taken to prostituting himself for relief… It makes him want to throw up every meal he's had for the past week!
Grabbing his courage with both hands, and squashing the urge to turn away from his badly damaged, distraught lover, Mokuba steps behind Noah and shakily slides his arms around the other's waist.
"It's okay, Noah. You don't have to say anymore," he tries to soothe, despite the unsteady quality of his voice and the fact that Noah barely acknowledges his presence. As much as Mokuba's struggling to come to terms with all he's learned, Noah needs him now. He won't desert him.
Even though Mokuba is holding him, Noah can feel the fine tremors running through his boyfriend's body.
'It's too much for him to handle,' Noah agonizes. 'He's just too young to cope with this, no matter what he says.'
"We're going to go now, Noe," Wolfram intones.
"O-of course," Noah stammers. "I understand that you don't want to be around me right now."
"It's not that!" Yuuri corrects. "We just thought that you'd want to work things out with Mokuba without us getting in the way."
"Right, I understand," Noah replies dejectedly, not looking away from the window.
He shouldn't have told them. He should have just told Mokuba about the tongue ring and his relationship with Wolfram and kept those other horrors to himself. Now they'll all see him differently; treat him differently.
He's ruined everything.